While you are at it, don't breathe too hard either

Don't spit. Don't visit your neighbors in pajamas and slippers. Queue up politely. And whatever you do, DO NOT WEAR WHITE SOCKS WITH BLACK LEATHER SHOES!!!

This is what Beijing residents have been told by their government in preparations for the Olympic games. Another advice is "there shouldn't be more than three color groups in your clothes". WTF???? So now visitors will be offended by extremely colorful clothes? And white socks with black leather shoes? How about they tell everyone to stick to only three color group flowers in their garden, and color co-ordinate the flowers with those of their neighbors while they are at it. Don't grow red flowers next to purple - the two colors don't go that well togehter, you know!

I understand the efforts to make a place more beautiful, advising people to be gracious and courteous but this?? Isn't it taking things a little too far? If someone wants to visit my home, they better come prepared for the colors I like to wear. They better get used to whatever eccentricities I might have - as long as they are not harmful to others or extremely rude. If I like to wear red socks with white trousers and black shoes, so be it. If I like to take a round of my garden in my pajamas and slippers, I will. What kind of visitors will take exception to such things anyway?

There is such a thing as making a place more inviting for visitors. Asking people to behave graciously and courteously can be considered as an effort in that direction. Telling them not to spit and establishing laws against that kind of behaviour will be welcome. Cleaning the streets will make the place more inviting and appealing. But asking residents to change their wardrobe? Is that practical or even necessary? There's hospitality. And then there's pure ridiculosity (Yes that is a word).

Silly Numbers - again

Mitthi Mouse is 9 years and 9 months old today

Accomplishment of the week

I have been working on teaching M this for a long time.

I ask her "Where's the drama queen?", take her hand and pat it on her chest saying "this, this, this".

Two days ago I did this a few times and then put her in the car seat to drop her off at the daycare. While strapping her in I asked her "Where's the drama queen?" and she obliged by patting herself and giving me a big grin.

And once I asked her "You are the drama queen, yes?". She nodded with a big smile. I wish I had a video of the moment.

Last week (or maybe the week before that), Ms. Gina, her care provider at the daycare wrote this in her daily update that we get from the daycare - "... She is truly the queen of the room now." So we are in agreement - doesn't matter that they didn't write the word "drama". They sure think so!

Long overdue book tag

Amuser tagged me a LONG time ago to:

Pick up the nearest book.

Open to page 123.Find the fifth sentence.

Post the next three sentences.

Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged you .

I have been reading the Cisco Exam Certification Guide. I thought I'd share the pain with you. These are the three sentences after the fifth sentence on page 123-

For example, consider 130.4.102.1, with mask 255.255.255.0. Because the third octet of the mask is not a 0 or 255, the third octet is where the interesting part of the shortcut takes place. You create a subnet chart, fill in the address and mask, and draw a box around the third octet as shown in Table 4-26.

There are many more such painful sentences in this book. In fact, the whole book is full of them! Truthfully though, this is my favorite chapter in the whole book. I love binary math. I love subnetting exercises. Because I know I can score a 100% in them. I wish the whole exam was based on just IP addressing and subnetting and route summarization :D But I wouldn't have missed NAT or PAT or Frame Relay and ISDN. Specially the latter two. The thing is, I can remember anything indefinitely once I do it. Just reading theory and memorizing is not my strength. That is why I never liked social sciences or literature. I am a "hands-on" gal. And I would definitely like to get my hands on the person who developed the concept of certification exams!

I am not tagging anyone as I am probably the last person doing this tag.

Life's little intricacies - User Manual 1

How to irritate

How to irritate a pre-teen
1. Start or end each sentence with "...(but) you know Pappu naach nai sakta. Bechara..."
2. Start saying it as soon as you pick the said pre-teen up from camp and keep saying it for 3 more hours.
3. When the said pre-teen comes and repeats the same thing to you, say "I know. Bechara Pappu!!" completely ruining the effect of her delivery.

How to irritate a toddler
1. Start weaning her from the bottle.
2. Run after her screaming "pakdo, pakdo, pakdo...".
3. Works especially well if she is tired or hungry.

How to irritate a tired husband
1. Irritate the pre-teen and the toddler, then disappear into the bathroom for half an hour, leaving him to deal with the irritated duo.


**EVIL CACKLE**

What's a few barbs between friends, right?

OK, now I feel like a top order meanie for ranting about my friend's comment regarding my weight :(

I received a reply from her today -

Oops! Look like maine Cee ma’m ka dil dukha diya! Since I saw your picture after M and u were looking terrific the way u used to look in college, I forgot about impact of IVFs,etc. But you are right. Hairs could be a big reason. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve succeeded to reduce my 4 month pregnant tummy to 2 months. I’m working on it to bring it back to size before I had kids but itne samay me jo boya hai usko katne me mahanat+time dono lagta hai. Response is very slow par I’ll keep trying. Umeed par hi to duniya tiki hai!!!!(Wah.Wah!!). My god this juggling is painful. Looks like entire life will go like this. Chalo have some energy and do your best.

This is what I wrote in reply -

Ah! Frankly? I did feel a little bad that you assumed I am doing nothing about my weight. And yes, the IVF was a real bi**h. Went through a whole lot to get this bundle of joy :P I am scared sh**less of needles. And I had to poke myself FOUR times each day for two-three weeks for each IVF cycle. The first time I did it, I broke down and cried - I was so scared :( I developed all sorts of health problems due to the medication too - PUPP, high blood pressure, depression etc. due to all the progesterone and estrogen etc. I am glad the second cycle was successful because I had made the decision to stop the treatment if the second cycle failed.

I have joined a fitness boot camp that has classes three days a week from 5:30 - 6:30 am. And I have replaced one meal with a HUGE salad :P Since I hate salads (for meals, not as side dishes) with all my might, that is something I am immensely proud of :)

I am at a point where I am not happy with my weight but not ashamed of it either. I don't suck in my belly before walking into a room full of people. It is what it is and I know I am working on it. J is a sweetheart and a huge help. He encourages without pressurizing - and that is what works for me. If he had pressurized me, one of us would be dead :D

I am growing my hair so I can donate it to an organization that makes wigs for kids who lose their hair to different medical conditions. For that I need to grow it to about 14 inches. It is about 6 inches long right now. So I have quite a bit of torture in store for me. If you remember, I hate long hair (on me). This idea came because S had lost almost all her hair to Alopecia Areata, but regained it luckily with homeopathy treatment. This is my way of saying thanks for the regained hair.

I am sorry for the "what's your excuse" barb. I know we have such a big struggle ahead of us - all the juggling between work and home and husbands and kids and then we are supposed to keep ourselves healthy too? Can't that come as a reward or something for doing so much?

So that is where we stand now. She is a college time friend and a really good one at that. Maybe I should have shown more understanding and patience? I am confused - I do think I am entitled to these frustrated feelings and I am also a bit ashamed for the knee-jerk reaction. OK - maybe I will find something else to jerk my knee about :) I read this article at Babble.....

Facing my demons

I recently started haunting visiting this site after reading a few articles linked by other bloggers. I liked what I read so I visit this site more often now. Today I read this and it just called out to me. I felt this urge to blog about it and that is strange because it is the most difficult topic for me to discuss at the moment.

I have mentioned my struggles with my weight a few times here. I can no longer take jokes about my weight lightly and get upset at J if he cracks jokes about it. Earlier, when I didn't have a "real" weight problem, it didn't bother me if someone made fun of how "the earth shook when I walked" or how "all oranges in Nagpur fell down from the trees because I jumped down from the train on to the platform in Indore". Yes, now I realize that these jokes were in bad taste even then, but they didn't bother me this much back then. Because I knew they were jokes, not facts.

Recently a friend wrote an email to me after seeing pictures of M's first birthday party. After the first few customary sentences about how pretty the girls were and how nice the house looked, she dropped the bomb. "You have really blown up", she said. She said she knows it is not that easy but I "should make some efforts to get back to normal". It really got my goat. First of all, she doesn't know that I put on a whopping 20+ pounds due to IVF alone. Second, she assumed I am doing nothing about it. And third, she implies I am not "normal" right now. She even had the gall to mention that even though she is not exactly slim and trim "par kahne me kya jaata hai?". Means because she is a bit lighter than me, she can give me any advice? Without going into the details of how and why? I don't know what a correct way of broaching this subject with a friend would be. Or IF there is one. But she could have politely enquired before offering advice.

I wrote back to her saying "As for blowing up, I have had multiple IUIs, two IVFs and a baby in the last two years. What is your excuse?". I think it might hurt her feelings. I hope it does. I am tired of being polite to insensitive people. Of explaining why I didn't breastfeed, why I went in for IVF, why I tried so hard for a second baby, why I couldn't have a normal delivery, why - even though I am obviously so fat - couldn't I breastfeed my daughter (this was back when I had S).... I am tired. And now I don't care if my answer hurts you or leaves you dissatisfied or dumbfounded. You know what? None of your effing business!

So this article that I have linked to, talks about how we pass on our weight issues to our kids. It is true. Not only about weight issues, but also about other health issues. A friend, whose husband is severely diabetic, watches her sons' diets closely - more closely than necessary. They are active, healthy kids. But only she can understand the terror she must have felt when her husband was first diagnosed with diabetes during her first pregnancy. So yes - the health issues that we face do affect how we deal with them in front of, or in context of, our children.

Recently, during the "confession bouts" that S was suffering from, she admitted that she feels embarrassed about my weight. Ashamed is a more correct word. I can't explain how that hit me in the gut. I could hardly speak. I couldn't even be upset at her. I didn't want to saddle her with my sob stories about the IVF and the stress and other things. But I wanted her to understand I was not sitting on my hands, doing nothing about my weight. I wanted her to understand that there is a healthy way to lose weight and an unhealthy way too. I wanted to get it across to her that no matter what weight I was at, I was still the same person inside. How do I get all this across to a 9 year old who was already hugely guilt ridden about this sentiment of hers? I didn't. I do intend to bring it up in conversations every now and then. I have already started doing so.

I have to admit I have, on more than one occasion, wondered about taking the easy route to losing weight - eat what I want and then chuck it all out in the bathroom. Believe me, at my weight, when I am worrying about diabetes, heart disease, cancer and early death, this thought is very easy to come across. And very tempting. But thankfully, MY mom drummed more sense into me regarding this than most moms in her times did. Thanks to her, I have understood from an early age, how important it is to get proper nutrition and to lose weight by exercising and not by starving. I remember the many conversations she had with me over this topic. Never judging or dictating - just listing facts, explaining concepts. I hope to pass on the same knowledge to my daughter. I just hope that I can make as lasting an impression on her as my mom did on me.

One thing is for sure - even though I am not happy with the weight I am at, I am not ashamed of it. For the first time in my life, I have stopped sucking in my belly before walking into a room full of people. I know I am making efforts. I know how tough it is to fit in exercise - specially with the kind of routine and lives we have. But I know I am doing something. I have even made peace with the fact that I might develop diabetes if I don't lose weight in time. You know what? If that happens, unfortunate as it might be, I will deal with it. I will manage it. In the meantime, I am making healthy efforts and am sure I will get there someday.

These days I worry about our upcoming (planned) trip to India. I try to imagine what different frinds and relatives will say to me about my weight. I am dreading our trip for that reason. I am preparing "comebacks". I know it will be mentioned how J and his brother don't ever get "fat" while the two DILs have piled on kilos. I had relatives asking me during my pregnancy how "fat" I'd become. Not "how much weight I'd put on" (not that THAT was any of their business either) but how FAT I had become. I have friends asking me "how much do you weigh now?" when we call them to wish them a happy diwali/holi/birthday/whatever. I really don't understand this excessive obsession Indians have with other people's weight. Here, every time I mention my frustration regarding my weight, my American colleagues reassure me that I will get to a healthy weight in time and not to lose sight of the fact that I did just deliver a baby. I wonder why no one in my family or friend circle realilzes that? I could use a little more support.

Well, I do have support. J fully supports and encourages me. He provides encouragement, not pressure. I am lucky to have that. Some women don't even have that. I have seen men pushing their wives to diet or berate them for their weight. Not J. I don't think I could deal with that. I think God gives us only what we can deal with. In my case I got a husband who understands and respects me. God knows I wouldn't have tolerated a man who didn't.

Update on Tough times never last

So, after having sufficiently freaked out people with my previous post, with what S said and what my job situation looks like, I decided to take a break from blogging. Well, not "decided" as such - a break was forced upon me. By circumstances and my busy schedule.

Anyhoo. I decided I owed all the wonderful people, who left me comments and who called/emailed me after reading the previous post, an update.

S is not grounded any more. After reading Vinita and Dotthought's comments, I forwarded them to my husband and we decided to go with Vinita's suggestion and imposed a "30 minute violin practice" consequence on her. Anon's (n!) comment also helped me put things in perspective from S' side. So the practice requirement was not conveyed as a punishment but more as the consequence she needed to face for her action, along with lots of reassurances that we were/are not upset with her. And I am taking a day off on Monday to spend with her as per Desigirl's suggestion. Will take her out to the movies and lunch.

S and I have been writing in the journal (almost) regularly. Both of us look forward for the other to write in it. I even catch myself thinking of something from my childhood to put in there. She is getting an idea that all kids behave the way she did sometime or the other. I have explained to her that the most important part is what you do after you realize you made a mistake. If, after making a mistake, you keep repeating it, you are no better off than when you made the mistake the first time. But if you rectify your mistake and make sure not to repeat it, you have learned something from it. She still sometimes tells me she feels bad about it and every time I remind her "It happened, it is in the past, done and over with". I think that kind of reassures her.

As for "feel like killing myself" bit - a huge reassurance came to me from my mother in the form of an email. She wrote this -

I came to know about Mitthi's disappointment through your blog. Seems that she is going through some hormonal changes which are responsible for such feelings .Its a transitory phase and will be over soon ,but she needs special attention from both of you at present which you are providing without any dearth.I remember when you were the same age once in the night when i was lying besides you and talking to you affectionately you suddenly told me "mummy some times i feel like jumping in front of a car when i go to school '.And how worried i felt inside need not mention. But instantly i caressed you ,and made you realize that this act of your will shatter me and if you feel like this again pl. think of your ma and pa who won't and can't live without you .And after that i kept a secret watch on you and expressed my love and concern frequently.Afterwards you never uttered or felt like doing it again. This is an experience of a mother who so strongly loves her kids !Your careful handling of the situation will definitely lessen Mitthi's tensions .

So peeps, it runs in the family! The girls in this family are over-dramatic and will go to any lengths to get their parents' attention :D