Merry Christmas to All

A friend forwarded this in an email today:

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas', since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother", because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM...

P.S. One more thing... you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

Well, I had the whole post all prepared in my mind in the morning but it so happens that it is almost midnight now and I am dead on my feet. Don't remember what else I wanted to write, and don't care. The baby's quasi-sick and needs to be taken to the doctor's office at 8 in the morning just so we can make sure she is OK. (She is, we'd just like to make sure).

So, a Merry Christmas to you all (if I don't post again before 25th). Oh, yes! The Christmas tree was finally set up last night and S and I will decorate it tomorrow morning. S has already packed our gifts in plastic bags and kept them under the tree. We, the lazy parents, still need to shop for hers. And here's my dilemma. She wants a laptop and an iPod Nano (not necessarily right now) but isn't she a little too young for those? Would love to know what you think. I don't want her listening to loud music using earbuds as research has proven that those cause the most damage to young people's hearing. And laptop? Well, we already have two desktops and she uses them. I already told her once that no kid in this house is getting a TV or a phone in their room. Should I add laptop to that list?