How to confuse the heck out of your parents

M: Mommy, do you know what is the smallest number?
Me: No. What?
M: 1!
Me: How about 0? Isn't zero the smallest number? ( Did not want to confuse her with negative numbers)
M: No!
Me: Think about it. If you have 1 chocolate and I have 0, who has more chocolates?
M: (Thinks for a moment) Didi!!
Me: (not giving up) If you have one chocolate and didi has zero, who would have more chocolates?
M: (thinking harder) Daddy!
Me: How so?
M: I would want daddy to have 20 chocolates because then I can have all his chocolates!

Who can refute that logic??!

Au Revoir

We’ve known each other for a long time. You and I, we met in 1999 for the first time. We kind of broke up a number of times, when I tried other relationships, but we always got back together each time. Every time I went out with someone else, I found out that there was no one, NO ONE, who I could depend on or whom I could trust as much as I did you. And then, around 2003-04 we drifted away from each other and I thought we’d never see each other again but then life brought us back together and we hooked up again in 2007. Our relationship has been going strong since then.

We've met every day, multiple times a day. You have always taken care of things for me, you are dependable, and you’re someone I can trust. Someone I can trust to take care of my life’s messes. In all this time I’ve known you, you have changed quite a bit. You have changed yourself a lot for me. And I appreciate that. In every form you have been equally reliable and dependable.

But honey, I am really sorry – our relationship must come to an end now. It’s time we said au revoir to each other. It’s time we went our separate ways. I’m sure you’ll find someone else, whom you could protect and take care of like you have always done for me. Maybe you will help them as much as you have helped me. I will always remember you, I will miss you. But honey I don’t think we can be together anymore because, you see, I have outgrown our relationship. M is completely toilet trained now.

My dear Pampers, as much as I love you, I don’t think I need you anymore. I wish you all the best and I take with me, in my heart, the fond memories that we have had together, of the times when you cleaned up the messes. Or held them in!

Love ya.

Yours lovingly,

Cee

Demand and supply

Me: M, how much do you love me?
M: (with wide eyes and a BIG smile) 20 million!!
Me: Really?? Then you have to give me 20 million kisses RIGHT NOW!!
M: You know what? Today I love you only one million.
Runs away.

The day mommy was left speechless

M: Mommy, why do we have fingers?

Me: To grab things, to tickle someone.

M: Why do we have hands?

Me: To garb things, to grab mommies and daddies and big sisters.

M: Why do we have arms?

Me: To hug mommies, daddies and sisters.

M: And brothers?
Me: Yes. And grandparents and friends.

M: And BOYS!

Me: ................................

Now, some funny/cute Hindi-speak

because it comes from the mouth of children who are growing up in an American environment speaking a language (English) that does not have many sounds that Hindi does. Since kids learn languages better at a younger age, it is a good idea to expose them to as many languages as possible (on a regular basis for them to be able to pick up the languages). But that also brings a drawback with it. Kids can learn the language but (I believe) they pick up the accent that they primarily hear.

For example, S and M both speak and understand Hindi but their exposure to spoken English is far more than that to spoken Hindi (8+ hours at school/daycare vs. 4-5 at home) Plus, once your ears become attuned to the sounds of one language you start "speaking" other languages in that language. At least that is what S does. So she has a hard time pronouncing Hindi words that have the composite sounds containing the "hh/th/gh" etc. sounds in them. Like "haathi" (elephant - हाथी ) becomes हाती. (haati)  घर (Ghar = house) is pronounced as गर (Gar = no meaning).

She also has problem saying the "ड़" sound which cannot be compared to ANY sound in English. So she pronounces that as "र" ("r"). "पापर" (पापड़), "दौर" (दौड़) and "बरा" (बड़ा) is how she says the words containing this sound. I have been trying to train her to say these words properly by having her repeat this sounds in rapid succession like "ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़" and she does say it correctly when I have her do this. But when it comes to speaking fluently, she reverts to the "English-y" accent.

I don't fret about this too much because I think she is doing great - at least she doesn't feel ashamed in speaking her mother tongue - unlike some kids I have seen in our friend circle.

Then there are some words that S mispronounced by replacing letters which resulted in some funny mistakes. I loved those and keep reminding her of those mistakes just to keep those memories alive. She once asked me if I could make some "मकोड़े" (Makodey = ants) for snacks when she actually wanted to eat "पकोड़े"  (Pakodey = a savory snack made by dipping assorted vegetables in a chickpea flour batter and deepfried) :D Once she complained that I make too much "कुत्तपम" (Kuttapam = not a word really but "kutta" means "dog" in Hindi). She was actually complaining about "उत्तपम" (Uttapam) :)

There are many other words that S mispronounces and to my ears they sound cute and funny and sweet - because she is at least making an effort. (I am looking forward to similarly hilarious times with M :D)

How the tables were turned

I had been "training" M for two things since a long time. That training completed a couple of months ago when M finally learned to answer two questions:

Q: Who is the Drama Queen?
A: (patting herself) Ninni daama qeen!!

Q: Who is the boss?
A: Mamma bossh!!

I showed off a few times in front of friends by asking her these questions and having her answer them "correctly". Of course, J and S could not tolerate my success so they started a campaign of their own. They taught M to answer these questions as follows:

Q: Who is the Drama Queen?
A: Mamma daama qeen!!

Q: Who is the boss?
A: (patting herself) Ninni bossh!!

This generated much laughter and whooping around the house. Then I managed to turn the tables on them. It went this way:

J: Ninni, who is the drama queen?
Ninni: Mamma daama qeen!

Mamma: No, MY daama qeen!!
Ninni: No, MY daama qeen Ninni!!

J: No, no. Ninni who is the dramam queen? Say "Mamma"!
Mamma: No, MY drama queen!!

Ninni: NO, MY DAAMA QEEN NINNI! MAMMA BOSSH!!

Goes to show who really is the boss ;)

With friends like this...

I got the much needed haircut this past weekend (yay!!!) I go all the way to New Jersey to get the darned haircut. I told GND my plans for the weekend in an email exchange on Friday. She asked me not to tell her if I decide to eat at Khaasiyat or Saravana Bhavan while I am in NJ. I did eat at Saravana Bhavan. Idli, Dosa and yummy Philter Kaapi. Well, since I am such a considerate friend, I won't tell her. 

I'll blog about it here instead.

And leave her a link.

Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!

Que Sera Sera, what will be will be.

She wasn't the svelte nymphet anymore. Turned out more "headstrong" than he ever imagined.

 

She’d had her dreams of finding another family shattered too, and how! Overcame the bitterness with great difficulty.

 

They fought bitterly, made up tenderly - even after so many years. They’d faced losses and celebrated triumphs. Together.

 

The Gods weren't sniggering anymore.

The future's not ours to see: 55 word fiction

She looked up at him adoringly as he tied on the Mangalsutra. She felt blessed to be marrying into such a loving family. She wasn't losing her family, she was gaining another one. She couldn't believe her luck.

The Gods above sniggered. She was in for a surprise too! This was just too much fun!

Whatever will be, will be: 55 word fiction

He looked at her fondly as he leaned forward and tied the mangalsutra around her neck. Such a charming, loving and lovely partner. She would fit right into his family. He beamed proudly at his fine choice of a girl. She smiled back.

 

The Gods above sniggered. Boy, was he in for a BIG surprise!!

The romance is not dead. Yet.

Not when he sneaks off to buy Valentine's day cards for the girls in his life. He only got caught because he bought the cards at a store he has never been to before, so the credit card company flagged the transaction and called in the evening to confirm it wasn't a fraudulent charge. As luck would have it, "she" took the call :)

Not when she slinks off to buy cards under the guise of getting candy for the older daughter to distribute among her classmates on V-day. And gets caught coming in the home with the bag of cards.

Not when they "hide" the bags in front of each other, secure in the knowledge that the other won't peek.

Not when they still enjoy these simple, silly little things in each other's company.

No romance, and more importantly LOVE, is not dead.

Yet. :P

It's been, what? 18 years? They celebrated V-day for the first time in 1991. When they were the best friends. Then came love. And roses. And cards. Then marriage. And kids. They haven't stopped. Don't plan on stopping.

Happy Valentine's day everyone!!

The Random Me!

I just did this someplace else and thought I should put it up on my blog as well. I have fun doing it! Here I share 25 random facts about me.

1. I love driving.

2. and cooking.

3. I am a "green thumb" wannabe. I grow many vegetables each year, kill a few plants and learn something in the process. One day I WILL keep a plant alive for more than 2 months. Just wait and see!!

4. I detest "brat-enabler" parents. If your child is a brat, I don't blame him/her. I blame YOU. You are a "non-parent" in my books. Don't say "What can I do? He/she doesn't listen to me." Do your job!!

5. I also detest parents who constantly berate their kids. Even if the kid is a brat. There are better ways of disciplining, you know!

6. I am still undecided about life after death. I would LIKE to believe there is life after death but I would like to reserve my decision/comments until after I have tested it.

7. Sometimes I can be butt-lazy.

8. I actually LIKE working out of home. But don't mind staying at home either, like I am doing these days.

9. I admire people who can be assertive for their rights. Me? I am a doormat! The kind that also has foot scrubbers for you to srub your feet on and leave all the gunk behind.

10. I love arguments of any sort. But I argue only on subjects that I know and am confident about. Which means I don't argue much. He he!

11. I would like to get completely drunk once.

12. I think the bravest thing I have ever done is to go through infertility treatment, considering I am scared (to death!!!) of needles.

13. From 12 it follows that I would make a lousy junkie.

14. I can tune out a toddler screeching at the top of her lungs. Doesn't affect me. After a while I can even pretend I am on a Hawaiian beach with waves crashing at my feet :P

15. Nothing grosses me out except vomit. Guess who cleans up throw-ups in our house? :P

16. I am a big fan of CSI - the original one.

17. I HATE almost all the actors in CSI: Miami but still watch it for the mysteries.

18. I can squint with both my eyes. That is LLTT for you!

19. I can scratch my own back. Any point.

20. I have never been able to make a decent dosa or idli batter in my life! Am still trying!

21. Number 20 follows from the fact that I am a die-hard optimist.

22. I have the ability to find at least one good quality in every person I meet. In even the people I don't like.

23. I hate talking on the phone.

24. I love gadgets of any kind. I don't necessarily want to own all of them. But I love "playing" with them.

25. I don't like talking about myself much. You can tell, no? ;)

A mom’s attempt at meditation

My cousin told me meditation works wonders for bringing your blood pressure to normal. I am game for anything non-medicinal that doesn’t require me to huff and puff. The procedure is quite simple, she said. She told me to close my eyes, breathe slowly and focus on just the breathing – in and out, in and out…

So I decide to try it one day. I settle down, in a dining chair. Do I HAVE to sit with my legs crossed? Oh pshaw!! Let’s not harp on ceremonies, shall we?! OK, then I close my eyes, pinch the thumb and index finger of both hands together and start breathing slowly.

In… out… in… out.. hey! I think I can do this! in.... out… in… out… in… out… where is ninni? In… out… I don’t hear her which means she is upto some mischief… in… out… FOCUS Cee!! In… out… in… is she in the guest bedroom?? What if she is digging the diaper rash ointment out of its container?... ouuuuuuuutttt… innnnnnn… ouuuuuuuutttt… innnnnnnn… ouuuuuuu… oh, she is in the family room, which means she is probably only playing with the books there. That’s ok!… uuuutt… innnnn…. ouuuuuuuutttttt… innnnnnn… ouuuuuuu…… oh she is pulling my hand. What does she need now?...uuuttttt…. innnnn…. Hang on a minute baby!...nnnnnn….. ouuuuu…. Should I stop now? … uuuuttttt…. innnnnn… ouuuuuuuuuutttt innnnnnnnn ouuuuuuuuuuttt… I guess that is enough for today innnnnnnn… ouuuuuuuttttttt

WHEW!!! I feel great already!!

Let the records show...

That Ninni-The-Pooh is 1 year, 2 months and 3 days old today! Silly numbers! Silly mommy!! :D

Silly Numbers - again

Mitthi Mouse is 9 years and 9 months old today

Long overdue book tag

Amuser tagged me a LONG time ago to:

Pick up the nearest book.

Open to page 123.Find the fifth sentence.

Post the next three sentences.

Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged you .

I have been reading the Cisco Exam Certification Guide. I thought I'd share the pain with you. These are the three sentences after the fifth sentence on page 123-

For example, consider 130.4.102.1, with mask 255.255.255.0. Because the third octet of the mask is not a 0 or 255, the third octet is where the interesting part of the shortcut takes place. You create a subnet chart, fill in the address and mask, and draw a box around the third octet as shown in Table 4-26.

There are many more such painful sentences in this book. In fact, the whole book is full of them! Truthfully though, this is my favorite chapter in the whole book. I love binary math. I love subnetting exercises. Because I know I can score a 100% in them. I wish the whole exam was based on just IP addressing and subnetting and route summarization :D But I wouldn't have missed NAT or PAT or Frame Relay and ISDN. Specially the latter two. The thing is, I can remember anything indefinitely once I do it. Just reading theory and memorizing is not my strength. That is why I never liked social sciences or literature. I am a "hands-on" gal. And I would definitely like to get my hands on the person who developed the concept of certification exams!

I am not tagging anyone as I am probably the last person doing this tag.

Life's little intricacies - User Manual 1

How to irritate

How to irritate a pre-teen
1. Start or end each sentence with "...(but) you know Pappu naach nai sakta. Bechara..."
2. Start saying it as soon as you pick the said pre-teen up from camp and keep saying it for 3 more hours.
3. When the said pre-teen comes and repeats the same thing to you, say "I know. Bechara Pappu!!" completely ruining the effect of her delivery.

How to irritate a toddler
1. Start weaning her from the bottle.
2. Run after her screaming "pakdo, pakdo, pakdo...".
3. Works especially well if she is tired or hungry.

How to irritate a tired husband
1. Irritate the pre-teen and the toddler, then disappear into the bathroom for half an hour, leaving him to deal with the irritated duo.


**EVIL CACKLE**

**Insert evil laughter here**

S participated in an Olympic Torch Run held by her school yesterday. A very impressive event that I am planning a separate post on. Towards the end of the event, when all the kids were assembled in the field, she stumbled and fell, and sprained her foot. All evening yesterday was spent by mom and dad providing TLC to her and her foot. Cold compresses, followed by hot compresses, anti-inflammatory ointment massages.... We were hoping she'd be better by morning which turned out not to be the case. She went limping to the school. I hardened my heart and let her ride the bus, because I had a nagging suspicion that she was limping more for the effect than because of the hurt (Yeah - MBO. Meanie of the Biggest Order - that's me!).

I did leave a message for her classteacher that she be excused from lap running that they normally are required to do for their health class. I received a call from her a little while ago that I unfortunately missed. She left me a garbled (read whiny) message saying I should talk to Mrs. M and explain something (didn't quite understand what) to her. I sort of panicked thinking Mrs. M was probably trying to get her to run laps because she hadn't checked the voicemail I left her. So I called the school and left my cell phone number requesting to be called back. Mrs. M called and wanted to know what exactly could S do without aggravating her injury. Like jungle gym, swings, running on the field, playing four corners - what? I said nothing - I would rather she sit on a bench and not tax her foot.

Now here is where the evil laughter comes in. I called J right after this and told him about this incident. Then we got to talking about the possibility that S might get mad at not being able to play because, just maybe, she exaggerated the limp to get out of running laps :) I mean she might have thought that she'd get out of running laps but still get to have fun on the swings and the monkey bars. I know how a 9 year old's mind works. And we agreed that if her foot is really hurting then she needs to sit out of all activities. And if it is not really hurting then she REALLY needs to sit out of all the fun to learn that you can't always have your cake and eat it too.

Wot say?

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

निन्नी देवी की आरती

I sing this "aarti" while feeding Ninni, using a spoon full of food as the "aarti thali":D

Sung to the tune of "Om Jai Jagdish Hare".

ॐ जय निन्नी माता, मैय्या जय निन्नी माता
तुम को निस दिन पूजत, तुम को निस दिन पूजत
दीदी, पिता और माता
ॐ जय निन्नी माता

आलू, मटर व ढोकला सब कुछ है बनाया
मैय्या सब कुछ है बनाया
तुम को वही है खाना - 2
जो तुम्हें है भाता
ॐ जय निन्नी माता

Yup, we are a religious lot!

Got this in an email forward today

And since I don't like to spam people on my email list, I decided to spam the readers of this blog instead :)

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

All hail wine!! I'll go fill up my glass again. Hic!