Who, me??

Itchy, Suki, Dottie and Sraikh have honored me with this award. I am speechless honestly, as I only write about mundane stuff (my kids, my life and sometimes my opinions) that I didn't think would interest anyone.

Itchy gave it to me along time back and then Suki and Dottie. And now very recently, Sraikh. The last one is so recent that Sraikh hasn't had a chance to even leave a comment on my blog to inform me :D (I came to know of it through Google link alert). I am extremely sorry ladies, for the delay in accepting it. It isn't that I don't appreciate this thoughtful gesture on your parts. I was busy preparing the acceptance speech but as it turns out, I forgot it once I got to the "stage" :P So, without further ado, I accept it most gratefully and (am supposed to) pass it on to seven others. Now it so happens that the very ladies who presented me this award are among the seven I would have chosen. So I was left with the task of finding four more.

Brilliant Weblog is a prize given to sites and blogs that are smart and brilliant both in their content and their design. The purpose of the prize is to promote as many blogs as possible in the blogsphere.

First, here are the rules:

1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back

2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog’

4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).

5. And then we pass it on!

Now for the seven bloggers who, I think, deserve this award (though I do think I am not brilliant enough to award them):

1. Anurag from DogJournals. He writes brilliantly. He was the person who goaded me into starting my own blog. Encouraged me with his comments on the most boring of my posts. And now has all but disappeared from the blogging world because he is very busy in real life. He has always been brilliant. Always. Was my first best buddy, and still is. The only person, apart from J, I go to when I am extremely depressed. My brilliant little brother.

2. Priya from PriyainSuburbia. Writes brilliantly. Presents her thoughts so coherently that I can never even dream of doing.

3. Roop from RoopScoop. Another brilliant writer and a gem of a person. Her passion for helping the disadvantaged I admire. And her strength amazes me.

4. Rohini from Mamasaysso. A career woman and a hot mama. Someone I hope to learn a lot from. Her poise in expressing her opinion, the clarity of thoughts and the fine balance between career and family life she maintains - I envy he for all that.

5. Lumi from Lumismusings. I have learnt a lot from her, and have a lot to learn still. She gives me clarity of thought when I am confused and provides sound and sane advice when I need it the most.

6. Grail from Just some Grail. She knows how to laugh - at herself AND the world - even when the tides are against her. Her boys are her life and she is the kind of mom I hope I'll become even if for just one day of my life. She inspires me with her optimism.

7. Kiran from Karmickids. She is the kind of mom I hope of becoming. Dedicated, determined and completely devoted to her son. She is the kind of woman I wish I could be - stylish, grounded, well-read, with a great sense of humor.

Am I really??

Catching a movie along with good food and fun friends often beats a wild night out. Why not enjoy a brisk ride in a horse carriage or a fine wine from a good year. You love life and don't feel the need to live it in fast forward. You are really hot because you're already so cool with your life.

Few more "Ninni-isms"

God, I'm getting old! I meant to record all that M has been doing these past few months and I forgot thes two "gems". One - she loves saying "mama". Not because I am her favorite, but becase while saying that, she can blow spit bubbles. So each "mama" comes out slowly and deliberately, with a spit bubble forming and getting bigger. And she does it in all seriousness - not a smile, not a twinge of merriment in her eyes. She gets so engrossed in it that just making a bigger, better bubble seems to be the next stop :) I don't remember when she started doing it - it has been at least 4 months.

And.....

I forgot the other one. AAAAARGH!! Is age really catching up on me? This swiss-cheese memory is driving me nuts! I forget things I was going to say mid-sentence. I am not kidding you! I am glad I don't forget the way to my home!

OH YESSSSSS!!!!! I remember now, what I wanted to record next. (See the NEED to put down these memories on this blog? I'd forget all of them by the next birthday otherwise)

You ask M - "OK??" and she nods her head, smiling. Sometimes, depending on her mood, she might even shake it in a "No", but mostly it is a nod. You don't have to precede the "OK" with a valid question. Just asking "OK?" in a concerned tone is enough to get her response.

And with this, my shabby memory brings up another forgotten incident. Last Sunday I had invited a few friends from work over for lunch. While I was busy cooking in the kitchen, S called out and asked me to come take a look. When I went into the living room, this sight greeted me - M, behind an end table that had a glass vase with some flowers in it, had pushed it out a few feet and was concentrating on pushing it further, maybe she wanted to take it to the next room. Really grunting with the effort. The only thing hindering her path? The darned wall! For a little while we had a little push-war. I, trying to push the table back in its place, and M trying to push it out. Our camera is on the blink and we haven't quite finalized which one we want to buy next, so unfortunately no pictures of that.

But, in the meanwhile, here are a few pics that one of the friends (who came over that day for lunch) took with his camera. Yenjoy!!

More to come....

Oh, and I forgot

That she LOVES trucks! The ride-on kind. So we got her one that can be converted into a wagon later. Its awaiting assembly. And there is this small car that belonged to S. M loves to play with it.

She has this cute way of sitting on the raised platform in front of our fireplace - she turns her back to it and then slowly backs into it until her legs touch the platform. Then gently, very lady-like, she lowers herself and them beams at us! And we have caught her trying to sit on other things in a similar fashion - a bottle of Vicks Vaporub, a shoe, a block from her set of blocks. Puts the item on floor, backs into it gingerly and sits down, trying to center her butt perfectly on the teeny item that she is trying to sit on. And the quiet determination with which she does this is hilarious to watch. Our camera is on the blink, so unfortunately, no pics for the moment.

She has discovered a light switch in our family room that she can play with if she climbs on the bed right next to the wall (big sis S helpfully showed her how). J spent one whole Sunday afternoon trying to get her to stay away from it. Then shut the door in frustration. Monday, I heard her giggling in the family room and heard a tick-tock sound. Went in to find she was at it again. I raised one eyebrow, wagged my finger and said "Uh-unh!!" and the little miss backed away! I tried that 4 or 5 more times with the switch playing AND other things and found, to my amusement, that my "Uh-unh" had an immediate effect on her. It stopped her in her tracks! Every time. So I told J when he came home. He tried it next. No result. (Giggle) I tried it - little miss made a fake sad face, cried a fake cry and backed away and then ran away "crying" :P We had fun just for the heck of it a few times more - M going at the switch, I going "Uh-unh" and she backing away with a fake cry and a fake sad face :) It seems to have slipped her mind. But if I know my determined little girl, she is just waiting for her chance!

First Year of M (And us, a family of 4)

She is walking faster, more confidently. She has a temper. She also has a sweet nature, if you can imagine it coexisting with a monstrous temper :D She is naughty, determined and she hasn't been the star of a post on this blog in a long time. She said "milt" clearly yesterday morning, when J placed her in the high chair and she saw her sippy cup of milk. Oh, that reminds me! She has been weaned from the bottle. Completely!!

And she throws really high-quality, best-value-for-money, ring-side-seat worthy, sooper-dooper-jumbo tantrums!! She threw one yesterday. Non-stop screeching, screaming, crying, not-eating, not-drinking-"milt", not-letting-go-of-sippy-cup ONE-FRIGGIN'-HOUR-LONG tantrum. What did I do? Didn't lose my temper for one. And I am mighty proud of it :) I am getting really good with not losing my temper with this one. Only thing that makes me feel guilty is that I did lose my temper with S for lesser/smaller things when she was little. I guess first children lose out in that respect. But they teach an invaluable lesson to their parents. Of tolerance, of tuning oneself out during a whine or a tantrum, of not whacking or not yelling or of not doing whatever the parent might be feeling guilty of doing to the older child. They are the best on-the-job training one can get :)

I have been told by my mom that my father used to whack me one every now and then. "MY father?" I asked incredulously when this information was passed on. I don't remember the whacking. But then my father wrote me a long email once telling me how he feels guilty that he used to occasionally smack me if I were being stubborn. (And for the record, I wouldn't blame him - I WAS that kind of stubborn :P) And he said by the time my younger brother came along, he had learnt to control his anger much better. He advised me to learn to control my temper with S or I would have to field the same guilt one day. He was so right! But on a separate note to my brother - you should be thankful to me buddy, that I "trained" pa!

Anyway, so getting back to the little monster. She turned one and I didn't write about it. She had a birthday party and I didn't write about it. She is being transitioned to the "Toddlers' room" at her daycare and... well, I am writing about it now :P Yesterday's tantrum was probably a result of the stress of being in a new environment and missing her favorite care providers.

Most days she wakes up and keeps playing in her crib on her own until one of us stirs. Not a peep out of her until then. As soon as one of us as much as lets out a slight cough, she is up, holding the crib's railing with one hand, and dragging her blanket up with another, calling out "eh?". And the calls become insistent if we pretend not to hear (which we do sometimes, the meanie parents that we are!) Only occasionally, if she is probably hungry or wants a diaper change RIGHT NOW, does she wake us up by crying. Of course, I know that Murphy's whatever law dictates that tomorrow she WILL wake up crying. So consider it already recorded here.

Her most favorite toy is a plastic kitchen clip inside a transparent plastic container, which she endlessly pulls out and puts back in. Sometimes I give her containers in different shapes, sizes and colors and that just triples the fun you know! Loves going to the dishwasher and smiling at her reflection in the shiny black surface. (Please note my subtle way of telling you that yes! I wipe and clean the dishwasher!!) Loves fruits of all kinds. Her daycare provider tells me that she can't cut up peaches fast enough for M to eat. She loves cherries, strawberries, papayas, mangoes, watermelons and bananas.

She is a social animal as has been demonstrated on many occasions at functions, parties and get-togethers. At her own birthday party, she ate lunch with one of her aunts, played with one of her cousins, went to everyone who would care to look in her direction, blissfully ate all the strawberries she could lay her hands on and didn't go to sleep until the last guest had departed with a cheerful "bye".

She has cut many, many teeth. I haven't counted, and I haven't "explored". And she didn't show many external "signs" of teething either. She'd be a little cranky and stop eating and we'd guess that she must be cutting a tooth.

She has been sick a lot of times during the last 14 months. Has had 5 or 6 ear infections, many stomach upsets, stomach upsets due to lactose intolerance, numerous coughs, colds, fevers and yes, one cut lip too. But all through it she has remained the (half) joy of our life (the other half being S), the laughter in our home (one half of the laughter, the other half being S'), the shine on our faces and the light in our hearts (again, half of each: S completes the other half).

Letter to a spectator

Dear "Uncleji",

You didn't say anything that day on the train, when I slapped that boy because he had been caressing me, touching me and lifting my skirt while I was sleeping. You even looked the other way when I slapped him and yelled at him. You pretended you hadn't heard me. You probably even smirked at me when I sat scared on my berth that he was going to come back with his friends and drag me off the train.

Probably you don't have a mother or a sister at home. Or even a daughter. Or, maybe you do, and you have trained them to keep quiet and not draw any attention to themselves. Maybe they don't even dress "that way" and hence don't go asking for trouble.

Kudos to you, uncleji, for doing such a great job!

Thank you for not speaking up for me that day. That taught me a few lessons. I learnt not to rely on people around me for help. I learnt to be extra careful while traveling on public transport. Most important of all, I learnt how not be.

Sincerely,

Cee

Note: This post is a participation entry for Blank Noise Spectators Special. Go ahead. Participate!

Let the records show...

That Ninni-The-Pooh is 1 year, 2 months and 3 days old today! Silly numbers! Silly mommy!! :D

Of respect in relationships

S and I are developing a routine where we go to the library every Monday. She is all showered and homeworked when I get home on Mondays. Then we have dinner and then head out to the library around 8. The library stays open late, until 9 pm, on Mondays. S gets two videos/dvds and a few books if she is done reading the current ones. I get a book, or not - depending on my mood and schedule.

Today while coming back from the library, we somehow started talking about relationships - as in boyfriends and husbands. S mentioned she hopes she'd find an Indian guy just like her daddy - who'd be as good a husband to her as her dad is to me (and that J is the best husband anyone could ever have is a fact). I grabbed that chance with both hands to talk to her about something I had been thinking of for a long time. Respect in a relationship. Specially, a husband's respect for his wife. Which, in my opinion, is more or less absent in many relationships I have seen around me. The husbands love their wives alright, care about them and for them too. But they don't hold respect for their wives' opinions on "serious" matters. Some, I have seen, don't even respect their wives - period. For them, respect flows from wife to husband, not the other way round. Sure, equal marriages are on the rise and I have many more friends who will jump in and say their marriage is an equal relationship. And I will agree with them. I am just talking about the relationships I have been observing at close quarters.

So, I got talking to S about respect in a relationship and how she should expect nothing less. This, I think, is what ALL parents need to teach their daughters. EXPECT respect from your partner. If you don't get it, the relationship isn't right for you. I also had this conversation with S because just today I and a few blogger friends were discussing why professionally competent women, beautiful women, successful women stay in abusive relationships. In my opinion it is directly related to their self-esteem and, in some cases, lack of support from parents. I want S to understand that no relationship is bigger than her self-esteem and happiness. That there is, and should always be, a way out from an abusive relationship. Sometimes I worry that she might end up in an abusive relationship. Abuse doesn't always have to be physical. It can be verbal and emotional too - and that is why I stressed on the "respect" aspect of a relationship. If your partner respects you, he/she will not abuse you in any way. That is my simplistic theory. And I hope S never has/needs to test it.

I have a cousin who is in an abusive marriage. Many family members agree on it - even though they probably wouldn't categorize it as "abusive". And that is not because it isn't so, but because the definition of an "abusive relationship" is very blurred and confusing. Coming back to the cousin - I asked her younger sister why she doesn't walk out on the marriage? Sister says because she wants to give her daughters stability and doesn't want to subject them to a broken home. Also, because she gets almost no support from her dad. Her dad, my uncle, tells her to "adjust". I feel there is only a certain limit to which a person can, and should, adjust. I also think this is the cruelest thing Indian parents (mostly) do to their daughters. Telling them to adjust. How can a person ignore what their daughter is going through and just issue a blanket dictate to "adjust"? My blood boils at it. Parents have the DUTY to cultivate enough self-confidence in their daughters so that they don't stay stuck in an abusive relationship. I, personally, wouldn't even depend on my parents to get me out of an abusive relationship (unless I needed their help in getting out safely). I would end a relationship the minute it started bordering on abuse. And go out and make a life for myself and my kids. Support from my parents would be welcome and appreciated but I wouldn't depend on it. I guess that kind of attitude depends on two factors - a person's temperament and their support system, namely parents and other close family members. If my parents brought me up in a traditional way, I might have had the same mind set. But then the same cousin's sister walked out of her home and declared she was going to report her in-laws to the police for abuse. She had been having issues at her in-law's place too. Just the declaration brought her in-laws (and husband) back to their senses and now she lives with them minus the issues. Real sisters, same parents, same (non-existent) support system. Two different outcomes. So, it really does depend on the person too. This is what I want S to understand. That she will have options. And she will have J's and my support.

I told J about this conversation when we got home (and after S had gone to bed). He agreed that he would encourage S to walk out of a relationship if it got abusive. That we will teach her to place her safety and peace of mind above everything else. I pray that S and M find partners who really love and respect them. Another thought springs into my mind with this sentence. At a recent party, a friend commented that she just hopes her sons (she has two) bring home Indian girls. She meant to say she isn't going to be particular about caste or religion. Another said she just hopes they bring home a girl (she has two sons too). She doesn't care about caste, religion OR nationality. My question is - what if your child comes home and tells you he/she is gay? Personally, I just hope that my daughters find a loving partner. Frankly I'll blow my top if one of my daughters told me she doesn't want to go to college but I won't blink an eye if she informed me that she is a lesbian. Really. I have given it serious thought and I know how I feel. Looking at all the unequal and/or unhappy marriages around me, all I want is for my daughters to find partners who truly care about them. Who would love them, respect them and be their support when I am gone.

And I hope somewhere, someone is teaching their sons (and daughters) about respecting their life-partner too.