Mother-daughter moments - 1

Ever since my parents left, our mornings haven't been the same. When mom and dad were here, I used to wake up at 7:30, proceed to get ready leisurely, remind S to get ready fast a few times, give her breakfast, pack our lunch bags and leave, sometimes scrambling - by 8:40. We'd get to the bus stop just a few minutes before the bus got there and I'd start off for work as soon as S got on the bus.

Now we get up by 6:30 or 6:45, play with the baby a little if she is up (or catch another shut-eye for a few more minutes - you know how precious those minutes are!), dress her up, wake S, go downstairs, start making breakfast (dosa, omelet or cereal), pack lunch bags, pack M's diaper bag with the milk bottles and so on. M sits on the floor on a comforter all this while, playing with her Teletubby or drums and occasionally raising her arms to whoever is passing by in the hopes of being picked up by them.

By 7:30 S is downstairs, her breakfast ready. I feed M her breakfast (cereal with formula) at the same time so the sisters can eat together. We usually leave home by 8:10, drop M off at the daycare and get to the bus stop by 8:25 or 8:30. S' bus arrives between 8:51 to 8:55. So we have about 25-30 minutes during which we chat with each other or listen to our favorite songs.

I have come to cherish these moments alone with my older one a lot. We are having conversations we never had the time for. And I feel like I am opening the windows into my mind for her, showing her how I think, what kind of a person I am etc.

The first time we spent this time together, I brought up something that had been nagging at me for quite some time. I didn't know how to broach that subject with S but that day it just seemed like the right occasion. About a year ago, S had commented at how her dad's return from office used to be her favorite time of the day when she was 4-5 years old. Why? Because mommy dearest used to take a nap in the afternoon, leaving S to play with her toys in her room. And S, while playing alone, eagerly waited for daddy to return so she wouldn't be alone anymore. Now, that nap was usually 30-40 minutes and it wasn't like I never talked to S or played with her. But I was depressed during those years and running around all day drained me out completely. Besides, she has been comfortable being alone from the beginning and doesn't mind playing/reading by herself. She never hounds me, like some of her friends hound their moms, saying "I am bored, what should I do?" She finds stuff to do by herself. But this statement from her made me look at things in different light. And I felt pangs of guilt. So I brought this up. I asked her if she still remembered the time. She said yes. I asked her if she thought that made me a bad mommy. She said "No" (Thank heavens!!) I told her if she had told me she was lonely at that time, I would never have left her alone like that. And I said sorry to her. I told her I never meant for her to feel like that. I just wasn't aware of how she felt. And that it didn't mean I didn't love her. I loved her with all my might. After that conversation, my heart is more at peace now.

Then there was the occasion two days ago when we discussed about being kind/nice to people even when we don't like them too much. The day before, I had gone to S' school just talk to her class teacher on how she was doing academically and socially. her teacher said she was doing great academically. She is very good at math (ever notice how I can NEVER let go of a chance to boast about it? :P), her writing skills are very good and most impressively, S was the only one to get a question right in an assessment they had taken that very day on reading skills. Socially? "Well, she is doing good socially. Its only that she is kind of impatient with kids she doesn't like. She may be more curt in answering them or when I ask her to help someone out she lets out a sigh if she doesn't like that person too much. She does help them though". This is what I brought up the next day on the bus stop.

I wasn't upset with her. I guess this is a trait she has picked up from me. I am not like that anymore. But I used to be. So I decided to come clean with her, and tell her a few things so that she would have the opportunity to learn from my experiences. This happened back when I had just finished my Master's and was back in Jodhpur with my parents. I landed a job within the first week of being back and started as an instructor with a Computer training institute. Now a little more background is needed in this context.

I did my Master's from Indore, and stayed with my Tauji (dad's elder brother) for three years. My Tauji is married to my mom's elder sister, my mausi. Now, my stay with them was far from pleasant. Lets say, I was put through the wringer, and then some. To the extent that when my brother saw how they treated me, he came home to my mom and said "इसको बादाम खिला कर वापस भेजना, नही तो ये मर जायेगी वहाँ". (Feed her almonds [for strength] before you send her back, otherwise she won't survive). He didn't mean it literally, but things WERE very bad. Another post on that some other time. So these three years at their place gave me a gift that keeps on giving. Depression. I sincerely believe that my bouts with depression began back then. I would often wonder what kind of a person I had become (bitter, clingy, arrogant) and really didn't have a very high opinion of myself as a "nice" person. Anyway, this personality came out more prominently when I would teach. I would scream like a shrew when a student made repeated mistakes. I would mete out harsh, sarcastic remarks if I felt that my students weren't putting in their hundred percent efforts. Once I had them all come back for an extra class THE SAME DAY on a hot summer day because I felt they weren't sincere enough in their studies.

There was a boy in one of my classes who didn't really have any aptitude for computers, let alone for programming. I once got very frustrated with him and I yelled at him. He stopped coming from the very next day. I feel bad about him to this day. I still maintain that he was not ready for a computer course, but I think I should have handled him in a kinder way. I could have just pulled him aside and said "I think you need to work harder or take a break from computer coaching until you are ready for it". I narrated this incident to S and told her how much I regret having used harsh words for him. And how, I wish I could go back and say "sorry" to him for being such a mean person. I told her all this to highlight the fact that sometimes the mean things you say or do come back to haunt you and you can't always set them right then. I asked her how she would feel if someone behaved with her the same way she behaved with some of her classmates. I also asked her to imagine how a person would feel if he or she really liked her (S) but she was mean to him/her. I think I gave her a lot to think about that morning. And I hope she will learn from my experiences, and learn to be patient even with people she doesn't like.

Then this morning, we talked about compassion. S told me about a girl who said "Its UGLY" (and then laughed) for a drawing S made last year in the after-school program. That really hurt S' feelings. I had no idea how much until she told me this morning "I still remember that and I want to be mean back to her just to make her pay". This little girl (she was 5 when she said those words) - Amy- has not been mean to S in any other way except that single time. I didn't want to get all preachy on S and say how "she shouldn't be mean" and all that stuff. After all, I can very well identify with the urge to get back at someone who has hurt me in some way. But it doesn't mean we should act upon those urges. Instead, I told her about this incident:

S was maybe 4 or 5 years old. We were going out one day when the lady, who lived across from us in the apartment complex we lived in at that time, called out and said a sweet "Hello" to us. S turned to me and said, quite loudly, "I don't like her". I was mortified and immediately chastised her not to say such things because they could hurt some one's feelings. Later on we became very good friends with that neighbor, and she was one of S' favorite neighbors. I asked S if she really meant she didn't like Susan when she said that on that day. I said what her 5 year old mind probably meant was "Since I don't know this lady, how can I like her?" And I said, this is probably why Amy said her drawing was ugly. She didn't quite like it, but didn't know the correct words to express how she felt. So she said "ugly".

I also recounted another recent incident to S. Ani, a friend of S' told her that her name (the friend's) means "beautiful" to which S said "which you are not" and laughed because she thought she had cracked a big joke. The friend's feelings were very hurt obviously, and she complained to her mother who happens to be a very good friend of mine. Her mother called me to tell me of this incident, not to complain but to sit down and talk to S about how it hurt Ani's feelings. I did, and S apologized to Ani and they are back to being great friends. I reminded S that even though she had laughed after her "joke" Ani hadn't found it funny and maybe the same thing happened when Amy said S' drawing was ugly. Maybe she thought she had said something funny. S then understood that the same incident could be interpreted in several different ways and I hope she has overcome the urge to return the mean remark.

I cherish these moments with her when she shares whatever has been on her mind and I talk to her, not as a mother, but as any other person who is sharing something from her life to give some parallels to compare with. And I cherish the moments when the two of us simply sit silently in the car listening to our favorite songs. I am sure there will be many more.

Pity party

My company outsources the software development and help desk functions to an offshore team in India. At any given time, at least one of their team members is here in the US on a project. The person visiting us now is the reason this post happened.

Lets call him M. His wife had a baby boy just before he came here. She went to her parents' place for the delivery and is now back with his parents. He has been here for at least 2 months and is going to be here for another month or so. When we were speaking about this just casually, his way of speaking told me she didn't have much choice. Back in India, he lives and works in Bangalore while the wife lives in Chennai with his parents. He goes home every month or so. As far as I can tell, NO compassion for his wife who is living away from him. And no plans to have her come live with him.

At my company's holiday party, he and I were at the same table, along with 6 other people. During the course of conversation, I asked everyone what would they spend money on FIRST if they won a million dollars in lottery. Three of us said "go back to school" (including me), one said "buy a house and settle down", one said "go on a world tour", our COO (Chief Operating Officer) who was sitting with us, said he'd retire because a million bucks would gently push his savings into that zone. This man? He says he will send his parents on a world tour. OK. I can understand that. I would too - if I had money to spare after finishing my studies. But no mention of wifey. It didn't bother me that much at that time.

Just a few minutes ago, he and I were talking and he told me he is looking for a diamond. He said he found one on a website and it is half a carat and being sold for about $1,200. He said he is a bit concerned about spending that much money on an online deal because he will be using up all his savings. I asked him if he will have it set in India (he is talking of buying just a diamond, and not a jewelry item). He said "Yes, I'll give it to my mom and she can do whatever she wants with it". Hello!! Ever thought about that woman who left her parents to come live with yours? Your mom has your dad to provide her with such stuff. Who will do this for your wife?? [Oh, shucks!! I forgot - his son will, won't he?] Or, why not buy TWO smaller diamonds and give one to each? THIS is the stuff joint families are made of and THIS is why (among many, many, many other things) I hate the joint family system so much!!

Leading by example. NOT!

Two parents were arrested for sending their kids to a public school in another town. They used a relative’s address to make it appear as if they were living there themselves. On the surface it doesn’t look that serious. I mean, all parents want the best education for their kids and if these parents felt that the education in another town was better than their’s, they just tried to do what was best for their kids. Right?

Well, I said “on the surface” because in reality it does matter. Students here don’t have to pay tuition to study in public schools. That means the government uses tax payers’ money to run the schools. Therefore, how good a town’s school district is decides the prices of homes in that school district. Better the schools, higher the prices. Higher the prices, higher the taxes. So, if you want to pay lower taxes but want to get the benefits that the residents of higher tax areas are getting, it doesn’t seem right. At least not to me. Because I saw firsthand last year how school districts struggle to pay for all their expenses and to provide quality education to the kids. It is a tough balancing act. Since not all residents of a town have school going kids, many of them might not be happy about their higher taxes. I saw this too in last year’s town budget planning meetings. It takes about 10,400 dollars per kid per year to provide education in that town. These parents were sending THREE kids to school there. This means the parents swindled the town out of nearly 31,000 dollars per year. It Is not known how many years they did this.

Another thing that bothered me was how some people, that the news crew interviewed for this story, believed that the parents did nothing wrong. I am an honest and upright citizen. I could never imagine doing something like this. If I wanted to send my kids to a better school, I’d see if I can afford to buy or rent a place in that school district. That is what we did when we bought our house. We were very particular about the school district that we wanted to be in, so we compromised on the house we bought. We could have bought a much newer and grander house for less money in another school district. The values that I and my husband hold dear weren’t inborn. They were given to us by our parents. We saw our parents spend their lives living those values and virtues and that is how we learned them. How will the kids of these parents, who believe it is OK to cheat tax payers out of their money, learn values of honesty? Not by example, I am sure.

Introductory Solids

On my post on Month 4 update, I got many comments to share the food I gave S. I need to remember all that and document it for my reference too. Hence this post.

I don't remember too much from that time - after all, it has been over 8 years. But I do remember some of it. One thing I remember is that I wanted to start S on better eating habits from the beginning. I don't know if I have mentioned this before or not, but I have mostly based my parenting on how two particular kids were raised. One was my cousin's daughter, who lived with her grandparents (nana-nani) for the most part of first three years of her life (she is still living with them for that matter) - I shall call her N for the rest of this post. And the second kid is my nephew - J's elder brother's son. Lets call him S2. N had very good eating habits (she ate everything except peas) while S2 still is very picky and fussy about food. Now I don't know when N was started on solids, but I do know that even as an 18 month old toddler she knew she was supposed to eat whatever was placed in front of her on the dinner table. So, that told me it IS possible to discipline and cultivate good eating habits in an 18 month old and I applied that knowledge to my parenting when S arrived.

Anyway, coming back to the topic of discussion - eating habits. Or rather – developing good ones in kids. I believe it is very important to introduce babies to varied tastes and textures in order to develop good eating habits. At an early stage they don’t know enough to be picky. Or maybe, at an early age they are more open to new things. More eager to try out new things. Till now it was only my personal opinion, but from the comments I received for my earlier post I am beginning to believe that it is correct.

When I started S on solids, I kept a few things in mind –

1. The food had to be easy on a delicate stomach. If I had any doubts, I started it at a later age.

2. No sugar, no salt and of course, no other spices. Reason for not adding salt is very specific – at an early age, the babies’ kidneys are not fully equipped to handle it. No ghee or any other fats for similar reasons (digestive system is not fully developed to handle them).

3. I stuck with one food for two to three days to make sure S wasn’t having any adverse reaction to it.

4. No refined flour until the age of 8-9 months. That means nothing made out of maida.

5. I started fruits later – after 5 months.

6. No fruit juice until 1 year of age and only 2-3 ounces even after that.

7. ABSOLUTELY NO CANDY/CHOCOLATE.

8. I started giving her water (boiled and cooled) pretty early – from 3 months of age or so. I used to give her a few sips of water after every feed of formula. Despite pressure from my ILs to give her sweetened water, I didn’t budge and gave her only plain water. As a result she is a good “water drinker”. She prefers water to soda and juice. She does like juice but doesn’t like soda at all.

Now, on to the food that I cooked for her.

Lentil Soup: Took a handful of lentils (red – Masoor Dhuli or yellow – Moong Dhuli) and boiled them in lots of water (about 8 times by volume) until it was thoroughly cooked. Then I would just pour out the water into a bowl and feed it to S. This was when I had just started her on the soups. Later, as her digestive system became stronger, I reduced the amount of water and slowly started giving her the lentils along with the water they were cooked in. I didn’t add any salt or other spices until she was 8 months old or so. You can delay adding these a little more if you want.

Rice water: Same recipe as that for lentil soup. Though later, I never gave S plain rice. I made a very thin “khichdi” with one part rice and 3 parts lentils added to 6 (or maybe more) parts of water. Again, no salt or fat or other spices for at least 8 months.

Upma: Actually – not really! I just dry-roasted some semolina and then cooked it with water to a thin consistency. Not exactly the recipe for a mouth-watering upma :P This time with M, I roast the sooji and take it off the stove. While it is still hot, I add warm formula to it so it cooks and softens. I add enough formula to make it into a running consistency.

Boiled vegetables: started with one vegetable at a time. Then as her digestive system grew stronger, moved up to two or more veggies boiled and mashed together. Some “popular” items were – Lauki (bottle gourd/ white squash), carrots, peas, “turai” (I don’t know what is the English name for this), potatoes and later various combinations of these (and I also added tomatoes then). This time I intend to try out zucchini, spinach (added to other veggies, not alone. And later – maybe after 6 months or so), green beans (boiled, mashed and strained to filter out the fibrous material). One item S particularly liked later on was potatoes and tomatoes boiled and mashed together (the thin skin of tomatoes removed) with a little bit of ghee and salt.

Fuits: Early on, at about 5 or 6 months of age, I gave S only 2 fruits. Mashed bananas, and apples that were peeled, cored, sliced and boiled with a little milk (to soften them up) and mashed. Later I also started giving her Chikoo and Mangoes, mainly in thin milk-shake form and sometimes as purees. This was when she had turned about 7 months old. This time I will also try peaches and nectarines. And maybe some other fruits as M grows older. I would hopefully have introduced most of the fruits before she turns one year old. And I will definitely introduce juices after I have introduced at least some fruits.

Two more items S enjoyed as breakfast were: 1) Semolina toasts soaked in milk and pureed, and 2) plain corn flakes (no sugar variety) soaked in warm milk and pureed. I used to rotate between these two items and a mashed banana or mango for breakfast. As a result she ate different breakfast every day without having to repeat it for at least 4 days. Same thing happened with the rest of her food – with so many choices available, she hardly ate the same food the next day. As she grew older, choices increased and it became easier to give her varied foods.

This time I have a few other options available as well – eggs, cheerios, oatmeal etc. (when M grows older)

Judging from a couple of emails that I have exchanged with a few bloggers, I think I should get this post out on my blog as soon as possible. So I am going to post it as is, and will put up a follow-up post if I think of something else. I do have some ideas already which I think I will add in the next post. Hope this helps someone. I’d like to add one “disclaimer” – whatever I did or think of doing now is NOT absolute. It is based on MY kids’ tastes and preferences (I have already found out that M’s preferences differ from those of S). You can, and should make changes to the recipes according to your baby’s taste and preferences. No one knows them better than you do.

Month 7 - Catching up 2

Month 7 came and went. So did months 1 to 6, for that matter. And it happened in a blink. I didn't even notice the 7th month whizzing by. It was also my parents' last month with us here. A month when M started daycare. A lot happened, but it is all a blur.

In short - my parents are back in India, M has started daycare and we have settled into our new routine. Our lives are hectic-er. But I also derive a pleasure from being able to handle it. I am not a morning person, but getting up early helps me get everywhere in time and I love it. I and S drop M off at the daycare at around 8:10 am. Then get to the bus stop by 8:25 and wait for the bus there. That gives us about 20 minutes to chat and listen to our favorite songs. WAIT!! This post was supposed to be about M!

So, she got THE WORST stomach bug as her Christmas gift from the daycare. She started going there on Monday, December 17th. Tuesday and Wednesday went fine. Thursday, she threw up the squash my mom fed her in the evening. But she kept the milk down, so we didn't think much about it. Friday, she threw up her lunch and dinner. And had severe diarrhea. But she wasn't throwing up, wasn't running a fever, was not dehydrated and was active and happy so we didn't worry about it much. But it got worse before it got better. Her diarrhea worsened but we got through those days with the help of Pedialyte and my friend Y's homeopathy remedies. She has lost a lot of weight but I am sure we can build her up again :) Oh, she is up to three solid meals a day now. And one of the care providers at her daycare told J that we should start giving M the toddler crackers because picking that up will build up her hand-eye co-ordination and also teach her to chew. She loves eating so it all works out for us!

This was the month when M cried to see me leave for work for the first time. It happened a mere 4 days before the day she started daycare. She even cried the first few days at the daycare but now she doesn't. She eats and drinks her milk there. But she doesn't (or can't) sleep there probably because she has been thoroughly spoiled and is used to sleeping in pin-drop silence. But I am sure she will learn to sleep with babies crying all around her when she is tired enough. Until then, mom and dad are enjoying full night's sleep every night. She goes to bed at 8 and doesn't wake up until 5:30 or 6 am! (There! I am sure I have jinxed it now :P)

And she is still a lazy bum. She turned over today while I was dressing her in the morning. So I know she can do it. But she doesn't want to. Oh well. Who am I to complain? It is easier for me - I don't have to run after her. Counting my blessings here! She has started toppling over in an effort to reach for things though. I think she might be getting ready to try to crawl. We need to baby proof the house before she does.

She even saw her first snow this month. And she sat mesmerized in her walker in front of the window. It was a funny sight! Unfortunately, I was rushing out the door so couldn't click a picture. But I'll always remember that scene. I'll always have that memory.

You have to be pre-tty damn secure in your relationship...

...when you can tell your husband that a girlfriend at work proposed to you. (In jest, IN JEST people!!)

Things to work on...

I don't do New year's resolutions. I feel one shouldn't be bound by the calendar to start something good. So, I usually make resolutions as and when I feel the need. Whether I act upon those resolutions is a different matter and we shall not venture into that discussion.

I can remember only one resolution that I made a few years back and I feel I did a good job with that. But then that may be because it wasn't too tough to begin with. Two (or maybe three) years back I decided I wasn't going to fret about my weight. That didn't mean I wouldn't care about it - just that I wouldn't worry about my weight or shape or size. I still would follow a healthy life style and try to reach/maintain a healthy weight. I just wouldn't worry about or feel bad about my weight or size. I have to say that it was THE BEST decision I ever made. I found it was easier for me to focus on healthy habits if I wasn't constantly worrying about losing weight. I knew if I followed a healthy life-style, weightloss and fitness will automatically (eventually) follow. And that is what happened. Well, at least until I started the IVF cycles - but that is a different story. Not getting into that.

Coming to this year. I haven't made any resolutions. Yet. I liked one on a blogger's list and for the life of me, I CAN'T FIND THEIR POST NOW!!! I have patrolled the blogosphere twice over and still couldn't find the post, so I don't remember the blogger's name. but I do remember one resolution on their list - to reduce clutter. And that fits my state of mind completely right now. I need to reduce clutter form my life. From my mind. From my house. From my office. From my car. So that is one thing I am going to work on starting from today - getting rid of clutter. I won't say "work on it this year" because I want this habit for life. I am still going to actively work on improving my health AND having/maintaining a positive self-image. I want to be around to enjoy MY grandkids.

We finally dared!

Originally posted on DesiMomzClub for the club's Theme for December.

In the 12 years that we have been married, J and I have NEVER gone out on New Year's Eve. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? We are more of homebodies than we would actually care to admit. At first we didn't go out because we were living with my husband's parents and they kind of frowned upon it. By the time we came to America, we had S and we didn't go out because we didn't want to disrupt her routine. Besides, we liked the coziness of our house compared to the chilly air outside. Now we have M too, so going out on New Year's eve is unthinkable. Or so one would assume.

Today, after I came back from work, it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't really want to be stuck at home eating leftovers for dinner. So I managed to convince J to take us out for dinner. Initially we planned to go to an Indian restaurant but cancelled the plans when we called them and were told that the restaurant was packed. Then we decided to go to Bertucci's - an Italian restaurant. We were still concerned about how M will behave as she was already tired and starting to get cranky. But this baby of ours is a social animal - we realized long time back.

So we just got ready quickly and left. M behaved really well for most of the time. She only started getting restless towards the end and we were ready to leave by then. I have found a trick to minimizing her tantrums when we go out. I DON'T feed her before leaving. Yes. That's right! And that is because she loves to eat. So I feed her when we get where we are going. That always works well and always gives us some time before she gets cranky.

All in all, we had a good time tonight. So this was our "Dare to" project this December - to give me fodder for this month's theme! I had a completely different post in mind but hadn't gotten around to writing it. Then, while returning from the restaurant, it hit me that this fits the theme better. So, now you know what we never did before today and dared to do today :D

A fine line

A colleague and I were discussing war and the conversation veered towards terrorism. He quoted another colleague who had once said that whatever Islamic militants are doing is not terrorism, it is war. They don't have hi-tech war equipment like America so they use whatever they have (people, knowledge of the terrain), to their advantage. That is war. I say it still qualifies as terrorism because of the fact that they are targeting civilians. If they had aimed these tactics at the US army, I would have agreed that it is war. Heck, Shivaji used guerrilla tactics to win, and I admire him. But when innocent civilians are deliberately targeted and killed, it steps over into the territory of terrorism. I would love to engage that other colleague in a debate on this but he also happens to be my boss :(

Playing catch-up: 1

There are a lot of updates and tags to catch up with. Sometimes it feels all I am doing is playing catch up with things that need to be done. So, I am starting a "Catch-Up" series of posts. These are events that I have been meaning to record on this blog, but haven't had the time to. Like Halloween of '07.

I love Halloween. I comapre it to Holi for the fun factor. Yes, I love Holi too. And it has been almost 13 years since I played it :( Anyway - that's material for another post. So, I was saying...

I love having a carved, candle-lit pumpkin on the doorstep. I love the decoration many people put up. I love to stock up on candies for kids when they come "trick or treating". And I love to see their faces light up when I tell them they can take as many candies as they wish. Yes - even teenagers'.

This year, obviously, was extra special. We had one more costume to worry about. One more trick-or-treat bag to carry :D This year, like last year, we went to a near-by condominium complex with a friend and her family. Her daughters are the same age as S and go to the same school too. This complex is special in that many residents there put up special decorations for Halloween and enthusiastically distribute candy to all trick-or-treaters knocking on their doors. So many people come there that special police presence is arranged, the entrance is blocked and only pedestrians or residents can go in.

This year we had a Harry Potter, a doctor, a Witch-bride and a Tigger in our group. The grandparents accompanied us too and were busy clicking pictures. All had a great time. And since it is also S' birthday, we came back and then S cut a cake. The friend had brought cupcakes because she thought I might have not had the time or chance to get a cake for S. These are the kind of friends I am deeply thankful for.

Here are a few pictures.

TIGGER!!

Tigger's Poonchh!

Witch-bride

BLACK!! Nailpolish :D

Pumpkin

M had a great time I suppose. She didn't cry even once in her costume. We did pay extra attention to the comfort factor of the costume and comfort was the only reason why I chose Tigger over a beautiful Lady-Bug costume. I liked the Tigger costume too but the Lady-Bug was VERY eye catching.

As the picture says it all - S was allowed to paint her nails black this year. This small permission made her extremely happy! When I took her to Party City to shop for her costume, and allowed her to add a few accessories (nail polish, black artificial roses), she was giddy with excitement and kept thanking me. Occasions like these make me wonder if she sees me as "Cruella DeVille" and if that is why it makes her extremely appreciative of these small permissions I grant her. No?

Typical conversation in Kays' house - 1

J comes into the living room with a long face.

Cee: Why are you so glum? What happened?
J: Nothing.
Cee: Come on! Did someone say something to you?
J: No. Nothing happened to me.
Cee: Tell me, did the computer say something to you? (He'd been working on the computer before this)
J (still with a long face): No, my wife said something to me.
Cee: What did she say?
J: Where do I begin? She is always saying something or the other :(
Cee: What kind of a wife is she? उसे उठा कर घर के बाहर फेंक दो! [Throw her out of the house]
J (with a longer face): कैसे फेंकू? उठेगी नही! [How can I? I can't pick her up]

[I know, I know - it loses the essence in translation :(]

Merry Christmas to All

A friend forwarded this in an email today:

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas', since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother", because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM...

P.S. One more thing... you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

Well, I had the whole post all prepared in my mind in the morning but it so happens that it is almost midnight now and I am dead on my feet. Don't remember what else I wanted to write, and don't care. The baby's quasi-sick and needs to be taken to the doctor's office at 8 in the morning just so we can make sure she is OK. (She is, we'd just like to make sure).

So, a Merry Christmas to you all (if I don't post again before 25th). Oh, yes! The Christmas tree was finally set up last night and S and I will decorate it tomorrow morning. S has already packed our gifts in plastic bags and kept them under the tree. We, the lazy parents, still need to shop for hers. And here's my dilemma. She wants a laptop and an iPod Nano (not necessarily right now) but isn't she a little too young for those? Would love to know what you think. I don't want her listening to loud music using earbuds as research has proven that those cause the most damage to young people's hearing. And laptop? Well, we already have two desktops and she uses them. I already told her once that no kid in this house is getting a TV or a phone in their room. Should I add laptop to that list?

The benefit of being together for 12 years is...

... that your partner knows which part of the argument has hurt your feelings. Apologies and explanations come faster. And you make up sooner than you would have otherwise.

The downside is that one knows EXACTLY what part of the argument will hurt the most :D

Is it my greed??

I was link hopping today while sipping on a cup of tea and this is where I landed. One article caught my eye because it is relevant to me. It struck a cord! Before going to the hospital for my C-section this year, I asked my husband at least a few times what I was going to get as an appreciation of what I have been (and am going to go) through. He said "The baby!". WRONG answer, buster! That's what I told him and he immediately corrected it to "whatever you want honey". So, off I went, got under the knife, had the baby, stayed in the hospital for 5 days, came back and got on with my life (well, kinda). I forgot about "the gift". Not for long, though. I soon remembered it and immediately felt bad that he had forgotten. Not one to keep my thoughts to myself, I immediately went up to him and accused him of not caring for me (poor man had been cooking, cleaning, driving our older one to and from activities, changing poopy diapers, taking care of the baby when I needed rest, mowing the lawn, doing grocery shopping and a MILLION other things, but that is beside the point, isn't it?) That's when he told me he had set aside $400 for me to buy whatever I wish. I immediately melted into a puddle of goop. I mean, this man is just ADORABLE, isn't he? (And he is MINE :D)

Now, he still has that $400 sitting aside waiting for me to decide what I want to do with it. I am not a girly girl, so no frilly stuff for me, thank you. I would love some diamonds, but I am very conscious of our budget and don't feel comfortable spending money on something frivolous even when I deserve to (oh yes, I do! There is no doubt about that). I wanted to spend it on a class (English literature at the local community college, painting, dance - something like that) but I don't think leaving him alone (or him and my parents) to take care of the baby while I attend a class that is not exactly essential right now would sit right with my conscience. I am now thinking of spending that money on a ballroom dance class for both of us. Which means it won't be in the near future because I don't believe in leaving the kids with a baby sitter just to go do these things. AND that we'll need a few more hundred dollars to pay for it. So, truthfully, I don't think I am going to be using that money for quite some time now. But that's OK. What matters the most to me is that J thought of me by putting that money aside.

Now, coming back to the article. It asks "Isn't a bundle of joy enough?" It says

In a more innocent age, new mothers generally considered their babies to be the greatest gift imaginable. Today, they are likely to want some sort of tangible bonus as well.

Don't get me wrong. I love both my daughters. There is no material thing in life that is worth more to me. Then why did I want J to gift me something as an appreciation for "giving" him the baby? I cannot explain that. There are a lot of emotions and memories intricately meshed together on this subject. This article forced me to think about them and try to clarify everything in my mind. I am trying to sort through the entire mess of emotions so please bear with me. Or you can stop reading the post now :D Probably, by the end of this post, I would still be rambling, unable to find the point to this incoherency.

The first thing that happens whenever I talk/think on this topic is that I go back in time to when S was born. A lot of my illusions were shattered then. One being that people cared for my well-being. Cared for ME. By people, I mean ILs. One example - while driving to the hospital before my delivery, my MIL kept reminding my FIL to drive carefully because I was in pain. While coming back from the hospital after my delivery, when the baby was secure in her arms and I was visibly wincing, tears running down my face (remember I had a C-section and the stitches were still raw) with every jump over every pothole that my FIL could find and drive over - NOT A SINGLE WORD! And all the while MIL was sitting right next to me in the back seat so she can't claim she didn't know I was miserable. That is ONE example. On the first day I came back. Everyday small and big things happened that made me realize that I was cherished only as long as I had the baby in my belly. Or, only BECAUSE I had her in my belly. Just a vessel. I was useless as soon as the baby came out. I said this to J too (see point above regarding me being unable to keep my thoughts to myself) and he said he felt that sometimes too. Imagine the hurt! To feel it is one thing. To have it validated by someone else is totally another. Thankfully, J was, and always has been a pillar of support and I know he never felt that way. That is all I care about. Now. Then it was too difficult to deal with. Anyhoo!

During one of these conversations, J told me that when I was wheeled in for the emergency C-section (we are still talking about S' birth), everyone was worried sick. Then as soon as the nurse brought the baby out, they went to look and coo at the baby forgetting that I was still in the OT and there was no news on how I was doing. Not until I was wheeled out after the operation did J breathe easy. He mentioned it to underline the fact that he too felt that I was important to ILs only until the baby came out safely. This goes into why I feel I deserve a "gift" when I deliver a baby. I didn't then. But after my first delivery, after going through this, and some other crap, I started craving for some sign that I was important too. That people still cared about me. It got so bad that I sometimes wanted to (and maybe did) compete with the baby in gaining J's attention. I am ashamed of that now - a mother competing with her own daughter? For something that the daughter obviously deserves and isn't even aware of? But such was my state of mind. In that house full of relatives, I felt utterly alone. It was a dark time for me and I have never spoken/written about it till now. Hopefully this post will get rid of those feelings once and for all. Puking does make you feel better, doesn't it?

So this time, I warned J that there better be a gift waiting for me once I come back from the hospital or else. But this time is totally different from that time. This time, J was with me in the OR. When the baby was pulled out and had been checked for all vital signs we got to hold her. I cried that we finally were where we had been trying so desperately to get - a family of FOUR! The anaesthesiologist noticed my tears and gently wiped them away with a tissue. That is when I forgave him for poking me in the back with that big, scary needle. Anyone who notices your silent tears and gently wipes them away cannot be that bad, isn't it? Then the nurse declared that she was going to take the baby to the nursery to be cleaned and fed (if M turned out to be hypoglycemic because I had had gestational diabetes - which thankfully she wasn't) She said the new dad can come with the baby if he wanted. J refused! He said he wanted to be by my side even though I pressured him to go (I couldn't bear the thought of our baby being alone with strangers :P) He stayed with me until the doctor stitched me back up and I was wheeled out into the recovery room. Then he went away very briefly to call our families in India and let them know the bundle of joy had arrived and to take a quick peek at the baby. Then he was right back by my side. ALL the time until I was able to wiggle my toes to demonstrate that I was recovering well and was wheeled to my room. Didn't I tell you he is a GEM?! And he is MINE!! :D

Updated to add: The nurse came to me when J was out calling our families and said I was lucky to have him as my husband. Why? He was the first "new dad" she had seen who hadn't run away to be with the baby and had stayed back to be with his wife instead. I still get tears in my eyes every time I remember that!

You see, this time it IS different. Even though I went through a lot more to have this baby. It was me who went through the hundreds of injections, rode the hormone induced roller coaster of emotions, went in for almost daily blood tests, went through the indignity of the hundreds of tests and internal ultra sound exams, carried the unmentioned moniker of "baanjh", ached to have a baby in my arms, tolerated people's comments on how "it was time for another", understood the unsaid "the 'problem' must be with YOU" words and much much more. This time I am more at peace. Strangely, now I don't want that gift either. Now, my bundle of joy IS enough.

Spacer Hell (and other tirades)

Again. Much whining and cajoling/ cuddling happening in the Kay household. Next week we will enter "Expander Hell". Will update about how that goes.

In other news, the baby is a lazy bum and isn't making even a tiny bit of effort to turn over or to crawl. Not that I am worried because that means we aren't running after her every single minute of the day. Thanking my stars here!

S has a concert at school today. She has been getting Violin (strings) lessons since last year. There will be two performances - one in the morning for the entire school and one in the evening for the parents of kids who are performing. The letter that came home from her music teachers (yes, she has two - one for the "regular" stuff and one for strings) said the "preferred attire" was black/ dark colored skirt and blouse or a dress (NO trousers). That raised my hackles. Why? Read on.

Last year we purchased THREE dresses for S on her teacher's demand for the various school plays that she participated in with the rest of her class. Now, S has recently lost interest in wearing skirts and dresses and prefers trousers and jeans. As a result, those three dresses are just hanging in her closet, gathering dust. We don't mind buying her clothes but we cannot just buy dresses on demand specially when she doesn't even wear them. These demands for dresses were so specific as to what the dresses should look like that S couldn't use any of her existing dresses for the purpose. And money doesn't grow on the tree for us, you know. For me, to buy three dresses each worth $30 or more, is very difficult financially. That is money we could use on something else. Some moms borrow dresses from friends but I can't do that. I simply cannot borrow clothes from anyone - that's the way I am. Thats the reason I don't shop at consignment stores even though one can find some really beautiful clothes for reasonable prices there. I don't do second hand clothes. I just don't.

So, this time I made a tough decision. I decided I was going to ignore the teachers' instructions and dress S in formal black trousers instead of formal black skirt or dress. I can't tell you how terrified that girl was of being yelled at by her teachers! I wrote a letter to the teachers just so S wouldn't have to face their anger. this is how it went:

Hello Mrs. G and Ms. J,

S is dressed in trousers instead of a dress or a skirt because she doesn't
have a black/dark dress or a skirt that's the right size. She asked us to buy
one but we refused because we cannot afford to buy dresses on demand for every
school play or concert she participates in. Last year we had to buy
three!

She is terrified she will be yelled at but I have assured her that you
will see reason. She has taken full care to dress formally in black trousers for
the concert.

Thank you very much for understanding the situation she is in through no
fault of hers.

Sincerely,

Cee Kay
(xxx)xxx-xxxx
Mother of S Kay
Room# XXX

I then called the parent co-ordinator at S' school and talked to her. She agreed that I had done the right thing and that I should bring this issue up at the next PTO meeting if I don't hear back from the teachers. I have heard from other parents how difficult it is for them to come up with new clothes fulfilling these demands. I am surprised that no one has spoken up!

I am waiting to see how they react. S asked me how she should respond if they still yell at her and I told her that she should be respectful and listen to whatever they say (they are her teachers, after all). THEN she needs to come tell me and I'll take it up with them if the need arises. I am optimistic that they won't be upset. We'll see what happens...

Update: I spoke to S when she returned from school and she said her classroom's assistant didn't pass on the letter to the music teacher saying "She has put in so much effort for this concert, let's not give it to her today". WTF?? Who is she to decide when I can communicate with the music teacher and when not?? I left her a slightly annoyed voicemail saying I was a little upset because I did want the music teacher to get my letter today and respond. Another thing that annoys me is that S is so scared of her teachers' reaction (even though they didn't say anything to her at school today) that she has decided to wear another, kind of dull, dress to the concert. She knows that she looks better in the trousers and top that she wore this morning but she still wants to wear that plain dress. A friend at work asked me why didn't I force S to wear the trouser and top. Thats because I want her to make her own decisions. But this decision, I know, she is making because she is terrified of her teachers and I don't want her to base her decisions on her fear for someone else either. Does that make sense?

12 Days of Christmas

I first received this in my email about a year ago. Today, S came home and showed it to me (she definitely IS growing up!) and I thought of sharing it here. Enjoy! (If you haven't already seen it too).

Walking the talk

I really should practise what I preach. If someone posts a rant at their own blog, I should refrain from spilling bitterness there and I should also rant at my own blog WITHOUT linking to the original rant if the writer of that rant didn't link to others. I will try to do that from now on. The only exception I will make is if the post is exceptionally vile like the second one I mentioned in my earlier post. In that case it will be an all out war - whether that post was directed at me or not. I cannot stand by and see anyone being victimized in that way.

Sowmya had every right to post a rant on her own blog regarding what ticks her off about mommy bloggers. I had every right to write a post on my views on MY blog. I am not happy by the turn of events this has caused. I don't believe what I did was wrong. I did link to her but I also mentioned that her post was thought provoking even if very irritating for the condescending tone it takes. I even mentioned that I liked other posts on her blog. I got carried away by the nastiness of some comments that were left to that post and in retrospect I can think of a hundred ways I could have done this differently. I could have written a post and then informed her on her blog that I have put up my views on my blog. I could have refrained form replying to the nasty commenters. I could have replied to them on my blog instead of doing it on her blog. I always say that one has the freedom to move on if they don't like what a blogger posts. I should have done the same.

I don't think the turn of events has been caused by MY post but I somehow feel responsible for it. Don't know how. I will need some time to sort through all this. The nastiness that one particular anon commenter was spreading was beyond belief. I never imagined that someone could be so full of hatred and venom.

Quick, hide the booze!!

And the strippers too! I have decided to invite my parents to this blog :D

There's always the "X"

Two posts I came across in the last two days have compelled me to write this post. One of them is thought provoking yet very irritating for the "better than thou" attitude it projects. The second one is the vile work of a coward and provokes outrage. The first post targets mommy bloggers and their "boring" blogs while the second one targets one of my favorite bloggers for her "failure" to maintain her kids' privacy. The second post goes too far - it also targets the innocent kids with its venom.

"Privacy" is the blue-eyed baby of the politically correct fanatics. A lot of hue and cry has been made about it. In some contexts, privacy is necessary. Like, for medical records and such. In some, optional. To talk about babies' and children's right to privacy in the context of their parents' blogs about them is ridiculous, in my opinion. Mine is not a mommy blog. It was never intended to be. But lately I have been recording more and more stuff about my daughters (and my family). My reasons are my own and I don't feel the need to cite them to justify my blogging habits. I started out with a lot of paranoia. I didn't post pictures of myself or my family, I wrote under a pseudonym, gave fictitious names to my husband and my daughters and never wrote about my work. I did this because I wasn't sure if I would ever write about my strained relations with my ILs or my work. If I decided to do so, I didn't want anyone to be able to Google my name and stumble upon those posts by mistake. I still don't post pictures of myself or my husband. I still don't write about my work. I still write under an assumed name. But I have started posting pictures of my daughters. I sometimes even contemplate going public with my name. I figure I am not going to post anything controversial about these two topics (ILs and work) so where is the need for secrecy? Besides, going public will have an added advantage that I can hand out my blog's URL to friends and family and they can keep abreast of whatever is going on in our lives.

Sowmya, author of the first blog, raises a lot of points in her post about why parents decide to maintain public blogs about their children and why it isn't such a good idea. She is sick and tired of reading about home remedies to cure eczema and constipation. She thinks parent bloggers are violating their children's rights to privacy by posting their pictures and writing about them. She wonders if these parents do so in hopes of getting their kids' mugs on a magazine's cover. In short, she doesn't understand why mommy bloggers (I wonder why she doesn't mention daddy bloggers - there ARE quite a few around) maintain these blogs. She contends that mommy bloggers have perhaps forgotten what the word "blog" means. [I wonder if she ever looked the word up in a dictionary] She wants every mommy blogger to go private. To stop blogging about their kids and just maintain a private journal for friends and family. She wants a legislature banning all parents from posting their children's pictures online. [I wonder why she targets only bloggers? Why not also rant about people who post their kids' videos on YouTube? YouTube is also very much public, open to all sorts of demented minds like she points out for the blogs]

The first question that comes to my mind is - "Does she have kids of her own"? From her blog I can't figure that out but one or two posts that I glanced through gave me an idea that probably she does. But I am not sure. Also some of the commenters have left comments that made me think "You wouldn't be so rigid in your opinions if you were a parent yourself". Because privacy isn't just achieved by not posting pictures. Pictures are the most trivial part of it. If you don't have any names or any other details to associate with the picture, the picture is nothing but a nameless face. Granted, any pedophile can look at a picture of a kid and jerk off, but he/she can do that to any picture anyway. Going by this argument, one should not allow kids to act in any commercials or pose for any advertisements. No kids should be allowed to act in movies and television serials either. You understand where this could lead to? Anyway. The thing that raised my hackles was the tone of the post - very condescending, very "holier than thou" kind, very judgmental. I may or may not agree with parents who post their kids' pictures online or write about their private lives, but I do understand one thing very clearly. They are doing so on their OWN blogs, they don't twist my arm to come read their blogs and if I accidentally stumble across their blogs and don't like what I read, I can always click on the "X" in the top right corner and end my misery right there. Don't even get me started on the unborn babies' rights to privacy that is mentioned in the post. There IS something as pushing things too far. I did like some other posts of hers but this post and the comments left by some commenters on this post have irritated me beyond words and left a bad taste in my mouth.

The second post, by far the vilest I have ever come across, made my blood boil. This blogger has written some similar posts about other bloggers and to me it seemed like he/she targets bloggers who are "successful" or well known. Could this be a case of the green-eyed monster? Whatever be the reasoning behind these posts, I simply cannot fathom how someone can be so immature? And spiteful. To write such derogatory and hurtful posts about other people - what kind of low-life-scumness does that require one to have?

I have written about this before - about understanding that people's blogs are their own, and if you don't like what they write about, just move on. Don't spit your venom criticizing other people just because they don't think like you or don't share your opinions. Disagree, but politely. Be civil. If you consider yourselves educated (which is obvious from the superior tone of these two blog authors' posts), behave like an educated person.

What do you think? I'd love to know.

Updated to add: Poppins' Mom has brought up another interesting, and very valid, argument. Most children are molested by immediate family members or close friends of the family. Doesn't that defeat the argument that all mommy-bloggers should take their content to a private space and invite only family and friends to view/read it FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR CHILDREN"S SAFETY AND PRIVACY?

Further update: On request of some fellow bloggers, I am removing the link to the posts. I didn't want to, but I have to respect this request as it is not only me whose identity has been revealed. I don't care about it personally because I don't write anything scandulous (yet) anyway but I do care about the others. I have to say one thing though - I could never imagine that some minds could hold so much hatred and venom.

Last Update, I promise!: A few other bloggers have posted their thoughts on this issue. The one that I liked the best is here.

Just so you know...

I have never been a willing early riser. Yes, there have been times when I rose early and reported to work or studied or some such thing. For instance, during my second pregnancy, I worked from 7:30 am to 3:30 pm because it gave me the opportunity to drive S to her after-school activities and spend some more time with my family. Or, during my first pregnancy when I would wake up at 5:30 in the morning, cook lunch for the whole family and be ready for my coaching classes at 6:30 am. Take S' last swim meet too,for example. I had volunteered and was supposed to report at 7:30. I did. And I did all that willingly. But, in general, I am not an early morning person.

I remember one incident from when I was in 12th grade. My mom suddenly decided that I needed to get up early to study. She kept pushing me to do so - very gently. To no avail. Then one day she decided I WAS going to get up early and study. She woke me up at 5:30 am with a glass of warm milk (or tea - I don't exactly remember). I drank that and promptly went back to sleep. Then my mom dragged a chair next to my bed, sat down with the morning newspaper and kept waking me up until I gave up any hopes of being able to sleep and sat down to study :D

Tharini wants bloggers to post pictures of sunrise in their part of the world. Well Tharini, this is just to inform you that there is one blogger who WON'T be posting any such pictures. Or if you really want a picture of a sunrise in Norwalk - CT, why don't you call my mom and enlist her help - eh? :P

Random Thought - 2

The thing about being a squeaky wheel is that it goes both ways. The squeaky wheel may get the grease first. Or it may be replaced first.

Happy Birthday Tharini!!

Dear Tharini,

Wish you a very happy (belated) birthday and a peaceful life ahead. May all your dreams come true and may you find happiness in every nook and corner of your life.

I am sorry I didn't embed a clue in my greeting for you to figure out my identity. Didn't do that intentionally - just plum forgot!

Forgetfully yours,

Cee Kay
a.k.a. GettingThereNow

Heh!

Read this joke here -

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
Outlaws are wanted

Keeping it simple

A twist in the name...

So, now J has named M his "सौ ग्राम पंचायत" (100 gm Panchayat) since she is a light baby :D I tell you - this man has an infinite capacity to play with words!

See this post for a history on this nick name...

Muthiye - जनता की बेहद माँग पर :)

GGOP and 2B's mommy wanted me to post a recipe of Muthiye that I mentioned in my Thanksgiving post. I must warn you girls that this is my first attempt at posting a recipe and I am not very good at doing those because I rarely measure anything while cooking. I usually eyeball all the ingredients so all the measurements here are approximate. But this is a really "forgiving" recipe - you can experiment with it to your heart's content. Also, instead of cabbage, you can even use grated "Lauki" (bottle gourd) [can be replaced with Zucchini] or chopped (and washed of course) methi leaves. The measurement remains similar - you take as much of the lauki or methi as you like and add only as much flour as you need to bind everything together. Eyeball the rest of the ingredients. Here it is...

Note: I am sorry I don't have any pictures of the dish right now.

You'll need-

Cabbage - washed and finely chopped/grated - 2 cups

Green Peas (fresh or frozen) - 1 cup

Finely chopped/ grated garlic - 1 Tablespoon

Finely chopped/ grated ginger - 1 tablespoon

Lemon juice - 2 tablespoons

Sugar - 4 teaspoons

Yogurt - approx 1 cup (more if needed. Use yogurt instead of water to bind everything together - it makes the muthiye moist and soft)

Red chili powder - between 1-3 teaspoons. Depends on how spicy you want to make it.

Green chillies (finely chopped) - 1 tablespoon

vegetable oil - 1/2 cup

Coriander powder - 2 teaspoons

Hing - just a pinch

Salt - to taste

Wheat flour - 1-2 level cups - just enough to bind everything together. The recipe turns out better if you mix whole wheat flour (coarsely ground) with regular wheat flour (1:1).

Squeeze extra water out of the shredded cabbage. Add all the ingredients except the wheat flour, vegetable oil and yogurt and mix well. Add wheat flour one cup at a time and mix everything together. Stop adding the flour once you can make loose balls of the mixture that don't fall apart easily. Add vegetable oil and mix well again. You can add Baking Soda too, for extra fluffiness, but adding extra vegetable oil makes them puffy and moist so I prefer it that way.

Add yogurt - only as much as you need to bind everything together. This will give you a very soft dough.

Make small ping-pong sized balls or pat the dough out into the shape of a log and steam (just like idlis). You can take a steamer basket or something similar to steam the muthiye. I use a steel plate with holes (something that many North Indians use to cover the pot of milk etc.). I pour water in a big pan - about 1 - 1.5 inches deep, then I place the bottom insert that comes with a cooker for steaming (looks like an inverted plate with holes), place a flat bottomed bowl or strainer on it and then place the steamer plate with muthiya dough on the top. Using a steamer basket would be much easier but I am not buying one just because I want to reduce/limit the clutter in my kitchen. When the water comes to a boil, cover the pot and let the muthiye steam for about 25 - 45 minutes (depends on how soft the dough is - softer means more steaming required). You'll know it is done when a knife or a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

The next part is optional. The muthiye can be eaten simply steamed, deep fried or stir fried. It is a matter of choice. I stir fry them with LOTS OF OIL :D because that is the way J and S like them.

If you steamed the muthiye in shapes of logs, chop them up in 1.5 inch wide pieces. (Helps to let them cool a little first) Heat about half a cup to 2/3 of a cup of oil in a pan. When it is hot enough, add 2 TABLESPOONS of mustard seeds (yes that's a lot but it tastes good, believe me) and some curry leaves (about 8-10) and green chillies (number depending on how hot you like it) sliced lengthwise. Once the sputtering dies down, add the muthiye pieces, lower the flame/heat to 3 quarters and let it cook for as long as you can to turn it brown and crispy. If you don't want the muthiye very crispy, you can get away with using much less oil. To stir it up, just shake the pan back and forth to turn the muthiye (like one turns an omelet without using a spatula). If you use a spatula or a spoon, it might break them up.

Once they are done to the crispiness you like, take them off the heat, garnish with chopped coriander and fresh grated coconut and serve with tomato ketchup and dhaniya chutney.

Note: And this makes it post number 101 in the year 2007 - a record for me! Never before have I blogged so much. Last year I just managed 19 posts and 27 in the year before that. So, 100+ is definitely an accomplishment for me :P

A new nick name

that J came up with for M is "Gram Panchayat" (Village Panchayat) because she is so much interested in what others are doing :P

Long overdue updates

I have been lagging behind in recording all the happenings in Mitthi Mouse and Ninni the Pooh's worlds. Now I have forgotten half of them. I never was the "record-it-all" kind of mother. I rejoice when the milestones are met, mention them to anyone who cares to ask about my two rays of sunshine but almost never remember to head over to my blog and record them. Oh well...

**Randomness alert! The following updates are going to be random - not necessarily in the order they happened. **

M is sitting up unsupported. She has been doing that for quite some time now. And she is pretty good with maintaining her balance. The lazy bum that she is, she still hasn't rolled over :D I guess since we are doing her work for her (in helping her sit up) she is not worried about learning some of the basic skills. Moreover, she still doesn't like tummy time so that might be one reason why she hasn't rolled over yet.

I think I mentioned it in one of my earlier posts that she is also trying her hardest to sit up - but since she hasn't learned to roll over, she just wants to sit up in one go. No "rolling to her side and then slowly propping herself up on her hands" (like S did) for her! This is one dame in a hurry to get things done :P She IS getting strong ab muscles in the process and each day she moves her shoulders a tiny fraction higher than the last time. So I guess she might just sit up one day without any forewarning! I am worried that it might happen in the middle of the night and the only way we will know about it is when we'll hear the "THUD" of her falling off her crib. Yes. Me and my active imagination :D

M is also using her walker like a pro! She has been mobile in it now for quite some time and has gained confidence in maneuvering it in the tightest of spots. It is hilarious to see her follow us around the house. She does this "flapping her hands in the air and pushing with her tummy" to navigate the walker around corners and to turn it around! She learned all this on her own for one reason, and one reason only. She has lazy and cruel parents who just watched and laughed when she got stuck on corners and in tight spaces. We didn't move even a single muscle to go help her out. So she had to learn fast!

With her increased mobility, we have to be on a lookout for potential "slobber alerts". If she sees anything hanging at her eye level, a jacket on the back of a chair for instance, she rushes to it and tries to put it in her mouth WITHOUT USING HER HANDS! I told you she is a lazy bum of a baby. Not an iota of extra effort for anything. Just enough to get things done with the minimum movements of limbs seems to be her goal.

She is also eating 2 meals a day now. She loves the cereal and the carrots and the peas and everything else she can put in her mouth. Green Beans give her gas and make her VERY uncomfortable. So we have decided to re-introduce beans later. I haven't been able to cook much for her though and that thought nags at me. I would love to feed her more home cooked meals. I need to get more organized to do that.

Another thing she has taken up recently is shrieking. If she is tired, or wants something, or if she is just plain bored she'd go "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". Then it is up to us to decipher what exactly is the request here. So a typical scene goes like this-

M: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Grandma: You want me to pick you up? Come here.

M (Now in grandma's arms - clawing at her face): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Grandma: No? You don't want to be held? Do you want to go on your activity mat then?

M (now laying on the activity mat): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Grandma: Do you want a toy?

M (with a toy in her hands): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Grandpa: Maybe she wants a diaper change.

Some one - Grandpa, grandma, mom, dad - checks her diaper after that and changes it if needed. If that was the true reason for the shrieks, M stops. Or sometimes she decides to start shrieking for something else. So we keep on trying different things to stop the d**n shrieking and M keeps upping the volume. Then sometimes J decides enough is enough and grabs her, bundles her up so she can't move her arms or legs and sings her to sleep. Then we realize that she wanted to sleep all along.

Sometimes, instead of shrieking, she grunts. The sound is then "UUUUUUUUUURNNNNNNNNNNNNDTTTTTTTTTTTTT".

Another thing she has just started doing is keeping tabs on everyone and everything that goes on in our house. So no matter what she is doing - drinking her formula, or trying to sleep - she HAS to check out every one that comes into or leaves the room. Last night was J's turn to wake up with her in night and while he was feeding her, she kept turning around to look at the sound-asleep me :) J says that made the task of putting her back to bed extra difficult because she really wanted to make sure that mommy was asleep and not just pretending to sleep! He finally had to do that bundle-her-up-and-don't-let-her-move-an-inch thing again :D All I could hear was a wail getting louder by the minute and daddy's lullabies matching the volume of the wails :P I drifted off to sleep with that "pleasant" sound filling my dreams :D But that did the trick, I am told, and M finally went to sleep.

Diwali happend too and that is when we found out that we have a social animal in the midst of us! M just LOVES company. She had been crying non-stop until we reached a friend's house for our Diwali get-together. We step into their house and all everyone else gets to see is a happy, smiling baby! Not a peep out of her all the time we were there. The moment we left their driveway the crying resumed and didn't stop until I plugged her mouth with a bottle and she went to sleep drinking her formula :D

Now on to the big sister.

S went to her first swim meet this year (not counting the one she went to in April when she participated in just one event) We were excited. J took her to the meet and I followed after completing a few chores. Seems like mommy and daddy were the only people excited about this meet. S spent the whole day with a long face. She was tired, she declared. She really was. Try to picture this - a tired kid doing a 100 m freestyle swim. Watching her do it was like watching one of those slow motion scenes in a Hindi movies where the lead actress is swimming neck to neck with her rival and they are inches away from the finish line. Only, here it was a very tired S and no rival and no neck-to-neck competition happening. I was VERY proud of her when she finished that event - because it is pretty damn difficult to even get going when you are dog-tired, let alone finish. I think it was the fact that she wasn't swimming very fast that was dragging S' spirits down. I tried to explain to her over and over that I DON'T care if she is first or last in an event as long as she is making her best effort and is having fun. Finally I gave up and left her alone. And then I couldn't help wondering if we were unduly pushing our daughter into something she didn't want to do. Agreed she loves swimming and begged us to enroll her in swimming but it was on our insistence that she tried out for the swim team.

So, we somehow got through the meet and then came home. J had already left leaving me with S. On our way back, I talked to S about her behaviour that day. I told her that we didn't want to push her into the swim team if she didn't want it and that she can opt out and go back to regular swimming lessons if she wants. She insisted that she wanted to be on the team and that she enjoyed it. By the time I drove into our driveway I was on the verge of tears and just sat in the car and started crying. I don't know why the tears spilled - it was probably the mad rush that we had been in since morning topped with S' attitude. Seeing my tears S got very upset and tried to console me. I told her that I NEVER wanted to push her into anything EXCEPT in education and matters of health. All I wanted was for her to have fun doing whatever she opted to do. I told her that I didn't mind if she didn't want to stay on the swim team - that she can go back to regular swimming lessons if she finds swim meets very stressful. She assured me that she likes being on the team for the umpteenth time. And she even said "You are a very good mommy. You are not pushing me into anything" or something to that effect. All in all, I and S had a heart-to-heart talk out in our car on the driveway. S promised not to behave that way again in the next swim meet and she kept the promise. In the next swim meet, which was on the weekend before Thanksgiving, she was in a cheerful mood and didn't whine about "having to do it". Another reason for the absence of whining was that I had earlier told S it was her choice - she can easily drop out of the swim team if she doesn't like the early morning swim meets. I guess that made her realize that we are not forcing her into anything and the only way she can continue this is if she wants it. And that no whining on the matter of not being able to sleep in will be tolerated :P

So the first swim meet that S participated in turned out to be very different from what I had always imagined it to be but it still was a good experience.

S has started showing some signs of puberty and I talked to her pediatrician about it. I wanted help on how to discuss puberty with her. I myself entered puberty pretty early (I don't exactly remember but I think I got my first period when I was 10 or 11 years old) and I still remember how scared I was when that happened. It was because my mom had not had a chance to discuss this with me before it happened and even after it did, she just told me the basics very matter-of-factly and the rest I had to figure out by myself. I don't want S to go through that alone. Her pediatrician has recommended that we see a pediatric endocrinologist who can make sure her hormone level is normal and that she doesn't start puberty too early because it would stop her from reaching her full height/growth potential. I didn't know that and I am glad I brought up this issue with the pediatrician. So we are seeing a pediatric endocrinologist on this Friday and I hope she will have some useful information for us.

Academically S is doing wonderful. So says her teacher. We had the first parent-teacher conference on November 1st. For the first time in all these years, S wasn't a nervous wreck before the conference. I hope it is because I have finally been able to get it across that if she fails in a subject, we won't disown her. We will, instead, try to help her understand that subject better. The teacher says S is very good in math (and she said that with a surprise), and her writing skills are very good. That surprised ME because till last year her teachers had been telling us she needs more work in that area. Guess the "more work" has paid off! S got a "C" (for "consistent") or an "O" (for "outstanding") in most skills that she was tested on. Specially in physical fitness, she got mostly "O"s which is good because her teacher told us that the Physical ed teacher didn't hand out many "O"s this year.

We also asked the teacher to help her participate in other activities around the school in order to help her develop a rounded personality and not just become a book worm. The teacher suggested that she can try being on the editorial board. S like the idea too so in January, she will try that out. S has also started going to the Kindergarten classes (another of her teacher's ideas) to read books to the little kids. This is helping her with her reading skills and the little kids love it when an older kid comes to their class to read to them. S enjoys doing that too.

I took M to S' class one day in October after her teacher had sent me many pointed reminders :D S loved being the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in the classroom (because M had eyes only for her and she even got to hold the baby!) and M loved all the attention. Mommy loved all the compliments she got for the beautiful baby and the beautiful big sister :P

S has continued with violin lessons at school this year and with Piano lessons too. She seems to be enjoying both. She cleared another level in math in KUMON and has been in the ASHR (Advanced Student Honor Roll) for quite some time now. Looks like she will make the "G by 5" milestone in Math too. That is when a student completes level G in KUMON math by (or before) 5th grade. S is on level F right now. Ain't I the proud mama? :D And that is so because S has achieved this without any POP (prodding or pushing) from us. In fact sometimes I wonder if she would have done better with some POP but then I remember that it wouldn't have meant anything then. At least not to me.

S surprised me with one thing a few weeks back. She has been learning dance moves to some Bollywood songs with a few friends and they sometimes present those dances in their school's "All School Meetings" where all kids are welcome to perform anything they are good at. The friend who has been co-ordinating these performances at the school signed up all the girls, including S, for a dance performance in a talent show that S' school was going to hold. S came to me in the evening and said she didn't want to participate in the dance because she wanted to share another talent (Piano) and they were allowed to present only one talent. I was surprised at the clarity and determination with which she put her "case" in front of me. For the first time she came out and told me what she wanted in plain terms, without whining. A big achievement, I am telling you! So I talked to the friend who let S off of the obligation and S did present her Piano piece at the Talent show. She chose her pieces, auditioned and prepared for them all on her own. I am very proud of you, S!!

Edited to add (before I completely forget): M has also been pulling herself up into a sitting position and then into standing up by grabbing our fingers. It has been at least a month since she started doing this. And I swear that we don't help her AT ALL (refer to the paragraph about lazy and cruel parents) so SHE has to do all the grabbing and pulling. As a result she is developing a very strong grasp! And shoulders :P

I Thank Thee, Lord

For giving me two precious gems - S & M.

For the Prince-cut diamond - J.

For my parents, who didn't think twice before dropping everything to come over and help me.

For my brother, who still considers me a good friend. And his wife who apparantly likes me :D

For my ILs who love my daughters from the depths of their hearts. Who probably love me too, in their own way.

For my friends who love me enough to throw me baby showers. Who come to my house from 100 + miles away even when they are going through chemotherapy because they "miss the baby". Who are willing to spend one whole day with me. Who cart my daughter to and from activities sometimes. Who bring me lunch and dinner when I need it. Who cheer me up when I am down in the dumps.

For my job because it provides me with the intellectual stimulation that I crave.

For my blog friends who leave caring comments and offers of help when I share my problems on my blog.

I thank Thee, for I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Doesn't matter if you celebrate it or not. I wish you happiness on this day and for the rest of your lives.

We are celebrating Thanksgiving with loving friends this year too. And this year I have my parents with me to add to the happiness. Menu has been decided, almost half the preparations done. House is still a little messy. Maybe we'll be able to clean it, maybe not. Who cares? Who cares when the company is good and the food delicious? (Even if I say so myself :P)

Thanksgiving menu - desi ishtyle:

Chhole-Tikiya
Muthiye (A gujrati dish made with shredded cabbage, whole wheat flour and other spices - yummy!)
Katori Chaat - Crispy deep fried bowls made with all purpose flour, filled with sprouted lentils, cucumber, shredded cabbage, potatoes etc. topped with yogurt and chutneys)
Moong Dal Ki Kachori
Fruit Cream - Whipped cream loaded with fruits.
Vanilla Icecream topped with chopped nuts

Have a good one, everyone!

Q & A - A proof of why men never could understand women

DotMom never forgets me! (Thanks DotMom!) She tagged me for this one. I was thinking of doing it anyway as I found it funny. So, here goes…

1.How do you feel after a one night stand?

You mean with just one nightstand in my bedroom? No. I want two. I like symmetry.

2. Do you ever get used to wearing a thong?

Nope. Do you?

3. Does it hurt?

Please use complete sentences. Does WHAT hurt? Your stupidity does sometimes hurt my brain. But don’t worry. Rest of the time I can just tune you out like I do my 9 year old :D

4. Do you know when you are acting crazy?

Yes. That’s so I could get down to your level so you’d understand me!

5. Does size really matter?

Does it?

6. When the bill comes are you still a feminist?

Before. After. ALL the time!

7. Why do you take so long to get ready?

Oh well! Being perfect is not easy, honey.

8. Do you watch porn, too?

Yeah. So?

9. Will something from Tiffany's solve everything?

It won’t hurt to try and find out!

10. Are guys as big of a mystery to you as you are to us?

No. But their mothers are!

11. Why do you sometimes think you look fat?

Me? FAT?? **SLAP**!!

12. Why are you always late?

It’s called fashionably late dahlin’! And see my answer for question 7.

13. Does it bother you when we scratch?

No. But I sure wish you’d use more soap. And moisturize.

14. Do you wish you could pee standing up?

Oh no honey! Trust me – it ain’t that special a skill. Besides, I am glad I didn’t spend my childhood doing target practice on Cheerios.

15. Why do so many women cut their hair short as soon as they get married?

Maybe short hair go better with the pants they wear in the family?

16. How often do you think about sex?

Go read my blog!!!! I went through IVF!! There was a reason for it.

17. What do you think of women who sleep with guys on the first date?

Why would I care?

18. Would you?

Would I WHAT?? Use complete sentences, moron!

19. Do you realize every guy wants a girl just like his mom?

Yes. And you know we’d like you to be just like our daddy, right? Right down to the last detail of earning as much as, or more than, him. If you can expect us to cook just like your mom, we can expect you to provide for our every whim and fancy like our dads did. Only fair, right?!

20. Why does every woman think she can change him?

Newsflash – we can!

21. Does it matter what car I drive?

No. But HOW you drive does.

22. Do you ever fart?

No dear. It’s the baby!

This guy really thinks he can figure out women if he gets these questions asnwered??? No wonder he couldn't. Now if his list had questions on sensitivity, friendship, caring, understanding and respect, among other things, I am sure he'd have a shot at understanding women a little bit. Do thongs and porn even feature on our "lists" of things we'd want to be understood about?

Oh, and if his girlfriend answered "yes" to questions 9 and 21, they they both deserve each other, methinks!

Now, I’d like to know what MadMomma, Rohini, Megha and Sunayana think. Get going, girls!

Keep your kids away from this blog!!

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
pain (13x) hurt (9x) sex (7x) hell (6x) knife (4x) murder (3x) slap (2x) suicide (1x)

I would have loved to be a lioness

but I am content being a COUGAR too! Yeah baby!!

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I was getting way too "reflect-ey" for my own taste and took this quiz to jump out of that. I did answer all the questions quite truthfully though. There were a few questions that had more than one answer that I could have picked. Maybe I'll go back and pick those answers and see what turns up!