Decisions, decisions!

Every disciplinary action of ours depends on the question "whose therapy will cost us more? J's and mine or the kids'?"

As of now, kids' therapy seems affordable. Plus, if we manage to give them a good education, they can find a good job and pay for it themselves. Man!! I am SO smashingly brilliant sometimes!! :D

No really! What DO women want??

This is what the good folks at Blogadda were asking and wanted desi bloggers to answer. If you are a woman, you had to write about what you (or all women) want and if you are a man, you had to write about what you think they want (Hasn't that always been a problem though? People think they know what women want and expect women to act accordingly) I missed the boat on that one because I didn't feel my post was good enough to be submitted for the contest. But I think I will post it here on my blog because, really, my blog can take anything I throw at it :)

By the way, they have already declared the results and I love, LOVE the post that won the first prize. Do check it out. Seems my decision not to enter the contest was a wise one. I can't compete with that kind of genius :)

Here is how my post goes:

I am a woman and here is what I want (or have wanted at some point in my life). Many of these could be termed dreams because I don't believe people will get it even after we tell them what we want :P

1. Women want to be heard. Most people speak, think (or not) and never listen. Specially when it comes to their expectations of women. Heck, they don't even remember to ask a woman what she wants.

Oh, we treat our women as "devis".

No thank you. I'd rather you treat me as a human being. Do no impose devi-giri on me, do not tell me it is my strength that allows me to tolerate everything I go through. DO NOT put me on a pedestal for tolerating shit from you or anybody else. I don't want to compete with Laxmi, the goddess of wealth. I'd rather you treat me as an equal and let me work hard where ever I want to work, in which ever field I like, to bring home "Laxmi" just like my husband does, and be a contributing partner in our team. Even when (or if) I am not earning, I AM holding the fort at the home front so my husband can go out and make a living without having to worry about childcare or meals. I AM A CONTRIBUTING PARTNER REGARDLESS OF MY EARNING STATUS. I want people to understand that.

2. Women want to be treated with respect for their intelligence. Not feared. Not ridiculed. Not ignored. Respected. 

I lived in India when I was expecting my first child. On occasions my OB/GYN made me feel like a dumb dame by assuming/acting as if I didn't have the capacity to hear or understand what she had to say. Like when I was experiencing strong labor pains and was also bleeding heavily, and went to consult her (on my way to the hospital) - she turned to my brother in-law (who was with me) and told him why she thought the baby wasn't descending. She talked to him about the entire situation referring to me in the third person as if I were some vegetable they were considering buying or selling!! Even when she mentioned that I might require a C-section. My brother in-law is a doctor so, I agree, he should have been given the information so he could better help me. But I was there too!! She could easily have addressed both of us. 

3. Women want a chance, to make their own decisions, to follow their own dreams and instincts. Don't tell a girl that she should opt for Biology or literature because that will allow her to go into teaching which, in turn, will allow her to more flexibility to be home with her kids. She might want to become a car mechanic for all you know. Don't tell a woman to leave her job when she gets engaged or pregnant. Mention that she should leave her job and join cooking classes (or sewing or any other classes that teach "womanly" skills) at the risk of losing limb or life. Don't tell a woman to "get a job now that your kids are going to school full time". It should be her decision.

I would like to be an equal participant of all financial decisions made in the family. I would like to be the maker of my own decisions, not an "acceptor" of the decisions someone else makes for me.

4. And lastly, one particular woman wants a surprise birthday or anniversary party from her partner but, frankly, she doesn't think it even occurs to him :)

Going down the evolutionary ladder

I remember reading that development of an opposable thumb was a major milestone or a benchmark in humans' evolution. Having an opposable thumb gives us a definite advantage in tasks that involve fine motor skills. Well, I recently lost the use of the opposable thumb on my right hand. I am right handed so obviously that has been a big  Ouch Factor in everything I do these days.

I never realized I use my thumb in so many small tasks (I did know I use it for bigger tasks like gripping something or lifting things). Take typing for instance. Typing became a painful chore when I hurt my thumb. Then, this morning, I figured if I use the side of my thumb instead of the tip, it hurts less. (Which makes me thankful for another evolutionary development - brain) I have been able to gain some of the speed back and the Ouch Factor has been restricted. But other simple tasks such as dialing a number on the phone, typing in texts on the phone, writing, holding anything that requires support of a thumb have become excruciatingly painful. Apart from bringing out the cry-baby in me, this has also made me realize how grateful I am for being born on the top of the evolutionary ladder. I do realize I wouldn't be typing, texting or dialing if I had been anywhere lower on the evolutionary ladder anyway. But it definitely would have hurt to even pick up that club to bring the next meal in, I am sure. Or to bash the partner in the head.

Oh, and that reminds me - I am DEFINITELY very grateful that the skill of walking on two feet had already been developed, tried and tested before I made my appearance (not counting the crawling I did for a brief period of time during my infancy - that does NOT count!!). My back thanks you, my ancestors!!

If I were living in a parallel universe...

I'd still be married to J (yeah that one's non-negotiable :P)

I'd be a successful jetsetting executive in a company.

I'd be nicer, non-bitter, friendlier and saner.

I'd have THREE kids, with the oldest and the youngest being 4 years apart, at the most.

I'd still be nicer, friendlier and saner (after having the third kid).

I'd have had the kids without IVF.

I'd still have my dad and he would give the kids horseback rides and tell them stories.

I'd be living next door to my brother, his wife and our parents.

I'd be at a healthy weight. NON-obese.

I'd have the time and support to go to the gym.

I'd be reading a LOT of books and none of them would be textbooks.

I'd NOT be writing this post!

There! Introspection for the year - done!

What do you do?

When someone won't listen to you?

You are, say, putting up a "car port" (tent) with them for one of your cars. Your region has some really unpredictable weather patterns. You are worried that some day the tent will just get blown away by the strong winds that sometimes invade with all ferocity. Your concerns are pooh-poohed away. Support is sought from your mom and the BOTH of them shoot down your suggestion to nail down the pegs of the tent.

Then, say, one day a strong wind does blow the tent 20 feet into a tree. What do you do?

You help them pull the tent back in the blistering winds. Then you say "I told you so!" Over and over. Then come inside and blog about it.

That's what you do :D (And then you even email them this post :P:P)

A true global integration

is when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving (an American Holiday) by getting together and eating Chinese food!

Yep - the menu for this year's Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by the Kays is:

Appetizers: Sweet corn soup, spring rolls.

Main Course: Veg Fried rice, Chow Mein, Veg Manchurian and Chili Paneer

Dessert: Cheesecake

Happy Thanksgiving all!!

We are all the same

Outside M's daycare:

I saw a hunky dad in long hair, with a car seat in his hand, coming out of the daycare and I went "Oooooooooooooooh!!" *wolf whistle* (the wolf whistle was inside my mind)

Inside the daycare (as I walked in with M):

One of the daycare providers came out of a room with an infant in her arms and asked another "Did you SEE his dad??!!" and the other one went "Oh yeah!!" *wolf whistle* (The wolf whistle, I am sure, was inside their minds. It was definitely on their faces :P)

LOL!!

Note: J, I still love you and ONLY you. This was just one incident where my inner, primitive woman came out :P:P:P

Priorities

Edited to add J's comments at the end

Gas for driving 220 miles @ $2.27/gal (10 gallons): $22.70

Grocery for the next 4 months: $286.58

Bags carried from car to kitchen: 17

Hours spent driving from and to home: 3.75

Friends met: 2

Getting a haircut you will love to live with for the next 4 months: Priceless!!

Here is what J had to say about this post-

Gas price @2:79/gal (10 gallons): $27.90

Haircut : Looks good J

Simple suggestions

You tell your wife you like long hair?

Grow yours, by all means!

You want you and your wife to have the same last name?

Sure, take up her name!

You like pierced noses?

Get your own done.

Just some simple suggestions!

One thing that bugs me about cooking shows

is that the cooks/chefs featured in them don't think twice about tasting a dish they are cooking and then dipping the spoon back in it. Ugh!! There is this concept of food getting "jootha" in India that I cannot explain properly in English. I don't know if there is an equivalent word in English. When someone eats from a plate, or tastes with a spoon, it is considered "jootha". Now if you dip that spoon back into the pan/pot, the entire pot is considered jootha. Makes sense to me too - when you put a spoon in your mouth, you transfer germs from your mouth/saliva to the spoon and when that spoon is dipped back into the pot, the germs are then transferred to the entire contents. I just don't think it is very hygienic.

Another thing I have noticed in some shows is that the chefs don't wash their hands properly even after handling meat. Another hygiene alarm. I don't think I'd be able to eat in their kitchen with a carefree mind!

With friends like this...

I got the much needed haircut this past weekend (yay!!!) I go all the way to New Jersey to get the darned haircut. I told GND my plans for the weekend in an email exchange on Friday. She asked me not to tell her if I decide to eat at Khaasiyat or Saravana Bhavan while I am in NJ. I did eat at Saravana Bhavan. Idli, Dosa and yummy Philter Kaapi. Well, since I am such a considerate friend, I won't tell her. 

I'll blog about it here instead.

And leave her a link.

Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!

Que Sera Sera, what will be will be.

She wasn't the svelte nymphet anymore. Turned out more "headstrong" than he ever imagined.

 

She’d had her dreams of finding another family shattered too, and how! Overcame the bitterness with great difficulty.

 

They fought bitterly, made up tenderly - even after so many years. They’d faced losses and celebrated triumphs. Together.

 

The Gods weren't sniggering anymore.

The future's not ours to see: 55 word fiction

She looked up at him adoringly as he tied on the Mangalsutra. She felt blessed to be marrying into such a loving family. She wasn't losing her family, she was gaining another one. She couldn't believe her luck.

The Gods above sniggered. She was in for a surprise too! This was just too much fun!

Whatever will be, will be: 55 word fiction

He looked at her fondly as he leaned forward and tied the mangalsutra around her neck. Such a charming, loving and lovely partner. She would fit right into his family. He beamed proudly at his fine choice of a girl. She smiled back.

 

The Gods above sniggered. Boy, was he in for a BIG surprise!!

Dear Guest

I really like to cook. Cooking is my stress-buster. And I really, really like to entertain. And I like you. Otherwise we wouldn't be inviting you, would we? So, please PLEASE stop doing this - "I will bring idlis for everyone. No? Or I can bring just the batter and you can make the idlis. No? OK, then Vadas. No to that too? Okay, how about sambhar? No? Then I MUST bring the sabudana snack I brought to M's party last time. Everyone loved it!"

I know you are trying to be a considerate guest. But please do take a moment to think - if I am saying no to every offer of yours then wouldn't it be the most considerate to stop insisting? And if you are doing this to showcase your own culinary skills, then it will be best that YOU invite US!

Oh, and next time I call to invite you, PLEASE don't say "Don't invite us now. Now is not the right time for you to have guests over. You need some rest". Let's pretend I know when I need rest and when I need company. Okay? Okay!!

Also, it just occurred to me - for the Love of God, please DON'T start cleaning right after dinner. My husband and I would really like to be able to chat with you over a cup of coffee or a tall glass of cold coffee with icecream. No, really! I prefer chatting over coffee to chatting over the sink. AND I am quite particular about how the dishes are piled in the sink, or which containers the left-overs are emptied into. And I am quite a traditionalist when it comes to entertaining. I DON'T want my guests to work. And I would ask for help if I needed it. Honest! Besides, that chunk of ear you see in that jar over the kitchen sink? That belonged to the last guest who "insisted" on helping me clean up. Just kidding!! But you know, every time a guest like you heaps their "help" on me, they are pushing me really close to doing that! Just a friendly reminder, nothing else :D

I would so SO love to see you this Saturday. Come hungry!

Lots of love,

Cee

Please don't talk to me

Last night I went to Stop and Shop. They have introduced a new toy gadget for shoppers. You go in, scan your store card and pick up a hand scanner and a few bags. As you go around the store, you pick up things you want to buy, scan them with the hand scanner and put them directly in the bag. When you are done, you go to a checkout counter, which could even be a self checkout counter, scan a bar code that says "End transaction" or something like that, return the hand scanner to a holder, pay and leave with the stuff that you have already bagged. It can be a real time saver when a person gets used to it. The self checkout counters used to be my favorites, but now this little toy is on my "Toys of the Year" list. Oh, but I digress.

Using the hand scanner set me thinking - this is ANOTHER way not to interact with anyone. Time was, one would go to a Mom and Pop store, bring the things they wanted to buy to the person behind the counter and pay for it. While the transaction was taking place, they would chat about the weather, what's happening, what's new and what's not. Then the small stores got replaced by the Super Stores. The checkout clerks got busier but they would still talk to you. Then came the self-checkout counters. Now you just go to one, scan your stuff and pay for it without the help of anyone. You occasionally need help and there are store employees around to help. You see the trend here? We are saving time by not talking to people! We are still doing the shopping, the scanning, the paying. All the saved time comes from not having to talk to anyone. Not that I mind.

S' school system has an inclement weather information system. One can check online, on a TV channel or call a phone number to find out if schools are closed or delayed due to snow. I love the online system. Just open a website and see if the schools are closed or delayed.

Personal banking is going the same way. I can deposit a check, withdraw money, check my balance, deposit cash - ALL from an ATM kiosk of my bank. I can pay bills online and transfer money too. Don't need to talk to no bank teller!

When we were going on our trip to India in December, I put our mail on hold ONLINE! Imagine! No need to go to the local post office to fill out that little card that you needed to turn in if you wanted your mail to be held. That way you don't have to talk to the nice man behind the counter who would definitely have said "Oh what a beautiful baby you have there!" upon seeing your 18 month old. I did have to call our newspaper company to put our newspaper delivery on hold (Note to self: remind the newspaper to "grow" with the times)

I have tons of online friends too. I exchange emails with them all day long. As I was just telling my mom the other day - I hate talking over the phone. If I call you every other day (mom, you reading this? :P), imagine how much I must love you! Never mind that I don't say it.

So that, in a nutshell, is what is becoming of us. We are turning into anti-social but efficient beings. And I believe I am leading the way. Do remember I love you, but don't call me. Email me!

A mom’s attempt at meditation

My cousin told me meditation works wonders for bringing your blood pressure to normal. I am game for anything non-medicinal that doesn’t require me to huff and puff. The procedure is quite simple, she said. She told me to close my eyes, breathe slowly and focus on just the breathing – in and out, in and out…

So I decide to try it one day. I settle down, in a dining chair. Do I HAVE to sit with my legs crossed? Oh pshaw!! Let’s not harp on ceremonies, shall we?! OK, then I close my eyes, pinch the thumb and index finger of both hands together and start breathing slowly.

In… out… in… out.. hey! I think I can do this! in.... out… in… out… in… out… where is ninni? In… out… I don’t hear her which means she is upto some mischief… in… out… FOCUS Cee!! In… out… in… is she in the guest bedroom?? What if she is digging the diaper rash ointment out of its container?... ouuuuuuuutttt… innnnnnn… ouuuuuuuutttt… innnnnnnn… ouuuuuuu… oh, she is in the family room, which means she is probably only playing with the books there. That’s ok!… uuuutt… innnnn…. ouuuuuuuutttttt… innnnnnn… ouuuuuuu…… oh she is pulling my hand. What does she need now?...uuuttttt…. innnnn…. Hang on a minute baby!...nnnnnn….. ouuuuu…. Should I stop now? … uuuuttttt…. innnnnn… ouuuuuuuuuutttt innnnnnnnn ouuuuuuuuuuttt… I guess that is enough for today innnnnnnn… ouuuuuuuttttttt

WHEW!!! I feel great already!!