Who says you can't go home?

Who says you can't go home? (God, I LOVE that song!!!)

I did. And I had a blast. Met friends and family. Got over a few grudges. Found peace of mind in a few matters. Got sick like a dying dog. Traveled. Learned a few things. Unlearned a few things.

One thing I learned is that "alone" doesn't quite mean alone. When I told people I was traveling alone, the next question out of their mouths used to be "With the kids?" Amazing!! People either don't listen or their idea of a woman traveling alone is that of a woman traveling alone (as in without her husband) with her kids. I am still trying to wrap my head around this.

Some people expressed worry at me leaving my kids "alone" - apparently having their own dad there with them does not count as able supervision. I am still trying to decide if I should take it as an insult over considering my husband incapable of taking care of his own children or just chalk it up to their ignorance. A few women expressed their envy at me being able to do it, and that made me feel sad for those who can not even consider this option, even if a family emergency were to arise.

I found that the two cities that I always visit on my trips to India - Jodhpur and Indore, were cleaner this time. Perhaps due to the government's ban on plastic bags. No more plastic waste, wrapped around all sorts of "other" waste flapping around on the streets. The traffic seemed saner in Indore too - but maybe that was only due to my own limited exposure to it. I was in the city for a mere 2.5 days.

I met a bunch of highschool classmates in Jodhpur. We had a 23-year reunion. 15 of us made it, 3 of us alone and the rest with families. It was wonderful to see how all of us have changed and grown and also to meet the spouses and kids. I particularly appreciated the spouses who made it to the reunion. J had one for his high school last year and if I could go (I couldn't - didn't have enough vacation time) I probably would have opted out. I am kinda shy and uncomfortable in gatherings where I don't know most of the people. That is really strange because I don't have problems making friends with strangers - I am just uncomfortable in gatherings.

I also benefited from the motherly hovering, caring and pampering that my mom bestowed on me :) This is exactly what I had been missing, and wishing for. The last few years haven't exactly been easy on me and I had been grappling with a lot of self-doubt and angst. This trip resolved a lot of that. Being with my mother eased some of the hurt that had crept in seeing her feel miserable and lonely in my home when she visited us last in 2010. She'd had to cut her visit short due to the loneliness and I took it as a personal failure, somehow. I just wish I could have spent more time with her in Jodhpur. She flew to Delhi to see me off back to US but I couldn't really spend much time with her that day as I was sick and spent most of the day sleeping. My youngest aunt came to Jodhpur to meet me as well, and so did my maternal uncle and aunt and one of their daughters with her son. I was moved that so many people considered it worth their time and effort to come meet me after traveling for hours.

Next stop was Hyderabad where I met The Ro, The Maggie, The Sue and The Dipali. The K and The EvesLungs were supposed to join us too but K cancelled early on during the planning phase due to some clashing family plans and EL had to change plans at the last minute. Both were tremendously missed. The 2 days that I spent in Hyderabad were wonderful despite the cough and the fever that I developed on my way there from Jodhpur. Ro and her husband, Jai, are awesome hosts. And don't believe Ro when she complains about her "brats" - I didn't see better behaved kids on my entire trip that took me through 5 cities and 7 airports (a couple of them multiple times).

I bought my anniversary gift from J in Hyderabad - two pearl sets! I didn't do much shopping - most of everything that I brought back from India was gifted to me. All I had to do was pay the extra baggage fee at EVERY. SINGLE. PORT!! But the new and improved me didn't mind the extra fee or the overweight baggage - instead I loved my friends and family for the love they showed me.

Next I visited my brother and his wife in Pune. 2.5 days again. 2.5 days full of rest, relaxation, shopping, chatting, laughing, arguing - something I hadn't done with them in a long, LONG time. This probably was the most memorable part of my trip - made me realize how much I had been missing my brother. He was my first "best friend" - someone I could share everything and anything with. I was glad to find out that things are still the same. We went out for coffee and I ended up spilling my emotions in front of him about a lot of things that had been bothering me for some time. And a few tears. He is still one of VERY FEW people I can cry in front of. He took it all like he always has - with patience and understanding like only a best friend could. Bonded with my sister in law over cups of tea and her reprimands to my brother about taking better care of me while I was visiting them :) She is another perfect hostess who makes sure you are comfortable in her home without making you feel awkward about the care being dispensed. And she has decorated her home beautifully!!

From Pune I went to Indore to visit my in-laws for 2.5 days. Turned out to be the best trip I have ever had to Indore. No pressure, easy conversations, fun and laughter. Lots of love from my nephew and niece. A lot of pampering from my brother in law and his wife. Some happy conversations with my father and mother in law. All in all, a happy trip. From there it was back to Delhi and then to US. I had been sick ever since I left Jodhpur but that did not stop me from enjoying myself. Towards the end though, my energy depleted and I almost crashed in Delhi. I managed to bring myself home despite an upset stomach, cough, fever and high blood pressure from all the travel related stress (and an inefficient medication - but more on that later).

So, you see, I did manage to go home and then come back to where my home is now.

Demand and supply

Me: M, how much do you love me?
M: (with wide eyes and a BIG smile) 20 million!!
Me: Really?? Then you have to give me 20 million kisses RIGHT NOW!!
M: You know what? Today I love you only one million.
Runs away.

Now, some funny/cute Hindi-speak

because it comes from the mouth of children who are growing up in an American environment speaking a language (English) that does not have many sounds that Hindi does. Since kids learn languages better at a younger age, it is a good idea to expose them to as many languages as possible (on a regular basis for them to be able to pick up the languages). But that also brings a drawback with it. Kids can learn the language but (I believe) they pick up the accent that they primarily hear.

For example, S and M both speak and understand Hindi but their exposure to spoken English is far more than that to spoken Hindi (8+ hours at school/daycare vs. 4-5 at home) Plus, once your ears become attuned to the sounds of one language you start "speaking" other languages in that language. At least that is what S does. So she has a hard time pronouncing Hindi words that have the composite sounds containing the "hh/th/gh" etc. sounds in them. Like "haathi" (elephant - हाथी ) becomes हाती. (haati)  घर (Ghar = house) is pronounced as गर (Gar = no meaning).

She also has problem saying the "ड़" sound which cannot be compared to ANY sound in English. So she pronounces that as "र" ("r"). "पापर" (पापड़), "दौर" (दौड़) and "बरा" (बड़ा) is how she says the words containing this sound. I have been trying to train her to say these words properly by having her repeat this sounds in rapid succession like "ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़ ड़" and she does say it correctly when I have her do this. But when it comes to speaking fluently, she reverts to the "English-y" accent.

I don't fret about this too much because I think she is doing great - at least she doesn't feel ashamed in speaking her mother tongue - unlike some kids I have seen in our friend circle.

Then there are some words that S mispronounced by replacing letters which resulted in some funny mistakes. I loved those and keep reminding her of those mistakes just to keep those memories alive. She once asked me if I could make some "मकोड़े" (Makodey = ants) for snacks when she actually wanted to eat "पकोड़े"  (Pakodey = a savory snack made by dipping assorted vegetables in a chickpea flour batter and deepfried) :D Once she complained that I make too much "कुत्तपम" (Kuttapam = not a word really but "kutta" means "dog" in Hindi). She was actually complaining about "उत्तपम" (Uttapam) :)

There are many other words that S mispronounces and to my ears they sound cute and funny and sweet - because she is at least making an effort. (I am looking forward to similarly hilarious times with M :D)

Of gracious hosts and such

I recently went to India for a VERY short trip. 6 days, including 4 days of transit time. The purpose was to surprise my parents for my mother's retirement party. I had told them I couldn't make it as I didn't want to bring the kids along in such heat and leaving them behind would be impossible. It turned out that leaving the kids behind was not all that impossible - J volunteered to take care of them while I visited my parents. So off I went after some hectic planning and involving many nice people to help me in this project. Another post on that later. For now, I just want to thank MadMomma and the OA for their hospitality. MM made space for me in her calendar on a WEEKNIGHT, picked me up from the airport, fed me good food, gave me a very stimulating company, even let the maids take care of the Brat and the Bean so she could keep me company. The gracious OA gave us company occasionally, joined us for dinner and then he and MM drove me to the airport. On our way there, we lost the way and had to stop and ask for directions (due to the darn construction and no detour signs). Poor OA was more worried than I was, of missing the flight. But they did drop me off in time and I had no problems at all boarding my flight.

The kids. What can I write about the kids that everyone doesn't already know? :) They are the sweetest kids I have ever seen. Bean came so willingly into my arms, I was taken aback. She doesn't see the monster in me that most babies see?? And the Brat was cute beyond words! MM, I am not big on words, but please know that if I knew how to use them, I would sing praises of your entire family for ages to come!

Thank you MM and OA, for your gracious hospitality, stimulating conversations, bhookhe ko bhojan and everything else you did to make me feel comfortable. I know I have made friends for life.

Belated Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

Dear J,

You are the pillar of support I lean on whenever I feel weak. You are the shoulder I seek when I need to cry. I look for you when I need a laugh and I come rushing home when I have a funny story to share. You are the ONLY person I trust completely to look out for me and the only person on this earth I have any expectations from - because I KNOW you will come through!

It's been, what? 17.5 years now, since we have known each other? And 16 years since you gave me this song on a tape and said "Call me after you have listened to this". Even after 16 years this song makes my heart jump and melt and overflow with emotions with the same intensity it did the first time. Your smile still makes me go weak in the knees. My ears still strain to hear your laughter. My heart still aches whenever we have to separate even for 2 days (I'll miss you baby, this next week). I still remember how you took Lalit's (?) help in creating that card you gave to me (remember the card?). I had to leave that, and everything else that I cherished, behind when I came here with you. But having you is all I care about.

S wonders out loud at least once every week why you and I fight so much :) I don't know about you, but I don't mind these fights at all. I feel so comfortable with you that everything, even fighting and the making up afterwards, seems natural. I know you are the best dad these girls could have. And you are the best husband I could have ever hoped to find. But above all, you are my BEST FRIEND even after all these years.

Happy Birthday, Dahlin'.

And today, it is my turn to say "Call me after you have listened to this"!

Update: I told J to go to my blog and see this post. He did. He listened to the whole song with a smile. Then he asked me to get his cell phone - I thought he was calling a friend we had been talking about. A few moments later, my cell phone rang. It was J. He simply said "I heard the song and I love you too" and hung up. Right in front of my eyes! :D

Belated Happy Birthday, Ma!

It was my mom's birthday on April 15th. I am sharing a song here that used to be her favorite while I was growing up. She would ask me to sing it over and over.

Happy Birthday Ma! You know that this song comes straight from my heart, right?

'Coz love isn't bound by special days

I was saving this post for Father's Day. I wanted to write it last year for Father's day and then for my father's birthday, but was extremely busy with a new baby. I am now sorry that I waited for a "special" day instead of just writing what I felt, when I felt it. Now I am rectifying that mistake. So, here's to you dad!

You have been the guiding light in my life. I have learnt life's many lessons from you. I am the person I am today, because of you (and Ma). I am the parent I am todaye, because of you (and Ma). And I hold dear the values that I do today, because of you (and of course, Ma!) Not a day goes by when I don't remember something you taught or said to me. My daughters have you to thank for a mom who yells less and less each day. You don't remember, do you?

It was when S was little - barely a year old. You had seen how I sometimes got impatient with her. You never criticized me but sent me a gentle email recounting your own experiences as a parent. In that email you told me how you sometimes felt bad for the times when you yelled at me or my brother when we were little. You told me how that guilt never leaves one alone. And you urged me to be more patient with S for her sake, and for mine as well. Because you knew the guilt WILL strike one day. I didn't implement on your advice right away, but it set me thinking. And slowly, over the years, I have been trying to improve myself. I try to yell less and understand more. I try to be patient. The turning point came a few years ago when I suddenly realized that in the 35 years of my life, you hadn't shouted at me ONCE. Or hit me, for that matter. Of course, you told me and Ma tells me that you yelled at me when I was little but I have no recollection of it. And that made me realize what S was missing out on. A peaceful childhood. One free of all yelling. THAT made me want to change. I wanted to give my daughter the same childhood I'd had - free of yelling and free of any hitting. You'll be glad to know Pa, that I am trying my hardest to change. I have changed a lot. I do yell sometimes. But it has gotten more infrequent. And if and when I do yell, I apologize to S.

That's another thing I learnt from you. Accepting one's mistakes and taking responsibility for it. It has made me a better person. It has kept my conscience guilt-free. I recently made a mistake at work. I could have easily blamed it on someone else but my conscience didn't allow me to. So, I accepted it and apologized for it. That, I believe, makes me trustworthy in other people's eyes. I don't hesitate in saying sorry to S, or to J (well, you know, not so easily to J but that is another matter :P). I remember many times in my childhood when you would accept that you were wrong and say sorry for that. Easily. Without any ego. Over time I realized not all parents do that. Many parents wouldn't accept their mistake, leave alone saying sorry for that. For many parents, just the fact that they are parents, means they are infallible. For them, parents are always right and it is always the children's fault. Not in our family. Do you know it made me a better person? It did.

Another thing you taught me was to learn from my mistakes. That is a hard lesson to learn Pa, but from you it came effortlessly. Remember that time when I scored a mere 1.5 out of 20 in a class test in Math? You could have ranted and raved, yelled, taken away privileges, even sent me to bed without food. After all, no one in our family had failed so miserably before. But you did none of that. Instead, you sat down with me and went over each question discussing how to solve it and telling me not to repeat that mistake again. It is another matter that, in doing so, we came upon a question that was correct and had not been checked and I ended up with 12 (or 15 - I don't remember) marks out of 20 eventually. What I learned that day was no matter how much you screw up, you can always start afresh and get better by not making the same mistake twice. I try to teach my daughters the same thing. I also vaguely remember that once, when I was in fifth grade I hid my report card because I had failed General Knowledge (that subject, and the way it was taught, never did interest me). You found the report card when you came home. I don't remember how you reacted but I do remember that you were very hurt. That taught me not to do it again. I didn't learn it right then, as I continued to hide random things from you but eventually I did realize that it is easier on my conscience if I don't hide things from you and Ma.

When I was in 9th grade, I mentioned to a friend's dad how we (my brother and I) had fooled you on April Fool's day. He replied he wouldn't stand that kind of behavior from his kids. I was surprised because you had laughed when we did that. This kind of attitude was new to me. And then it struck me - not everyone knows how to laugh at themselves. You do. And it is a very endearing quality. It makes you more loveable. I learnt that from you too - being able to laugh at myself. I am losing that and need to work more on that, and I think I can do that. It is one more thing I want my daughter's to experience.

These are just a few examples of how you have made my life richer. I could go on and on. I have lived almost 38 years after all, and lived 22 of those with you. My life is full of lessons learnt from you (and Ma). I know I am blessed for it. You know you and I butt heads over the smallest of things even now, and that amazes me. I mean, I could never tolerate that from my daughters. But you do and it is not because you are a weak parent. You are tough when the occasion demands it. But you also knew when to let us go, when to give us wings. All my life, I have deeply appreciated the fact that you and Ma never imposed your wish on me or my brother the way many other parents do. Yes, you restricted us from doing many things because you were trying to do what was best for us. But when it came to life's big decisions, you let us decide for ourselves, and you stood by us. We are stronger and more secure in our worlds because of that.

I remember all the sacrifices you made for us too. You had to struggle a lot in life, I know that. But you never let us see even an iota of tough times. You planned everything so well that my brother and I never had to worry about the cost of our studies. I now realize what a blessing it was to be able to study without having to worry about the tuition. I remember how you bought my brother a jacket (which he needed) by cancelling your plans to buy shoes for yourself. We could only afford one and you put his needs before your own without making him feel guilty. I remember how, when I came back after doing my Master's, you gave me your scooter so I could go to work. You rode the bicycle to work every day. You, an Assistant Director in the Board of Technical Education, Rajasthan at that time.

There are so many memories that I could go on and on without ever stopping. Maybe, I'll write another post. And another. Or a book. Because there is no way I can fit all that in one measly post!

Dear Pa, I am sorry for all the trouble and lip I gave you all these years. But I want you to know that I feel blessed to have a father like you.

This one is for my not-so-little-anymore brother

It is his birthday today. And I have been missing him, and the growing-up-together we did, very poignantly lately. He used to be my best bud. Still is. Only now he shares that title with my husband. But he is one of the ONLY TWO people I can tell everything to. He is non-judgmental, mature (more than MY 37 year old self) and the kindest, gentlest person I have ever known. Oh, and did I forget sooper intelligent? Yes! He is an aeronautical engineer, did his B.Tech from IIT Mumbai, topped his department and won the President's Silver Medal for that. I was actually pissed that he didn't get the gold medal. At the President. My brother absolutely deserved it. TOI ran an article on him when he graduated because he was one of those few graduates who wanted to stay back in India and do something for his country. He plays tennis and runs in Mumbai half marathon. This, despite having a serious back problem. He injured his back during the last semester in college and didn't pay attention to it because he was busy with studies. He was bed-ridden for over two months and has consulted many doctors. He still plays and treks and runs. Seriously, I do not know anyone braver and tougher than he is. In short, he is everything I am not.

Once, when we were still in college, an acquaintence mentioned how I must be jealous of him because he had just gotten into IIT. I couldn't understand that. I was, and still am, proud of him. Jealousy doesn't figure in our relationship. We don't do sibling rivalry either.

There are so many memories that came flooding back with this post. But I am not going to write all of those. They are for me and him to cherish personally. I just wish we could get together for a week and chat endlessly about everything under the sun - just like old days when I used to take a few days off from work whenever he was in town, so we could stay up late at night and chat. Or maybe I will write a post about those memories - just to record those golden days. For now, little brother, just know that I love you and miss you. And I wish you ALL that you ever wanted - on this birthday and forever.

From the mouth of babes

We spent Christmas afternoon at a good friend's house. She had invited another friend's family over and we exchanged gifts for the kids. All of us have two kids each so we picked two kids (one from each family) and bought gifts for them. The gender distribution worked out well too as one friend has two boys and the other one has a boy and a girl. So, each family bought gifts for one boy and one girl. A good time was had by all, specially the kids.

I sat down with baby M in their living room to give her the bottle. My friend's 4 year old son, Little A, stood by us and watched intently. Then we had the most hilarious conversation. This is how it went -

Little A: This is HER bottle?

I: Yes

Little A: Can I touch HER?

I: Yes, gently.

Little A: Is HER hungry?

I: (With a smile) Yes

So, when he touched M's foot, she gave him a big smile.

Little A: HER is smiling!!

I just laughed till tears rolled down my eyes. His mom is teaching him the difference between saying "him" and "her" these days. I must say he is a quick learner :D

Later Little A went to his mom and whispered in her ear "Can we BUY the baby?" When his mom said "No, we cannot buy the baby!" he thought hard for a minute and then asked "OK. So can we KEEP her then?"

Real smart, buddy!!

Mother-daughter moments - 1

Ever since my parents left, our mornings haven't been the same. When mom and dad were here, I used to wake up at 7:30, proceed to get ready leisurely, remind S to get ready fast a few times, give her breakfast, pack our lunch bags and leave, sometimes scrambling - by 8:40. We'd get to the bus stop just a few minutes before the bus got there and I'd start off for work as soon as S got on the bus.

Now we get up by 6:30 or 6:45, play with the baby a little if she is up (or catch another shut-eye for a few more minutes - you know how precious those minutes are!), dress her up, wake S, go downstairs, start making breakfast (dosa, omelet or cereal), pack lunch bags, pack M's diaper bag with the milk bottles and so on. M sits on the floor on a comforter all this while, playing with her Teletubby or drums and occasionally raising her arms to whoever is passing by in the hopes of being picked up by them.

By 7:30 S is downstairs, her breakfast ready. I feed M her breakfast (cereal with formula) at the same time so the sisters can eat together. We usually leave home by 8:10, drop M off at the daycare and get to the bus stop by 8:25 or 8:30. S' bus arrives between 8:51 to 8:55. So we have about 25-30 minutes during which we chat with each other or listen to our favorite songs.

I have come to cherish these moments alone with my older one a lot. We are having conversations we never had the time for. And I feel like I am opening the windows into my mind for her, showing her how I think, what kind of a person I am etc.

The first time we spent this time together, I brought up something that had been nagging at me for quite some time. I didn't know how to broach that subject with S but that day it just seemed like the right occasion. About a year ago, S had commented at how her dad's return from office used to be her favorite time of the day when she was 4-5 years old. Why? Because mommy dearest used to take a nap in the afternoon, leaving S to play with her toys in her room. And S, while playing alone, eagerly waited for daddy to return so she wouldn't be alone anymore. Now, that nap was usually 30-40 minutes and it wasn't like I never talked to S or played with her. But I was depressed during those years and running around all day drained me out completely. Besides, she has been comfortable being alone from the beginning and doesn't mind playing/reading by herself. She never hounds me, like some of her friends hound their moms, saying "I am bored, what should I do?" She finds stuff to do by herself. But this statement from her made me look at things in different light. And I felt pangs of guilt. So I brought this up. I asked her if she still remembered the time. She said yes. I asked her if she thought that made me a bad mommy. She said "No" (Thank heavens!!) I told her if she had told me she was lonely at that time, I would never have left her alone like that. And I said sorry to her. I told her I never meant for her to feel like that. I just wasn't aware of how she felt. And that it didn't mean I didn't love her. I loved her with all my might. After that conversation, my heart is more at peace now.

Then there was the occasion two days ago when we discussed about being kind/nice to people even when we don't like them too much. The day before, I had gone to S' school just talk to her class teacher on how she was doing academically and socially. her teacher said she was doing great academically. She is very good at math (ever notice how I can NEVER let go of a chance to boast about it? :P), her writing skills are very good and most impressively, S was the only one to get a question right in an assessment they had taken that very day on reading skills. Socially? "Well, she is doing good socially. Its only that she is kind of impatient with kids she doesn't like. She may be more curt in answering them or when I ask her to help someone out she lets out a sigh if she doesn't like that person too much. She does help them though". This is what I brought up the next day on the bus stop.

I wasn't upset with her. I guess this is a trait she has picked up from me. I am not like that anymore. But I used to be. So I decided to come clean with her, and tell her a few things so that she would have the opportunity to learn from my experiences. This happened back when I had just finished my Master's and was back in Jodhpur with my parents. I landed a job within the first week of being back and started as an instructor with a Computer training institute. Now a little more background is needed in this context.

I did my Master's from Indore, and stayed with my Tauji (dad's elder brother) for three years. My Tauji is married to my mom's elder sister, my mausi. Now, my stay with them was far from pleasant. Lets say, I was put through the wringer, and then some. To the extent that when my brother saw how they treated me, he came home to my mom and said "इसको बादाम खिला कर वापस भेजना, नही तो ये मर जायेगी वहाँ". (Feed her almonds [for strength] before you send her back, otherwise she won't survive). He didn't mean it literally, but things WERE very bad. Another post on that some other time. So these three years at their place gave me a gift that keeps on giving. Depression. I sincerely believe that my bouts with depression began back then. I would often wonder what kind of a person I had become (bitter, clingy, arrogant) and really didn't have a very high opinion of myself as a "nice" person. Anyway, this personality came out more prominently when I would teach. I would scream like a shrew when a student made repeated mistakes. I would mete out harsh, sarcastic remarks if I felt that my students weren't putting in their hundred percent efforts. Once I had them all come back for an extra class THE SAME DAY on a hot summer day because I felt they weren't sincere enough in their studies.

There was a boy in one of my classes who didn't really have any aptitude for computers, let alone for programming. I once got very frustrated with him and I yelled at him. He stopped coming from the very next day. I feel bad about him to this day. I still maintain that he was not ready for a computer course, but I think I should have handled him in a kinder way. I could have just pulled him aside and said "I think you need to work harder or take a break from computer coaching until you are ready for it". I narrated this incident to S and told her how much I regret having used harsh words for him. And how, I wish I could go back and say "sorry" to him for being such a mean person. I told her all this to highlight the fact that sometimes the mean things you say or do come back to haunt you and you can't always set them right then. I asked her how she would feel if someone behaved with her the same way she behaved with some of her classmates. I also asked her to imagine how a person would feel if he or she really liked her (S) but she was mean to him/her. I think I gave her a lot to think about that morning. And I hope she will learn from my experiences, and learn to be patient even with people she doesn't like.

Then this morning, we talked about compassion. S told me about a girl who said "Its UGLY" (and then laughed) for a drawing S made last year in the after-school program. That really hurt S' feelings. I had no idea how much until she told me this morning "I still remember that and I want to be mean back to her just to make her pay". This little girl (she was 5 when she said those words) - Amy- has not been mean to S in any other way except that single time. I didn't want to get all preachy on S and say how "she shouldn't be mean" and all that stuff. After all, I can very well identify with the urge to get back at someone who has hurt me in some way. But it doesn't mean we should act upon those urges. Instead, I told her about this incident:

S was maybe 4 or 5 years old. We were going out one day when the lady, who lived across from us in the apartment complex we lived in at that time, called out and said a sweet "Hello" to us. S turned to me and said, quite loudly, "I don't like her". I was mortified and immediately chastised her not to say such things because they could hurt some one's feelings. Later on we became very good friends with that neighbor, and she was one of S' favorite neighbors. I asked S if she really meant she didn't like Susan when she said that on that day. I said what her 5 year old mind probably meant was "Since I don't know this lady, how can I like her?" And I said, this is probably why Amy said her drawing was ugly. She didn't quite like it, but didn't know the correct words to express how she felt. So she said "ugly".

I also recounted another recent incident to S. Ani, a friend of S' told her that her name (the friend's) means "beautiful" to which S said "which you are not" and laughed because she thought she had cracked a big joke. The friend's feelings were very hurt obviously, and she complained to her mother who happens to be a very good friend of mine. Her mother called me to tell me of this incident, not to complain but to sit down and talk to S about how it hurt Ani's feelings. I did, and S apologized to Ani and they are back to being great friends. I reminded S that even though she had laughed after her "joke" Ani hadn't found it funny and maybe the same thing happened when Amy said S' drawing was ugly. Maybe she thought she had said something funny. S then understood that the same incident could be interpreted in several different ways and I hope she has overcome the urge to return the mean remark.

I cherish these moments with her when she shares whatever has been on her mind and I talk to her, not as a mother, but as any other person who is sharing something from her life to give some parallels to compare with. And I cherish the moments when the two of us simply sit silently in the car listening to our favorite songs. I am sure there will be many more.

We finally dared!

Originally posted on DesiMomzClub for the club's Theme for December.

In the 12 years that we have been married, J and I have NEVER gone out on New Year's Eve. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? We are more of homebodies than we would actually care to admit. At first we didn't go out because we were living with my husband's parents and they kind of frowned upon it. By the time we came to America, we had S and we didn't go out because we didn't want to disrupt her routine. Besides, we liked the coziness of our house compared to the chilly air outside. Now we have M too, so going out on New Year's eve is unthinkable. Or so one would assume.

Today, after I came back from work, it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't really want to be stuck at home eating leftovers for dinner. So I managed to convince J to take us out for dinner. Initially we planned to go to an Indian restaurant but cancelled the plans when we called them and were told that the restaurant was packed. Then we decided to go to Bertucci's - an Italian restaurant. We were still concerned about how M will behave as she was already tired and starting to get cranky. But this baby of ours is a social animal - we realized long time back.

So we just got ready quickly and left. M behaved really well for most of the time. She only started getting restless towards the end and we were ready to leave by then. I have found a trick to minimizing her tantrums when we go out. I DON'T feed her before leaving. Yes. That's right! And that is because she loves to eat. So I feed her when we get where we are going. That always works well and always gives us some time before she gets cranky.

All in all, we had a good time tonight. So this was our "Dare to" project this December - to give me fodder for this month's theme! I had a completely different post in mind but hadn't gotten around to writing it. Then, while returning from the restaurant, it hit me that this fits the theme better. So, now you know what we never did before today and dared to do today :D

Playing catch-up: 1

There are a lot of updates and tags to catch up with. Sometimes it feels all I am doing is playing catch up with things that need to be done. So, I am starting a "Catch-Up" series of posts. These are events that I have been meaning to record on this blog, but haven't had the time to. Like Halloween of '07.

I love Halloween. I comapre it to Holi for the fun factor. Yes, I love Holi too. And it has been almost 13 years since I played it :( Anyway - that's material for another post. So, I was saying...

I love having a carved, candle-lit pumpkin on the doorstep. I love the decoration many people put up. I love to stock up on candies for kids when they come "trick or treating". And I love to see their faces light up when I tell them they can take as many candies as they wish. Yes - even teenagers'.

This year, obviously, was extra special. We had one more costume to worry about. One more trick-or-treat bag to carry :D This year, like last year, we went to a near-by condominium complex with a friend and her family. Her daughters are the same age as S and go to the same school too. This complex is special in that many residents there put up special decorations for Halloween and enthusiastically distribute candy to all trick-or-treaters knocking on their doors. So many people come there that special police presence is arranged, the entrance is blocked and only pedestrians or residents can go in.

This year we had a Harry Potter, a doctor, a Witch-bride and a Tigger in our group. The grandparents accompanied us too and were busy clicking pictures. All had a great time. And since it is also S' birthday, we came back and then S cut a cake. The friend had brought cupcakes because she thought I might have not had the time or chance to get a cake for S. These are the kind of friends I am deeply thankful for.

Here are a few pictures.

TIGGER!!

Tigger's Poonchh!

Witch-bride

BLACK!! Nailpolish :D

Pumpkin

M had a great time I suppose. She didn't cry even once in her costume. We did pay extra attention to the comfort factor of the costume and comfort was the only reason why I chose Tigger over a beautiful Lady-Bug costume. I liked the Tigger costume too but the Lady-Bug was VERY eye catching.

As the picture says it all - S was allowed to paint her nails black this year. This small permission made her extremely happy! When I took her to Party City to shop for her costume, and allowed her to add a few accessories (nail polish, black artificial roses), she was giddy with excitement and kept thanking me. Occasions like these make me wonder if she sees me as "Cruella DeVille" and if that is why it makes her extremely appreciative of these small permissions I grant her. No?

Typical conversation in Kays' house - 1

J comes into the living room with a long face.

Cee: Why are you so glum? What happened?
J: Nothing.
Cee: Come on! Did someone say something to you?
J: No. Nothing happened to me.
Cee: Tell me, did the computer say something to you? (He'd been working on the computer before this)
J (still with a long face): No, my wife said something to me.
Cee: What did she say?
J: Where do I begin? She is always saying something or the other :(
Cee: What kind of a wife is she? उसे उठा कर घर के बाहर फेंक दो! [Throw her out of the house]
J (with a longer face): कैसे फेंकू? उठेगी नही! [How can I? I can't pick her up]

[I know, I know - it loses the essence in translation :(]

Is it my greed??

I was link hopping today while sipping on a cup of tea and this is where I landed. One article caught my eye because it is relevant to me. It struck a cord! Before going to the hospital for my C-section this year, I asked my husband at least a few times what I was going to get as an appreciation of what I have been (and am going to go) through. He said "The baby!". WRONG answer, buster! That's what I told him and he immediately corrected it to "whatever you want honey". So, off I went, got under the knife, had the baby, stayed in the hospital for 5 days, came back and got on with my life (well, kinda). I forgot about "the gift". Not for long, though. I soon remembered it and immediately felt bad that he had forgotten. Not one to keep my thoughts to myself, I immediately went up to him and accused him of not caring for me (poor man had been cooking, cleaning, driving our older one to and from activities, changing poopy diapers, taking care of the baby when I needed rest, mowing the lawn, doing grocery shopping and a MILLION other things, but that is beside the point, isn't it?) That's when he told me he had set aside $400 for me to buy whatever I wish. I immediately melted into a puddle of goop. I mean, this man is just ADORABLE, isn't he? (And he is MINE :D)

Now, he still has that $400 sitting aside waiting for me to decide what I want to do with it. I am not a girly girl, so no frilly stuff for me, thank you. I would love some diamonds, but I am very conscious of our budget and don't feel comfortable spending money on something frivolous even when I deserve to (oh yes, I do! There is no doubt about that). I wanted to spend it on a class (English literature at the local community college, painting, dance - something like that) but I don't think leaving him alone (or him and my parents) to take care of the baby while I attend a class that is not exactly essential right now would sit right with my conscience. I am now thinking of spending that money on a ballroom dance class for both of us. Which means it won't be in the near future because I don't believe in leaving the kids with a baby sitter just to go do these things. AND that we'll need a few more hundred dollars to pay for it. So, truthfully, I don't think I am going to be using that money for quite some time now. But that's OK. What matters the most to me is that J thought of me by putting that money aside.

Now, coming back to the article. It asks "Isn't a bundle of joy enough?" It says

In a more innocent age, new mothers generally considered their babies to be the greatest gift imaginable. Today, they are likely to want some sort of tangible bonus as well.

Don't get me wrong. I love both my daughters. There is no material thing in life that is worth more to me. Then why did I want J to gift me something as an appreciation for "giving" him the baby? I cannot explain that. There are a lot of emotions and memories intricately meshed together on this subject. This article forced me to think about them and try to clarify everything in my mind. I am trying to sort through the entire mess of emotions so please bear with me. Or you can stop reading the post now :D Probably, by the end of this post, I would still be rambling, unable to find the point to this incoherency.

The first thing that happens whenever I talk/think on this topic is that I go back in time to when S was born. A lot of my illusions were shattered then. One being that people cared for my well-being. Cared for ME. By people, I mean ILs. One example - while driving to the hospital before my delivery, my MIL kept reminding my FIL to drive carefully because I was in pain. While coming back from the hospital after my delivery, when the baby was secure in her arms and I was visibly wincing, tears running down my face (remember I had a C-section and the stitches were still raw) with every jump over every pothole that my FIL could find and drive over - NOT A SINGLE WORD! And all the while MIL was sitting right next to me in the back seat so she can't claim she didn't know I was miserable. That is ONE example. On the first day I came back. Everyday small and big things happened that made me realize that I was cherished only as long as I had the baby in my belly. Or, only BECAUSE I had her in my belly. Just a vessel. I was useless as soon as the baby came out. I said this to J too (see point above regarding me being unable to keep my thoughts to myself) and he said he felt that sometimes too. Imagine the hurt! To feel it is one thing. To have it validated by someone else is totally another. Thankfully, J was, and always has been a pillar of support and I know he never felt that way. That is all I care about. Now. Then it was too difficult to deal with. Anyhoo!

During one of these conversations, J told me that when I was wheeled in for the emergency C-section (we are still talking about S' birth), everyone was worried sick. Then as soon as the nurse brought the baby out, they went to look and coo at the baby forgetting that I was still in the OT and there was no news on how I was doing. Not until I was wheeled out after the operation did J breathe easy. He mentioned it to underline the fact that he too felt that I was important to ILs only until the baby came out safely. This goes into why I feel I deserve a "gift" when I deliver a baby. I didn't then. But after my first delivery, after going through this, and some other crap, I started craving for some sign that I was important too. That people still cared about me. It got so bad that I sometimes wanted to (and maybe did) compete with the baby in gaining J's attention. I am ashamed of that now - a mother competing with her own daughter? For something that the daughter obviously deserves and isn't even aware of? But such was my state of mind. In that house full of relatives, I felt utterly alone. It was a dark time for me and I have never spoken/written about it till now. Hopefully this post will get rid of those feelings once and for all. Puking does make you feel better, doesn't it?

So this time, I warned J that there better be a gift waiting for me once I come back from the hospital or else. But this time is totally different from that time. This time, J was with me in the OR. When the baby was pulled out and had been checked for all vital signs we got to hold her. I cried that we finally were where we had been trying so desperately to get - a family of FOUR! The anaesthesiologist noticed my tears and gently wiped them away with a tissue. That is when I forgave him for poking me in the back with that big, scary needle. Anyone who notices your silent tears and gently wipes them away cannot be that bad, isn't it? Then the nurse declared that she was going to take the baby to the nursery to be cleaned and fed (if M turned out to be hypoglycemic because I had had gestational diabetes - which thankfully she wasn't) She said the new dad can come with the baby if he wanted. J refused! He said he wanted to be by my side even though I pressured him to go (I couldn't bear the thought of our baby being alone with strangers :P) He stayed with me until the doctor stitched me back up and I was wheeled out into the recovery room. Then he went away very briefly to call our families in India and let them know the bundle of joy had arrived and to take a quick peek at the baby. Then he was right back by my side. ALL the time until I was able to wiggle my toes to demonstrate that I was recovering well and was wheeled to my room. Didn't I tell you he is a GEM?! And he is MINE!! :D

Updated to add: The nurse came to me when J was out calling our families and said I was lucky to have him as my husband. Why? He was the first "new dad" she had seen who hadn't run away to be with the baby and had stayed back to be with his wife instead. I still get tears in my eyes every time I remember that!

You see, this time it IS different. Even though I went through a lot more to have this baby. It was me who went through the hundreds of injections, rode the hormone induced roller coaster of emotions, went in for almost daily blood tests, went through the indignity of the hundreds of tests and internal ultra sound exams, carried the unmentioned moniker of "baanjh", ached to have a baby in my arms, tolerated people's comments on how "it was time for another", understood the unsaid "the 'problem' must be with YOU" words and much much more. This time I am more at peace. Strangely, now I don't want that gift either. Now, my bundle of joy IS enough.

I Thank Thee, Lord

For giving me two precious gems - S & M.

For the Prince-cut diamond - J.

For my parents, who didn't think twice before dropping everything to come over and help me.

For my brother, who still considers me a good friend. And his wife who apparantly likes me :D

For my ILs who love my daughters from the depths of their hearts. Who probably love me too, in their own way.

For my friends who love me enough to throw me baby showers. Who come to my house from 100 + miles away even when they are going through chemotherapy because they "miss the baby". Who are willing to spend one whole day with me. Who cart my daughter to and from activities sometimes. Who bring me lunch and dinner when I need it. Who cheer me up when I am down in the dumps.

For my job because it provides me with the intellectual stimulation that I crave.

For my blog friends who leave caring comments and offers of help when I share my problems on my blog.

I thank Thee, for I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Doesn't matter if you celebrate it or not. I wish you happiness on this day and for the rest of your lives.

We are celebrating Thanksgiving with loving friends this year too. And this year I have my parents with me to add to the happiness. Menu has been decided, almost half the preparations done. House is still a little messy. Maybe we'll be able to clean it, maybe not. Who cares? Who cares when the company is good and the food delicious? (Even if I say so myself :P)

Thanksgiving menu - desi ishtyle:

Chhole-Tikiya
Muthiye (A gujrati dish made with shredded cabbage, whole wheat flour and other spices - yummy!)
Katori Chaat - Crispy deep fried bowls made with all purpose flour, filled with sprouted lentils, cucumber, shredded cabbage, potatoes etc. topped with yogurt and chutneys)
Moong Dal Ki Kachori
Fruit Cream - Whipped cream loaded with fruits.
Vanilla Icecream topped with chopped nuts

Have a good one, everyone!

Theory of Transference*

...of property.

I just remembered this incidence yesterday. This happened when J & I were doing our Master's from Indore University. The three of us - J, N (a dear friend) and I were sitting on the stairs in front of our department. N started teaseing me about how I was a pauper and J a prince!

N: J has a motorcycle, he has a house and a job. He even has lots of loyal friends. He has a great family and loads of money. What do you have?

[BTW - the last part of N's speech about J having loads of money was a LIE!! :D]

Me: Hmmmm.. I have J!!!

* trans·fer·ence /trænsˈfɜrəns, ˈtrænsfərəns/
–noun
1. the act or process of transferring.
2. the fact of being transferred.

Month 107..... or so

Note: I know I cheated. I changed the title of my post. It now says "Month 107 .. or so" instead of "Month 104...". Today when I was in the shower I realized I made a mistake in calculating the months. Anyway - these forehead smacking moments are happening in the Kay household (to Cee of course!) almost everyday these days :D

Been a long time since I wrote a post about S. A post on month 4 for Baby M is already coming up soon so I, in my eternal (yet futile) quest to be fair to both my daughters, decided to post an update about S too. A long overdue update.

I don't even know where to start from. I think I'll start from her fight with Alopecia Areata. She is still fighting it. She has gotten almost all her hair back but there are still a few very stubborn bald patches left on her scalp. Her strength amazes me. It is like she doesn't even care about them but I know that she does. She just doesn't speak about it. She acts all non-chalant but I know she is thrilled to have her hair back.

Before this started, I would often tell her that I wanted to cut her hair short and that she will have to learn to take care of her hair before I will let her grow it long. And then she lost all of it. I felt so guilty because at that time we didn't know if she will ever get her hair back. I felt guilty for not letting her enjoy something as simple as long hair. I felt guilty because in some way I thought I was guilty. I felt like my saying that I'd cut her hair short had made it fall out. I knew it wasn't true but guilt is an amazing thing. It makes you believe all sort of nonsense. I usually don't take guilt trips but this is one I never returned from.

S got into Norwalk's swim team last year. We were thrilled that she even considered trying. Initially she didn't want to but we convinced her to try out for the team. We told her that if she did get in, she didn't have to continue if she didn't like it. Turns out she does like it. So much that this year she made the decision to stop her tennis lessons and focus on swimming. I am just glad that she is thinking for herself.

I am seeing a confident, responsible S emerge from my baby S. We never have to remind her to do her homework (well, almost never). She remembers to take her library books back and even helps out at home a lot. Helps put away groceries, helps clean up the house, even helps take care of Baby M. Our mornings are finally calm and serene because I no longer have to yell "S! Hurry UP!" 1013 times. In fact, she gets ready and then helps me by loading all my stuff (my handbag, my lunch/book bag, my laptop bag and sometimes an odd file folder or so) in the car. Mornings are less rushed now and consist of sane conversations like "What are you going to do at school today?". We don't forget to send important permission slips to school anymore. We have time to say "Bye" to the baby FIVE times :D

S has been taking Piano lessons for over 2 years now and this is her second year taking Violin lessons. And I am glad to notice that she enjoys these. I would never want to push her into learning something that she doesn't enjoy. She LOVES reading. She is reading the fourth Harry Potter now. And she is writing in her "Reading Journal" (something they have to write in as homework) about these books. Initially I was apprehensive about letting her read beyond the first three Harry Potter books because I heard that they get a little too graphic beyond that (I haven't read them, so I don't know). But then, after seeing how keen she is to read them, I left it up to her school's librarian to decide if these books are appropriate for S. The librarian at S' school is this nice, tech-savvy lady who actually enjoys her library duties and takes them seriously! That includes assisting kids find age-appropriate books for reading. Besides, I grew up reading all sorts of books (even horrors, thrillers and chillers) at a young age and I am fine! If something scared me, I spent a few nights chanting the Gayatri Mantra under the covers - thats it! So maybe I should focus on teaching her the Gayatri Mantra to tide her through those scary nights instead :D

She is a patient child. Always has been. Before Baby M came along, I'd promised her I'd let her get her hair braided and nails done professionally (just ONCE) as a "BIG SISTER" gift for her. I am yet to get the necessary appointments. She has reminded me a number of times but I always forget. But she has never thrown a fit over that.

Coming back to her swimming abilities. Swimming is doing her more good than we could ever imagine. She has developed a good physique due to that. She has these nice, square, broad shoulders that look good in halter tops. The other day she mentioned at the bus stop that she was very worried about an upcoming physical fitness test at school. She said she thought she won't be able to pass it. In the evening, when I asked her how it went, she told me she was one of the few kids who went beyond the required number of sit-ups and curls in these tests. They were required to do 26 sit-ups, she did 40. They were told to do 18 curls, she did 30. I have seen that she always underestimates herself. I guess she is afraid of failing. I think I need to work on that with her. I want her to realize that more important than being on the top in everything is that you try your best.

A friend of mine has been after me to talk to her teacher about getting her into the Academically Talented program at her school. Kids get into this program based on their test scores, teachers' recommendations and their "out-of-the-box" thinking. Well, I did talk to the teacher but I found out that the reason S didn't get into it is that her State standardized test score in reading is just at goal level. She has been placed at advanced levels in both, writing and math. Even though I think it is unfair that only scores in reading are given importance and thus kids achieving high scores in writing and math lose out, I am perfectly fine with the fact that S didn't get into AT program. It doesn't make or break anything, I told her. She will still be as intelligent as she is. And we are working at improving her reading skills. Not because I want her to get in the AT program, but because I think she can do much better. The reason her scores in reading have been lower than those in writing and math is that she just whizzes through the text she is reading and in her hurry sometimes misses the context or interprets it incorrectly.

So, this is how S is doing these days. I am just sad that she is growing up so fast. "Don't grow up so fast, Mamuni" I tell her. And she just smiles that patient little smile of hers and says "I can't help it mamma".

Finally!!

Finally it happened! Something that I had been praying for and wondering if it would ever happen. This morning, when I went to say "bye" to Baby M (she was in her nani's arms), she stretched out her arms to come to me!! I thought she'd never do that. On occasions I have even felt a little bit of envy for my mom because anytime M sees her, she gets all excited and tries to go to her. I understand why she does that - my mom is her main caregiver these days. And I truly don't mind that at all (that M does this). To me, it means my mom is taking really good care of her. But when M showed no interest in coming to me a few days ago, it touched a raw nerve somewhere! All the things that my MIL once said to me about how S (who was a baby then) would have gotten excited and eager to come into my arms "if only I were nursing her" came to my mind. That is a mean thing to say to a new mom. And you can only imagine how mean when the said mom hears it over and over in her mind when she has another baby EIGHT f**king years later. Yes, I am still having lactation problems. BIG TIME. But I am trying my damndest to get every last drop of milk that I can squeeze out of me into the baby. Anyway, rant aside, that small moment really made my day! My baby recognizes me!! Its another matter that she still doesn't smile at me much :( She does smile readily at my dad when he (tries to) whistle in front of her. The first time he tried to do that, only a whoosh of air came out! Yes, my dad is one of those people who can't whistle :D So, yesterday when he tried again and was successful, we joked that M was smiling because he finally succeeded. LOL!

Sibling revelry

When I was pregnant, S was very worried about the effect a new baby was going to have on her status in the family. She worried that we will get so busy with the baby that we won't pay any attention to her. She is a kid who internalizes all her worries so I am gald she spoke about them this time. I tried to answer all her fears but I also knew no matter how many times I answer her questions, she will only accept my answers once she sees me practising them when the baby arrives. I told her as much.

Her biggest fear was that the baby will be very mischievous and will blame her (S) for every mischief and as a result S will get punished by us. For that I told her two things. One - parents have a special sensor for when their kids are lying. So, if the baby tries this, he or she won't get away with it because we will immediately sense (s)he was lying. And that we would like to hear both sides of the story (Baby's and S') before deciding who was at fault (I don't believe in telling the older child to suck it up just because the younger one is small. Young or old, everyone faces the consequences of their actions in Kay household) Two - Haven't we taught S enough not to blame others for her mistakes and to take responsibility for her actions? (And she does that, believe me) What makes her think that we won't teach the younger one same things? She seemed to understand the answers.

Second thing she was worried about was the Baby becoming an instant favorite for us. To this I replied "Parents are not allowed to play favorites with their kids. It is a parent's duty to love all their children equally". This seemed a little hard to digest for her because, unfortunately, she has seen some parents play favorites. After hours and days of trying to convince her, I decided she was going to have to wait to see me practise it. I really do believe this. I know many parents don't. A friend categorically told me it is impossible for parents to love all kids equally. I think it might be hard to love all your kids equally for whatever reasons, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't. I have experienced, first hand, the hurt of favoritsm played by parents (IL's for J and his brother - matter for another post that shall remain unwritten) and I promised myself long ago that I won't put my kids throught that. Ever.

And we went over these two concerns of hers over and over and over. All through the remaining months of my pregnancy (we told her when I completed first trimester). Then I thought I saw a little bit of sibling rivalry building up. S would comment "Don't get this for the baby" if we bought her something small like a book. One day she said since the baby will be an American citizen (which S is not), we shouldn't apply for Indian citizenship for her because she (S) wanted that to be her special "thing". This completely infuriated me even though I knew it was just an 8 year old expressing her concerns in the only way she knew how. So I told S "You have to make up your mind right now and tell me if you even want this baby, otherwise I am going to give her up for adoption. I don't want her to come into a family where she isn't wanted. If she is going to have to face this every day of her life, she is better off growing up where she is wanted and loved". Harsh, I know. But surprisingly that did the trick. That made S realize that this type of behavior will not be tolerated and hopefully handling sibling rivalry will now be a little bit easier since she knows I will not take this nonsense at all. (Keeping my fingers crossed).

Then Baby M arrived. And all our fears, AND S' dissipated. We knew that she loved the baby very much and she saw that her position in the family was still the same - that of a much loved child. Baby M was loved too, but our love for her didn't affect our love for S in any way (of course!). So, my guess about things going back to normal after the baby's arrival was correct. S loves her to bits and is a BIG helper.

For now, it seems like we are just going to sail through all the sibling rivalry issues. But I know once M starts talking and crawling, she will start getting into S' stuff and then new issues might arise. I have already spoke a little about it with her telling her that she has to keep her stuff out of M's reach because we wouldn't be able to say "no" to her for every single thing she grabs. And that all small toys that M can easily put in her mouth have to be out of her reach otherwise they will be thrown out promptly. I know I am the parent from hell :P

S is so enamoured with M right now that sometimes it is on the verge of funny. Like the time when she "invited" her friend, who had come over for a playdate, to come watch mommy change the baby's diaper. My heart melts at how she proudly shows off her new sister. And how, at every tiny little whimper from M, she comes running to us and asks "Do you need any help?" or "Do you want me to sing to/hold her?" All my fears and concerns over the age difference between my two daughters have dissipated because I see S is going to fawn over M and hopefully M will bask in that attention.

I'm on a roll :P

लालाजी ने केला खाया
केला खा कर मुँह बिचकाया
मुँह बिचका के छिलका फेंका
छिलका फेंक कर कदम बढाया
कदम के नीचे छिलका आया
लालाजी गिरे धडाम!
मुँह से निकला "हाय राम!!"