Here now. Gone forever...

On September 22, in Mumbai, a member of our off-shore support team died of a brain hemorrhage. He was just 23. Most of the people in our company had never met him. No. I think no one had. The Claims team of our company worked with him regularly. They spoke to him every day while working on the reports. They often teased him about silly things like whether he was going to get drunk over the weekend or not. They developed a special bond with him – after all he was their colleague who just happened to be very far away. He hadn’t been feeling well lately and had been away from work for a week or so. One of the Claims Team members, V, said to him “S, you are not forgetting us, are you?” to which he said “No”. Then she said something to him that I am sure she will always remember. She said – “S, you know you are indelible in my heart, don’t you?” And he said “Same here, V. Same here” That was last week (or maybe early this week). And today he is no more…

I am amazed at how people can form so strong bonds of friendship over long distances without even seeing each other. How they begin to mean a little more to us each day. How their absence is sorely missed. Even when they were not with you from the beginning. They were just a voice over the phone and now just a memory in your heart.

Such tragedies remind me how fragile life is. And how unexpected its twists and turns can be. I have been trying to imagine the state his parents must be in. They must be devastated. This was the time for them to plan their son’s wedding, not his funeral. A few of us in the company were talking about him and someone mentioned his age. Each one of us took that in a different context. Our HR director said all she could think was “Oh my God! He was just my daughter’s age!”. One person said she remembered that at age 23 she was living a carefree, happy life. I remembered that at 23 I was madly in love with my husband, then my boyfriend, and planning my future business that I was going to start once I got married. The biggest concern I had at that age was if my husband’s parents would agree to our marriage or decline flatly.

In other news, my brother was here for 2 weeks on a business trip and squeezed out time for us too. I had a great time with him after years – though I am still craving more. And my daughter just didn’t get enough of her “Sonu Mama”. It was crazy with my in-laws and him together in our house because there was so much juggling to do. But we all had a great time. Even went to Mount Washington in New Hampshire again (went there last year too, with my parents). Took the Cog Railway to the peak. Saw two signs in and around their Base station cafeteria. One said “Dinner choices: 1. Take it. 2. Leave it.” I loved it!! It sounds much like my kitchen :D

The other one was this –





Another similar sign I saw in a pet store said “Unattended children will be given a free puppy”! Many parents really do leave their children unattended in places they shouldn’t even take their eyes off of them. I am amazed at this stupidity is all I can say. And I have great respect for businesses that ask parents to look after their own kids (in other words, do their job!) in such funny ways. It takes a lot of restraint not to blurt something out to these parents. I should know – I worked at a Halloween Costume store for 2.5 years.

Am going in for transfer today. Zero Expectations. And the part that I am looking forward to the most is the two-day bed rest that I will be on afterwards!! After retrieval two days ago, my blood pressure was through the roof (184/117!!) It is lower now but not normal yet. I believe it happened due to a combination of stress from running around, the toll that an IVF cycle takes on one and the fact that I was badly bloated due to the medicines. (OK _ here is a half-baked theory. I was bloated, which means my body was retaining fluid. Which means my blood was denser than usual, which ultimately meant higher concentration of sodium. Hence – High Blood Pressure). Let me go and check that out right now. If I am correct, I will come back to say “I told you so”. If you don’t hear from me, assume I was wrong :P

Update: Well, I was partially right! Fluid retention does raise blood pressure. But that does not make the blood dense - it increases its volume. Of course! (smacks her head - twice). The increased vloume raises the blood pressure. Q.E.D.

Point. Click. You're done!

Or Point. Shut eyes TIGHT. Jab. Press. (And don't forget to breathe) That is how I take my shots. I thought that was a perfectly normal way of doing it - until someone pointed out otherwise. Seems like you are supposed to point, push (the needle in) and press (the plunger) - all very calmly and smoothly. Ha! Calm & Smooth? Me?? When I am giving myself a shot??? Dream on, honey!

Today, in a meeting, a co-worker said "Infertility is a disease, while pregnancy is not". I took serious objection to that - the first part of the sentence, not the second. Though there are people who treat pregnant women as if they had a terminal disease and needed a lot of rest & recuperation. Well I wouldn't object to a lot of rest and recuperation if I were preganant, but please don't treat me like I am made of glass, thankyou. I believe infertility is a condition which may, or may not, result from a disease (there is "idiopathic" infertility where everything seems fine but a couple still can't get pregnant). There are certain diseases which may cause infertility, but being infertile is NOT akin to being diseased. Really, people! Think before you speak.

Update: I wanted to update this the next day, but a lot has been going on. In my haste to upload this post, I failed to mention one thing. The comment was made in a meeting where differences between managed care (read insurance) for Infertility vs. Obstetrics were being discussed and someone asked "Well why is there such a lot of follow-up by nurses for infertility while there isn't any for Obstetrics". This, in fact, is true. This comment wasn't made personally to me or for me.

The person who made this comment is a good friend and since then I have told her my views on this. Also, I was on a "Menopur-Bravelle-Lupron" induced PMS. Had already warned DH NOT to contradict me in any thing I said or did. "Cee Kay is ALWAYS right" was the mantra he was supposed to chant whenever he got any urge to contradict me :D Forgot to propogate this to my friends and co-workers :P

TICKED!

Warning – Rant(orama) ahead!

I want to vent, rant and rave. I am not going to use foul language or cause bodily harm to anyone this rant is against. So rest assured.

So you made it this far? Boy, you really must love my rants!

Oh, a lot of things tick me off. I am/have been/will certainly be ticked off by…

… bosses who, instead of patting me on the back for emergencies well handled, drag me through a Q&A and expect me to use my third eye and sixth sense to handle problems well before a) they arise, or b) are reported.

... colleagues who won't prepare their own purchase requests for items they need and then pester me with "Is it done yet?". No amount of "Do it yourself" hints and direct suggestions will make them understand (or is it that they don't want to understand?? Pretend to be a fool and get your work done - hmmmmm. Good strategy).

... people who try to "help" even when I didn't ask for help, and especially when I have refused offers of help. Buddy, back off!! I'll ask for it when I need it - OK? OK??

... drivers who change lanes or turn without turning on their turn indiactors.

... drivers who give a turn indication as (or after) they take a turn or change lanes. Hello? Just because you turned on the indicator doesn't mean there is space between my car and the one ahead of me!

... people who ask me "but why do you want another child?". Some people are exempt - they can ask such questions, and I will try to explain. But others (read mom whose daughter used to be in the same class as mine in grade one) SHUT UP!! Why did YOU have 2 kids if having more than one kids is so terrible?

... people who comment "Wow! You are lucky!" when I inform them that I will be out of office the next day. DO NOT ASSUME that this day off is for fun. I might be going in to the doctor's office to get medication that will help me miscarry the blighted ovum that my "happy till yesterday" pregnancy has turned out to be.

... people who repeatedly say "Time for another one!". SHUT UP!!

... people who, when I tell them what an angel my daughter was at age two, say "Oh girls are easier to raise". You should have tried raising me at ANY age after birth. I have HIGH regards for my parents' patience. DO NOT try to explain differences in personalities by basing them just on gender.

... friends who start any phone conversation (even if it was I who placed the call) with "Where have you been? Bade busy ho gaye ho? (You've gotten very busy?)". Yes, and I just remembered something I have to do. Click.

... friends who insist we should not have our housewarming party for at least another year because we are such a busy couple. MY house. MY party. I DECIDE! OK?

... friends who insist that I should either let them cook or order food from outside when I invite them to my daughter's birthday party (again because I am "so busy"). WTF??

... people making racial comments implying one race is superior to another or one race has more problems than another just because it is that race.

... poeple comparing siblings to decide who is sweeter, more intelligent, fairer, darker, faster, wittier.... They are TWO DIFFERENT PERSONS. They cannot, and should not, be alike. Comprende?

... friends/relatives commenting how strict we are with our daughter (for the record - we are not. There are just a few non-negotiable points. Apart from those, she can do anything she wants to after she gets permission from one of us)

... friends/relatives warning me to just "wait and see - your daughter will not listen to you (or get out of control, or become mischievious, or whatever) when she grows up". You know what? You have been saying that since she was 18 months old. I am still waiting. I am not saying that there won't be any problems, but don't predict doom just because she listens to her parents more than some other kids do.

... people asking me "How much more do you want to study? I wouldn't want to study this much!". Know what? None of your f---ing business!

... relatives and friends back in India who, when we call them, just want to know how much weight I have gained/lost/am trying to lose etc. Sweetums - I stopped obsessing about my weight looong time ago. Its time you grew up too. I am trying to be healthy and that is all that matters. Right?

Phew!! That felt good. Might do more of it later....

Small Strip, BIG Chuckle

This made me chuckle :-D And anyone who is getting a bigger chuckle out of it, remember one sobering fact – it goes for BOTH sets of in-laws :-D

Hagar the Horrible