Reflections...

We got some more updates on the health of our friend S. He had been running a fever and met an accident while going to the ER to get that checked. That resulted in his spleen getting ruptured. He had to undergo an emergency operation for removal of his spleen, lost a lot of blood and was lucky to have gone to the ER when he did otherwise "anything could have happened" according to the surgeon who performed the surgery.

We visited him and his family on last Sunday. We couldn't do more but figured our presence might give them some comfort. S told J then that some cancerous cells had been found in his spleen when it was sent to pathology for further tests to figure out why was it swollen in the first place. His fever hadn't gone down either. Yesterday R, his wife, told us that chemotherapy has been started because he has lymphoma.

Needless to say, we are sad and shocked. Of course we have heard of people getting cancer before but it hits you harder when it is close to home. And we are numbed by the realization how close we came to losing S. His wife, a true optimist, said the accident was a blessing in disguise because otherwise they wouldn't have found out about the cancer. It seems the cancer is still in early stages. He is already on chemothrapy. It is making him sick and weak. He can barely talk because one of the side effects of one of the drugs is that it makes the patient short of breath. His dad is alone in India (mom is here) and doesn't know all this. He is diabetic and they haven't told him for the fear that he'll take it hard and might react badly. They don't want to take that risk since he is alone there.

Friends are rallying around them. But, no matter how many people visit, or stay with them or bring food and comfort, both of them have to go through their individual pain alone. He, of getting the devastating news that he has been struck by one of the most dreaded diseases. And she, of seeing someone she loves go through so much suffering, and facing the worst fears alone. On top of all this, they have to console their parents that everything is going to be alright. In a time like this, when you need all the support you can get, having to suck it up and saying to your parents "It's not a big deal. Look on the brighter side. Had I not been in that accident, we would never have caught this disease this early" takes a special kind of bravado. I don't think I could ever do that. I would just melt down in my own misery.

And they have small kids. Older son just turned 7 and the younger one is a year old. To face the possibility that they might have lost their father is so upsetting. I keep thinking how S and R must be feeling. We still don't know what his prognosis is. We are going to visit them again tomorrow - just to be with them. There is nothing more we can do except show them that we will always be there. We don't know what stage the cancer is in or if it is treatable or curable (yes, there is a difference). I wish I could ask the doctor all these questions myself until I get all the answers. I don't want to keep asking R because I don't want her to go through all this over and over. It must be upsetting to repeat all the details to all enquiring friends. S did say last time that people don't realize that he is sick and keep calling him incessantly to chat. Thankfully, we didn't make that mistake. We did try to call frequently, but we always called R and not S.

This kind of thing also makes you realize how frail life is. And that it could easily have been you. It makes you reflect and introspect and evaluate where do you stand. Will your family be able to survive such a blow? Will you fall apart or march along bravely facing everything life throws at you? Will you be alone or have friends by your side? What will happen to your kids? Your spouse? Will they miss you? How long? What about folks back home? Will you get a chance to say "Good Bye" and "I Love you"? What about your dreams and aspirations? To have a number put on the length of one's life is the cruelest thing that could happen to anyone. That is a sobering thought.

Of friends, friendships and family

Some friendships develop fast and then fizzle out. Some people suddenly come through for you in some crisis and make you realize that they are more than "people" - they are your friends. Some friends take time to grow on you. That kind of friendship lasts through times and sometimes, generations.

A dear friend of ours is in the hospital today. He is the kind that irritates the heck out of you in the beginning and then you slowly realize that he is not so bad and then one day he is like family. Then whatever traits of his irritated you in the past either don't mean anything or just don't irritate you that much now. You realize that the irritating qualities were nothing but mere grains of sand in your shoes - not that important if you come to think of it. And the good qualities, mainly his ability to be a good friend and the way he cares about your whole family, is what matters the most.

J met him when he joined the company that sent him here on H1B visa. They were both trained on the same project and came to the US almost together. He settled down in New Jersey and we made Connecticut our home. Two years back, he purchased a townhouse and moved a little farther but distance couldn't douse this friendship. We still visit each other, even if less frequently, and are ALWAYS there on special occasions. I remember, I used to butt heads with him everytime we met. Slowly, I grew up and so did he :D Now I can't remember when was the last argument we had. Probably when he told me I shouldn't wear high heels during pregnancy (I was 8 months pregnant then). It was a very short argument - I said "Oh yeah? I don't think so!" and that was that!!

His wife called today. He had been running a fever since quite a few days. In fact, we just visited them last weekend for his son's birthday party. I was going to write a post on that because that was Baby M's first long distance trip. He was running a fever even then and didn't hold M for the fear of passing on his infection to her. Yesterday, he and his wife were going to the hospital for his checkup when they met an accident and his spleen ruptured. I don't know all the details of how it was diagnosed, but they came back home initially. Later they went back to the hospital and he was operated upon and his spleen removed. He is in the ICU and going to stay there till tomorrow. His BP is still on the low side - he lost a lot of blood. They took out 1.5 litres of blood from his stomach. They still don't know what caused the fever in the first place. More tests will be run once he is out of the ICU.

J rushed to New Jersey as soon as he learnt of all this. I wanted to go too but we decided against it because with M, I would probably be more of a burden than help. But I desparately want to be there. Tomorrow we will probably all go back (if J comes back tonight) and I can cook something to take with me so R, his wife, doesn't have to worry about that at least.

S wanted to know if she will miss camp and we said yes. She was a little disappointed but I explained to her that friends and family take precedence over everything else and he is definitely family. She understands.

Get well soon, S.

This is how its goin' folks

Thank you very much for your concerned comments to my last post. I will reply to each and every one of them - I promise. But first, here is the latest update on The Peanut's arrival plans.

I know I have already posted some of the following details, but just to give out complete details, I am adding them again. Please bear with me. It was well established in the last post that I CANNOT be brief.

Last month has been pretty hectic - at work as well as at home. Suffice it to say that we were very busy. And the blood sugar that I had been managing so well started getting out of hand every once in a while. So I swallowed my pride (yes, I have loads of it!) and went to my endocrinologist to ask him to put me on insulin. He had been DYING to do that - the only reason he didn't was that I had previously stood up to him and told him I WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY INSULIN AS LONG AS I FELT I WAS CONTROLLING MY BLOOD SUGAR LEVELS WELL and he can go take a long walk if he wants. So as soon as he got the chance, he started me on the lowest dose of insulin (4 units). Now I already told you I have tons of pride, didn't I? I wasn't going down that easy. So what I have been doing is still controlling my diet and take insulin ONLY IF my meal is going to have more carbs than the allowed 45 grams. And I am very happy to inform you that I have been able to control my blood sugar levels well with diet control and exercise (walking and riding my stationary bike) even on the days that I skipped the insulin shot. (Pssssssssst - Don't tell Dr. Siegel, OK?)

As I mentioned in the last post, all seemed to be going well despite the blood sugar monitoring, which I believe I was managing quite well. I was just praying that The Peanut would mind his/her momma's wishes and stay inside at least until June 6th. I desparately needed TWO weekdays off of work (June 1st was my last day at work). Well, what do you know? The Peanut didn't mind but momma dearest had to put in 24 hours of work on Tuesday, May 29th which sent her blood pressure high (150/105 ***GASP***) and worried her OB/GYN that she might be getting preeclampsia. So tests were done and it was decided that if the test results came back positive for preeclampsia, we will bring The Peanut into this world by Friday night (June 1st) or Saturday morning (June 2nd). Thankfully, test results were negative for preeclampsia (Hallelujiah!!) and the blood pressure went down as soon as the crisis at work was resolved and momma got some rest. So now the situation is this -

• Blood pressure under control - so no medications for that.
• No preeclampsia - so no worries.
• Blood sugar under control - pride intact.
• Office work - almost done. (Well yes, I am still winding up a few things - remotely)
• Hospital bag - packed.
• Baby clothes - washed and folded.
• Older sibling - excited.
• Dad - nervous.
• Mom - kicking back and relaxing, spending LOTS of time online.
• House - messy. But who cares?!
• Friends - recruited for help and waiting with bated breaths.
• C-Section - Scheduled for Thursday, June 7th but will be performed on Tuesday June 5th if possible.

So there! You have all the facts now.

Short update on what's going on

I am going to have trouble keeping this update short as A LOT has been going on. But I think I need to hit the sack if I want my blood pressure to behave tomorrow so I WILL have to keep it short.

Been busy at work - first interviewing, then training an intern to take over part of my responsibilities. Then there were three emergencies in the last 10 days or so. The last emergency that occurred on Tuesday (May 29th) had me working from 8 in the morning to 8 at night and then straight THROUGH the night. That resulted in a high blood pressure and the current health crisis. Now my doctor is testing me for pre-eclampsia and has said that he will deliver me immediately if the test results for pre-eclampsia are positive. That is not so terrible given the fact that I am past 37 weeks now and hence "full-term" AND that we are all eager to see the baby now. I was/am scheduled for a C-section on June 12th anyway. BUT - I need more time to get things ready for the baby!! I am keeping my fingers and toes (and eyes) crossed that the baby will give me at least until next wednesday or thursday so I can get everything ready AND enjoy a few days AWAY from work. Things do look good even if I say so myself (without any medical experience :P). My blood work for presence of liver enzymes, which would have indicated pre-eclampsia, came back negative and I don't have any other symptoms to indicate this condition. The 24 hour urine test will give a definite answer and I should get that answer by tomorrow morning, 11 am.

I have also been struggling to keep my blood sugar under check. I had to go in for the 3 hour glucose tolerance test and though the test came back negative for gestational diabetes, one number was high enough to concern my doctor who suggested I keep an eye on my blood glucose levels just to make sure I didn't develop GD later during the pregnancy. And sure enough, I have developed a border-line case! I was initially able to manage it well with diet control and exercise. Then it started getting a little difficult (which I was expecting) so now I am taking a minimum dose of insulin (4 units) before dinner. Just started about 5 days back. Some days, when I am sure that my dinner is going to be well within the acceptable range for carb content, I skip the insulin and am proud to say that it has been GOOD!! I am eating more greens than a rabbit ever could and that, combined with walks/riding my stationary bike after meals is helping in keeping the blood sugar under control too. I even got away with eating RICE!! and TOOR DAL!!!!!!! tonight - I just made sure I loaded up with salad and then did some mild exercise later on.

So all seems to be good so far. I plan on taking my laptop with me to the hospital and will hopefully be able to put up a little post when the baby comes. I can't wait!! But I am not ready yet... Does it even make sense???

Told you I couldn't keep it brief!!

Going it alone

Ever since we declared that we are expecting a baby, the one question that we get the most is "Who are you calling to come over and help you?" And then they are stunned to learn the answer - No one. Almost all desi families here do that. As soon as there is a baby on the way, one set of parents is recruited to come help them when the baby arrives. And I think that is a very good arrangement - if it works for you. That's a BIG if.

9 years ago, when I got pregnant with my daughter, I made the decision to stay with my husband and not go to my parents' place for the delivery, even though that was the tradition in our family. There were a lot of reasons .

1. I didn't want to stay away from my husband. I was still very much in love with him (still am :P) and cried every time I left him to go visit my parents for 2-3 weeks ONCE a year. How could I stay away from him for 2 or more months?? Also, he had just landed a job with a company that was going to train him and then send him to the USA. We had already decided that he will go alone at first, find a project, an apartment and buy a car and then call me and baby over. This would be the best approach because neither of us believed it was good to bring the baby to an uncertain environment until you had at least a job and a place to live. With this, it meant that I would be staying away from him for at least 4 more months. So, the idea of going to my parents' place was scrapped even before it occurred to my in-laws :D
2. My brother-in-law is a doctor and I thought I would be better off in Indore, in case some emergency arose since he would be around and all the doctors in his friend circle would be available too.
3. My dad has hyper-tension and is the kind of person who gets stressed out very easily. I knew it would be difficult for him to stay stress-free during my pregnancy, specially since I was determined not to pay any heed to the superstitious advices one usually gets during this time (eat a lot, don't exert yourself physically, don't eat this or eat that, don't go out etc.) In fact I specially confirmed with my OB/GYN if it was safe for me to drive a scooter and she said yes. I asked her how much weight I could safely pick up/carry and she said upto 10 kgs. So, to spare both of us the tension, I decided to have the delivery in Indore - at my in-laws' home.
4. I was running my own coaching institute at that time and there was no way I was going to close it down just for a pregnancy. I was due on November 9th and I decided to work until October 15th - which I did.

All this history to make a point. I made the decision to stay with my in-laws for the delivery. BIG MISTAKE! I regret that decision to this day. My pregnancy went smoothly but the delivery and post-partum care was another story. That harrowing experience (another post-worthy topic) left me severely depressed for more than 5 years, created a lot of stress in my marriage initially and has left me wary of asking for any help this time around too.

I could ask my parents to come help me. But I feel their help will be more useful when I go back to work. So my parents will come in the last week of August when I get ready to go back to work. They will stay for 3 months (or six - which ever works out for my mom as she is still working and it depends on how much leave she can get). That will help us keep the baby home, away from all potential infections one can catch at a daycare, for atleast 6 months.

So that leaves.... US! J, myself and S. And I am sure with a LOT of planning and some help from good-friends (which we have a lot of) we might just pull it off. It helps that the second time around one has a little bit of experience to help make things better. And we have one eager little helper in form of S too! Even getting through this pregnancy has required a lot of planning in itself what with my full-time job, S and her extra-curricular activities, the various problems I have faced through the months - High Blood Pressure, PUPP and now the constant Blood Sugar monitoring (I know I probably never mentioned the last two - a pregnancy update on these soon). And on top of that this was the year I decided to be more active with my daughter's school PTO (Parent Teacher Organization), the Technology Council at her school and Norwalk's PTO Council. Not to mention having NO house-hold help to clean or cook or do any other big and small chores around the house means MORE juggling and planning.

Our plan is that I will take off from work about 2 weeks before my scheduled C-section (June 12th), get some rest and get the whole place (the house, the nursery...) in order. Then, provided The Peanut doesn't decide to come early like his/her big sister, I will go in for my C-section on June 12th, stay in the hospital for 3 days and come back. J will take 2 weeks off from work to help me. After the first two weeks I should have recovered enough to take care of the baby during the day by myself. I'll sleep when the baby sleeps and all that good stuff. From experience I know it is difficult to do because when the baby sleeps, you have to take care of other stuff like cooking and cleaning. For that we are going to buy a freezer (soon!) and I am going to start cooking extra food and freezing it for those tough days. I am good at that - freezing food items! Manish, a friend of ours doesn't call me the "Freezer Queen" for nothing :D So the frozen meals will take care of J and S. And I will teach J how to cook Dal-Daliya and Khichdi for me. A friend has offered to send in some food to freeze for later too. I am accepting all help that comes my way. I am also planning to call in a cleaning service to come clean my house from top to bottom so when the baby arrives all we will need to do is maintain it (easier said than done though :P)

This time I plan on nursing. The last time I didn't lactate due to all the stress and S didn't latch on due to other factors so she was a formula fed baby even though I did try for TWO months. This time, I am going to put in ALL my energy into nursing the baby. For that I am planning to take help from another "source". We am going to rent a breast pump from the hospital and once we are sure that I am lactating properly, we will buy a pump (good ones are expensive - about 250 - 300 dollars a pop). Expressing and having some extra milk ready will ensure that even S or J can help me feed the baby when I am too tired or have some errands to run. That will also help me continue to nurse when I go back to work.

So this is the crude plan - I am still working the nitty-gritty details out but I think we CAN do it. If things get too out of hand, I plan on hiring a baby-sitter to come in for about 5-6 hours a day, 2-3 days a week, to help me with the baby so I can get some sleep and get some work done too. That should tide us over. I am pretty confident.

Now, all we need is to set up the Nursery AND FIND TWO BABY NAMES!! One for a boy and one for a girl. THAT is the biggest challenge for us right now.

In This Pregnancy...

Three things that I am GAINING - Butt, Belly and Boobs.
Three things I am losing - Sleep, Sanity and Sense of Humor.

Pregnancy Update!!

Last night I cried. Not big, heaving sobs, but a brief, quiet, tears-flowing-down-my-face kind of crying. I cried because I and my husband saw a "bump" on my abdomen for the first time in this pregnancy. And then "The Peanut" KICKED!!! I have been feeling movements for quite some time now, but this was the first kick that even my husband felt very clearly. I cried because before I got pregnant with IVF, I had given up hope on ever being able to feel that kick again. I had given up hope that I would ever experience the joys and discomforts of pregnancy again. That kick brought the realization that I AM pregnant. Almost into my third trimester now, actually. That there IS a baby inside me. Really. I keep forgetting that I am pregnant, what with all the running around I am doing all day long. Even though I am BIG! No - make that HUGE!! Each movement brings the same realization back - I AM PREGNANT!! I am not exaggerating. I really do get that sense of wonder with every movement.

I have hardly written anything about the pregnancy. Partly because I have been so busy and partly because it all still feels so surreal. Its like I am in a dream, nervous that as soon as I wake up, every thing will go back to "normal". One husband, one kid, one un-pregnant me.

I haven't even mentioned that we tried to find out the sex of the baby. But couldn't because the baby wouldn't co-operate. We have finally decided that the baby is a girl - because "she" so stubbornly refused to come out from under the placenta to help us find out. (That was the doctor's opinion!) So much so, that we had to schedule another ultra-sound because the doctor couldn't even get a good look at the heart, the brain and other organs which an 20 week ultra-sound is conducted for. By the next appointment, we had decided we didn't want to find out after all. But we are still sure the baby is a girl. Also because my daughter wants a baby sister. She says she is ready to share her room with the baby if it is a girl but if it turns out to be a boy, we will have to find another room for him :D So, a girl it is!!

The day before yesterday, I was very tired and uncomfortable because I had had this sore spot in my abdomen that made even normal breathing painful and ANY movement impossible. I guess The Peanut had found a comfortable spot against my ribs with her feet pushing against my abdomen wall and spent all day there. By evening, I was miserable. My daughter took one look at me and said "Come mommy, I'll take you to your 'personal relaxing place'!" She told me to close my eyes, took me by my hand and walked me to the office and sat me down in the chair in front of the computer. I thought she meant to say "Here, do what you like the most - play Spider Solitaire". But - NO. Then she turned the chair around, got me a stool to prop my feet up on and then proceeded to take my shoes off. After that, she started giving me a foot massage!! Then followed a hand/palm massage with her little fingers and then a neck massage. Then she rolled and rotated my neck gently to loosen up the stiff muscles and then made me stretch my arms out and did the same thing with them. In the end she massaged my scalp. THE WHOLE PERSONAL SPA TREATMENT!!!!!!!! From an 8 YEAR OLD!! I mean where DID she learn all that from?!! I was overcome with emotion. And I thanked God for my beautiful little daughter. Who takes care of her mother like a mother would.

THANK YOU AGAIN, GOD!

One more hurdle - Crossed!

We had been waiting for the First Trimester Screening results. I had the test done last week - it involves an ultra-sound and some blood work. It indicates the risk level that a woman has of delivering a baby with Down's syndrome or Edward's syndrome. For my age, the risk was 1 in 220. This test has a high rate of false positives. Our doctor suggested we go for amniocentesis which is a 100% accurate. We were very apprehansive about that because there is a slight risk of miscarriage associated with it. Then I found about Genetic ultrasound that is totally non-invasive and can predict with upto 99% accuracy, the chances of the baby being born with chromosomal defects. But now it seems none of that is necessary (and Boy! Am I giddy with relief while typing this!!) - my First Trimester Screening results came back with a risk of 1 in 3,420 for Down Syndrome and 1 in 7,001 for Edward's syndrome! That is around the level of risk that a 20 year old woman has of delivering a baby with chromosomal defects. So, now I am waiting to ask my doctor if I can officially declare that I am 20 years old! :-) A coworker mentioned how I was "glowing" and my hair seemed darker. My reply? "Of course, because I am just 20 years old!" You can tell I am enjoying this :P

Another coworker told me a blonde joke :

A blonde finds out she is pregnant and goes "Oh my God! I hope it is mine!!". I said without missing a beat "Oh, I sure hope this is mine since I had it with IVF!" What?? You don't find it funny? Come on!!!

Oh well...

My daughter told a friend of hers the BIG news. This is how the conversation went -

Daughter - My mom is pregnant!
Friend - No!
Daughter - Yes, she is!!
Friend - NO WAY!!
Daughter - YES Way! (This seems to be turning into a shouting match)
Friend - She can't be - you're 8!!

I still smile when I think of this.

I have just begun the 4th month and I have already been feeling this flutter in my lower abdomen. I wonder if it is gas. I like to think it is the baby's movement and don't you say otherwise becasue then you'd be messing with BIG TIME pregnancy hormones!