TICKED!

Warning – Rant(orama) ahead!

I want to vent, rant and rave. I am not going to use foul language or cause bodily harm to anyone this rant is against. So rest assured.

So you made it this far? Boy, you really must love my rants!

Oh, a lot of things tick me off. I am/have been/will certainly be ticked off by…

… bosses who, instead of patting me on the back for emergencies well handled, drag me through a Q&A and expect me to use my third eye and sixth sense to handle problems well before a) they arise, or b) are reported.

... colleagues who won't prepare their own purchase requests for items they need and then pester me with "Is it done yet?". No amount of "Do it yourself" hints and direct suggestions will make them understand (or is it that they don't want to understand?? Pretend to be a fool and get your work done - hmmmmm. Good strategy).

... people who try to "help" even when I didn't ask for help, and especially when I have refused offers of help. Buddy, back off!! I'll ask for it when I need it - OK? OK??

... drivers who change lanes or turn without turning on their turn indiactors.

... drivers who give a turn indication as (or after) they take a turn or change lanes. Hello? Just because you turned on the indicator doesn't mean there is space between my car and the one ahead of me!

... people who ask me "but why do you want another child?". Some people are exempt - they can ask such questions, and I will try to explain. But others (read mom whose daughter used to be in the same class as mine in grade one) SHUT UP!! Why did YOU have 2 kids if having more than one kids is so terrible?

... people who comment "Wow! You are lucky!" when I inform them that I will be out of office the next day. DO NOT ASSUME that this day off is for fun. I might be going in to the doctor's office to get medication that will help me miscarry the blighted ovum that my "happy till yesterday" pregnancy has turned out to be.

... people who repeatedly say "Time for another one!". SHUT UP!!

... people who, when I tell them what an angel my daughter was at age two, say "Oh girls are easier to raise". You should have tried raising me at ANY age after birth. I have HIGH regards for my parents' patience. DO NOT try to explain differences in personalities by basing them just on gender.

... friends who start any phone conversation (even if it was I who placed the call) with "Where have you been? Bade busy ho gaye ho? (You've gotten very busy?)". Yes, and I just remembered something I have to do. Click.

... friends who insist we should not have our housewarming party for at least another year because we are such a busy couple. MY house. MY party. I DECIDE! OK?

... friends who insist that I should either let them cook or order food from outside when I invite them to my daughter's birthday party (again because I am "so busy"). WTF??

... people making racial comments implying one race is superior to another or one race has more problems than another just because it is that race.

... poeple comparing siblings to decide who is sweeter, more intelligent, fairer, darker, faster, wittier.... They are TWO DIFFERENT PERSONS. They cannot, and should not, be alike. Comprende?

... friends/relatives commenting how strict we are with our daughter (for the record - we are not. There are just a few non-negotiable points. Apart from those, she can do anything she wants to after she gets permission from one of us)

... friends/relatives warning me to just "wait and see - your daughter will not listen to you (or get out of control, or become mischievious, or whatever) when she grows up". You know what? You have been saying that since she was 18 months old. I am still waiting. I am not saying that there won't be any problems, but don't predict doom just because she listens to her parents more than some other kids do.

... people asking me "How much more do you want to study? I wouldn't want to study this much!". Know what? None of your f---ing business!

... relatives and friends back in India who, when we call them, just want to know how much weight I have gained/lost/am trying to lose etc. Sweetums - I stopped obsessing about my weight looong time ago. Its time you grew up too. I am trying to be healthy and that is all that matters. Right?

Phew!! That felt good. Might do more of it later....

Small Strip, BIG Chuckle

This made me chuckle :-D And anyone who is getting a bigger chuckle out of it, remember one sobering fact – it goes for BOTH sets of in-laws :-D

Hagar the Horrible

This, that and a whole lot...

As one of you already knows and the rest of you must have guessed - the IVF cycle didn't work. I was disappointed but after struggling with infertility for more than 4 years, I am at a point where I go in with zero expectations. I have my defence mechanism firmly in place. I believe in "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst". No - I am not a pessimist. I am going in for another IVF cycle next month and I still believe it can work. I just need a safe distance from the raw emotions that the rigors of an IVF cycle can generate.

Well, we got that out of our way. Now on to the other things that have been going on.

The in-laws are here. So, as can be expected, life is HECTIC. Especially, since I want them (read MIL) to relax and have a vacation, I try not to leave a lot of work for her to do (apart from what she absolutely needs to do to keep her from going insane from the inactivity :P). Boy! Is that taking a toll on me or what!! I am perpetually tired and feel a "chronic bad mood" coming on. Well, this too shall pass.

My daughter's school reopened today. And this year... (*Drumroll please*) we remembered to take a camera, made sure the battery was charged and... (*more drumroll please*) REMEBERED TO TAKE SOME PICTURES TOO!!

A lot of things to say - so little time. Gotta go now - was working the 11 am to 7:30 pm shift today. t is 7:22 pm. I do NOT want to stay in this place a minute longer than it is absolutely required of me. So off I go! (YES. It takes me about 15 minutes to shut down my laptop, stuff it in my backpack, gather all my stuff, lock up my office, go down to the parking lot, get in my car, start it and drive away). Oops, I lost another minute there...

BYE!!

My first official, legal, actual tag (Yipee!!)

Rohini tagged me. My first "legally acquired" tag!! By that I mean the first tag that has been assigned to me without me asking (read begging) for it :D Mahima graciously tagged me when I asked her to, but I haven't completed it yet.

I have been hibernating - sort of. Was going through a LOT at work and at the personal front, and when things get like that, I just withdraw. When Rohini tagged me, my first thought was "Dang!! I gotta do this?" But once I started, it was fun.

OK, without further ado, here we go...

I am thinking about…
The embryo transfer. It is scheduled for Saturday, July 22nd. I hope it gets pushed back to Monday, July 25th because that would mean they are going to “Blastocyst Phase”, which means better quality embryos. That would also mean I can take two days off from work :P

I said…
NO WAY I am going through IVF!! And here I am – already been through the dreadful injections, egg retrieval and now waiting for the transfer. Goes to show how seriously one should take my words :P

I want to…
Sing… Dance… Exercise… Make new friends… Just because. Lately I have been having the feeling that I should do something because life is so damn short. I wanted a gift certificate to dance classes for my birthday (July 26th) this year. But know what? No can do :( Because I will have just gone through the embryo transfer and after that I am not supposed to exert myself.

I wish…
For nothing. Really. Except a baby. I have a wonderful, darling husband, and beautiful daughter, loving parents, a brother who is also my “first best friend” (my husband is my “second best friend” - just because of the order in which these two came into my life. The numbering does NOT have anything to do with the “quality” of these friendships), a house that I can make beautiful, a job that I can make a difference at, a few very good friends who are always there to lend their ears for my sob stories, a sense of humor (that dwindles at times, but still hasn’t gone out) and good health (note to self – start taking care of it NOW!).

I hear…
Ringing in one ear. Really! Have had it for over 6 months now. In light of other things that I am going through, it seems very insignificant – so much so that I haven’t even mentioned it to my parents or my brother (So bro, now you know!) Apart from that, I sometimes hear the sadness in my daughter’s voice when she recounts how someone at school or camp bullied her, I sometimes hear the twinkle in her heart when she is telling me about something funny she did that day, and I always “hear” the love my husband has for me in everything he does for me.

I wonder…
How I got so lucky to get such a gem of a life partner. And right now I am wondering what the traffic on my way back to home is going to be like. I wonder how things used to be in olden times. No, really! Everytime I visit a new place, I try to visualize in my mind what it must have looked like, say, a hundred years back. 300 years? How did people dress? How did they entertain themselves? I sometimes wish I had a time machine that I could use to go back in time to see how things were. I loved reading “Gone With The Wind” mainly for the description of the customs that people followed in those times. (how girls were supposed to behave, what the social structure was like, etc.)

I regret…
My behaviour during the time when, due to depression, I was a total bitch. I didn’t even know that I was depressed. I used to teach at an institute in my hometown. I cringe when I think back to that time – I was strict with my students (which is OK, in my opinion) and I used to yell at a few of them (NOT OK). I sincerely want to find each and every one of them and tell them how sorry I am for having behaved that way. I regret having lost 5 beautiful years to depression after having my daughter. I regret that we delayed going for infertility treatments for so long (5 years!!) I regret losing almost 10 years where I could have built a good career – not out of my own choice, though. I regret a lot of things a lot of times, but I am good at getting over those guilt trips. (Indicates a high self esteem :D)

I am…
More patient now. I am loyal. I am (or try my best to be) honest in all my relationships. I am very independent – do not take very well to someone “fawning” over me – except when it is my husband doing the fawning :D I am also looking forward to 7:30 pm when I can leave work to go back home. And I am tired of one particular friend asking me over and over again if I am pregnant.

I dance…
As best as I can but I don’t know how to. I desperately want to learn to dance. I dance in front of the mirror sometimes and then smack my forehead at how clumsy I look. I dance when I am happy. I like to listen to music and dance to it when I am cooking.

I sing…
Along with the CD Player in my car. I used to sing pretty well but over the years have gotten out of practice. My daughter loves to hear me sing when she goes to bed, so sometimes I sing her a lullaby. At those times I marvel at how, for every kid, his/her parents are THE BEST. I am flattered when my daughter asks me to sing her to sleep. I do not sing as often as I used to, though.

I cry…
Only in front of people that I care about. I CANNOT cry in front of people whom I don’t like or am not comfortable with (is that correct usage of "whom"???). Sometimes, especially in the middle of my IUI/IVF cycle (due to the medicines I am on), I cry at the drop of a hat.

I am not always…
In a “sunny” mood. But even in my darkest of moments, I can find something positive to cling to.

I make with my hands…
My daughter’s future & character (I hope!). A loving home for myself, my husband and my daughter. Food – I love to cook. I love throwing parties. I used to sketch pretty well too – somewhere along the journey of my life, I lost that talent. Or maybe I didn’t lose it – it is just lying buried under some “baggage” that I accumulated along the way. I used to stitch. Not “seriously” but just for fun. And I made a few nice dresses for myself that I got many compliments for.

I write…
On this blog. I used to (there’s that phrase again – “used to”. I don’t like it. Note to self – change this. Somehow!) write poetry. I sometimes write “love notes” to my daughter and tuck them in places she would find later. I write emails to me parents and brother – very irregularly. I love writing – sometimes I just write to “practice”. I have won a few calligraphy competitions in my school days. My handwriting is something I improved by myself. I used to have a spidery scrawl. Then in the summer vacation after grade 6, I decided I wanted to make it better so I started practicing. I had a nice enough handwriting by the end of summer.

I confuse…
Sugar-coated hypocrisy and treachery for friendship sometimes. I am too simple and honest, and I think every one else is too. I have found out, on a number of occasions, how mistaken I am on this count. But the optimist in me still wants to give every one a benefit of doubt. No matter how many times I get “burnt” in friendships, I am always going to trust people until they prove themselves untrustworthy. That’s me.

I need…
Some time away from it all – the Infertility Treatments, the job, the crazy routine. I need to bring some romance back in my married life. I and my husband still love each other from the depths (and widths, and heights, and lengths) of our hearts but sometimes I feel we need some more “oomph” in our relationship. I want to set his heart on fire again. I want to get butterflies in my stomach again. I want to be like a schoolgirl in love for the first time – again.

And finally…
I am off! The day is over. I am going back home. Ciao!!

I suddenly realized I can't think of even 5 bloggers to tag! :-O I, maybe, visit about 5-7 blogs regularly. I need to expand my social circle in the blogworld. Anyway, here are the "tagees" -

Anurag - we need something more than photographs now. We need an insight into his "self".
Mint - She would have some very interesting things to say, I am sure. She always does.
Anumita - She doesn't do tags (I think) but what the heck! Let's give it a try...
Mahima - She has a good style. And she is just back from her trip to Australia, so I am sure she would have a lot to write about.
Ardra - She came back form a vacation and should be ready to go for such an assignment now. Besides, I want to get to know her better.

Her body stiffens. An emotion swells up inside her... She tries to push it back in, swallow it, kick it back. For a moment she succeeds. But then the emotion shakes her whole body... she stifles it back. It tries to bubble out of her, reverberates in every nook and cranny of her body... She fights it, chokes it back her throat... It subsides... just for a moment but then it comes roaring back and spills out of her... She can't control herself any longer. She bursts out laughing - her mother is tickling her hard!

Here we go again...

Deep, dark crevices of depression... Huge waves of sadness and weepiness... Dark thoughts... All caused by 2 small pills. Who knew they could be so strong? All alone in the middle of this - who do I turn to, who do I talk to? No one, it seems. So its me, just me...

Ever Wonder...

...why the dumbest users have the BIGGEST egos??

...why the traffic jams up just as you hang up the phone after telling your spouse you should be home in time since the roads are clear?

...why even one out of 20 million sperms can't find the egg?

Actually, I know the answer to the last one - it is because none of the lousy buggers would stop to ask for directions!

Yeah - that's me. Trying to find humor in a situation that is making me miserable. this cycle didn't work either. And yesterday I received the “Third trimester” issue from BabyCenter magazine that I had signed up for when I conceived in November last year, not knowing it was for nothing. I unsubscribed from the electronic newsletter but I guess I forgot to unsubscribe from the magazine. Anyhoo – life goes on. It must.

The In-Laws are arriving June 30th. I am both, looking forward and dreading, the visit. Latter, because I am an intensely private person and wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing the every-day details of infertility treatment with them. I know, the first thought that comes to mind is – “Private person? What the heck is she talking about? She writes about these very details in her blog, for goodness’ sake!” Its true – but you see the blog offers me anonymity AND the choice of whether I want to reveal these details or not. Or when. I usually write when I feel I can handle the emotions – not right then and there. But when you live with someone, and they see your long face and want to know what happened, you don’t get to choose the timing. You either tell, or you don’t. Or you just hide what’s bothering you and go on with your routine. The first option makes me uncomfortable, the second one hurts some one else’s feelings and the third one creates stress for me. Well, we will cross that bridge when we come to it. ** Chucks the thought out of her mind until the said bridge looms ahead**

Have a happy weekend, everyone! I will try, too.

Oh, the things we do for our kids...

... even the ones that aren't born yet. I did something that I never thought I'd be able to do. This IUI cycle, I took Clomid (its a drug used to stimulate follicular development) and on the 12th day of my cycle I was supposed to give myself a shot of "Ovidrel" (to time the ovulation). "Not in this life-time" I told my doctor. I am a BIG chicken when it comes to shots. I think I would make a lousy junkie because I am so afraid of needles. It has been a big accomplishment for me just to go to the clinic regularly to get blood-work done 3-5 times a month. So it was UNTHINKABLE that I would give myself a shot. But I did. My husband said he could do it but since I am such a scaredy cat, it made him nervous. Then I called a friend of mine to see if she knows how to give a shot to somebody - she didn't but said she'd do it for me. So I figured if she could do it, I could do it too :P The weird thing is I didn't feel a thing because the needle was so fine but I don't think it will be any easier for me the next time. Keeping my fingers crossed...

On a separate note, which is not related to the title at all - I had an unpleasant experience at the cafeteria in my office building yesterday. It reminded me why I don't buy lunch from there very often. I usually bring my own lunch but yesterday I hadn't, so I went down to the cafe to get myself a sandwich and some fries. The person manning the grill took my order (Cheese and Tomato sandwich, please?), went in and brought out two RAW beef patties, wiped his gloved hands on a terry-towel and started making my sandwich. I asked him incredulously "Aren't you supposed to change your gloves after handling raw meat?". He says "Oh, don't worry. I wiped my hands". Excuse me?!! WTF?? Then he changed his gloves and made me another sandwich. Then he went on to wipe a knife on the terry towel that he had previously wiped his hands on and cut my sandwich with it!! Eeeek!!! I threw the sandwich away and just ate the fries. I also complained to the supervisor of the kitchen staff - but I don't think anything will come out of it. So, next time I need to buy lunch, I am going to "Pizza and Brew" half a mile down the road.

Another such experience recenlty left me shaking my head in amazement at how people who need to practice hygiene for sake of other people's health, don't. A nurse at the infertility clinic that I go to needs a reminder everytime to "please use another guaze - this one has been lying on a contaminated surface" when she draws my blood. The "contaminated surface" is a counter-top around a sink which has obvious water-stains and dirt and God knows what else. Everytime I ask this nurse to change guaze, she looks at my like I am inconveniencing her to the extremes. I wonder why I haven't spoke to her supervisor about it yet - I will do so the next time. I have been working on my "confrontational skills" lately. Another post on that some other time.

I am so disgusted at the lack of hygiene in people I see around me. One of the female executives in my company just sticks her hand under the faucet for a second after taking care of "major business" in the bathroom. Another one just walks out without so much as wiping her hands. I always remember not to shake hands with these two. My 7 year old daughter knows better than them - she washes her hands everytime she uses the bathroom without any reminders. Properly. I am more concerned about hygiene practices (or lack thereof) of people in food or health industry. These are people whose actions affect lives of other people. And I see so many of my daughter's friends who apparantly haven't been taught the importance of washing hands properly. I don't agree that "they are just kids and will learn in time". My daughter is an example that kids can learn better habits if you just remind them every single time for 7 friggin' years. In my opinion, parents just don't make the effort - and then these kids grow up to be adults with unhygienic habits and then it is not "cute" anymore. In fact, it is not cute at any age.

I have a lot to blog about, but so little time. I hope that someday I will get around to blogging about our new home, about so many emotions swirling inside me about so many things happening around me. All I know is - NOT TODAY. Gotta go!!

HUH??

Yesterday, I woke up with a stiff neck. Plus, I was mad at my husband. So I was grumpy. My daughter noticed this and asked me why I was acting that way. I told her "I have a stiff neck and am feeling very uncomfortable". She looked at me very sympathetically and then said "Its good you can still cook!". To that I replied "What would you do if I were to die tomorrow?". After a moment of silence, and thinking over it, she turned to my husband and asked him - "Dad, you can cook, right?".

That girl has got her priorities right!!!

WHAT did I just say????

I called my brother last week. Got no answer on his cell phone so called his office next. "Ravi" picked up and this is how the conversation went-

Me: Hello, this is CeeKay, A's sister, from the US. May I speak with A please?
Ravi: I am sorry, he is out for a run.
Me: No problem. Could you please pass on a message to him, from me?
Ravi: Sure.
Me: Tell him I called and that we will call him again over the weekend.
(Pay special attention to the last sentence please)

Some more conversation, including "Oh, sure" and "Thankyou" followed and then I hung up. Then I realized Ravi must be thinking that I have a multiple-personality disorder :D

He he he....

I didn't know I still remembered ALL that!!

I got directed to The Blank Noise Project from Anurag's blog. It touched a nerve. A nerve that I thought was long dead - but I was wrong. It is still raw and throbbing with pain of memories from the years that have gone by. Once it got me thinking, many memories came flooding back and I was amazed at how I had buried those memories away. I guess since I am not living in India anymore, I don't have to live in the fear that my precious daughter will have to go through the very same issues, humiliations and restrictions that I went through when I was a girl. It is a relief in a way to know that she will be spared all that crap from relatives and strangers alike. Maybe, participating in the Blank Noise Project (No, I am not a "registered" participant there - I was too late for the March 7th deadline) with soothe that agitation of feeling violated a little.

Living in India, I went through my share of the street harassment like every other girl. Now it makes me sad to think that we took that as a part of life - like it happens. Of course, I would get mad every time it happened but we had been conditioned to expect it and so never questioned why it had to be like this. As I grew older I began to question the reasoning - girls who dress a certain way invite trouble, girls should not go out alone, girls cannot participate in this or that, applying makeup means you are too "forward" - yeah all that bullshit. Some of it came from well meaning friends and family members. But boy, was it a boat load of crap! No girl should ever be made to believe those things. I didn't take everything lying down though. I fought hard for my "freedom" - freedom of thought, freedom to dress any way I wanted (unfortunately, I had to give that freedom up because there were other important issues that I thought needed my efforts), freedom to go anywhere without having to give my whole "itinerary" to my parents/guardians, freedom to choose my friends - boys or girls, freedom to study hard and make a career for myself (fortunately, I didn't have to struggle much for that because my parents were of the opinion that a girl MUST have a good career to fall back on).

Ironically, it wasn't my parents imposing restrictions on me (well, to be fair, they did impose restrictions but those restrictions melted away with time and as they realized that I needed independence). It was the "society". I remember, when I chose to go to a co-ed college that offered Electronics as a major for my Bachelor's degree, a well-meaning neighbor (son of one of my mom's friends) came to our house to talk to my parents about the "hazards of sending their daughter to a co-ed school". "Ladkiyan haath se nikal jaati hain" he said (Girls get out of control). My mom replied - "That can happen even if you have them under seven locks. We trust our daughter and we don't see any harm in sending her there for her studies". (Did I ever tell you? MY PARENTS ROCK!!) When I decided to marry my husband (then my boyfriend) my parents didn't throw a fit - some other "well-wishers" did. One of my uncles tried to convince my dad to stop me from marrying J because he was not from the same caste.

I know, I know - this is far from street harassment. But I believe it is this kind of mentality that gives the "street romeos" the courage to harass our daughters and sisters. They know most of the people in society will go and blame these girls for what they went through. Probably these slimy elements blame these girls for "provoking" them, too. It is a typical MCP (Male Chauvinist PIG) mentality, I tell you.

Right now there are so many memories that have come rushing back - memories that I buried in the back of my brain long ago because they were uncomfortable or painful.

I am in 12th grade, riding my bike back to home. I come to the University gates and since I am alone and there are hormone-crazy boys roaming in the campus, I decide to take a detour. It is just a rather lonely road that bypasses the university campus. It also means 2 extra kilometers, but I'd rather go those extra kilometers than run into some boys who try to knock me down from my bike. God knows what could happen after that... While I am pedallign furiously on that lonely road, a boy suddenly comes up from behind (I didn't notice him or I would have been alert), grabs my breast and then cycles off. I am left shuddering, repulsed by his touch, crying, blaming myself for taking that route. For MONTHS I tried to wash off his filthy touch from my skin. NO ONE knew about this - until now. I just hid the pain and the shame and went on with a cheerful face because i didn't want to worry my dad and also didn't want to lose the independance I had.

I am 14. I am travelling, with my parents, to some other city by train. It is night time and the whole bogey is silent - people are deep in sleep. So am I. I suddenly wake up because I feel someone picking up my skirt. He lets go, I think it was a dream and drift back into sleep. Suddenly I wake up again to feel him running his hands through my hair. He is standing right in front of me. I wake up with a jerk, slap him in the face and shout out some profanity. He tries to slap me back and then runs away. (A lot of people did wake up and came to ask me what happened). I can't sleep after that because I am sure he is going to come back with his friends and drag me out of there.

A friend of my dad's - his best friend from college, I think - always used to grab my breasts and squeeze them whenever he came over. And he would do that unobtrusively right there in front of my parents! I was barely 10 years old I think and was terrified of telling my parents because somehow I thought it was my fault. I just told me mom a few years ago, I think (or maybe last year, when my parents were visiting us). My husband knows and understands that is why I am extra paranoid when it comes to leaving our daughter alone with our friends.

There are so many other memories that make me sick to the stomach. There are a couple more that I have buried deeper than the others. Like when we lived in Jaipur for a few years when my mom was transferred there, we rented a portion of a house. Our landlord and his wife were the nicest people we ever met (or so we thought). One day, "aunty" (that is what I called the landlady) called me over and asked me to stay at her place while she took a shower, so when the milkman came, I'd be there to take milk from him and put it in the kitchen. "Uncle" (the landlord) was also home. Kids were not home. As soon as aunty went in the bathroom, uncle came up from behind me (I was in one of their kids' rooms, reading a book I think) and tried to grab me and kiss me on the lips. I ran from there (luckily I was able to get away from him) and didn't stop until I was out of their house. Aunty later admonished me for not waiting for the milkman. To this day I wonder if she was in on uncle's scheme and if the "milkman" was just an excuse to get me in there. Again, I never mentioned it to anyone - because somehow I thought it was my fault.

I can't remember the number of times I got wolf-whistles, derogatory comments and winks while walking on a street. Someone even tried to grab my dupatta while I was out walking during the 6th or 7th month of my pregnancy (yes I looked pregnant).

I believe we should teach our daughters self-defence techniques (tae-kwondo, judo maybe) and try to build up their self-esteems. Keep the communication channels open and let them know it is NOT their fault when someone harasses them anywhere. My mom paid attention to me when I did tell her about an incident that happened with another acquaintence and that gave me some confidence. My parents never said "Well, you deserved it" and they never tolerated anyone else telling me so. And if we make street-harassment (or "Eve-teasing, as the authorities like to call it) a criminally punishable offense with some serious jail term, I think we can make a dent. But where do we start? Do we make these laws and then eliminate the corruption, so that no one can get away by the virtue of their "contacts"? Or should it be vice-versa? Until it all falls nicely into place, I think I would be more comfortable knowing that my daughter can kick someone in the balls if they try to harass her and run the hell away from them. And if I ever have a son, I am going to bring him up to respect women as fellow human beings. I am thankful to two women I know who did this job nicely - my mom and my mom-in-law. Both, my brother and my husband, are men who respect women and don't treat them as inferior, second grade citizens. I know my dad and dad-in-law played their part in this upbringing too - so hats off to all four of you!! We need more men and women like them - ASAP!!

More Fall colors 2005

Blogger won't let me publish more than a few images at a time. I suspect it is going to take me longer than I expected to upload all the photos I want to share. Anyway, here goes...








We stopped here for lunch. What a beautiful place!! We couldn't get enough of it. Again, the picture doesn't do justice to the actual beauty of the place.













We took a LOT more pictures of this place. I wish I could put all of them up here. It is the most beautiful place so far where I have had lunch.











Well-prepared for Christmas...

This is one of those "Reflections in the still waters of a lake" pictures. Though this would be a lovely scene in bright sunlight, I feel even the clouds and the fog impart it a unique beauty.

Same lake, another angle...

Yep! Same lake again! Different corner... You can see that we love taking this kind of pictures :)

Overall, the trip was a success. We had a great time together, saw some very beautiful places, relaxed, laughed, ate A LOT and did I say we had a great time together? I am already looking forward to this year's trip.

Fall Colors 2005

Last year, when my parents were visiting us, we went to New Hampshire to see the fall colors. We do that every year - around the 2nd week of october, we take off on a road trip to New Hampshire, Vermont or any such place that has an abundance of fall colors. We get some pretty colors in Norwalk, CT too but these trips have almost become a tradition for us. On every trip, I take lots of pictures. I always try to get at least one shot each of a) A sunset, and b) Reflection of trees in the still waters of a lake - any lake. This time, it was cloudy and foggy when we started out on our trip, so no sunsets. but we did manage to get some beautiful pictures. I've been thinking of posting them here but there was so much going on I never got around to doing it. Here they are now.



We started out early. It was not sunny but it was beautiful. I particularly prefer this kind of weather to a bright, hot sun. I attribute it to the fact that I grew up in a desert town and have had enough sun to last me a life time.

Picture take from inside our CRV - going north on CT-15. It is a parkway - one of the most beautiful areas I have seen around here.





The clouds started rolling in fast - but we weren't complaining. It was good to be together. Even in the dull light, the colors looked beautiful.

I took hundreds of picture like this one. They never come out as beautiful as the scenary is but I take them anyway. Dunno why. In my opinion no camera, however sophisticated, can imitate the human eye in the way it (the eye) captures the scene, the colors and the images. If you personally witness a beautiful scene and capture it on the lens, you'll find that there is always something lacking. The beauty doesn't quite translate that well on paper (or on the screen in case of a digital camera).









There was something about this tree - half naked with some colors and some green still left in it that caught our eye.

Mis(sed) Conception

Yeah, that is about right. We went in for IUI last december, we conceived, we celebrated, we found out it was a blighted ovum, I had to miscarry. That's the story.

It was a dark time for me. And lonely. I had my husband, family and friends rallying around me but I still felt lonely. I recovered slowly - thanks to my husband who has been very supportive and understanding all along and to my friends and family who provided ample sympathy. I needed loads of it in the beginning to bathe in the "why me?" misery. Time passed, I got better and now I can talk about the whole event without shedding a single tear or letting out a sigh. Yeah - I am getting stronger each day. I am so strong now that I have stopped feeling. And I have stopped counting the weeks. I would have been almost 14 weeks pregnant by now - but who's counting anyway? Now I just wonder will I feel bad on September 3rd? That would have been the estimated due date for me if everything had gone well. Will I even remember to feel bad on Sept 3? Well, only time will tell.

I have so many things to write about but i had to get this post out of my way. Had to get it out of my system one last time (that is what I tell myself when I catch myself thinking about what happened).

We have shared this news of our misfortune with our family and friends. The only person who still doesn't know is our daughter. Sometimes I wonder - will she feel bad that we didn't tell her when she finds out? We wanted to spare her the pain so we hid this from her. I hope we made the right decision.

But we are moving on, the troopers that we are! There is some good news to be shared too. We are buying our first home. We are excited. Busy planning the closing, the move, the decorations and the repairs. And in the midst of all that it strikes me again - how would it feel to do all this while being pregnant? Would I have been tired all the time? Or full of energy knowing I had ony a little bit of time to get settled in? Which room would the baby have gotten? Dang!! I can't get it out of my mind. Not yet. Well! At least I haven't broken out into tears this time....

This, my friend, is what they call LOVE

I am falling in love!

I am falling in love with my husband!!

I am falling in love with my husband all over again!!!

Long time ago, I realized that "my best friend" loves me dearly - and that it is not platonic any more. Very recently, I realized I still love him as much - or maybe more - even after 10 years of being married.

I know staying married for 10 (or more) years is nothing outstanding. Many others have done it. For much longer. What fascinates me is how close we have become over the years. We were such great friends from the beginning, I always thought we couldn't be any closer. Well, I was wrong.

Now, you must be wondering why I am ranting over something as simple as our love for each other. Something happened. Something that made me realize what a lucky woman I am to have him as my life partner. He loves me like I want to be loved, he takes care of me like I need to be taken care of and he respects my career aspirations as they deserve to be respected (after years of waiting). Soon after our 10th wedding anniversary, I brought up the question that had been nagging at me - even though his company is in deep trouble, he isn't looking for a new job. Why? Know what he said? He said he wants to give me the opportunity to pursue my career dreams and since both of us cannot do it and take proper care of our daughter, he would stick where he is (even though he isn't very satisfied there) while I can take my shot at success. He said he'd give me a year to get a few certifications and to get a better job. I am overwhelmed! Because he is willing to put his career on hold for mine. THAT, methinks, is the best kind of love, understanding and respect there is!

Now, we just wait...

Today was the day. I went in for my first cycle of Artificial Insemination (in other words – IUI). Now we just wait and watch (and die from anxiety in the mean while). We’ll know on December 30th.

I would say one thing about the whole process though – the other way of making babies is much, MUCH nicer, easier, pleasant and fun! Take it from someone who has tried it both ways!

Nothing more to say today - just waiting with a bated breaths. Wish us luck people!

Back on the radar!

A LOT has been going on while I dropped off the face of earth for the last couple of months. My parents were here for about 3 months – and while I enjoyed their company tremendously, my stress levels rocketed eventually with all the running around I was doing. I was working a new, full-time, job and we were in the process of moving our offices from one city to another. It was also the time around Diwali, Halloween and my daughter’s birthday (which means parties, parties and.. well – Parties!). On top of all that, we were going out shopping/sight-seeing almost every weekend. I had high BP, constant headaches and could even feel my heart pounding a few times – and that was NOT because I had seen my Prince Charming. Besides, after my last post, I really didn’t feel like blogging.

Anyway, here I am – again. Getting back to normal. Beginning to miss my parents again. And with a lot of things to share.

We started Infertility treatments this month. I know I wrote in my last post that I don’t want to go through it but obviously we changed our minds. Main reason being the two occasions when our daughter burst out in tears telling us how lonely she felt being an only child. Ofcourse, I was expecting that. But not this early. I always thought that she would probably be a teenager when she’d come and unload her loneliness on me and how I would talk to her about how hard we tried and how I understand her pain. But it suddenly hit me one day that I CAN’T understand her pain. I had a brother who would wait for me at the door when I came back from school. So we are undergoing treatment for infertility, hoping next year we can give our daughter the biggest gift of her life – a sibling (even though she might regret asking for one later :))

Just a little over 5 months after joining my company, I got a performance bonus AND a raise! It was totally unexpected (I wasn’t expecting any until I completed a year) and felt good to be recognized for all the hard work I put in during these 5-6 months.

I and my husband celebrated our 10th anniversary this year. I am sooooo excited though I don’t know why. I always thought we would do something “special” (maybe go on a cruise or for a vacation) on our 10th anniversary. But we didn’t. The same day, our daughter had the first practice session for the basketball program that we signed her up for. So we stayed home. Until noon. Then we went out for shopping and then dinner. But we did have a good time together. I and my husband are closer and much better friends and much more in love with each other than ever before. This hit home more poignantly upon our first visit to the Infertility specialist. I was telling him that I had been very depressed for quite some time after our daughter’s birth. He asked us if my depression ever caused either one of us stray (“Did either of you ever have an affair?” is what he meant). And I was SO SURE that my husband NEVER even thought about it – EVER! All through those tough years, when I was depressed and we were constantly fighting, I never had to worry about him leaving me for someone else. Do I ever worry about it? Yes, sometimes – probably when I am just having an anxiety attack. Do I think it will EVER happen? Nope! (Well, only time will tell :) - right Honey?)

On the day of our anniversary, my daughter did some calculation. And then she confronted me with the facts. “Mom? You got married in December, right? And I was born in October. Does that mean I was born before you got married mom?” “Ah, um….. ahem….. er… No dear. You see, we got married in December of 95 and you were born in October of 98. So….” “Oooooooooooowwhhhhhhhhhh!!” Her “OH” went up and down and all around suggesting that she hadn’t actually taken the years into account :D

I spent one full paycheck on clothes, shoes and accessories. OHHHHH!! Did that feel good! Let’s see – I bought a suit from Anne Klein for my company’s holiday party, a pair of trousers, a t-shirt and two jackets. At Liz Claiborne, I bought two pairs of trousers and a t-shirt. At Ann Taylor, I grabbed another jacket and a shirt. Bought me knee-high boots from Rockport and then 3 more pairs from another store and a purse that matches my suit for the holiday party. I am a shopaholic – I can shop all day long and still not feel tired. But till now I have had my addiction under check – I do it only once or twice a year (Though my husband might disagree on the statistics :P)

OK Now - back to work. Shoo! I have a 1000 things to do and only 2 hours to do them.

GOD!! It hurts like hell!

I have been toying with the idea of writing this post for quite some time now. But there are a lot of variables involved. How will my husband feel about my revealing this - and I care a LOT about how he feels (I know you are reading this honey :D), how will I feel later, what if someone in our friend circle, who we haven’t told this yet, finds out, what will they say and so on…

I have always been a proponent of doing your own thing and not caring about what others say. And I really don’t care about what others will say. What I worry about is my fragile, little ego. Yep! THAT ‘e’ word. It was hard enough to accept the facts (hold on! I will write about what is bothering me) but it is going to be harder to be the object of everyone’s sympathy. Specially after I have reconciled myself with the situation. At one point, I did need sympathy (or I thought I did). Now I am trying to forget the pain, put on a brave face and any sympathy at this time might crumble that façade. Why am I blogging about it then, you wonder. Right? I feel secure in the blanket of anonymity that the Internet provides. And besides, its not that I hide the fact. Quite a few of our friends know. Its just that I don’t think some of them even deserve to know (None of their business, I say).

The issue that I and my husband have been struggling with for over 4 years now is that of secondary infertility. We have been trying to have a baby since February of 2001 – no luck yet. At first, it didn’t trigger any alarms. “Maybe next month”, we’d say to ourselves. “We are too tired” or “We are too busy this month”. Well, months turned into years and now it feels like I am running out of time. Yes, we have been through almost all the tests. Yes, there are some minor problems. The most difficult part is finding a healthcare professional whose decisions you can trust.

Then there are occasions like baby showers. Very painful. Nosy friends(?) who want to know why I don’t want to have another baby (your husband wants one, they inform me) – very irritating. Every conversation with these friends ultimately turns to a discussion on why I shouldn’t delay having another baby. No matter how hard I try to steer them in the other direction – they are like ants making a beeline for sweets. My mom told me I should be thankful that at least I have one kid. Well, I am. But that doesn’t take the hurt away. It hurts the most when my daughter says “Mom, I have been praying to God for a baby brother or sister for a long time but He doesn’t listen to me”. It feels like I failed her. I couldn’t give her the only thing she has ever asked for this sincerely. I can barely keep my composure when perfect strangers comment (upon learning my daughter’s age) “It’s time to have another one now”. I feel like screaming at them – IT WAS TIME FOR ME 4 YEARS AGO. HOW CAN I HELP IT IF I CAN’T CONCEIVE? It would probably be some consolation to know that something is wrong with me and that is the reason I cannot conceive. But all my tests turned out good. Everything is normal.

I always wanted three kids. Don’t know why, but I did. And I didn’t want huge age difference between our kids. But we waited because we weren’t financially stable (and I wasn’t emotionally stable because I was so depressed). I and my husband believe that one should bring children into this world only if one is capable of providing well for them (you will be surprised at how many people don’t think so). We still haven’t tried options like IUI and IVF. And I am not sure if we will ever try IVF. Reason? It costs loads of money. I don’t know how much of it will be covered by insurance, but we have other priorities right now – like saving for our daughter’s college education, buying a home. Sounds petty? Maybe. But I am a realist. And we are not millionaires either.

Writing about this has already taken a load off my chest. I was very sad today. Still am – a little. But I really do thank my stars that we have our daughter at least. I hope someday she will understand why she is an only child. I hope she will understand that we didn’t deprive her of a sibling. And I sincerely hope she will find true love in her life so that she isn’t all alone in this world after we are gone.

55 Words - No more, no less.

She checked her mailbox when she got home. Nothing. “No one writes to me”, she said to herself. “Maybe if I wrote to people, they’d reply” – so she sat down and wrote letters to her parents, brother, friends. Even a few to first and second cousins. Two weeks later, she checked her mailbox again – Nothing!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

I haven't blogged in a long while because I have been sooooooooo busy. I have been checking my favorite blogs regularly - not very religiously though.

A couple of weeks back, we went to Gloucester, MA for Whale-Watching. On the way I drew this. If you look closely in the left hand corner of the car, you'll see a person's head. It was so perfectly round and shiny, and the ears were so pointy that they stood out clearly even at that distance. I had to draw it!
















Our trip was fun. We saw many whales and had a nice time.

Last friday, I and my parents went to New York City. They loved the SkyRide at the Empire State Building. We are going back this friday. There are way too many attractions to visit in one day. And we're not going to be able to visit them all this time either.

Today I was giddy with happiness. Why? I have this little black skirt - not very little though - that I wore to the office for the first time. And I got soooooooo many compliments! I have owned this skirt for 5 months now but never wore it to office. Reason? Most of the time I am SO bloated that if I wore it, it would look like I am 7 months pregnant :P Today was that rare occasion when I wasn't bloated and the weather was just right for a black dress and I was in just the right mood! I think a lot of ladies will identify with what I am saying. Those of you who don't, DO NOT GLOAT!! The bloating is painful enough without having to go through "No, it doesn't happen to me!!" Now I am just waiting to get home so my husband can also see me in this sexy little number :P

Today was fun in other ways too. One major task I had on hand was to implement a group policy in our domain that would force a password protected screen saver to activate on a user's screen if the computer remained inactive for over a minute. It isn't MAJOR major, but I haven't worked that much with Active Directory, so it took me a little while. The fun started when the policy took effect **evil laughter** I realize that a minute is too short, but I was only following orders. Oh, it was fun to see people go "Huh??".

That's it. I'll blog again soon - if the users don't kill me first, that is.

What's the plan?

Yesterday, after a long time, I spent some mother-daughter time with my daughter. This was while we were walking home from a park. And we (well she – because I was just listening) charted her whole career in that 15 minute walk. It went like this -

S (My daughter): You know, I don’t want to be a doctor. I want to be a teacher.
I : Well that is a good career choice too.
S: Yes. And being a doctor is such hard-work!
I: Every job requires hard work. Even teachers work very hard.
S: I am going to have a BIG, GIANT house. And I will run my school in it. (After thinking a little) And you know what? My husband can have his office in one of the rooms too.
I (Thinking): Huh? When did HE come into the picture? (Out aloud) Yes!!
S: I think I will teach the Kindergarten class. No! I’ll teach the first graders.
I: That should be loads of fun.
S: What will the kids do when I take a day off?
I: You can have a substitute teacher come in then.
S: Maybe we could call Miss Kelly. (Miss Kelly was her first grade teacher)
I: Can I teach in your school too?
S: You can. But won’t you be dead by then?

You can depend on kids to ask such innocent whammers of questions :) I told her that I plan to be around for a long, long time and that I am not going anywhere till I am a hundred and fifty! But this is what even I worry about many times – what if I am not around to watch my daughter grow up to be a fine woman that I know she will be. That will be the biggest heartbreak for me – if you understand what I am saying.

Pictures!!!!

Our new Honda CR-V! Nice, eh?

Taken from aboard the Maid of the Mist.

The Niagara Falls. This picture doesn't capture the majestic beauty of the falls. I will try and find one that does justice to it. Till then, make do with this...

And now, time's up! It's midnight. Gotta go to bed - goodnight!

Watch out for more pics. Now I have pics saved on my laptop and my laptop is connected to my home network now. Wireless network! Means I can sit anywhere in the apartment and blog away :D

PC Troubleshooting for dummies (By Dummies)

Whew! Just finished replacing a hard drive on a computer. Spent the better part of an hour just trying to take the old one out. I don’t understand why computer manufacturers try to out-do themselves with every new model. It is like they are challenging consumers to “Try and take this out!”. This model had two screws hidden on the base that held the hard drive cage in its place. I had already taken 4 (yes, four!!) screws out, looked into every corner of the computer chassis to try and find a release mechanism or a hidden screw when I finally gave up, decided to call the tech support and put the computer down. By mistake, I put it upside-down. And there they were!! Two shiny screws that almost screwed up my day. Now that the installation of operating system on the new drive is under way, I sat down to vent.

For the last few weeks, or may be more, my best approach to troubleshooting issues on users’ computers has been “Let’s reboot it and see what happens”. I kid you not! This solves more problems than I can logically explain (yes, some problems can be solved by rebooting – much like you can start any Bajaj scooter by tipping it over for a few seconds :D ) I have “solved” many problems like IP address conflicts, crazy computer behavior, hung applications, missing Outlook settings, missing profiles, un-cooperative applications like QuickBooks, Adobe, Microsoft Office, connection problems….. The list could go on and on. I have a suspicion that the users snicker behind my back when I ask them to reboot their machine. I am thinking from now on, I will bring their computers to my office, keep them there for three days while I “troubleshoot” the issue, reboot the machine on the third day and give it back to the user. Smart plan, eh? I even fixed a Xerox WorkCentre by restarting it! So the rest of the equipment is catching up on the “restart” craze, huh? Good for me : )

Had loads to write, but the moment I started typing, everything flew right out of my mind. So this is it!

I'm speechless!

So I decided to blog. Just read on cnn.com that a New Orleans police officer committed suicide because he couldn’t deal with the chaos any longer. What a waste of life! How desperate & frustrated he must have been – a police office who is used to bringing chaotic situations under control – to take his own life. He was just 36!! He lost his own home in the flood.

I must confess, much as I would like to, I haven’t had much exposure to the news regarding New Orleans flood situation. Partly because I have been very busy to even pick up a newspaper or turn on the TV. And let’s face it, reading the newspaper doesn’t do anyone any good because they don’t cover much of non-local news. And now they are even making this out to be a racist issue. Trust the journalists to take the focus away from the real crisis (danger to the lives of so many people) and put it on their own agenda (inefficiency of George W. Bush govt. or racism) because that is what gets people’s attention!

Anyway, I heard that even after a mandatory evacuation order, many people chose to stay back. Maybe fear of loss of property and valuables made them stay back. Many of them must have stayed because they had no means of getting out. But some definitely stayed because they had no plans of leaving. That made me wonder about human nature. How materialistic can we get that even a threat to our lives would make us take such foolish decisions? Why did these people stay back? And now they are blaming the authorities for the “misfortune” that fell on them? I even read that one man refused to evacuate even after a rescue team found him and his family (if it was a “rescue” team, it must have been after the flooding, I am assuming). The rescue teams decided not to take any food or water to any such “victims” in order to force them to evacuate. Can you blame them? I don’t!!

The mayor could have put in more efforts to evacuate the city before all this happened. I didn’t hear anyone placing an iota of blame on his administration. He should have known how much of the city’s population will need transportation and help in getting out. Why weren’t people forced to evacuate? I read about visitors flying into the city just before the disaster. Why weren’t they stopped from entering? Preventive efforts like this would have made the after-effects of this calamity less severe.

In my opinion, this situation has two faces to it. On one side is the inefficient local administration who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) evacuate people even after a state of emergency was declared. On the other side are people who refused to heed the evacuation warning. No government or administration can help people if they don’t want to be helped. But, to me, it seems very unfair to place the blame squarely on one person’s administration for all this.

People had adequate prior warning. They could have left before all this started. Many did. Granted, not everyone is well prepared (or even slightly prepared) for a situation like this. But in times of crises one needs to make decisions, and fast! There has to be a priority to everything. In my books, life of my loved ones (and my own – of course) has a priority over everything else – be it money, property, house or anything else.

All said and done, even in the worst of situations, people always have choices. I have been hearing/reading stories about choices people have made all these days. I have been hearing about those who made matters worse for everyone around (rescuers and “rescuees”) by looting, shooting and creating a havoc, in general. What was their motive or reasoning? I dunno. Where will they go with those plasma TVs and loads of jeans they looted?? (For the record, I am not against people who looted food and water to help sustain their families). And then there are people who are still trying their best to help others. Heard a story on today’s news about a man who went around in his boat rescuing people. Amy Henry, the woman who distributed food and water in front of a restaurant after being rescued, and sang in an impromptu church service. These are the stories that lift my spirits up. In my opinion, journalists should stop shouting “Racist!” and highlight the work of these people – if they won’t do anything else to help the victims.

Say what??

I am feeling restless today. I want to pour all my feelings, all my opinions and impressions out. I started this blog with the intentions of doing just that. But then, from the very beginning, I started holding back. Afraid that someone who didn’t like my opinion or what I write about might be offended. And at the same time I advocated “freedom of speech” for other blogs. Talk about hypocrisy!! All this changes NOW. If I don’t like something – you’ll know about it. If something disturbs me, elates me, saddens me, scares me, puzzles me or educates me – you’ll know about it. If something fails to do any of the above, you’ll still know about it – if I have the time to write about it.

Over the years, I have learnt the “art” (?) of diplomacy. I hear everyone’s point of view and rarely voice my own opinion. And no! Talking to you doesn’t count, my dear husband :D I used to be very vociferous where making others aware of my feelings/opinions was concerned. Now I am going to WORK at bringing my previous self back! Watch out world, here I come!! (With my opinions).

My trip to heaven

I meant to post this as soon as we came back from Niagara. Couldn’t find the time, so didn’t.
Our trip was great. This was our 6th trip there. I just love that place. I told my mom - "This is where poor people like us vacation. People who don't have the money to go to Disney Lands and Hawaii and Australia and Europe...." Gosh! Do I sound bitter? Actually, I am not. I am just focused on saving enough for a house, so I don't mind not taking any vacations. Oh, it does hurt like he** when my daughter says "I wish we could go to Hawaii..." or something like that. But I know - this too, shall pass.

We started out later than we planned, but got there in time to take the “Maid of the Mist” tour and caught the fireworks at night. The hotel room was nice – we were staying at HoJo (Howard Johnson) and had booked “Crayola Rooms”. These are rooms that have been decorated by Crayola (the crayon makers) specially for kids. They had art specifically made for kids, bed covers, night lamps, alarm clocks all revolving around a colorful theme, a special table & chair set & an art easel. Our daughter was ecstatic! And I was happy to see her so happy. All in all, a relaxing a happy weekend. We came back from the trip on Sunday morning at 4 o’clock. Slept like logs till 9:30 and then it was just another Sunday – spent preparing for the next week.

I love going to The Falls. The water mesmerizes me. I love the Maid of the Mist tours – doesn’t matter that I have been in them 6 times! This time, since we now have our Green cards, we could have gone to the Canadian side. But we didn’t, because that would have meant leaving my parents alone on this side. Not that they would have been lost or something, but it just didn’t feel right. We'll make another trip to go to the Canadian side.

There is a new aquarium near the falls now. We took a tour through there too. They had a Sea-lion show when we reached there. Caught almost all of that on our camcorder before I ran out of tape. And then toward the end of our trip, the battery in the digital camera died on us. Classic story of our lives :P We did take the charger with us, but where do you suppose we could charge it after checking out of the hotel? But anyway, I am becoming less of a control freak so all our vacations don’t have to have pictorial evidence now :D

The rest of this week was crazy. Had loads of work to do – seems like a lot of problems arose while I was gone. And almost all of them had to be handled by me. I don’t mind that actually – I had been jobless for so long before this one came along, that I actually enjoy my day when it is packed full of emergencies : )

My mom and dad are great help. I don’t let them work in the kitchen much (of course – with my control freak-ish-ness what else would you expect?) but they spend a lot of time with my daughter which is the only thing I ever wished for, from them.

I promise I will post pictures from the trip soon – don’t go away!

First day of school, and a jumble of other thoughts

Note: I wrote this post yesterday when it WAS Wednesday but couldn’t put it up on the site.

It is the last Wednesday of August. Significance? Norwalk Public Schools open today. So we drove down to the school with our daughter. She is going into second grade this year. I took two hours off from work, my husband took one. We “bonded” with the teachers and other parents, and with the bus driver on our way to school :) We are sad that some of our daughter’s good friends are not with her this year (the school has a policy to reassign students to different classes each year) but we are glad that some other friends of hers are.

On my way out of the door to drop our daughter off, I remembered to grab the digital camera. And my husband did remember to recharge the battery after we returned from our Niagara trip. BUT he forgot to put it back in the camera!! So, for the second year in a row, we have no “first day of school” pictures :( Last year we forgot to take the camera. What a pair we make :D Oh well! At least we remembered the camera this year. Next year will be even better – we will remember to put the recharged battery back in the camera – I promise!! I have been wondering though – can I cheat? I mean, I can take pictures tomorrow and label them as “first day of school” pictures and no one would know – right?! Hmmmm!!!

Note: I added this today….

MY classes started too – on Monday. It was quite a last-minute thing for me. The class that I actually signed up for was cancelled. I decided I won’t sign up for any other class and will just take the semester off. Then, at the last moment I decided to look up the course catalog and found a course that might help me in my job. Talked to the professor who said I could attend the first class and register later. I like the instructor, like the course and already made a new friend in class!!

Work is slow today. I have a lot to do but am in the middle-of-the-week slump here. Hope to pick up after this post.

Just took a quick look at the news reports about the flood situation in New Orleans. My heart goes out to the people who have lost so much there, who are still stranded there, who are hoping that help will arrive soon. I worry about those who might need medical help but aren’t getting any, babies, mothers, mothers-to-be. There must be so many people who absolutely need to get out of there immediately. Imagine the helplessness they must be feeling!

I remember watching a documentary film at least 5 years ago – it was about New Orleans and how it was like a bowl sitting below sea level. At one point in the film, the commentator said that it is a city waiting for a flooding disaster to happen. And when (not if) such a disaster does happen, there will be little anyone will be able to do. How true that has turned out to be! I have caught myself wondering in the past few days – why didn’t the people who are stranded there listen to the evacuation warnings? Why did they still stick around? I know these questions are not going to help anyone now. I know that maybe they thought they could ride this one out too. My prayers are with them!

I read a few news stories about the looting going on there. Again, I have ambiguous opinion about it. There are some who really need the stuff – like food, water, baby supplies. Then there are the “real” looters – who had the foresight to loot guns before proceeding to loot other stores. They are doing this for the plasma TVs and the drugs. THAT is ugly! How do you stop the latter without stopping the former? It is interesting to observe how different people react under same circumstances.

I also read in a news article (and heard it on the radio too) that shots were fired on rescue helicopters. WHY? Why would someone do that? Did they do it just to have “fun” seeing everyone’s hopes of being rescued dashed to pieces? Or were “they” mad that they weren’t the ones being rescued first – so they shot at the helicopters with the twisted idea that no one will be rescued if they weren’t.

I am so overwhelmed with all my thoughts on the situation that I think I am getting incoherent. I am unable to express what I think clearly. So I’ll stop.

You are fine, how am I?

Yes, my parents are finally here! And we are having a great time, thankyou. One person having the most fun is my daughter. She loves the attention they shower on her. So, all is well on that front.

But this has been a crappy week already (and it is only tuesday today). Yesterday, soon after I arrived at my office, I got a call from my husband. The water heater at home had broke. And who was in the midst of all that chaos? My poor parents!! The water heater, I later learnt, was spewing boiling hot water. And my mom and dad were frantically trying to do something, ANYTHING. Only, they didn't have a clue. My mom turned the fuse off but the water was still gushing out. (I was on the phone with her and could hear the water running in the background). So I told her to send my dad downstairs to unit A. God bless the folks living in unit A, for one of them immediately came upstairs and turned the valve to the heater off. I don't even know their names :( That's life in the US for you - you say "Hi" to everyone, day after day and year after year, but don't know their names. I remember, I once took them some cake from my daughter's b'day party. But I still don't know their names :P

Anyway, so I took off early from work yesterday so I could assess the damage at home. Luckily there wasn't much. Then in the evening we had to go pick our new car (YES! We bought a Honda CR-V SE. Not the Acura MDX though, our dream car :(( ) So we reached the dealership at around 5:30 pm. What time do you think we got our car? 9:30 pm!! Everything that could go wrong in the transaction, did. They typed my name wrong on all the papers for starters. They didn't finish installation of all the features we asked for. They couldn't locate the spare keys. We were DEAD tired when we finally got home. Then we had dinner and went to bed. And then, in the middle of night, we got a call from India. The caller forgot what time it was at our end. Thus went our Monday.

Oh well, tuesday has been slightly better - in that it has been uneventful. And my supervisor gave me a very good review for my co-op. He said he is very happy with my work so far. I am glad - I was so low on self-esteem when I started this job that I never thought I could do a good job in any position.

Friday, we leave for Niagara Falls. Till thursday, I am working an hour extra each day. I offered to do this since I took off in the middle of the day yesterday. That .... is... all. Over, and out!

One down, two more to go...

Days, that is. For what, you ask? Until my parents get here. Yes it is a big deal - to me. This is the first time in more than 7 years that they are visiting me. And the first time since I and my husband set up a home for ourselves. So, we are excited. And we are waiting with bated breath :D

This week was not so bad. Considering we saved ourselves a great deal of money. How much? I'd say about 40-45 grand. How? By not buying a new car :P We decided to buy an Acura MDX. Even took one out for a test ride. Lovvvvvvvved it. Then, two days later, my husband went to the dealership to start the paperwork (for registration, insurance etc.) and then we got cold feet. We calculated that we would be spending over 1000 dollars extra each month. And THAT made us say "Not yet!". It's not that we cannot afford it - but our priorities are different right now. We want to own a house first. We could, even if we bought this car. But this way we can do it sooner. Does that sound very "chicken-y"? I hope this turns out to be a wise decision....

Today is the last day of my daughter's summer camp. I am happy that she will finally get to relax and spend a couple of weeks as one should during one's vacation. I sometimes wish we had enough money and/or support to allow her to stay at home to and do NOTHING to enjoy her vacation. I remember that is how I spent mine. I would just stay in my room the whole hot day, sketch and read like crazy and come out only for food. Nothing else could entice me out from the confines of "my cave". I still miss those carefree days when my biggest worry was "What will I read when this book is over?". Well, the only consolation is - my daughter loves the camp. Maybe she doesn't know any better ;)

Ohhhhhh! This is a VERY long friday. I, and a few colleagues of mine, went out for lunch together. Came back after an hour and a half. And its still 3:30. TWO more hours to go until I can pack my bags and leave for the weekend. My boss is working from home today - smart fellow. Lucky too! I am just counting the loooooooong hours, minutes and seconds. I even warned a colleague "DO NOT mess with me on a Friday!" He got the message. Haven't seen him since.

Can you hear me now? Good!

This well-known line from Verizon totally depicts my relationship with God these days :D He can definitely hear me. I was looking for a job - I found one. I was looking for mental peace - I'm getting there now (and hence my screen name for blogger.com). I desparately wanted my parents to get visa to come visit us - THEY GOT IT!!!! I am excited. I am elated. I am ecstatic. I am euphoric.

Now I am waiting for Him to hear another wish of mine. Will let you know when it is fulfilled. (Don't want to jinx it - do we?!)

This week started on a dismal note. But it is getting better by the day. I am learning to be optimistic again.

I have promised my daughter that today will be a no-yelling day for all of us. We won't yell at her if she listens promptly to us. Wink, wink. Good idea to get your kids to listen to you - innit? And if they don't (listen to you) and you do (yell, I mean) then its because they didn't keep their part of the promise. He he he... I am a genius!!

Now I am under a LOT of stress. Have to straighten out the apartment before my mom gets here and confirms her "lazybones" impression of mine. Have to call a few self-storage companies 'coz we have to find a storage space to dump our stuff to make space for their stuff. I realize we are becoming quite the pack rats. Its not like our apartment is very small - we have two bedrooms and two living rooms. Each bedroom has a wall-to-wall closet (not "walk-in" though), there are three more BIG closets to shove our stuff in and a laundry room too. Not bad for an apartment, really. But over the years we have collected sooooo much stuff, its disgusting. I am hoping my mom will throw most of it out when she gets here. I just have to tell her that I NEED it absolutely ;) Ha!

Anyways, gotta go! Lunch break is over!!

The waiting game

My whole life seems to be about waiting right now. I am waiting for the work-week to be over, waiting for my parents to get their visa so they can come visit us, waiting for my classes to start again (I miss college!!) and waiting to get a phone on my desk at work. The last bit is the most difficult. No, wait! The second part - waiting for my parents. Its killing me :( They were supposed to visit us last year (around the same time) but just a week before my parents' visa interview, my dad had a stroke. Thankfully, ma had the presence of mind ot take him to the hospital immediately so he is alright. (I thank my stars I have a mom who can keep her cool in times such as these - more about my mom and why I admire her in another blog). But the stroke left him with impaired vision in one eye (due to a small blood clot in the brain) and his doctors advised him against long distance travel for quite some time. Then, early this year my parents said they were ready to come visit us again and here we are - waiting for them to get their visa. They have "The Interview" tomorrow morning. I can't wait :((

I am excited! This will be the first time my parents will be visiting MY house (all those times when they visited me at my in-laws' place don't count in my opinion). So, I am under a great deal of pressure to prove to my parents that I am a good housekeeper. Oh, who am I kidding? They know how lazy I am :P Anyway, I am eager to show them the "home" my husband and I have set up for ourselves. Its not big (it's an apartment, and I HATE living in it!) and we don't have a lot of luxury items. But it is warm and cozy (well chilly yet cozy at times - specially when it is a 100 degrees outside) and a place where our daughter has the MOST childhood memories. Keeping my fingers crossed and praying SO HARD for my parents to get their visas.

Our daughter is excited too - I have told her that Nana-Nani will have only two jobs (yupp! EVERYONE in our house has to have a job)

1. Reading to her and teaching her how to read and write Hindi
2. Taking her out for walks

Well I know I cheated a little. I combined two jobs in the first one. You don't think they will notice - do you? I am going to absolutely FORBID my mom from entering the kitchen. She and Pa work very hard as it is, and both of them deserve some rest. Well, they can enter the kitchen when they have rested a little :P Did I tell you my dad makes a killer kabuli? (and poha too) My mom - she is a magician where regular food is concerned. And I am dying to cook for them - specially my "famous" dahibade. I know they will love them. This is the first time after getting married that I will celebrate diwali with them. I know they are looking forward to this trip as much as we are. So, won't you PLEASE pray HARD with me for them to get their visas?

Pretty please??!!

If.... then....?

Been wondering. Suppose there is a trailer truck on a straight highway, going at a certain speed, carrying about 12 cars. Say, all the cars suddenly vanish into the thin air. If everything else remains the same (speed, path, wind direction, force etc.) the truck's speed should increase - innit?

Comments welcome....

Nothing tastes better than a(n) ...

...bowl of Bikaneri Bhujia with a cup of tea.
...cup of hot tea in the morning.
...dosa with coconut chutney and sambhar.
...serving of hot roti sabzi that mom used to cook.
...plate of "Kabuli" that dad cooks.
...a toast with a cup of tea when you are VERY hungry.
..."Pakoras" on a rainy day.
..."Chholey-Chaat" prepared by a 'Khomchewala" standing by the side of the road.
...Idli with coconut chutney.
...plate of poha with Ratlami sev.
..."Shahi Samosa" from "Arora Namkins" in Jodhpur.
...Parle-G "biskuts" with a hot cup of tea.
...glass of sugarcane juice on a hot summer afternoon.
...cold watermelon slice.
...glass of cold cofee with icecream as dessert.
...plate of bread poha.
..."Gujhiya" on Holi day!!!

Update: I didn't realize anyone was reading my blog anymore (except my brother and husband) so didn't care to elaborate on the items mentioned in here. Here is an update describing each item briefly, to my best ability, for those who are interested. Those who aren't can skip this section. They can skip this post entirely as I know it isn't very funny. I treat this space as my "Comment/Thought/Vent Space" and come here just to relax and put down whatever might be running through my head at that time.

Bikaneri Bhujia - Fine, savory, spicey fried noodles made with lentil flour. A speciality of Rajasthan, a state in India - my home state. Bikaner is a city in Rajasthan where this wonderful snack originated.

Dosa - A thin crepe made of a slightly fermented batter consisting of lentil flour and rice flour. Fermentation gives it a distinctive slightly sour taste and a wonderful aroma. Sometimes a vegetable (like dry, stir-fried spicey potatoes) is rolled up in it. But tastes good even by itself - atleast to me.

Coconut chutney - A dipping sauce made of fresh, grated coconut. Has many other ingradients, but coconut is the main one.

Sambhar - A lentil soup with a log of veggies in it. A lot of special spices make it a very distinctive dish.

Roti - Indian flat bread made of whole wheat flour.

Sabzi - Vegetables. Mostly any vegetable cooked with Indian spices and herbs.

Kabuli - A special "rice-pilaf". Very rich (in that it has a lot of dry fruits in it) and very filling. But, oddly, I could never have enougvh of it - even if I were bursting at the seams after having eaten a LOT!

Pakoras - Vegetable fritters. Vegetables (like potatoes sliced very thin, cauliflower, onions, spinach and almost every other vegetable you can think of) are dipped into a batter of roasted chickpea flour (mixed with other spices and herbs, ofcourse!) and deep fried. A rainy day is still a very good excuse to start frying these golden, crispy little nuggets. Go well with a steaming hot cup of tea.

Chholey-Chaat - Chholey : Chickpeas cooked Indian style i.e. with spices and herbs. Chaat: Potato patties, covered with chholey and other spicey and/or sweet-sour condiments. ("Khomchewala") :A street vendor with a small stall along the roadside.

Idli - Small Lentil flour+Rice flour cakes steamed. The batter for these is very similar to that for a Dosa. It is fermented too which gives it a distinct aroma and taste.

Poha- OK, I am having difficulty coming up with a description for this :P "Poha" is just boiled rice grains flattened and dried. Then you just gently wash them and cook them with a blend of spices and herbs. Washing makes them fluffy. A very popular breakfast dish in some parts of Middle India (like Madhya Pradesh - my husband's home state).

Ratlami sev - "Ratlam" is a city in Madhya Pradesh. "Ratlami Sev" are so called because they were first made there (I guess) and to my knowledge, you don't find them outside of Madhya Pradesh. I ALWAYS bring back loads of them from my trip to India. They are spicey, fried noodles made with roasted chickpea flour, much like "Bikaneri Bhujia" mentioned above. but the two are very different in taste in you couldn't replace one with another :D I like both.

Shahi Samosa - "Shahi" means "fit for royalty". Samosa is a savory, deep-fried to a crispiness, snack, made of whole-wheat flat-bread filled with a spicey filling of boiled, mashed potatoes. It is usually triangular in shape. Tastes great on its own or with a sweet condiment like ketchup.

Parle-G "biskuts" (Biscuits) - Cookies VERY famous in India. Supposedly very rich in calcium :D I loved them as a kid and my daughther loves them now. Having these cookies with a cup of tea (you dunk them in the tea) on weekend afternoon is a ritual in our family :)

bread poha - See the description for "poha" above. Instead of the rice flakes, you use fresh bread crumbs (not dried) for this. Is an acquired taste I guess - I haven't come across many people who like it. I used to crave this dish when I was pregnant - nothing else! Cooked it at 1 in th morning one time :))

Gujhiya (Holi day) - Ooooooooh! This is my favorite-est!! It is a little bit like empanadas - a semi-circular, deep-fried, crisp sweet filled with a mixture of "mava" (milk boiled and stirred until it dries up into a thick mass that you can no longer stir :D), coconut flakes, sugar, dried fruit flakes (like almonds and cashew nuts) and a whole lot of other goodies. Requires one to be an excellent cook before you can even think of cooking it (in my opinion. There are very few cooks who can cook these to my liking). "Holi Day" is a special festival in India, very close to my heart as I have many fond memories of it, but disliked by many others because it can get very messy and rowdy (well that is a part even i don't like - rowdy I mean). People have fun coloring each other with colors(dry as well as water-based) on this day. This is supposed to be a celebration of the completion of the harvesting season. There are many other meanings associated with it - won't go into them as this post is about FOOD :D

Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be...

I am in a reflective mood today. An hour and half trip to New Jersey (and another 1 1/2 hrs back) does it to me. I think a lot and that is the time I and my husband talk the most. Maybe because there are no chores or TV programs to distract us. Pathetic, isn't it? :)

Anyway, today I was thinking of (some) things that could have been. Like how I always wanted to be a career woman, and then had to go without a job for over 5 years. And now my career is just starting. How I always wanted three kids, for instance, with very little age difference (maybe 15-18 months apart - I know I wasn't thinking straight when I wished that!). What happened in reality? I have one daughter - 6 1/2. I never thought I and my husband would leave his parents' house (we lived in a joint family) and here we are - in Ummreeca :P I was thinking all this and then this song began playing in my head - "When I was just a little girl..........". Haven't been able to get rid of it since :( I do that a lot - think of the past and of things that could have been. Been trying to get rid of that habit - almmmmmost there!

A couple of weeks back, we went to see "Bunty and Babli". Liked it. But in the beginning I was worried about what message my daughter will pick up from the story. After all, she is only 6. Running away from home and living a fun life might seem fascinating. So, she comes to me today and says "You know? Every movie has a message in it for us!" "Really? What do you think this movie wanted to convey?" (We were listening to songs from "Bunty and Babli"). "Well, I think it says don't lie and don't trick people". Hmmm. I have been thinking - is my daughter seeing someone on the side for "parent advice"? I don't remember discussing this with her!!

So you want to know me a little better, do you?

Mint started it all here. I thought doing this would be fun. Besides, I haven't posted in a long time. Here goes....

1. I don’t smoke.
2. I don’t drink – maybe a glass of wine once every six months, but that’s it.
3. I don’t do drugs. Never have.
4. I wanted to smoke very badly once when I was in college. My husband (then my boyfriend) held me back. And I thank him for it now.
5. I like to read murder mysteries.
6. I like to watch thrillers/action-adventure movies.
7. I hate reality television.
8. I love romantic comedies.
9. “Step Mom” is one of my favorite movies.
10. I loooooooove shopping :)
11. I love driving, too.
12. 12 years after completing my Masters in Computer Management, I am still studying. I don’t think I shall ever stop studying. I enjoy it way too much.
13. I love my husband and my daughter very much.
14. I love and respect my parents very much.
15. My brother was my first, true best friend.
16. My husband is my confidante, best friend, pillar of support.
17. I still miss a lot of friends I lost touch with.
18. I love to cook.
19. I love to cook for people who love to eat.
20. I sometimes worry about my parents’ health, wondering if they will get the pleasure of watching my daughter grow up.
21. I am very career-oriented.
22. I am very loyal to my friends.
23. I like being by myself sometimes.
24. I like being with friends sometimes, too.
25. My idea of a nice evening is to have dinner with some close friends, sit around and talk or maybe play monopoly or scrabble. Oh, and the kids are already in bed!
26. When eating out, I am not an experimentalist – I like to stick with the choices that I have already tried and tasted.
27. I am an experimentalist when I cook.
28. I believe that being a “working-out-of-home” mom will make my daughter more independent.
29. I like to help people.
30. I would like to have a little more money (who wouldn’t?) but money isn’t “be all, end all” thing for me.
31. I was very depressed for over two years after my daughter was born – because of a number of factors. They included poor post-partum care and unemployment among other things.
32. When I was a kid, I was very ashamed of my big feet. With time, I learnt to counter criticism (directed at my feet) with “Tall buildings need big foundations”.
33. I am a survivor.
34. I don’t like participating in organized religion. I have religious beliefs, I am tolerant to others’ beliefs and I expect them to tolerate mine.
35. I don’t like politics so I behave like an ostrich where politics is concerned. Bury my head in sand…
36. For me it is very important that my daughter goes to college and has a good career.
37. I used to be a funny, bubbly person. Now I am just a little funny.
38. I regret not learning any musical instrument.
39. I grew up in a desert town.
40. I used to sketch. Now I don’t.
41. I believe terrible parenting begets terrible kids. A kid has to have one good influence in his/her life.
42. Rudeness leaves me speechless. I come up with a million answers to someone’s rude comment five days later : (
43. I feel I am blessed to have my daughter. She is a great kid.
44. When I was pregnant, I wanted a girl and I wanted her to be born in the month of October. Desparately. Why? I don’t know. Both my wishes came true. (My due date was November 9th and my daughter was born on October 31st).
45. I love spending money on books.
46. I don’t listen to many English songs. Absolutely know nothing about western music and am not ashamed in saying so.
47. I am trying to get more knowledgeable about western music. I already know a LOT of nursery rhymes ;)
48. I love western novels. Specially those authored by Loius La’Amour.
49. I make new friends very slowly and break old friendships slower-ly. (If I have to)
50. I still haven’t told you a lot of things about me!! Maybe next time…

New job, lay offs and everything in between

Last few weeks have been very eventful. And seems like the next few will be more so. I got a new full-time job. Exactly what I had been looking for. Co-workers are nice and manager is even nicer. On the other hand, my husband's company is in deep trouble and about 50% employees are going to get laid off. We don't know if he will be one of the fortunate ones to stay or not. Just keeping our fingers crossed and our minds stubbornly on the day-to-day matters - strictly off the tension lying ahead.

I have been thanking God the last few days actually. For my job, for our health (my daughter is getting better) and for how much better off we are than many other people. Last year, around the same time, we were VERY tense. My husband's company was in troubled waters (the current situation is actually an extension of last year's problems) and we were in a very vulnerable position. My husbnd was on H1b visa, I didn't have a job and at that time losing his job meant we would have to pack our bags and return to India. The IT market in India wasn't exactly booming at that time. Also, returning meant tough times for our daughter. Back in India, she would have to learn to read and write a whole new language. Here she is at the top of her class, there she would be at the bottom because the learning system is VERY different in both the countries. This year, we have our Green Cards, which means we don't have to return. I have a job, which means we can still get insurance coverage. AND WE DIDN'T BUY THE ACURA MDX THAT WE WERE THINKING OF BUYING!!! I mean, I would hate to pay a car installment at this tense time of our lives :) Things are definitely much better this time......

Work is good. I still am not doing much - just getting the hang of things. I happened to walk in on an emergency on the first day. Things haven't quietened down yet. Our offices will be moving to another nearby city in a month or two - so I don't expect things to quiet down for quite some time to come.

Yesterday, I almost murdered a processor :D One of our computers just died on us. My manager called Dell and since the computer was still under warranty, they sent us a new power supply and a new mother board. My manager told me to rebuild the computer so I started working on it. Well, to make a long story short, I bent the pins on the processor badly out of shape. The best thing I did was, confess to my manager in time. And then I helped him find the right tools to fix it - a safety pin and a pair of tweezers. Poor guy spent almost an hour on straightening the pins and finally was able to put in the processor properly in its place. But has been teasing me mercilessly ever since. Said he's thinking of giving me the "Golden Hammer Award for Installing a Processor" :)) I guess there is no relief in sight until I can rebuild another computer - properly this time. Still, I am relieved that the processor was saved!

Nothing new here, guys...

Funny how mundane can comfort you. Specially, when you have been on your toes for the past many months. Just running from one obligation to another. Meeting deadlines, creating new ones, missing a few but trying to be on time for every meeting, class, school activity, field trip, volunteering work and all last-minute parties that pop up. After all this, the prospect of spending the whole weekend laundering, cleaning, cooking and vacuuming is VERY inviting. That is what I meant by having a “relaxing” weekend and that is what I had. Didn’t even bother to study for the much-dreaded finals looming up ahead. Haven’t submitted a lot of labs at all lately – but didn’t even bother to work on them. This is how good my weekend was :D

OK. Its Monday now and I still haven’t posted this. Weekend, as I wrote earlier, was gooooooooooooood. We went out for dinner. Its an Italian place – Bertucci’s. I wish we had an Olive Garden around here. Heard they were coming to our town because of the increasing demand. Spent the whole Sunday afternoon doing laundry. Boy, did THAT feel good! (To have clean clothes at last :D) Will spend the whole week ironing them now. I know I sound crazy going ga-ga over such boring tasks. But believe me, I have been so busy lately, I look forward to the ironing as that would also give me a chance to
1) Think,
2) Stay in front of the idiot box without feeling guilty, and
3) NOT study (Not that I do anyway, but still….)

Tuesday: So, it will be some time before I can publish this blog since my DSL connection is on the blink. UUUURRRRRRGH!! Just got off the phone after telling my woes to yet another tech support. Told her if this problem is not solved this time, I am going to cable. Lets see if I can actually carry out the threat. Whatever the problems with DSL, I think they don’t try to con me into paying more like cable guys. The cable company is regularly coming up with new ways everyday to line their pockets.

Wednesday: I tried to troubleshoot the connection yesterday and WAS able to get connected but today its down again. Thought I should study a little before blogging and after about 20 minutes of studying the connection went down. I know whenever we get on the phone the DSL somehow gets disconnected. But why? No idea. Have had atleast 4 technician visits and they couldn’t figure it out either. Have another one of these visits scheduled for tomorrow. Meanwhile, life is peaceful here…..