If there were no consequences

to anything that we do, what would you do?

We all work (most of the times) within the parameters set by the real or perceived consequences of our actions. When we, intentionally or unintentionally, do things without considering the consequences, we face them. Eventually. That, I believe, also works as an effective parenting technique. What better way to teach your child to heed the consequences of their actions than to let them have a brush with a few unpleasant ones?

S once forgot to bring her homework to school despite a few reminders from me. The next day I got a call from her class teacher, asking me to verify that she had indeed, as she was insisting, done her work. I verified that and then requested the teacher to still go ahead and implement the standard consequence for missing homework - make S do the homework in class by making her miss recess. This happened when S was in first grade. She is in eighth grade now and reminding her to take her homework or projects to school is NOT one of my responsibilities. She remembers it herself.

So, coming back to the original question. If you could do anything without having to face any consequences, what would you do? Me? I think it will be pretty meaningless to do anything then. We do things because they carry consequences - pleasant ones. We refrain from doing things that carry unpleasant consequences. But I don't think anyone likes to do anything that doesn't carry any - those are called meaningless tasks, aren't they?

Okay, let's assume we are only eliminating the unpleasant consequences. What would you do then? I can think of a few things right away that I would do. No, murder is not one of them. I don't hate anyone enough to murder them. Not anymore anyway. But then I pause and think again - even if there weren't any (unpleasant) consequences tied to my actions, would I take advantage of that? I would still know what I'd done and that it is wrong (remember, we are talking about removing unpleasant consequences so it must mean that the actions preceding them are wrong). That would be enough to deter me because I do not like not liking myself.

Anyway, I think the mark of an honorable man (and woman) lies in how he/she behaves even in absence of negative consequences. Now, I don't claim to be honorable (though I try to be), but I do think living this way is also easy on one's conscience. Now THAT is something I like!

What about you?

(Note: Cross-posted here)

Midlife crisis

I have been feeling a disconnect from everything I cherish in my life. I feel I just go through motions to get through the day, week, month. Have been feeling this way for some time now. Is this midlife crisis? If it is, then it is going to be a long one - because I don't think I am middle aged yet.

This is not fair though. Men get to have affairs and buy motorcycles and women get hot flashes and begin brooding over life's bigger questions? 

Is there an app for that?

You ever been in a situation where grief just piled up inside you and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't find the release button? Where the frustration is so bad you want to cry, and a good cry is exactly what you need, but the tears just won't come?

I'm there.

Ma's birthday is coming up and such occasions just make me miss Pa with an intensity that won't fit any scales. I become a confused jumble of thoughts and emotions. That's where I am. Been trying hard to get away from it. I generally have a hard time crying. And I have a hard time crying in front of others. That has been the main problem so far - I can't find a quiet place to sit with my thoughts and have a good cry. Where does one go for that? Is there an app for that? Let me know.

No really! What DO women want??

This is what the good folks at Blogadda were asking and wanted desi bloggers to answer. If you are a woman, you had to write about what you (or all women) want and if you are a man, you had to write about what you think they want (Hasn't that always been a problem though? People think they know what women want and expect women to act accordingly) I missed the boat on that one because I didn't feel my post was good enough to be submitted for the contest. But I think I will post it here on my blog because, really, my blog can take anything I throw at it :)

By the way, they have already declared the results and I love, LOVE the post that won the first prize. Do check it out. Seems my decision not to enter the contest was a wise one. I can't compete with that kind of genius :)

Here is how my post goes:

I am a woman and here is what I want (or have wanted at some point in my life). Many of these could be termed dreams because I don't believe people will get it even after we tell them what we want :P

1. Women want to be heard. Most people speak, think (or not) and never listen. Specially when it comes to their expectations of women. Heck, they don't even remember to ask a woman what she wants.

Oh, we treat our women as "devis".

No thank you. I'd rather you treat me as a human being. Do no impose devi-giri on me, do not tell me it is my strength that allows me to tolerate everything I go through. DO NOT put me on a pedestal for tolerating shit from you or anybody else. I don't want to compete with Laxmi, the goddess of wealth. I'd rather you treat me as an equal and let me work hard where ever I want to work, in which ever field I like, to bring home "Laxmi" just like my husband does, and be a contributing partner in our team. Even when (or if) I am not earning, I AM holding the fort at the home front so my husband can go out and make a living without having to worry about childcare or meals. I AM A CONTRIBUTING PARTNER REGARDLESS OF MY EARNING STATUS. I want people to understand that.

2. Women want to be treated with respect for their intelligence. Not feared. Not ridiculed. Not ignored. Respected. 

I lived in India when I was expecting my first child. On occasions my OB/GYN made me feel like a dumb dame by assuming/acting as if I didn't have the capacity to hear or understand what she had to say. Like when I was experiencing strong labor pains and was also bleeding heavily, and went to consult her (on my way to the hospital) - she turned to my brother in-law (who was with me) and told him why she thought the baby wasn't descending. She talked to him about the entire situation referring to me in the third person as if I were some vegetable they were considering buying or selling!! Even when she mentioned that I might require a C-section. My brother in-law is a doctor so, I agree, he should have been given the information so he could better help me. But I was there too!! She could easily have addressed both of us. 

3. Women want a chance, to make their own decisions, to follow their own dreams and instincts. Don't tell a girl that she should opt for Biology or literature because that will allow her to go into teaching which, in turn, will allow her to more flexibility to be home with her kids. She might want to become a car mechanic for all you know. Don't tell a woman to leave her job when she gets engaged or pregnant. Mention that she should leave her job and join cooking classes (or sewing or any other classes that teach "womanly" skills) at the risk of losing limb or life. Don't tell a woman to "get a job now that your kids are going to school full time". It should be her decision.

I would like to be an equal participant of all financial decisions made in the family. I would like to be the maker of my own decisions, not an "acceptor" of the decisions someone else makes for me.

4. And lastly, one particular woman wants a surprise birthday or anniversary party from her partner but, frankly, she doesn't think it even occurs to him :)

Privacy shrivacy

When I hear parents of young (even VERY young) kids talking about their kids' privacy, I choke on my own spit. I get the concept of privacy for certain things - like privacy when they use the bathroom. But there ARE situations when a parent might have to invade his/her kid's privacy. If I were afraid my daughter were falling in with the wrong crowd or were using drugs, I wouldn't hesitate in snooping around. To me, it is more important to have her well and alive on this earth somewhere, than to have her living with me and/or on talking terms with me. If I invaded her privacy for a valid reason, she found out and got upset with me, I'd live with that. But to suspect, not do anything and then to find out she made a huge mistake - I wouldn't be able to live with that. And of course, I am going to resort to snooping only when I have exhausted all other avenues of talking with her or having some other trusted adult talk to her. To me, that is love. Tough love.

So, what would you do?

What is the point..

... of keeping the treadmill at full incline and then walking as you literally hang on to the handrails? And of almost doubling over with effort because the weights you are training with are too heavy for you to lift?

The mistaken assumption of "more is better" I suppose.

The BIG difference between winners and losers is

that winners don't give up.

When the face is calm

the mind is in BIG turmoil.

God must be five years old

Only a five year old thinks seeing people get hurt is fun.

Only a five year old thinks seeing people fall and stumble is fun.

Only a five year old thinks piling muck on someone is fun.

Only a five year old thinks piling more muck on a mucky person is fun.

Only a five year old pokes you in the ribs and laughs when you grimace.

Only a five year old can repeatedly forgive you for hurting him/her.

Only a five year old doesn't demand respect and still helps you when you ask for help.

Only a five year old can love you unconditionally.

Yep. I think God IS a five year old!

More thoughts out loud

I wrote a post about a month back, about how I would be disappointed if S decided to go into a non-technical field professionally. It was more about my struggle with my preconceived notions than a comment on a particular field of profession. I got some interesting comments that served to widen my perspective but I got distracted by the Learning Disabilities posts and couldn't reply to these comments in time. So I decided to devote a post to these comments. I am extremely sorry for the delay in replying. Maybe you guys weren't expecting any (given my lax behavior in the past) but not being able to reply to comments always nags on my mind. My replies are in italics.

asaaan said...

I dont really care what she does in school as long she doesnt get married till she is in her(at least) late twenties.
Is that bad of me to want her to not be like me(didnt finish college, married at 20,first child at 22.)

Ohh I didnt know you had to chose electives in middle school. Ashwina will be going to 5th this fall and middle school fall 10.

Me: I don't know about it being bad (of you to want her to be not like you) but I think that isn't actually what you want. All you want is for her to not make the mistakes you made. And I am not saying here that you made mistakes - you do love your life the way it is now, don't you? Maybe you think she should make different choices because the choices you made wouldn't be right for her?

I didn't know about the elective either. This was new for us.

the mad momma said...

i understand. i'd be terribly disappointed if my kids were scienceys. i am very artisitic and you love to know that they share that link with you. would i deal with it? totally. its my prob, not theirs.

Me: Glad to have you on this side then! Yeah - I'd deal with it and not burden them with it.

roop said...

u got urself corrected towards the end. so no brickbats!! :P

u'll make the right decision when it's time. we have full faith in you. :)

Me: Thanks for the vote of confidence Roop :) And thanks for not throwing those brickbats too!

Subhashree said...

Yeah, I wouldn't mind if my kids chose whatever profession they want. But if it is in the same line as the husband and I am in, it'd be easier to guide them. Well, I don't even know if they'd want any guidance, but still I'd like to be prepared.

Me: Yeah - it isn't even about guidance I think. Is it probably the thought that by following in your field they are validating your choice of profession? Though why would I be looking for validation for my choice of profession in my children's actions is beyond me :P I think I am muddled in my mind. Don't really know why I would want her to be a techie. I just would!

dipali said...

What a sensible mother you are, Cee. We just muddled through, I think!

Me: Sensible?? I haven't heard the words "sensible" and "Cee" in the same sentence Dipali. Ever!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. I agree with tearsanddreams. I think its a very subtle distinction (being disappointed in her because you think its an inferior option and being disappointed because you lose a link to her). The danger is that your daughter may pick up on the disappointment and not on the reasons behind the disappointment, which as I said are very nuanced. And being well-behaved, one danger is that she may be very very subtly pushed into choosing a technology/science career which would make her happy but not terrifically happy.

otoh, I'm sure you've got it all sorted out and its good that you can see those differences and acknowledge them.

And I'm not sure I'd want to guide my daughter in a particular career, but I'd like to guide her about HOW to choose good work that would interest and excite her.

n!

Me: Maybe you are right. But I like to think that the communication between her and me is clear enough for me to be able to make her understand that I will stand by, and fully support, her choice of profession.

lumi said...

Each child is imbued with his or her own set of talents even though they were knit from our DNA. The beauty of education in America is that you can study and be whatever you want to be and don't have to have a predetermined idea of what it is you want to do in school before you get there.

Encourage your daughter to take as many different kinds of classes as possible. Obviously there is a need to have a solid foundation in math, science, and writing. The balance of her courses should be left up to her. There's nothing wrong with being a non-technically oriented professional. If she has a passion and talent to do something it should be cultivated.

Mini-me is a budding environmentalist but has a gifted eye behind the camera, plays the violin with joy, and could out draw me by the time she was five. I'm proud of her for pursuing her interests and talents.

Me: Yes, that is exactly what we did (encourage her to take varied classes). She has elected Arts and Dance as the first and third electives. Technology is second but J or I didn't force her to do that. She liked the content: Graphic designing, publishing, animation etc. We did discuss her reasons for selecting each elective. As for encouraging her non-technical interests - we do that. She plays the violin, loves painting and creating comics, also plays the piano pretty darned well and is taking gymnastics and tennis lessons :) Didn't like being on the swim team so we took her off - no hassles. So she KNOWS we will respect her wishes. By the way, I LOVE the American education system for the reasons you mentioned. I love the flexibility it gives one. I love how you don't get rigidly slotted into a field (arts, commerce or science) the moment you enter 11th grade. I love how you can still go into any field irrespective of the subjects you study in high school. Wish we had that when we were in shcool.

General Note: I never said there was anything wrong with being a non-technically oriented person. I would encourage her in any profession she took up sincerely. I was just talking about my own feelings. I do understand about kids picking up on our unspoken disappointment but I am trying to avoid that with open communication. At least, if she feels I am disappointed about something, she will come and ask me why. I am sure of that. I think! :P

That's all it takes

To err is human. To forgive, divine. To realize that one made a mistake and make amends - mature.

Gaurav Chopra apologized for his behavior. With chocolates. It takes guts to do so in person when one has the means to send the chocolates and a note with a courier. That it was delivered in person, makes me believe it was sincere. Good job, man!

Thinking out loud

Today, while talking to a friend about the electives that S has chosen for middle school, I said something I am sure she didn't understand. We argued briefly over it then gave up and decided to enjoy the rest of the limited time we had to chat with each other. But what I said is still going around in my head and I am sure I won't be at peace until I put it down somewhere. So, here goes....

I said I will be very disappointed if my daughter chooses arts as a career. Yep. I said that. And now I will wait for the brickbats.

While I don't think I owe any explanation to anyone for my opinion on this matter - except to S, I began thinking of my reasons. The only reason I could think of is that I am a technology-oriented and artistically challenged individual. I understand technology better. I understand the career options in technology better. If my daughter chose something that I couldn't understand or help her with... well that IS the heart of the matter, isn't it? We want to be important in our children's lives. We want to be able to "help" them with the major decisions in their lives. And we want a connection with them through our choices in life. My parents wanted me to opt for science because they were both science/engineering teachers and of course, opting for science meant you were intelligent. I don't subscribe to the latter belief myself - I am just saying how it was then.

But what I think does not matter at all. That is what my friend didn't understand. My opinion doesn't count because it is my daughter's life, hence it should be her decision. I strongly believe in parents letting their children make their own decisions. And as I am learning on this road of parenting, sometimes you even have to let your kids make wrong decisions just so they can learn from them. You have to put your confidence in them, in your own parenting. You have to believe that the foundation of values and ethics that you gave them in their childhood is strong enough to help them make sound decisions later in life. You can and should guide them, but you have to leave the final decision up to them. I certainly DO NOT mean that choosing a career in art would be a wrong decision. I am just saying what MY philosophy about parenting is - let your kids make their own decisions, let them make mistakes, and if they do make mistakes then stand by them without judging them and help them learn from their mistakes and rectify them, if possible. That is all we CAN do as parents. I have seen way too many lives ruined by well-meaning parents interfering in their children's decisions.

So while I would very much like it that S goes into a technology or science related field, if she chooses otherwise, I will still wholeheartedly support her. Yes, I'd be disappointed but NOT because I'd think her choice is inferior. Just because as a parent I'd like that extra link with her. And I won't be disappointed in her. I will try and educate myself more about her choices and maybe that will help me understand and accept them better. Maybe I'll grow up a little more by then and her career choice wouldn't affect me at all - one sure can live in hope.

Where do I fit?

As far as hard-core feminists go, I probably am not a contender to be one. I agreed to my father-in-law's condition that I stay at home in order to marry his son. That is, I agreed not to work outside of home. I took my husband's last name. I stayed at home after my first daughter was born. Because I wanted to. I like to cook and "keep house". And, *gasp* I wear a bra!! Okay, the last one was my feeble attempt at humor.

But the fact is, if you look at my actions and decisions in the last decade and a half, I don't come across as a feminist. Yes, I made one choice that I regret - gave in to an unreasonable demand that I won't work outside of home. Apart from that, I don't regret any other decisions I made. Yet I believe that I AM a feminist.

You see, I believe feminism is not about working outside of home, or about keeping your name. It isn't even about not letting men open doors for you or giving up a seat for you in the bus. I think feminism is about choice. Being able to choose. As simple as that.

So I can choose to stay at home to look after my kids while my husband goes out to earn, because I believe that is the best thing for my family. Or I can choose to work and to send my kids to a daycare, if I believe that is what will benefit me and my family. Or I can stay home because I HAVE to - maybe the finances don't permit me to send the kids to the daycare or due to some medical condition my kid has due to which I am not comfortable sending her to daycare. As long as the decision is mine. As long as it is not imposed upon me. As long as I don't stay home because "that is what daughters in law of this family do". Sometimes these decisions cannot, and should not, be taken in isolation. Both partners have to make a joint decision. But as long as one partner's wish is not being imposed on the other, it should be fine.

Yet, I have seen so many males proudly proclaiming that they are very "open minded and forward thinking" because they insist their wife work outside of home. Or women admitting proudly they don't do anything around the house because, well because they are "educated" and "not like those women who stay home". I have a second cousin who refused to marry into a family because she did not want to do any house chores and they couldn't afford a full-time maid. I have seen people proudly say "Oh, we will let our daughter-in-law work outside the house if she wants to". I agree that it is pretty mature of them to do so, keeping in mind that there are countless others who stifle their daughters in law for the sake of their false pride. But is it really being "open minded"? That you "allow" your daughter in law to work? Isn't assuming that you can allow, or disallow an adult, quite contrary to being open minded and forward thinking??

And then, it gets tricky in my mind. You see, I also know and accept that the sexes are not biologically equal. Does that make me anti-feminism? That I accept my gender's limitations? I am not saying my gender should be discriminated against on this basis. So just because women are the (physically) weaker sex, doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed in mines or on battlefields or aboard spaceships. Equality of sexes, to me, means both sexes should be given an equal opportunity to try things. So, yes, a woman should be given a chance to opt for Mining as her major in engineering college. AND a man should be give an opportunity to be a stay-at-home dad if he wants to. Equality means both sexes should have same legal, financial and political rights. You get paid according to the effort you put in. You get a job if you can prove you are capable of doing it.

And no one, NO ONE, has the right to judge you on the basis of the choices you made.

A pretty confused, and confusing, post as has been the norm lately. I started out with a different train of thoughts and ended up with this. This has left me dissatisfied with the outcome but I will post it anyway.

Pretend you didn't read this...

...because then we can pretend I didn't write this.

Gmail now has a feature called "Take a break". You click on it and your screen gets shrouded in blue grey with a message that they'll be back in 15 minutes. It is really good for emailoholics like me. I wish the whole internet had such a feature so I wouldn't be tempted to blog-surf or browse the news sites when I am supposed to be studying for my exam. Which has been (re)scheduled for Monday (June 16th). I was supposed to take it two weeks back but couldn't because I was very sick. Which means I shouldn't even be writing this post. Oops!!

Ta! See you on the other side of Monday!!

That which does not kill us, makes us stronger

It is a dialog in one of the greatest movies ever made - Steel Magnolias. I have watched it a hundred times. I am watching it right now. I cry every time I watch it. I understand M'Lynn's fear when she learns her daughter Shelby (who is severely diabetic) is pregnant. And I understand Shelby's desire to have a baby despite the risk a pregnancy would pose to her life. I think the movie affects you differently once you become a mother. What do you think?

Raising two girls, and a muddle of other thoughts

I wanted my first-born to be a girl. I was very clear about the reasons too - I had seen that women who were first-born (including me) were more independent and more confident. While women who had older brothers were kind of dependent and not that confident about their abilities to survive alone. I can count at least 5 examples of each kind just among close friends and family. Sure there are exceptions, but this is what I have generally observed. Of course it might be my own perceptions that have tainted my view in these matters. It might be a coincidence that I know enough women who fall in both categories or maybe due to the fact that older brothers are protective of their little sisters and hence the girls grow up in their brothers' shadow. And I am not saying one scenario is any better then the other - I just wanted my daughter to be like me. Independent and confident. And there was an added element of the rebel in me wanting to dash the ego of certain members in the family who were confident that the first-born in the Kay family is always a boy :P

I was not very particular about the second one either. A boy would be good, but so would a girl. I actually felt like the person who hasn't had any sleep for 6 days and when he finally gets to sleep, he doesn't care if he is sleeping on a silk sheet or a soft, 850-count Egyptian cotton sheet. I was so starved for a second child that I had absolutley no preference. I and J talked about it once during my pregnancy and both agreed that it would be a nice experience to have a boy this time but a girl would be equally loved and cherished. And now I look at M and cannot even imagine how this family would have looked if she had been a boy. Not too different, I think. But I do feel a twinge of regret. Now I can't show my friends that I would have taught a son to cook and clean. That a son can be as sensitive and caring as a daughter. That a son would listen to me as much as my daughter does - not because of his gender, but because I would raise him that way. All wrong reasons to want a son, I know :P On the other hand, I can show them that I am really happy to have a second daughter. That I am not mourning the birth of a second girl. And that two daughters complete a family as well as a daughter and a son or two sons would. Also, I firmly believe -

"My son's my son, till he got him a wife

My daughter's my daughter all her life"

Don't remember who said that, and couldn't find them on Google either. But these sure are some words of wisdom!

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, there is this 19th century thinking lurking that my daughters would have to leave me when they get married. But then I come back to reality. My parents have a son, but he lives in another state because of his work. J is away from his parents because of his work. In today's times, with the world becoming a global village, people are moving oceans away for work. There is no guarantee that your sons will stay with you when they grow up. And with time, the social taboos of living with a daughter are crumbling - so there is a high possibility that your daughter and son-in-law could come to live with you. Actually, I have already started my evil planning for this :D A few days ago I told S that when she gets married, she and her husband should come live with us.

But I am telling you - this parenting is a heartbreaking business. You invest everything you have - money, emotions, heart, mind - in bringing up your kids. These kids grow up, find someone they love, find a job, get lives of their own. Sure they love you, but they have lives of their own. That is the circle of life. And you are left behind with just memories. Even if you are lucky enough to have your kids close to you, they still are seperate entities now and no longer just an extension of you. How does one get used to that?

To "thoo" or not to "thoo"*, that is the question

OKAY, cheesy title I know. But yes, that IS a dilemma I sometimes face. You see, I do not believe in the evil eye or "nazar". My mom managed to bring me and my brother up without having to resort to any means to ward off the evil eye. We actually made fun of the various practices (Quietly, among ourselves. We weren't rude enough to do it in front of the believers). I and my brother grew up to be fairly normal individuals, I believe (though you will probably find plenty of individuals contesting that claim). All I know is - we did fall sick but we didn't need any "special measures" to get over it. Just some TLC and plain old medicines. Actually my mom's favorite remedy for colds and coughs was warm water. It is mine too. And my daughter now automatically asks for a glass of warm water if she feels the sniffles coming on or a tickle in her throat. And for skin problems we relied on the good ol' neem tree in our back (side?) yard. Cloth strips soaked in cold water for high fever and so on. But I never saw my mom muttering under her breath waving a fistful of salt around us. Or do any other such stuff. We were never taken to the "tantrik" to get some "jhad-phoonk" done. We thought the only use for nimbu mirchi was in dal-ka-tadka :) In fact, come to think of it, I never saw anyone else in our colony doing any of this stuff and that is why I found it extremely weird the first time I encountered it at my in-laws' place. I never made fun of it, but I made it known clearly that I didn't believe in that stuff.

So when I had my first daughter, every time her dadi asked me to ward off the evil eye, I asked her to do it herself. Or asked her to tell my husband to do it. I stopped putting a kala-tika on her forhead as soon as I could. I never tied a black thread around her waist. And I believe, despite the various problems she has faced (alopecia, dental stuff), that she is a fairly normal kid with fairly normal problems. I have butted heads with a dear friend a number of times over this. He seriously believes in this stuff. He has asked me a number of times why I don't. And he has even said I should do it as it is my duty as a mother. When I told him to teach my husband, he said it is effective only if the mother (or the lady of the house) does it. [I am not even making this up!] Now I find that concept strange and kind of amusing (now that I seem to have gained some maturity - earlier I would have gone ballistic shouting "gender-discrimination"), to put it very mildly. Why would evil eye discriminate between genders? How does it matter who is casting it off as long as the correct procedure is being followed? Doesn't make sense to me. BUT - not the point of this post so moving on!

So now, as I wrote yesterday - M has been going through repeated bouts of diarrhea. Yesterday J and I were seriously and sincerely discussing if we should do some of the "nazar utarna" stuff! Today she had diarrhea again. I am still of the opinion that it isn't necessary. And I absolutely respect other people's opinions if they believe in this. I just don't want it to be pushed on me. I told J he should do it if he wants to. It does make me wonder sometimes, but I haven't converted yet! And please, don't try to convert me. I'll respect your beliefs if you respect mine.

[*Saying "Thoo-thoo", as if one is spitting, is a simple, quick and efficient way to ward off evil eye followed by many people - even my boss who is not Indian!]

You never know until you try

In the new year, I tried something new. Nothing sensational, just something I hadn't tried before. Something I never thought I'd try. I borrowed a Book on CD from our local library and listened to it on my half hour twice daily commute to and from work. The book I listened to was "Memoirs of a Geisha".

I did like the storyline and everyday looked forward to the next opportunity that I could listen to those CDs. I even began to carry the whole case to my office every day so I could listen to them while at work. I stuck to my rule of never bringing the CDs home because I knew then I'd be a total mess ignoring all household work, listening to the CDs. The material was such that I couldn't listen to the CDs with my daughter around. So car and office it was.

It was a BIG change from reading. Though I liked the story, I still haven't made up my mind regarding the medium itself. I love reading. It is the act of reading that I sometimes love more than the book or the story itself. Poring over each word, picturing each scene in my mind, imagining how the characters look, how a particular scene played out, even going back to check and recheck the spellings of some words - particularly names that I stumble upon for the first time. Yes, that is one of my quirks (reminds me - I have a pending tag for that!) - I HAVE to know the correct spelling of each and every place and character's name. And this proved to be problematic while listening to the book on CD. Was it "Kyoto" or "Kioto"? Was it "Sayori" or "Sayuri"? Small details like that. I did manage to find out when I Googled the title of the book and landed on its entry in Wikipedia. And only then did I find peace :P

Overall, I feel I would have enjoyed the story more if I had read the book. But as I don't have time even to read the comics section in the daily newspaper, this was the best I could do to catch up on my "reading". I am reserving comment on whether I like Books on CDs/Tapes or not until I try it once more. Maybe it was the story itself that was not very conducive to listening vs. reading. So, I have put another book on tape on hold in the local library. Now if only I could find the time to go and pick it up.

You have to be pre-tty damn secure in your relationship...

...when you can tell your husband that a girlfriend at work proposed to you. (In jest, IN JEST people!!)

Things to work on...

I don't do New year's resolutions. I feel one shouldn't be bound by the calendar to start something good. So, I usually make resolutions as and when I feel the need. Whether I act upon those resolutions is a different matter and we shall not venture into that discussion.

I can remember only one resolution that I made a few years back and I feel I did a good job with that. But then that may be because it wasn't too tough to begin with. Two (or maybe three) years back I decided I wasn't going to fret about my weight. That didn't mean I wouldn't care about it - just that I wouldn't worry about my weight or shape or size. I still would follow a healthy life style and try to reach/maintain a healthy weight. I just wouldn't worry about or feel bad about my weight or size. I have to say that it was THE BEST decision I ever made. I found it was easier for me to focus on healthy habits if I wasn't constantly worrying about losing weight. I knew if I followed a healthy life-style, weightloss and fitness will automatically (eventually) follow. And that is what happened. Well, at least until I started the IVF cycles - but that is a different story. Not getting into that.

Coming to this year. I haven't made any resolutions. Yet. I liked one on a blogger's list and for the life of me, I CAN'T FIND THEIR POST NOW!!! I have patrolled the blogosphere twice over and still couldn't find the post, so I don't remember the blogger's name. but I do remember one resolution on their list - to reduce clutter. And that fits my state of mind completely right now. I need to reduce clutter form my life. From my mind. From my house. From my office. From my car. So that is one thing I am going to work on starting from today - getting rid of clutter. I won't say "work on it this year" because I want this habit for life. I am still going to actively work on improving my health AND having/maintaining a positive self-image. I want to be around to enjoy MY grandkids.