As one of you already knows and the rest of you must have guessed - the IVF cycle didn't work. I was disappointed but after struggling with infertility for more than 4 years, I am at a point where I go in with zero expectations. I have my defence mechanism firmly in place. I believe in "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst". No - I am not a pessimist. I am going in for another IVF cycle next month and I still believe it can work. I just need a safe distance from the raw emotions that the rigors of an IVF cycle can generate.
Well, we got that out of our way. Now on to the other things that have been going on.
The in-laws are here. So, as can be expected, life is HECTIC. Especially, since I want them (read MIL) to relax and have a vacation, I try not to leave a lot of work for her to do (apart from what she absolutely needs to do to keep her from going insane from the inactivity :P). Boy! Is that taking a toll on me or what!! I am perpetually tired and feel a "chronic bad mood" coming on. Well, this too shall pass.
My daughter's school reopened today. And this year... (*Drumroll please*) we remembered to take a camera, made sure the battery was charged and... (*more drumroll please*) REMEBERED TO TAKE SOME PICTURES TOO!!
A lot of things to say - so little time. Gotta go now - was working the 11 am to 7:30 pm shift today. t is 7:22 pm. I do NOT want to stay in this place a minute longer than it is absolutely required of me. So off I go! (YES. It takes me about 15 minutes to shut down my laptop, stuff it in my backpack, gather all my stuff, lock up my office, go down to the parking lot, get in my car, start it and drive away). Oops, I lost another minute there...
BYE!!
Finally you post! From what I know IVF cycles do take a few rounds sometimes. Nothing to worry. And I will send you my miserable recipe soon.
ReplyDeleteGood to see you back. And up and going. And don't lose heart (hope or whatever). We all know how difficult times can be. and we're all with you on this. So take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteMy in laws are here too! Coincidence or what? And yes I feel the exact same way. you seem to have read my mind and written what I would have. So elax and have a good time.
And take care :)
Am sorry if you've explained this earlier, but why don't you adopt a child. You have one of your own and can bring so much happiness to a child who has been abandoned, especially since you sound like a very happy family.
ReplyDeleteAnumita: Yeah - I knew IVF cycles take a couple of rounds. All the same, you secretly start hoping, you know... Thanks for dropping by. Keep coming :D Send me the recipe whenever you can - no rush.
ReplyDeleteM: Thanks. I am amazed how people who know me just through this blog care so much about what I am going through. Glad to know you have your in-laws visiting you too. I feel it is a very important way for my daughter to stay connected to the family. These visits give her an opportunity of being with them for an extended period of time and really get to know them. Also, being alone here, this is a good exercise in teaching her to live with others while respecting their space and making adjustments for them.
Anonymous: No I haven't been asked that question before. And that is probably why I cannot explain my feelings that well, but I'll try. I am certainly open to the idea of adoption. I would love to. I dreamt of doing that in my younger days (when I didn't know I would be fighting infertility, and was sure I will have atleast 2 kids and then adopt at least one) But I also want to experience being pregnant again. Once was just not enough. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but that is the main reason I am trying so hard to get pregnant instead of going the adoption route. Then there is another issue - my husband's parents are quite conservative and I don't know how they (or even my parents) would react to something like this. I know it is ultimately my husband's and mine decision to make, but the baby will have to interact with the rest of the family too and if there is even a slight possibility of some friction due to one being my biological child and the other not, then I'd rather go without another baby than to put him/her through that trauma. Also, adoption is a very emotionally exhausting process (from what I have heard) and I don't think I am emotionally prepared to go down that road yet.
Keep coming. Hope to get to know your name the next time :D (Wow! This could have been a post in itself!)
I understand the whats and whys. All the best. I hope you get what you need - one way or another. I will say a little prayer for you.
ReplyDeleteI suppose you want your own baby strongly enough to go through this so many times. I enjoyed being pregnant too, but am ok not doing it again.
ReplyDeleteWe have one daughter and adopted our second one. It was a decision my husband and I had taken when we had our first child. There was initially a lot of opposition from our parents and the whole process itself is very long. But we went ahead with it and got a baby girl two years ago. Eventually everyone in the family came around, including my husband's grandmother who had the strongest objections. Both my daughters are very close and I love seeing them together. Its a decision I have not regretted and am really glad we did this. I wanted to share this with you because it is a very real option and perhaps can spare some potential heartache in the whole IVF process.
Ri
Hang in there. I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again. I think I was too tense and uptight about my first pregnancy and I would like to have one that I enjoy now. Plus I had a c-section and I am quite keen to go through the process of a natural birth
ReplyDeletei m an atheist or would have prayed..
ReplyDeleteyou write over very delicate issues.. fear that i dont hurt anyone with comments.. but why to bother about issues that are beyond our control..
cheer up..
best of luck for this time
Dadoji: Thanks for the prayer. Means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteRi: I hope from my heart that one day I can really think about this option - even if I do have a baby of my own. Your story made me feel there is still hope even if IVF fails. Believe me - I would love to adopt. But really - our families' reaction is the biggest point to consider. We are talking RIGID values :(
Rohini: Exactly!! Not the natural birth part though - I had a C - section too. But that was in India and no doctor here in the US will agree to let me try a normal delivery unless they have full, detailed OT records showing exactly why I needed a C-section the first time. My OB/GYN told me so. I don't think I can get my hands on those records - though I will try when the time comes.
Manoj - Thanks for dropping by and taking the time out ot comment. And thanks for even the thought of prayer - even though you are an atheist (or maybe specially because you are one). Don't worry about hurting my feelings with your comments. As long as you use a civil language, you are welcome to even disagree with me :D The sane part of my brain agrees with you - why bother about issues that you cannot control? But then, sanity is overrated.