How much is too much?

J K Rowling, with a simple revelation of Dumbledore’s sexual orientation, has set a lot of parents thinking about how and when to discuss the birds and the bees with their kids. Now - first about the revelation. How does it matter if Dumbledore is gay or straight? Why is it a big deal even if JKR did it for publicity? I, for one, don’t think she did it for publicity though I am in definite minority for thinking this. She was asked if Dumbledore ever fell in love with anyone and at that point JKR said what we know she said that caused such a furore.

Now, I haven’t EVER written a book but I remember reading an interview with an author (I forget the name) where the author discussed how he/she draws out various characters. And the author mentioned that after a while the characters begin taking a life of their own, that one just knows what they are like from that point on and their character just begins to fill out with all the details. It “comes to them” in a way. I found that idea fascinating. I mean, how can someone that YOU created, take life and develop a personality of their own? Isn’t that interesting? And I want to experience that for myself – etch a character and watch him/her develop his or her personality. For that I’ll have to write a book though, no? Well, that’s matter for another post. But coming back to the discussion – I think maybe that is what happened with Dumbledore. JKR created all these characters. Slowly they developed into their personalities and along the way JKR realized that Dumbledore was gay. Or maybe, when the story reached a certain point (by story I mean the WHOLE story in the 7 books) it was just a natural conclusion to draw. I don’t know. And I don’t care.

I don’t care that Dumbledore is gay and I don’t care that JKR declared it now. I don’t care even if she made the declaration for more publicity. See, that is the thing about publicity. One cannot gain it if the public isn’t ready to give it to them. So, JKR’s declaration is having this effect on people ONLY BECAUSE people are making a big deal out of it. That is what I thought about the “Potter Mania” that gripped people when the last book in the series came out and a lot of people complained about it. I don’t think JKR is at fault for this mania. The people who stand in lines outside bookstores for hours at end are responsible. People who rant and rave about Dumbledore’s sexuality, and how that has marred “children’s” literature for ever and how so many parents can never let their 7 year olds read these books now, are responsible. JKR is just a good business woman who has a good marketing team (with regards to “Potter mania” and NOT her declaration – I don’t believe the declaration was a marketing strategy).

Coming to “death of children’s literature” argument - it is NOT. It is not death of children’s literature because it is not children’s literature. Period. So stop moaning about that now. JKR herself said that she started the series with 11 year olds as main characters in her books but over the years, and as subsequent books came out, they have grown older. So the later books are targeted towards an older audience. In my opinion, parents who let their kids read the entire series under the assumption that it was meant for children, are not performing their parental duties. If you let your kids read the entire series knowing what the content was like and because you thought your kids were mature enough to deal with it, that’s a different matter. That is a parent exercising their judgment. In my opinion, parents should ALWAYS keep an eye on what their kids are watching, playing or reading. I never let my daughter deviate from ratings. Every single television program she watches is checked for age-ratings and is checked for appropriateness of content. I don’t summarily rely on the ratings either. I sometimes watch the program myself to see if it is appropriate for her. Or I ask other parents. Or read the information available on it. And I involve my daughter in the entire process by giving her the exact reason I don’t want her to watch/read that particular program/book. That makes it easier for her to accept the decision, even if she is not happy about it. Like she is not happy about my decision that she cannot read books 5-7 in the HP series. Why can’t she read them? Because they get more and more graphic as the series progresses and I am more concerned about my daughter reading about death and torture than I am about her finding out that a character is gay. I have agreed to read the 5th book and decide if she can read that but she can read books 6 & 7 only when she grows a little older (note to self: read all HP books in the next year or so, so that I am in a better position to make a decision). That also covers the complain that now parents cannot let their 7-8 year olds read the books. These parents shouldn’t have let their 7 year olds read the books even before the declaration – so the declaration hasn’t changed ANYTHING.

This brings me to the next question that naturally springs up in a parents’ mind. WHEN to discuss this with your children? There is no fixed formula. There is no fixed age. No timetable. Children mature at different rates and only their parents can judge what they are ready for. And these topics cannot be dealt with in a single discussion. One has to keep the communication channels open so that their kids can come to them any time and ask questions that have been bothering their little minds. So my daughter may have asked me “how are babies made” 4 times in the last 5 years and each time my answer would be modified keeping her age in mind. At age 3 she just needed to know that when mommy and daddy love each other very much, they get a baby. Then at age 5 I told her when mommy and daddy love each other, mommy gets a baby in her tummy. This gave rise to another question – how does the baby get out? It was easy for me to answer this truthfully without having to look for age-appropriate answers – “The doctor helped me get the baby out”. This satisfied her for a few months and then came the question “How did the doctor help you?” My answer was “They gave me some medicine to take the pain away and made a slit in my tummy and pulled the baby out”. She has been satisfied with that answer. I even showed her my C-section scar. I secretly hope that the scare of having her tummy slit open will put her off the idea of having sex for her entire life :D The point is, one cannot just have “the” discussion in one shot and hope to enlighten their kids for life. It has to be a series of conversations modified continuously according to the child’s age.

Being truthful while answering these questions is very important in my opinion. If our children know they can rely on us for truthful answers, they will come to us with their questions instead of turning to friends who can dole out potentially harmful information. Take STD (sexually transmitted diseases) for example. Would you want your child to learn from their friends that it is not possible to contract STDs from oral sex? (Completely untrue) Or would you rather they came to you asking “what’s an STD?” and you sat them down and explained what it is and how to avoid getting one? I know being an Indian, having grown up in the kind of environments we did, it is extremely difficult for us to be this open. I still get stressed out thinking how to explain puberty and periods to my daughter who needs to learn about it NOW. But that doesn’t mean I am not going to do it just because it is uncomfortable for me. I am talking to friends, pediatricians and teachers and reading books to see how I can deal with this matter in an age-appropriate way. We HAVE to learn to be open in our conversations with our kids. Communication is THE key. A friend once told me how another friend of hers slips contraceptive pills in her daughter’s milk every day. I think it is disgusting that she thinks it is OK to use the pill to prevent pregnancy but doesn’t have enough courage to talk to her daughter about safe sex. She is doing her daughter a disservice, in my opinion.

This is such a complex topic, and I have so many thoughts bubbling in my mind that I keep digressing. I have clear ideas about it but I just don’t know how to translate them into written words. Anyway, coming to the main question – How much to discuss? What to discuss? When to discuss?

How much? As much as their minds at their age can assimilate. The trick is to start out by giving just a trickle of information and then waiting. If they seem satisfied with the answer that means it was enough for them for now. If they ask you to elaborate further on the answer, let out another trickle. The key is to stop when they seem satisfied. And to never lie. If it is something you feel they shouldn’t know, or if you don’t know how to answer that, ask them for some time to find the answer. Library is a good source to find age-appropriate material dealing with all topics. My daughter heard the word “lesbian” on television on the news. She wanted to know what that meant and I told her when two women love each other and want to marry each other to spend their lives together, they are called lesbians. And when two men love each other and want to spend their lives together, they are gay. She was satisfied with that answer. I didn’t have to go into the details of gay and lesbian sex because that is not what she wanted to know. Did she lose her innocence just by knowing what the word meant? I don’t think so. She still thinks it is YUCKY!!!! when a boy kisses a girl on the lips! I do know that she doesn’t consider the word “lesbian” as something bad or dirty because my answer didn’t portray it as such. The other day she came to me and said “Do you know the word gay has another meaning? It means ‘happy’”. To me that is a sign that she has an open mind and doesn’t associate mere words rigidly with actions or twisted meanings like many people in today’s politically correct world do.

What? Whatever your child brings up. Truthfully. I cannot stress this enough – children know when we are lying or aren’t being completely truthful. There have been occasions when my daughter asked me questions I didn’t have an age-appropriate answer to. I asked her to give me some more time to find out the answer and I remembered to answer her question later because I didn’t want her to think that I was avoiding her either. No question is inappropriate. Only our thinking makes it so. They say “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”. I say “Vulgarity lies in the ears of the listener”. I think we should teach them the correct names of body parts. So while “su su” is a commonly used name for a vagina or a penis in our family, my daughter also knows the correct names to these body parts. She thought the correct name for a penis was “wiener” and I had to correct her on that :P As for her mentioning these names at school in front of others and becoming the butt of everyone’s jokes – I don’t think that is a big deal. Some kids at school will make fun of you no matter what. And anyway, we have taught her that “bathroom words” are spoken in the privacy of one’s home only. And if in the course of a conversation, she does need to mention these body parts, I’d prefer she use the correct names instead of some dumbed down version.

When? Again – whenever they bring it up. Age doesn’t matter. The age-appropriateness of our answers does. So I definitely wouldn’t tell my daughter how exactly a baby gets into the mommy’s tummy until she is old enough. There IS something as taking things to the extreme and I think explaining in great detail to a 5 year old how babies are made is an example. Telling a kid what gay/lesbian means is NO BIG DEAL according to me. In fact, I believe the sooner we tackle these issues, the more chances that they will grow to be tolerant adults. Not only tolerant for gays or lesbians – I mean tolerant for different views and opinions. Sheltering kids from the fact that some families are different from theirs is not wise in my opinion. They should know, and they WILL accept it more easily than an adult would, that some families have only two daddies or two mommies and that it is perfectly normal. Our one chance of making this world a better place lies in our ability to make our children more tolerant of differing opinions, views and choices. If everyone worked on that I can bet that the coming generation will be much happier and calmer than ours.

There are other questions that MadMomma has raised in her recent post.

“Do you throw your kids out when you change?” I don’t. I even take my shower with the bathroom door open (and I always wonder that with such an open door policy why did we still have to go for IVF????) In fact, I start getting stressed out before my parents or ILs are about to visit us because I feel I might someday forget they are here and venture out of the bathroom in my birthday suit!! My older daughter is 9 and I still haven’t shut my doors on her. My husband never got completely nude in front of her but he never changed behind closed doors either. He would just use a towel.

“Have you warned your child about the good touch and bad touch? How? What are the words you use?” I have. I have told her that ANY touch that makes her feel uncomfortable is bad touch. I have educated her on what her “private parts” are. I taught her to clean her private parts when she was about 5 and even if J or I gave her a shower, we let her clean herself. This gave her the idea that it is never OK for ANYONE to touch her there (except if it is her doctor examining her with her mom present – she is not at that age yet though). I have discussed with her how she can come to me anytime if she has any concerns or questions. J still helps shampoo and condition her hair when she is in the shower and the nudity hasn’t bothered her yet. The day she begins getting conscious about that, J will stop. She has asked, and has been allowed, to lock the bathroom door when she is in there. We respect her privacy but do walk in after knocking if we absolutely need to.

Another question raised is “is it better to learn it from one’s peers as we did?” I say – NEVER! Your child could get wrong and potentially harmful information from his or her peers. It is better that you discuss these issues with your child. That serves another purpose besides educating them on whatever is being discussed. It keeps the communication channels open and your kids will feel comfortable coming to you if ever they are in trouble. A hypothetical situation – suppose my daughter were to get pregnant at an early age. Would I want her to go to her friends to find a solution? She could end up on a quack’s table trying to terminate the pregnancy because she is too scared of me to come to me for help. I would NEVER want her to end up in a situation like that but, God forbid, if she does, I would like to be the person she turns to for help. I can only achieve that if I keep the communication going and making it clear to her that no question is taboo. No topic is off limits for discussion. I fumbled my way through these questions in my teenage years and had I not had a good head on my shoulders and luck on my side, I could have very well made a wrong decision that would have ruined my life. I wouldn’t be here in that case. But I feel this journey would have been easier if I had an adult I could trust with my questions and opinions. My mom was a very good parent in this respect – she taught me to be open minded but somehow even she seemed out of reach when I had some doubts. I developed a close relationship with her later, when I was doing my Master’s but it would have been better if we had been that close during the earlier years.

“What about privacy between siblings?” Mad momma asks. Well, I grew up like she did. I shared my bedroom with my brother AND my cousin till I completed my Bachelor’s. No issues. I think it is ridiculous when parents nowadays insist on giving separate rooms to their kids of different genders. We knew all about the birds and the bees and we shared our bedrooms with our brothers/sisters. We also knew the sanctity of that relationship. I agree with MadMomma that we have too much sex on our mind. We make this issue so complex.

As for “the” talk – I’ll have that with my children when the time comes. But I am not keeping my relationship with my husband behind closed doors either (that DOES not mean we “do it” in front of the kids :P). Our older daughter has seen us kiss each other ON THE LIPS (YUCK!!!), hug each other and knows that we are really in love with each other. It is indeed a fine line – between being open about things that I think should be “normal” to her, like love and hugs and kisses, saying “I love you” etc. and yet not forcing too much information on her all at once. Till now, I think we are doing just fine. If not – well there’s always therapy!

Silly celebrations!

Ninni-the-Pooh is 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days old today!

Mitthi-Mouse turns 9 in 3 days!

I like AP (arithmetic progression) series and numbers in multiples of each other :D

Look before you speak!

I was walking down the hallway to where my office is and as I passed a colleague's office, I heard him call out "Hello!". So I "helloed" back. Then he asked "Can you help me?". I was in a very chirpy, silly kind of mood so I said "NO!" and then peeked in to smile at him and ask him what it was that he needed help with. That's when I realized that he was talking to someone else on the phone!

Random Thought - 1

If you lie about your age, you better have a good memory and you better be pretty darn good in math!

They say I'm a Schmoozah!!

Suki and AA's Mom, that's who!

Enough has been written about what the word "schmoozer" means and how this award might apply to the blogs that have received it. At the risk of sounding preachy, I'll say this (heard it at the latest PTO council meeting) - "Define your own success". What I mean to say is - do not go by what the word means, because the word does conjure up a picture of a smooth talking, a** kissing slicker in one's mind. Instead, look at two things - the intentions of the person passing it on to you and your own interpretation of it. I personally never thought I could "network", unless, of course you are talking about networking computers, servers, switches and such - which is what I do for a living. But Suki and AA's Mom think otherwise. I am flattered! I am flattered that they thought enough of plain ol' me to include me on their list. And I interpret the word "schmoozer" to mean "I am easy to talk to" :) Yeah, thats right! So I AM a schmoozer, a'ight!

So, a BIG "Thank you" again ladies! Your kind words about me are much appreciated. And forgive me, but I am shamelessly going to copy-paste your comments about me here :D

Suki said: "her comments reflect her blogging personality (she meant "Getting There Now") perfectly. Often long, well thought out, sensitive and having a thesis of their own. Makes me want to add them to the post body sometimes! :)"

AA's Mom said: "for her parenting style seems similar to my Mom's and aim to be such a parent."

Almost everyone, and there are so many who deserve this, has already received this award. I'd like to pass on this award to a few who come readily to my mind, for the resons stated.

Sandeepa, IndoSunGod, Asha: For their efforts in setting up "Desi Momz Club" where all desi moms "network".

Asha (AGAIN): She is always there with encouraging words and her experiences to guide us. Most of the time, she is the first one to comment on new posts on Desi Momz Club.

DesiMomzClub: It does take a lot of effort to stay an active part of any group (I should know - I am a slacker!). All the members of this group pitch in to make this club a lively and interesting space.

There are so many others who are real big schmoozers (meant it in the most affectionate way people :D) in the blog world. This award is for all of them.

KUMON: How and why it works for us

Some time back I wrote a post on how parents sometimes push their kids unnecessarily to achieve academic excellence. In that post, I also mentioned KUMON - a chain of individually owned math and reading learning centers. One reader left a link in the comment section for an article that discusses a few drawbacks of the KUMON way of teaching math. I read that whole article twice - I swear! I agree with parts of it and there are parts (regarding trigonometry and calculus etc.) that we haven't gone through yet so those don't apply to us. Yet. I highly recommend that you read this article if you are thinking about signing up your kid(s) at KUMON. I am not going to discuss the article here. I am merely writing what works for us in the KUMON method. I am not saying it will, or should, work for other parents too. Every kid is different and what works for S might not work even for M, a few years from now. So, please take everything I am going to write with a grain of salt. Research the options out for yourself and then decide.

S started KUMON math program in August 2003, just before she started Kindergarten. I came to know about it through a friend who sent her son to a center for a brief time. S was a quiet kid from the beginning and we thought being good at something, like math, will give her self-esteem a boost. In the long term, we HAVE been proven correct. Also, I had heard that due to various factors, girls here lose interest in math and sience by the time they get to middle school. I was determined to prevent that from happening to my daughter. I wasn't going to let math become a "monster" to be afraid of. So, this is why our KUMON journey started.

Soon after she started, S began struggling with the homeworks. She would do all correctly, but would take 45 minutes or more to complete each homework. We began worrying if we pushed her in it too early because there is no way 45 minutes of homework is going to be good for a 5 year old. Thankfully, the owner of the franchise that S attended agreed with us. She said it should only take a child 5-7 minutes per homework, and no more than 10-12 minutes even if they take too long. So she reduced the number of pages that S was getting per homework. Once the load decreased, S also began taking more interest in doing her homework again. So, it has been this way ever since - we reduce the number of pages in her homework if she starts taking too long to finish and slowly increase it again once she finds a balance.

Another thing we always made sure of was to never push S into finishing a level fast. We let her take her own time and even let her repeat a level if she takes too long in that level's test (the objective is to complete one page in 1-3 minutes). After all, she is the one who will benefit if she masters the concepts at one level before advancing to the next one. Also, having to repeat a level has never been associated with failure in Kay household. It just indicates that some more time is needed to master the concepts. We do, however, try positive reinforcement to keep her motivated. So, every time S completes a level at KUMON, she gets to buy a board game or a book of upto $15 dollars in value. We are very rigid in enforcing the "board game or book" part. No soft toys, no video games or anything of that sort. She really looks forward to these opportunities. She only gets this gift if she has finished the level for good and doesn't have to repeat it. There are no penalties for repeating a level except that she has to wait longer to buy her gift.

Every year, when we mention that S is in the KUMON math program, her teachers ask us the same questions. How do we keep her interested (because it does tend to get repititive)? And since she is clearly ahead of grade level in math, how do we keep her interested in school work? For the first question, our answer is "Because we never gave her an option. KUMON homeworks are not optional, and she knows that. And, since she can herself see the progress she is making, she willingly does it now." As for the second question, we have noticed that the math that she learns at school is usually complementary to the math she does at KUMON. So, since KUMON math program doesn't really have many word-problems, the school curriculum helps her practice that part. KUMON math does not cover money math concepts while her school curriculum did. And, school curriculum also helps her revise the parts that she did long time ago at KUMON and has forgotten by now. For example, when she was doing multiplication in KUMON, her class teacher was still teaching subtraction. That helped because S was beginning to lose subtraction skills for lack of practice. And this year, she finishes her math classwork and then goes ahead and does extra with her teacher's permission. Which, in my opinion, shows a "will to learn" - a very important ingradient of success.

In my opinion, this is also teaching her a few other things. One - you have to do what you have to do. Meaning, even if you already know multiplication (or any other skill that is currently being taught in class), you have to do it as part of the school curriculum. You CANNOT get out of doing it just because you already know it. Two - never be smug about your math skills because though there are things you are very good at, there are some other skills that you need to work on, just like other kids. (Example - her struggles with money math last year) Three - practice makes perfect. This one she has experienced for herself and now realizes its importance (I hope!)

Almost everyone in our social circle, who has ever sent their kids to KUMON at one time or the other, has mentioned to us how their kids used to get "bored" with math at their school because they were ahead of the rest of their class. Most of them cited "boredom" as a reason for dropping out of the KUMON math program. I don't know why. As I mentioned earlier, it hasn't happened to S. And if it has, she hasn't mentioned to us - which is just as good because we would still have made her do it. "Bored" is a word I don't entertain. No way, no how! I know, I sound like a tyrant. Heck! I am a tyrant when it comes to studies. I know that is THE ONLY TICKET TO SUCCESS my daughters have. S does mention it when KUMON begins to become a burden of sorts. Then we let her take a break for a week or so. Every year, she gets a break form KUMON for one week each in summer and winter. And sometimes an extra week here or there if we feel (or if she says) it is becoming too much for her. That, I guess, prevents it from becoming a huge burden. By now, KUMON is a way of life for her. She remembers to do the homework every day without us having to remind her. I hope this will continue into her middle school and high school years. Because the skills that KUMON is teaching her reach far beyond just success in math. The discipline will definitely help her in other avenues in life. The skill to understand concepts on her own (of course she takes our help when she gest stuck) is going to prove important later in college. The perseverance she is learning in understanding tricky math concepts will pay off later in life.

Coming back to the article - I agree KUMON is not perfect. Nothing is. But we work hard at making it work for us. Like everything else in life. Nothing comes your way custom-made and ready to fit. You have to tuck here, nip there.

The author of the article suggests that parents should do every homework themselves along with the kids. I agree, but not completely. You don't need to do every single homework. You do need to know how to solve those problems and be able to explain to your kid(s) if the need arises. Having solved the problems yourself a few times does come in handy when you have to explain it to someone else.

We had signed S up for KUMON's reading program as well and she attended it for over 3 years. But then we learnt about SCORE's writing program. We liked the program and wanted to try it out. S loved it and even made some remarkable progress in her writing skills. but we had to take her off of the program. There were a few reasons. One - they weren't offering Writing as a stand-alone program. They wanted us to opt for the whole Math-Reading-Writing package. Since we were already very happy with the KUMON math and reading program, we decided not to join SCORE. Two - and this one was a biggie for me, I am not sure if other parents will feel the same way as I do - the SCORE program is COMPLETELY computer based. I mean, even the "writing" that S did was on a computer. Now, call me old-fashioned, but I believe a child should learn how to write well before graduating to typing. And, with all the typing, S was losing her handwriting skills fast. At KUMON, she is required to write everything - math answers as well as answers to the questions in her reading material. I like it that way. As I said - nothing is perfect. You have to work at making things fit you. We tried but we weren't able to compromise on these two issues regarding the SCORE program. I think we might give it another try a few years from now when S is done with KUMON (one can hope, right? :P)

Observations and conclusions - and a whole lot of other updates

Observation: The number of moms attending PTO and PTO Council meetings is greater than the number of dads.

Wrong Conclusion: Dads just aren't as interested in their kids' education as moms are.

Right Conclusion: Moms are here because dads are back home taking care of the kids.

Well, of course, it could be grandparents or uncles or aunts taking care of the kids as well, but I think most of the moms can get away to these meetings because dads agree to stay back and do the baby-duty. I know for sure that a few moms can't make it to the meetings because they don't get similar support from their partners. (Or are they using this just as an excuse not to attend these meeting? Hmmmm... The ever-skeptical me!)

I went to the monthly PTO council meeting yesterday. Apart from being a way of being involved in my daughter's education, it is also a means for me to understand the American school system. It helps to know the ins and outs of the system, I am realizing. And I sometimes regret not becoming a part of it earlier because S had to miss some good opportunities just because we weren't aware they existed. Anyway, no use crying over spilled milk.

In the meeting yesterday, I raised a question regarding the parent-teacher conferences. At the end of the meeting, a parent of a high school kid came to me and said he had been observing parents' participation in these meetings for the last couple of years and felt that the questions I raise are few but always very important. It felt good to get that kind of acknowledgment. This year I have limited my participation because of the baby but I am trying my hardest to do at least this much - two meetings every month. I attend the PTO council meeting every month and then report back on it to my daughter's school at the PTO meeting. Even this little bit is appreciated very much. I really like the way parents here can play an active role in their kids' schools. In India, we have to pay through our noses and still don't get a say in how our kids should be educated. [Please correct me if I am wrong and if things have changed now]

Now on to the "whole lot of other updates"...

On Sunday (October 21st) I and Ma went to a 5 mile walk that was raising money for Breast Cancer Research. I had my doubts - I thought I wouldn't be able to keep up with my mom who is in a better physical shape than I am. I knew I will be able to finish it but wasn't sure of the state I'd be in afterwards. My mother, on the other hand, was worried that she might not be able to keep up with me due to her age. I am happy to report that both our worries were unfounded. We both walked the 5 miles in 1 hour and 35 minutes!! This was a teeny bit faster than the 20-minute mile I was estimating and a LOT faster than the 30-minute mile J was predicting :) In fact we finished 25 minutes earlier than the rest of our team (this event was sponsored by my office)! And I wasn't in too much of discomfort afterwards. This walk had such a feel-good factor associated with it that now I want to go on another!

Rest all is well in Kay-ville. S has two swim meets coming up this weekend. And I have to plan her birthday party which is going to be a simple affair this year. S just wants to invite a few of her friends home and have a"Hannah Montana" party. And frankly, that is all I feel up to this year. There are a bunch of Diwali parties coming up too. And then there is the Thanksgiving get-together I have at our house every year. November 18th is scheduled for a math contest S is going to participate in. Halloween is around the corner as well. There is a party in S' school too and I have also signed up to volunteer at an event in her school. We have to go to a wedding right after Thanksgiving. All in all, very busy couple of months for us.

It worked. Really!

The idea of giving M cereal before bedtime so she'd be full and sleep longer? It worked!! I knew it would - but it still feels good to actually see it working :) At the same time we are now feeling bad that we kept her hungry all this time :D

Sunday night I had the longest, uninterrupted sleep in weeks. Whats more - M lovvvves the cereal! She gobbles it all up! Can't wait for me to fill up the spoon and bring it back to her :D And she even loves the water that let her sip on! What more could I ask for? A baby who loves her food and drink and sleeps most of the night - thats all!

Oh, and she is becoming chattier by the day! Last night, she woke up at 11:30 for her last feed of the day and was still wide awake after drinking up the milk and cereal concoction that I gave her, and more milk and a diaper change. And she was singing! She grabbed my chin and "sang" at the top of her voice. I didn't have the heart to interrupt her and waited for the song to finish. But another one started after this one - that is when J stepped in, scooped her up and "lullabied" her to sleep :P A good rest was had by all after that. NOT.

That was a curveball, wasn't it? Here I was raving about how M is sleeping through the night and all of a sudden she is not? Well, you see last night J made her cereal and fed her (I was away at a PTO Council meeting). He forgot that my instructions said "2 ounces of MILK + 2 heaped teaspoonfuls of rice cereal" and mixed 2 heaped teaspoons of rice cereal with water instead. M didn't like it and wanted to have nothing to do with it :P So he ended up giving her cereal from the bottle - which was again mixed with water and not milk. As a result, it wasn't filling enough for her and she woke up in 3 hours! But then we did give her milk+cereal then. She woke up again at 4:45 am and had another bottle of milk and then slept for another 3 hours or so - which is unusual. She wakes up in about 1.5 hours after her early morning feed. But all in all, at least M had a good night's sleep even if we didn't!

This baby of ours...

... is completely testing our limits of endurance.

She had started sleeping through the night pretty early - from 3 months of age. But now she is waking up every three hours after 12 am and WANTS TO PLAY AND TALK!!! Did that last night. Or should I say "this morning"? Poor dad stayed up with her from 3:30 am to 5:30 am. After that I took pity on him and took over :D Put her to bed in 8 minutes flat (yeah, yeah - all you supporters of J WILL say I got her when she was already tired but the fact remains that it was I who soothed her into a sleep :D). She woke up again at 6:30 am. I tell you - she is doing this JUST TO TEST OUR LIMITS!! Anyway, in Kay household these days, nana-nani's shift starts at 6:30 am. So I slept for another half hour after handing her ot my dad. I shudder to think what will become of us once my parents leave.

Before you start bashing me for sleeping soundly while my darling husband deals with the baby, I must tell you that we take turns taking care of her. So one night it's me and the next it is J and so on... Last night happened to be "his night". Hopefully, she will be so tired tonight that she will sleep straight through!

So, anyway - I think she is waking up so often because maybe she is hungry. So, starting this weekend (means tonight), I am going to give her cereal just before bed. Hope that'll hold her for the whole night.

Last night, when J was up with her - or lets say when M was up and J was sleeping with M in his lap, she kept looking at me (I opened my eyes just a "leetal" bit to see who she was speaking with) and calling out to me!! I think she has decided that I will be her playmate during the night. Maybe it is because of that "SuperMom" cape I wear that she thinks I can go without ANY sleep for 3 years in a row! I think I'll hide the cape tonight :D

In my thoughts...

She is going through exactly what I went through last year. Not exactly, but yes, the pain is the same. The reason is the same too.

All those memories have come rushing back. I remember each day of what I went through. I wish no one, who really wanted a child, had to go through this pain.

Heather, I have you and your family in my thoughts. I know you will bounce back - you are a strong woman. And know that I am rooting for you!

Like, dude! Uhhhh... listen up!!

PLEASE lets take a deep breath, speak slowly and leave out all the fillers - "like", "ummm", "err", "uhhh", "you know" - from our sentences.

It is, kinda like... uhhh... very irritating, uhhhh.... to listen to... you know... such a uhhhh... speech, you know?

Get what I'm, like, gettin' at??

Theory of Transference*

...of property.

I just remembered this incidence yesterday. This happened when J & I were doing our Master's from Indore University. The three of us - J, N (a dear friend) and I were sitting on the stairs in front of our department. N started teaseing me about how I was a pauper and J a prince!

N: J has a motorcycle, he has a house and a job. He even has lots of loyal friends. He has a great family and loads of money. What do you have?

[BTW - the last part of N's speech about J having loads of money was a LIE!! :D]

Me: Hmmmm.. I have J!!!

* trans·fer·ence /trænsˈfɜrəns, ˈtrænsfərəns/
–noun
1. the act or process of transferring.
2. the fact of being transferred.

Here you go...

She's mobile now!

We put Ninni in a walker a few days back. This is something I never thought I'd do because I am dead against walkers for babies. (This walker was given to us by a friend, otherwise we wouldn't have purchased one) But she was quite miserable in our arms and didn't like being on the activity mat all day so we thought we'd just put her in the walker for a few minutes and see if she liked it. She is already trying her BEST to sit up so we thought she'd like being in an upright position. Boy! She loved it! She accidentally pushed with her legs and the walker moved backwards. I loved the look on her face! She seemed amazed that she could move on her own :D So she kept doing it and eventually went all the way back and got stuck against the wall. That irritated her. "Here I finally figure out how to move on my own and I am already being hindered??". So we heard a few whiny protests. J picked her up and turned her around. She began pushing again until she reached the opposite wall. Whine. Pick up & turn around. Push. This went on for about 10 minutes or so. Good, clean, family oriented entertainment :P Then she got tired of it and wanted to come out. We haven't repeated it since. Maybe over the weekend. Unfortunately the pics are still in the camera. Will put them up soon.

Now about her efforts to sit up. This little girl is determined to sit up. Any time we prop her up against her Boppy or lay her down on a soft surface (like our bed), she hunches her sholders, balls up her hands into tiny fists, brings them close to her chest, brings her head forward and tries to sit up! Well, if it doesn't work, she will still get abs of steel :D So, Go Girl!!

Lately, mommy dear has found her "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" - Ninni blesses her with big, wide grins throughout the evening (and night). As I mentioned earlier, no matter what I did, she wouldn't smile at me. NEVER. But then last friday I was stuck in traffic and didn't get home until after 9:30 pm. I guess that day she must have thought mama ran away and when I finally came back she decided to throw these smiles my way to keep me from running away again :D

We changed her formula on Sunday and it seems that the new one suits her better. She isn't spitting up as much as she used to and isn't uncomfortable after her feeds like she sometimes became earlier. So, YAY!

Really?? Yeah!

You Are 60% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Month Four

I am so running behind in everything that I need to post. I have a lot of tags to finish. I have lost track of things I've been tagged for. I also have to complete a post on how/why KUMON works for us that has been lying in my drafts for a long time. But first, it is time for Month 4 update.

Actually, I don't remember much. I have decided that, from now on, instead of doing a monthly post I will post about events as and when they happen and just label them by the month that we are in. Anyhoo - this is the last monthly post.

Sometime during this month, Ninni started turning to her side. She doesn't do it that often even now. As I mentioned earlier, she tries something new for a few times and when she is satisfied that she has mastered that skill, she just gives it up for something new :) So, she turned to her side for a couple of days and then lost interest in it. Also, our persistence paid off this month. Ninni HATED being on her tummy. But we would still give her some tummy time everyday and she'd spend it miserably. Then one day she discovered..... the IDIOT BOX!! Yes, as much as I hate kids and babies watching TV, both my daughters love it :D I think they got the "TV Watching" genes from both their grandfathers - J's and my dad :D Now this double whammy of genes is something that I can control, but can't wipe away altogether. So, this time I decided to use it to my advantage. I gave Ninni her tummy time in front of the television one day. Then her sneaky nana-nani also did the same the next day. And the next. And the day after that too. Slowly she started enjoying her tummy time and then we eliminated TV from this equation and she didn't even realize it!

We did have a lot of fun for a few days observing her love for the idiot box though. I would turn it on while playing with Ninni and then block her vision whenever she turned her head towards her. She would just go crazy trying to get a peek! She would contort her body (and neck) in every possible way just to get a peek at the screen. Yes, I know I am a very cruel momma :P

Around this time she also started enjoying her daily morning sessions on the activity mat. We have fixed the mirror on the top so Ninni can see herself when she is on the mat. She looks at herself and coos incessantly, this narcissist baby! One day, I decided to have some together time with her on the mat so I lay down beside her. She looked at me in the mirror, then turned her head to look at me and then looked in the mirror again. I think it confused her to see "two" of me :D

One milestone for the big sister was that she picked up Ninni UNASSISTED!!! for the first time!! And another milestone was for nana who successfully put Ninni in bed for her nap ONCE!! :D And I think this was the month when Ninni finally convinced nana to change her diaper :P (Till now nani, mommy and daddy had been doing the dirty work!)

One final thing to happen in this month was Ninni's 4 month checkup which was scheduled just 2 days before she completed 4 months. She got slammed with FOUR shots, poor thing! Apart from that, everything else was fine. The doctor was even very happy with her weight gain. I think I never mentioned it but Ninni was in just the 5th percentile of weight when we brought her home. Now she is in the 50th percentile. In the doctor's words - "The weight gain has been phenomenal". So mommy is happy. And keeping her fingers crossed. And touching wood everywhere she can find it :D

The doctor said that though he recommends that we start her on solids only after six months, he will leave the final decision upto us. Since we had already made up our minds about starting her on thin soups by the time she was 4.5 months old and then solids by the time she turns 5 months or so, I told the doctor our intentions. I have to say I wasn't expecting the way he reacted. He was COMPLETELY COOL WITH IT!! I told him this is what we did with our older daughter and she has the best eating habits in all the kids I have seen (and I believe it was because we started her off pretty early - and because of the varied food I gave her. More on that in another post). He asked me what is the rate of food-related allergies in Indian kids to which I replied that I don't have concrete data, but I rarely heard of any kids with food allergies back in India. He nodded as if my answer proved some unspoken theory of his. Or maybe it was my imagination :P

So, this is it. I am eagerly looking forward to starting Ninni on solids. With Mitthi, I made sure she got a variety of food, and something from all food groups every day. I am worried that this time it might be a little difficult because when Mitthi was small, I was at home and had all the time to cook nutritious food for her. I don't want to give Ninni much store-bought baby food. I believe home-made is the best. Also, home made will be closer to what I cook for our regular meals and thus there will be a greater chance that Ninni, like Mitthi, will develop good eating habits. Here's hoping that happens...

First taste of something other than milk...

We started Baby M on thin, watery soups today. The first one was simple "daal ka pani" (water in which lentils have been boiled). The daal was "Masoor dhuli" (Red lentils). We had been thinking of starting her on this for a long time now - ever since she turned 3 and a half months old. But something or the other kept preventing us from doing it. Then, a few days back, my dad said not to do it since it was the "Shraddh" season. Now, I am a non-believer. But over the years I have changed a lot in this respect. Even though I don't believe in all this stuff, I do respect other people's beliefs. So I waited until today.

It was a vey simple, totally non-ceremonious event. I am not one for ceremonies. I mean, I do love celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, but that is about it. So we simply boiled some lentils and in the afternoon everyone took turns feeding Baby M. First it was mommy's turn. Then Daddy's and then big sister's. Then Nani and Nana took their turns. And then we found out that Nana, who had been manning the camera, had only taken pictures of Baby M and completely eliminated the person feeding her in every single picture :D Since we thought it will be quite difficult, 6-7 years from now, to recognize each person just by the picture of their hand, we went again. This time Nani took pictures :P

Oh, by the way, Baby M loved the soup!!

Note: Pics will follow soon. I need to download them onto my laptop.

OTC Infant Cough & Cold Medicine recall

Several makers of OTC (Over the counter) Oral infant cough and cold medicines voluntarily recalled their products. This has created a panic in parents and I have received at least 3 emails from different sources. But the recall has been done voluntarily and is NOT mandatory or a safety recall, which means it is NOT due to a defective product. Here is what I found on a website that has information about Over-The-Counter drug safety:

The voluntary withdrawal of OTC oral infant cough and cold medicines was initiated by the makers of those medications out of an abundance of caution. This is not a mandatory recall or a safety issue.

• Kids’ OTC cough and cold medicines are both safe and effective when used correctly. Rare cases of overdose from misuse, however, have occurred—particularly in infants less than two years of age.

• Infants under the age of two are the most vulnerable to the consequences of this misuse.

• The voluntary withdrawal only affects oral infant cough and cold medications. It does not affect any other children’s medicines.

• OTC pediatric cough and cold medicines affected by this voluntary withdrawal are listed in the right column of this page, or visit www.OTCsafety.org.

I think these companies have taken a big, admirable step towards implementing safety where OTC drugs for infants are concerned. I can imagine the financial setback they will experience because this WAS a big market.

I do have a rather strong opinion about what necessitated this recall and maybe I WILL do a post on it - if I get the time. In short, I feel some parents tend to over-medicate children and THAT has compelled these companies to recall their perfectly safe products. It also means a slight inconvenience for parents who turn to these drugs only when totally necessary and at times when it is not possible to get a prescription from a doctor. Oh well. I am ready to go through that inconvenience if it means some other babies will be safer now.

Private? Public? Somewhere in between?

I have seen this a lot lately. Rude, insensitive comments on posts, many of them totally tangential and not about the main issue discussed in the blog at all. MadMomma brought it up in her latest post as well. She is wondering why blog posts get hijacked and taken in a completely different direction by the readers of the blog? I have been thinking about it as well and have been wanting to write a post on it. My take is a little different on it. Maybe because I have a very limited readership and my posts don't get as many comments as Mad Momma's posts do, it doesn't bother me in the same way it bothers her.

To me, it is kind of interesting how different readers pick up different points from the same post. How they interpret the same thing differently. Much like two siblings might form different attitudes about life in general based on their experiences under similar circumstances. People take away different life-lessons from same situations. For example, I believe in God though I do not follow any organized religion but my brother is an atheist. We grew up together and our parents behaved exactly the same with us in this reagrd. They showed us their beliefs and we saw them taking part in Havans and other religious activities yet both of us developed different beliefs. That is the strength of a human mind. Two minds can come up with two different thoughts under the same circumstances. There is no fixed formula to how minds work. And I think that is why different readers interpret the same post differently. I have also seen, and found it interesting, that different readers pick up different parts of the same post to comment on. So, for a simple post that might tackle different parenting issues ranging from baby food to sleep habits, education and discipline, I am sure I will get varied comments on different parts of the post. And, to me, that is the beauty of blogging. It feels just like when you are sitting with friends and a topic of discussion comes up. Everyone puts in their two cents and sometimes they veer off to something totally different. Sometimes I get a comment on a post of mine that make ME think differently about the issue that has been commented upon.

This is all fine and dandy when we are talking about regular readers of our blogs. We write a post, they read the post, and then everyone shares their opinions in the comments section. Sometimes it even becomes a "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" fest :D Or as one would say in Sanskrit - "परस्परम् प्रशंसति, अहो रूपम् अहो ध्वनि!" [Begin digression: This Sanskrit phrase comes from a story. Once a camel and a crow met. After getting acquainted, they started praising each other. The crow said "Oh, what a beautiful face!" and the camel said "Oh, what a melodious voice!" : End digression] Now, don't take it otherwise. I mentioned the phrase in the most affectionate and humorous way. It feels good to give and receive praise and it builds goodwill all around - something all of us could use on any given day.

Sometimes that doesn't happen. For bloggers like MadMomma, Megha, Rohini and many others who fearlessly express their opinions on a variety of issues, along come the special class of readers and commentors - the NASTY ANONYMOUS reader/commentors. This is where things mostly get out of hand. Now again, it is perfectly fine to comment anonymously as long as you do so with civility and respect for the owner of the blog. But what happens generally is an anonymous reader would leave a rude comment on some totally irrelevant part of the post and then a commenting war ensues. I have been part of one such war at Megha's latest post. And I am ashamed to say that towards the end I became catty. That is when I realized that I needed to bring my thoughts away from her space and jot them down in my own. In my defense I would say that I engaged in it in the first place because I couldn't just stand by and see Megha being attacked for her views in her OWN space.

Most of the times, the main argument that these anonymous commentors (henceforth ACs or NACs - Nasty Anonymous Commentors) give in the support of their rude comments is that the blogger called it upon themselves by airing their issues in a "public space". [Begin digression 2: One AC called it a "public forum". Now, isn't that repetitive? A "forum" is a place for public to gather and have discussions (ref. --> Dictionary.com) . A "public forum" becomes a "public place for public to gather"? Anyway, I am just splitting hair! :End digression 2] What they don't realize is that a blog ["a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page": ref. --> dictionary.com] is NOT a public space. Yes, it is available for everyone to read (based on the settings) and comment. But it is not open for everyone to write POSTS on. It belongs to the owner of that particular blog. The comment section may be considered public but in that case one should behave as one would in any other public place - with civility and dignity. If they don't like what they read, they have two options - comment with civility or go to their own space and vent about it.

The second argument meted out is that if a blogger activates comment moderation on their blog, they 1) do so to drown out all dissenting voices, 2) deserve such comments because of what they write about and they can choose not to publish them, 3) are cowards, 4) should stop complaining, 5)do not support free speech 6) are hypocrites and so on. I'll tackle these one by one.

A blogger activates comment moderation to drown out all dissenting voices. Bloggers choose to moderate comments for various reasons. One of those reasons IS to filter out rude, insensitive jerks who don't know how to express a differing opinion in a civilized manner. I don't see most of these bloggers criticizing everyone who differs from them in their opinions, only those who do it in an uncivilized way. Nothing wrong with that. I have seen plenty of comments that disagree with the bloggers' opinions (on MadMomma and Megha's blogs, for example). The fact that these comments were allowed in the comment section shows that these bloggers are not afraid of, or intolerant of contradicting opinion.

These bloggers deserve such comments because of what they write about and they can choose not to publish them. I beg to differ. No one deserves rude, insensitive or threatening comments for what they write, however controversial it might be. One - lets not forget that they are airing their opinions in THEIR PERSONAL SPACE. They don't come to YOUR blog to write these posts. Two - AGAIN - you can disagree. But be civil, be decent, be polite. If you still don't like what they wrote or how they reacted to disagreeing comments, leave. You can make the choice not to read what they write.

I listen to various radio programmes on my way back from work. The one I catch the most is hosted by Dr. Michael Savage. Now, Dr. Savage most times behaves according to his last name. That is his style. He bulldozes all his callers if they happen to disagree with him. He bulldozes even those callers who agree with him. I don't particularly like that even though sometimes he does have interesting and informed opinions about the topics he discusses. So, as soon as he starts doing that I switch channels. Simple as that! I could call in and tell him how I feel but I know that's not going to make a difference. Besides - it is HIS program. HE decides how to behave on it. If anyone is willing to take that kind of treatment from him, they call him. Those who can't, don't. Same goes with blogs, in my opinion.

These bloggers have comment moderation on because they are cowards. From what I have seen on most blogs that have comment moderation on is that the bloggers are not trying to hide behind that censorship. They love a good debate. Bloggers might, as I mentioned earlier, have various reasons for turning comment moderation on, but cowardice is usually not one of them. This is just a juvenile accusation to prove one's point at every cost.

Bloggers who have comment moderation on should stop complaining. Why? Why should someone stop complaining about the rude treatment they are getting from someone else? Just because they set up a filter on a PERSONAL site? It is like saying that a person should not complain about a robbery attempt at their home if they have a security system in place. Surely the robbery attempt was unsuccessful BECAUSE they had that security system. Similarly, if these bloggers didn't have comment moderation, the rude comments WOULD have made it through to their comment space and polluted the whole space. Just because I might have comment moderation on does NOT give someone the license to send me rude, threatening or obscene comments! I am pretty sure that these NACs won't stop spreading their vile comments even if comment moderation were removed from all blogs.

Bloggers who turn comment moderation on do not support free speech. Again, a misconception in these un/mis-informed minds, I am sure. Also, free speech comes with responsibilities. Just because you have freedom to speak, does not mean you can speak trash to or about someone else. Basic manners! Would you go to some one's house or approach someone in a "public space" IN PERSON and speak as harshly? Would you express your opinions with such abandon if you had to reveal your identity? Free speech is all good and noble, but only when it doesn't attack other people's right to speak out their minds. That too in their own spaces. If only we applied the same rules of etiquette to our blog comments, that we apply to our conversations with real live people, this issue wouldn't even arise. And it is interesting to note that the advocates of free speech are all conveniently ACs! And no. Adding a letter or an initial (or even a name, which could be fictional for all we know) at the end of your comment does not mean you have adequately revealed your identity. Create your own blogger profile, log in with that profile and THEN leave a nasty comment. You won't. Because then you can be traced back to your personal space and attacked. See what I mean??

Bloggers who have comment moderation on are hypocrites. Whatever generated this idea? Again, the NACs are confusing the bloggers' right to write in their own space with everyone else's right to comment in a public domain. And comment moderation does not equate to "killing all disagreeing comments" as I have already pointed out. These bloggers are just demanding a little bit of respect for themselves in their own space. Not too much to ask!

As for commentors hijacking the blog by airing their opinions rudely over some unrelated topics - DON'T GO THERE! Read the post first. Otherwise you appear stupid for arguing over something that was not discussed or something that was not the point of the post anyway. Yes, it is easy to mistakenly do so. But it is not easy to be "mistakenly rude". THAT needs effort. There is a difference between just taking the comment off the tangent and hijacking the comment section with rude comments over personal agendas.

I would say the Internet has changed the concept of privacy. So it is easy to mistakenly consider someone else's blog a public domain. Even then, if one would just remember the general rules of behaving in a public space, things won't appear so wrong. One wouldn't be verbally abusive to public speakers even if one disagreed with their opinions. One wouldn't stand up and accuse someone of being a coward, bad parent, bad employer, bad friend or some such thing in a public gathering. The cloak of anonymity gives a person the misplaced strength to do so. It makes a coward out of THEM. Because if they had the courage, if they thought they were correct, they wouldn't do it anonymously.

Silly numbers...

Just realized that Mitthi mouse is 11 months, 1 week and 1 days into her 9th year and Ninni-the-Pooh is 4 months and 4 days old!

What a way to cheer up!

Over the weekend, somethings really dragged me down and I wasn't "feeling the love"! Then I ventured over to Rohini's blog while blog-surfing on Monday and what do I see??? She has awarded me the Rockin' Girl Blogger Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to thank her first for - for pulling me out of the dumps, for saying that I rock or for perpetuating the myth that I am still a girl? :D

And now I pass it on to -

Lumi: Even during times when she had a lot going on in her life, I never caught even a hint of the "why me?" bitterness.

Broom: The strength she has shown in the past months in recovering from a divorce amazes me.

Dotmom: Her husband had a heart attack recently but when I read her post recounting the event(s), I couldn't help but marvel at her strangth and composure.

Suki: I just started reading her blog and I like the conviction with which she writes.

Megha: I have been a long-time admirer of her sarcastic wit. I wish for my daughters to grow up to have the same wit and the strength to take on all and any trolls that they may come across in their lives.

Thanks Rohini! And I swing this one right back at ya! You rock, girl!!

Fog...

The weekend started out well. I got a good night's sleep, woke up and had a liesurely cup of tea (which is always good), did many loads of laundry through the day, even went to Walmart to get a mop (so now my hardwood floors will get a mopping of PineSol!). But somewhere along the way the fresh, light feeling disappeared and gloom took its place. I don't do well with discord around me. Even if it doesn't involve me (and this one doesn't). I was uneasy for the rest of the day. Still am, though it is slowly dissipating. Hope tomorrow will be a little better. I wish I could write about it but can't. Don't want to. Writing about it will make it more real than it already is for me. I don't want reality right now. I want Disney-peddled "Happily ever after" - for everyone around me.

Month 107..... or so

Note: I know I cheated. I changed the title of my post. It now says "Month 107 .. or so" instead of "Month 104...". Today when I was in the shower I realized I made a mistake in calculating the months. Anyway - these forehead smacking moments are happening in the Kay household (to Cee of course!) almost everyday these days :D

Been a long time since I wrote a post about S. A post on month 4 for Baby M is already coming up soon so I, in my eternal (yet futile) quest to be fair to both my daughters, decided to post an update about S too. A long overdue update.

I don't even know where to start from. I think I'll start from her fight with Alopecia Areata. She is still fighting it. She has gotten almost all her hair back but there are still a few very stubborn bald patches left on her scalp. Her strength amazes me. It is like she doesn't even care about them but I know that she does. She just doesn't speak about it. She acts all non-chalant but I know she is thrilled to have her hair back.

Before this started, I would often tell her that I wanted to cut her hair short and that she will have to learn to take care of her hair before I will let her grow it long. And then she lost all of it. I felt so guilty because at that time we didn't know if she will ever get her hair back. I felt guilty for not letting her enjoy something as simple as long hair. I felt guilty because in some way I thought I was guilty. I felt like my saying that I'd cut her hair short had made it fall out. I knew it wasn't true but guilt is an amazing thing. It makes you believe all sort of nonsense. I usually don't take guilt trips but this is one I never returned from.

S got into Norwalk's swim team last year. We were thrilled that she even considered trying. Initially she didn't want to but we convinced her to try out for the team. We told her that if she did get in, she didn't have to continue if she didn't like it. Turns out she does like it. So much that this year she made the decision to stop her tennis lessons and focus on swimming. I am just glad that she is thinking for herself.

I am seeing a confident, responsible S emerge from my baby S. We never have to remind her to do her homework (well, almost never). She remembers to take her library books back and even helps out at home a lot. Helps put away groceries, helps clean up the house, even helps take care of Baby M. Our mornings are finally calm and serene because I no longer have to yell "S! Hurry UP!" 1013 times. In fact, she gets ready and then helps me by loading all my stuff (my handbag, my lunch/book bag, my laptop bag and sometimes an odd file folder or so) in the car. Mornings are less rushed now and consist of sane conversations like "What are you going to do at school today?". We don't forget to send important permission slips to school anymore. We have time to say "Bye" to the baby FIVE times :D

S has been taking Piano lessons for over 2 years now and this is her second year taking Violin lessons. And I am glad to notice that she enjoys these. I would never want to push her into learning something that she doesn't enjoy. She LOVES reading. She is reading the fourth Harry Potter now. And she is writing in her "Reading Journal" (something they have to write in as homework) about these books. Initially I was apprehensive about letting her read beyond the first three Harry Potter books because I heard that they get a little too graphic beyond that (I haven't read them, so I don't know). But then, after seeing how keen she is to read them, I left it up to her school's librarian to decide if these books are appropriate for S. The librarian at S' school is this nice, tech-savvy lady who actually enjoys her library duties and takes them seriously! That includes assisting kids find age-appropriate books for reading. Besides, I grew up reading all sorts of books (even horrors, thrillers and chillers) at a young age and I am fine! If something scared me, I spent a few nights chanting the Gayatri Mantra under the covers - thats it! So maybe I should focus on teaching her the Gayatri Mantra to tide her through those scary nights instead :D

She is a patient child. Always has been. Before Baby M came along, I'd promised her I'd let her get her hair braided and nails done professionally (just ONCE) as a "BIG SISTER" gift for her. I am yet to get the necessary appointments. She has reminded me a number of times but I always forget. But she has never thrown a fit over that.

Coming back to her swimming abilities. Swimming is doing her more good than we could ever imagine. She has developed a good physique due to that. She has these nice, square, broad shoulders that look good in halter tops. The other day she mentioned at the bus stop that she was very worried about an upcoming physical fitness test at school. She said she thought she won't be able to pass it. In the evening, when I asked her how it went, she told me she was one of the few kids who went beyond the required number of sit-ups and curls in these tests. They were required to do 26 sit-ups, she did 40. They were told to do 18 curls, she did 30. I have seen that she always underestimates herself. I guess she is afraid of failing. I think I need to work on that with her. I want her to realize that more important than being on the top in everything is that you try your best.

A friend of mine has been after me to talk to her teacher about getting her into the Academically Talented program at her school. Kids get into this program based on their test scores, teachers' recommendations and their "out-of-the-box" thinking. Well, I did talk to the teacher but I found out that the reason S didn't get into it is that her State standardized test score in reading is just at goal level. She has been placed at advanced levels in both, writing and math. Even though I think it is unfair that only scores in reading are given importance and thus kids achieving high scores in writing and math lose out, I am perfectly fine with the fact that S didn't get into AT program. It doesn't make or break anything, I told her. She will still be as intelligent as she is. And we are working at improving her reading skills. Not because I want her to get in the AT program, but because I think she can do much better. The reason her scores in reading have been lower than those in writing and math is that she just whizzes through the text she is reading and in her hurry sometimes misses the context or interprets it incorrectly.

So, this is how S is doing these days. I am just sad that she is growing up so fast. "Don't grow up so fast, Mamuni" I tell her. And she just smiles that patient little smile of hers and says "I can't help it mamma".

From a budding chef's kitchen

Lately there have been more updates about M than there have been about S and while that is natural, it isn't fair. So here is a tid-bit about S.

She created this snack ALL ON HER OWN!! She took foods that she likes - bread, butter, sugar, chocolate syrup, chocolate chips and bananas and put them together to create a yummy (her words, not mine) snack! I leave you with a mouth watering picture of the same. :D

For the record, I have tasted it sans the chocolate chips and chocolate syrup (did I ever tell you I HATE chocolate flavor - except in a cake??) and it indeed was very, very, very delicious. S is proud of the fact that this is a very healthy recipe because it has whole grain bread and a fruit! I really loved the look of pride on her face when she presented this snack to me and later when I photographed it.

Hope to keep this interest alive and maybe she will be competing on "Top Chef" one day.... :D

BO-ring!!

All the women I work with, are very nice to me. At least to my face. If they bitch about me behind my back, I don't know (and frankly, I don't care). Most of the men I work with are genuinely nice to me and the rest are cordial and no one is downright rude to me. My neighbors don't bother me and no one in our social circle is rude or mean or argues with us over anything.

SIGHHHHH!! Life is so boring! What do I blog about?

Caught in the act!!!

When in doubt...

...take a quiz! You scored as Peter Pan, Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up. Peter Pan 81% Goofy 75% The Beast 63% Donald Duck 56% Sleeping Beauty 50% Pinocchio 50% Ariel 44% Cinderella 25% Cruella De Ville 19% Snow White 19% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

I am SO glad that Snow White and Cinderella feature lower down the list. I would have preferred their names not appear on the list at all, but well...

And I LOVE the fact that Goofy is second from the top!! I love Goofy. I can act goofy! (Or should that be "goofily"? Is that even a word?)

Finally!!

Finally it happened! Something that I had been praying for and wondering if it would ever happen. This morning, when I went to say "bye" to Baby M (she was in her nani's arms), she stretched out her arms to come to me!! I thought she'd never do that. On occasions I have even felt a little bit of envy for my mom because anytime M sees her, she gets all excited and tries to go to her. I understand why she does that - my mom is her main caregiver these days. And I truly don't mind that at all (that M does this). To me, it means my mom is taking really good care of her. But when M showed no interest in coming to me a few days ago, it touched a raw nerve somewhere! All the things that my MIL once said to me about how S (who was a baby then) would have gotten excited and eager to come into my arms "if only I were nursing her" came to my mind. That is a mean thing to say to a new mom. And you can only imagine how mean when the said mom hears it over and over in her mind when she has another baby EIGHT f**king years later. Yes, I am still having lactation problems. BIG TIME. But I am trying my damndest to get every last drop of milk that I can squeeze out of me into the baby. Anyway, rant aside, that small moment really made my day! My baby recognizes me!! Its another matter that she still doesn't smile at me much :( She does smile readily at my dad when he (tries to) whistle in front of her. The first time he tried to do that, only a whoosh of air came out! Yes, my dad is one of those people who can't whistle :D So, yesterday when he tried again and was successful, we joked that M was smiling because he finally succeeded. LOL!

Krazy Kays & their Knack for Krazy Knicks

Heh! Couldn't think of a "kornier" title :D

I thought I was tagged by someone to list all the silly (and embarrassing, in our case) nick names that we have given to our kids but patrolled the blog sphere up and down three times and still couldn't find the "tagger". So I am taking up the tag on my own because I just loved the idea (of publicly embarrassing my children)!! But if there is someone who indeed tagged me for this, please own up and appropriate credits shall be given!

Mitthi (translated to Punjabi, means "sweet") and Ninni (means "sleep" in kidspeak and can be taken as a twisted form of "naani" meaning "little" in Gujarati) are their “official” nick names. Simple, sweet and harmless. Then I also call S “Sweetie Mitthi Pie” and Mitthi Mouse while Ninni gets called by the nick "Cheeni* Ninni Pie" and Ninni The Pooh (created by big sis). Their Kaka (dad's bro) calls them “Dudu” and dadi has reserved the name “Ghappoodi” :D

* Cheeni: Sugar

Other nick names I use for them are – “Koochie koo” and Chikoo which has now turned into “Chika Mika Pika”. Then there is Sweetums, Jhagdoo (someone who fights a lot), Jhagdoo-Magdoo (you can see my penchant for rhyming here, can’t you? :D Another rarely used but embarrassing name is “Susu-Potty Baba” which came from the fact that this is what they did most of the time during the first three months of their life :P The credit goes to their dad.

Now on to the reeeally embarrassing nick names. There is a story behind them so I will narrate it first. Without it, those nicks just won’t make sense. When we were newly married, one day I called J “Sadela Gubrela” (Rotten beetle). Now J has a knack for playing with words. He can transform the sweetest, most innocent word into something wacky and funny in an instant. So pat came the reply “Sadeli Goo Bhareli”. To those unfamiliar with the middle classy word, it means poop (literally) and the last word means “full of” in Gujarati. So “sadela Gubrela” became “Sadela Goo Bharela” and then we applied this nick name to S (Poor, poor kid! Now you understand why I am saving for her therapy?) She is a good sport and didn’t throw a fit when we explained the meaning to her when she was old enough to understand. When M came home from the hospital, S very generously decided to share that nick name with her. She said she will keep the first part (“Sadeli") for herself, and generously hand over the second part (Goo Bhareli) to her little sis. Only, she mistakenly said “Goo Dhareli” instead of “Goo Bhareli" thanks to her broken Hindi. Now, I might not have the knack for witty/wacky names, but I do have a knack for translating ones that don’t have an apparent meaning. So I translated the second one as “Sitting like a poop” ( I know, I know – this post shouldn’t even have seen the light of the day) as “Dhareli” in Gujarati can be loosely translated to “dumped” in some instances. So now we have a Goo Bhareli and a Goo Dhareli in our house. And S has now generously donated “Sadeli/Sadela” to her mom and dad.

Remind me to start a savings account for M’s therapy too, will you?

Edited to add: S has made up a song with the most embarrassing nick name for M. It goes like this -

Ninni, Ninni, Bahut Sadeli

Also known as Goo Dhareli

(Yup! She got the genes!!!)