This year we have much to be happy and thankful about. We actually try and find something every year to say thanks for - there is no other way for me. This year has been special in that it has been a combination of highs and lows - chemical pregnancy, new house, difficulty conceiving, house guests, difficulties at the job (yeah, I don't think I have written much about that) and then a few successes too (didn't write about that either), our daughter finally breaking free through the grips of Alopecia Areata....
And now there is even bigger reason for saying thanks - after trying for so long, after going through the highs and lows of drug induced depression, after countless number of shots and medicines and medical procedures....
... I am pregnant again!!!!
This cycle "took". We are still sitting with our fingers and toes (and eyes too, in case that helps) crossed, but I am beginning to be more hopeful. Today I am 10 weeks(!!) pregnant. We have started telling family and friends slowly. My initial reaction to this pregnancy was of disbelief. I had had NO symptoms (which, the nurses told me often is the case in IVF procedures - or maybe they were just trying to ease my nervousness) and was certain this cycle had failed too. Then I learnt that I was indeed pregnant. I still didn't want to believe it because I was afraid if I celebrated this one, it would turn into a chemical pregnancy too (can you say "Superstitious"??) My husband agreed. But then one day I realized I wanted to celebrate even if it turned out to be a short lived happiness. At least I would have been happy during those 6 (or 8 or whatever) weeks - I argued. A pregnancy attained with so much difficulty deserves to be celebrated no matter what the outcome. So we quietly celebrated, the two of us. We went out for dinner and a movie. And we said "congratulations" to each other and we hugged each other tight. We went to all the ultrasounds (4 in total) quietly, without announcing the fact. After the third ultra-sound at 8 weeks, when we heard the heartbeat, we decided to tell our immediate families. We told our daughter last Friday - November 17th, after I completed nine weeks and after we had seen the baby once more on ultra-sound. This Thanksgiving we have invited a few, very close friends and are going to tell them then. I already told my boss last week (I had to - I am showing already!). And we are planning to declare it to the rest of the world after the first trimester is over (around December 5th). Since I am already showing, they might have already figured it out by then! Of course, I am never going to be worry-free until I have my baby safe in my arms (and then I will start worrying about other things). I guess any kind of a failed pregnancy would do that to a woman. At least I won't be able to "relax" during this pregnancy - I will always be worrying.
So there. We have BIG reasons to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. And I want to take this opportunity to thank ALL OF YOU who came to my blog and left me good wishes, positive thoughts and encouragement for this cycle. I makes my eyes turn misty to think that all of you care so much. THANK YOU!!
I was discussing Thanksgiving with a colleague this morning and mentioned that I won't be cooking Turkey so cooking shouldn't take me long. Besides, we are having a pot-luck dinner with friends so none of us has to spend the whole day in the kitchen. She insisted that we had to have turkey (or something that resembles a turkey) for Thanksgiving, otherwise the holiday is "incomplete". That got me thinking - isn't it possible to celebrate Thanksgiving without having Turkey? After all, it is about giving thanks and it does not matter what kind of food you give your thanks over - does it? Maybe thats just me. We never celebrated Thanksgiving until two years ago. And even then I started celebrating it because I wanted to teach my daughter the concept of being thankful for what we have. On the other hand I have always believed that one can, and should, give thanks to the Almighty anyway, anytime and anywhere. It doesn't have to be over a feast. It can be while I am driving, or when I am cooking or even when I am taking a shower. All I have to do is think in my heart "Thankyou God, for such and such. I appreciate having it". That is all - isn't it?
