You go girl!!

We need more girls like this one. The only thing I find disturbing is that the police made the two parties reconcile and didn't file a complaint. But maybe they did that in their misplaced notion of "helping" the girl (you know, saving her reputation etc.). Anyway, this is my cheer-upper for the weekend. More and more girls with a backbone. You dowry-demanding suckers out there - you better watch out!

So you don't miss me...

...here are a few pictures. Blogging will be very light as I have hundreds of things to deal with. J is going on a 5 day training next week, so I will be the only one doing all the drop offs and pick ups to and from school/daycare. I have this important project at work that I have to focus all my work-energy on (yes, being a mom, I have different kinds of energies - work energy, home energy, friend energy, wake-up-all-night-with-sick-baby energy, wake-up-all-night-with-sick-baby-and-report-for-work-next-day energy... ), I have to recertify for CCNA (the three year certificate-validity period is running out on me), start planning our garden for spring's arrival AND the kitchen garden - lots of tomatoes and other vegetables. Yum! So, blogging has taken a back seat - ONLY TEMPORARILY though. I love writing in this space.

We bought S a dinner set (playset) from IKEA. She washed the dishes and set out a place setting for me like this -

To give you an idea of the actual size -

And here is the plate against a pen.

Next....

GOOP ALERT!!! (Scroll down FAST to the bottom of the page, ye faint of heart!!)

M makes a mess of her food like this when she is sick and not in a mood for eating. Over the months I have learnt that if she is fussy about eating her goop ...er... food, it means she is sick or is going to be sick pretty soon. Nice of her to give me the heads up actually! This time it was an ear infection.

She looks so out of it, doesn't she? She was so tired on this day - hardly slept for an hour (total) in the entire day.

S, with her new haircut. This one doesn't do justice to the haricut actually - it is much better than it looks in this picture. Really.

This is how M looks when she is NOT tired, or hungry, or cranky, or sick....

I'm the naughty one in the family. Any doubts??

The IMP!!

PS: These pictures are from M's 9th month, so I am labeling them as such even though she is in the 10th month currently.

Got this in an email forward today

And since I don't like to spam people on my email list, I decided to spam the readers of this blog instead :)

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

All hail wine!! I'll go fill up my glass again. Hic!

Update: The first battle of wills

Well, the next day Little M saw the tissue box again and started towards it (we were in bed, J and I, and she was sitting between us). Then she remembered something and paused. Then looked at me and started towards the box again but then stopped and looked at me. Did this a couple of times and then reached out for the box....

I said "Uh-Unh" and she pulled her hand back. Then she decided she didn't want to take on mamma in a fight over a silly tissue box so started playing with something else. SCORE ONE FOR MAMMA!!

Then today, I left her sound asleep in our bed and went downstairs to pack lunch boxes etc. A little while later I heard her over the nursery monitor so raced upstairs (she was on our bed and not in her crib. Could have easily crawled off the edge and hurt herself) and found her holding a tissue triumphantly in her hand!

**SIGH**

I never said it will be easy, did I?

The first battle of wills

Baby M loves the tissue box. She loves to pluck a tissue out and tear it apart. We don't let her do it. For one, she puts the pieces in her mouth.

We usually keep a box of tissues in every room (really comes in handy when there is a mucous-filled 9 year old ready to explode in your face). There is even one on our bed, between the pillows, next to the headboard. It is this box that M made a beeline for this morning when I brought her in our bed. As she reached for it, I just blocked her access with my hand and said "No". She tried again from a different angle. I blocked her again and repeated "No". We went at this about 20 times. Usually, I just pick her up and distract her but today she wouldn't be distracted. She kept going back to the tissue box. And it is Saturday. I have all the time in the world (well, not really). So I decided to see if the block-and-say-No strategy took us anywhere. So I kept at it. Gently, but firmly. And in a true stubborn-child-of-stubborn-Cee style M kept at it too. After about the 17th try she started getting the idea. She still tried a few more times. Then she must have realized it wasn't working. So then she sat back and started playing with what I had been distracting her with.

It WORKED! She does understand a "No". Only she chooses to ignore it. But we are getting to the point where I just call out "Uh-unh" and she backs off. We have tried that when she was trying to grab hold of my laptop's adapter. It took a few tries - 5 or 6 maybe - but she did move on to something else and I didn't have to physically remove her from there.

In bargain, I do let her mutilate a few newspapers and glossy fliers (while keeping an eye on her that she doesn't sneak a piece in her mouth) and generally let her make a mess sometimes (like pulling freshly laundered, neatly folded clothes out of a laundry basket, onto the floor). I am trying to keep "No" to a minimum so that when I do say it, it is paid attention to. For now it seems like we are making a headway. Lets see where this strategy takes us. It worked for us with S. I never had to baby proof the apartment with her but then we were living in a one-bedroom apartment and didn't really have much stuff anyway. No coffee table, no dining table or the horde of other tables that we have around the house now. And all these tables have stuff on them - photo albums, candles, flower vases, table lamps, books.... It will be interesting this time around.

Checked it THREE times already - this is fun!!

Go to this link:

http://producten.hema.nl/

Come on. Go!

PS: Wait a few seconds for the page to load.

So true!!

The mug that I am drinking my morning tea from (at work) says this -

RELAX.
There's a woman on the job!

He he he! So true! Specially in context of some people here :P

This one KNOWS what's good for her!

Last thrusday (Feb 21) was my turn to take care of the baby at night. So, at around 5 or 5:30 in the morning I wake up to find her standing in her crib, holding on to the railing, going "da-dda da-dda". I pick her up and say "you should say ma-mma ma-mma", change her diaper, feed her, put her back in the crib and drift off to sleep while she plays in there. A little while (about 20 minutes) later I wake up to see her standing in her crib, holding the railing and going "ma-mma ma-mma..." :D

Smart kid!

Note: Oh yeah! She has started "speaking"! But I think I already mentioned it in one of my pprevious posts.

Dear Me!

Note: I wrote this for the Theme for February on DesiMomzClub. Then I decided to bring this over to my blog as well.

Dear Cee,

You are going through a tough time right now. You need this letter. I would normally not write such a letter, but right now I feel you could use one. I know at times you feel you are slipping back into depression. You are fighting the battle of the bulge (and Oh! What a bulge it is!!), worried that you will develop Type 2 diabetes or a heart condition if you don't lose all that weight. You desparately want to be here to watch your lovely daughters grow up. I am writing this letter to tell you that I believe in you. You can do it. You are a determined woman - there is nothing you can't do, if you put your mind to it.

I know you often wonder if your family even needs you. Everything that you do for your family can easily be done by a maid as well. Let me tell you this - no maid could do it as lovingly as you do. Yes, the work can be done. But only you put your heart in it. No one else will. Only you can love your daughters the way you do. No one else can anticipate their needs like you do even before they realize they need something. No one will go to the lengths that you do for your daughters. Remember? You said you would NEVER go for IVF. But you did. Why? Because the older one was miserable being an only child and you couldn't watch her pain. You, who was (and still is) scared to death of needles. You jabbed yourself with needles for two whole cycles just because you wanted to try your best for your older daughter's sake. You were lucky that the second cycle took - even though the doctor had warned you that it most probably wouldn't. But it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't gathered the courage to take that first appointment.

We both know that you are not perfect. Heck, you never even conciously thought about having kids! When J asked you if you were ready to start a family, you asked for two months to make up your mind and to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for motherhood. Until you had S, you had never seen a newborn, leave alone held one in your arms. But motherhood came naturally to you (or so you like to think!). You instinctively knew how to hold your baby, how to care for her, what could make her uncomfortable and what would comfort her. So much so that you often stood up against everybody else. You stood your ground when everyone else around you (except the pediatrician) said you didn't need to boil the bottles for 20 minutes, and what a waste of fuel it was. You stood your ground for trivial things like not sweetening all your baby's food and for non-trivial ones like discipline. Over time, everyone in the family has come to respect your parenting skills.

But you and I both know that you are still a long way form "Parent of the Year" award. You are impatient. At times you are short tempered. You sometimes yell, even though you always say sorry for it later. You are a tough disciplinarian - which is good but you do need to learn to let go at times, dear. I have to say though - you have changed yourself so much in the last few years. You were a worry wart. Stressed out so very easily. A control freak who just worried about getting everything done exactly the way it should be done and never seemed to find time for fun. You didn't know how to live in the moment. Now? You have learned to manage your stress, you worry less and have let go of so many control issues that sometimes you wish you had some. I must say you are constantly trying to improve yourself - at least as a parent. Keep up the good work! I'll be right there, by the sidelines - cheering you on.

Lovingly yours,

Cee

Pardon my French, but what bullsh** IS this??

I stand corrected - by an Anonymous commentor and "Sherry" (read comments section). Sherry tells me that Angelina was talking about empathy in that interview when she mentioned how her adopted children have gone through a lot at such a young age and that Shiloh is lucky. Well, reminded me why I stay away from these dang tabloids! They twist everything so out of context. Anyway, my views on favoritism stay the same. They just don't apply to Angelina any more.

Yesterday, while I was waiting for my laptop to shut down before going home (yes, it takes a few minutes!) I browsed through an old issue (December 31, 2007) of "Star" magazine that somehow appeared on my desk one day (I swear I don't know how). Now, I am not a celebrity hound. Far from it - I couldn't care less if even my favorite celebrities's blown up mugs adorned the front page of a tabloid with sensational titles across the page. I rarely react strongly to any news involving celebrities. Celebrity news does not even form a blip on my radar. But while turning the pages I just stopped briefly at a small article about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (mainly because it was short enough that I could read it in a few minutes). It was about how they are also fighting (among other things) over the issue of having another biological child. Brad wants one before they adopt another baby. Angelina doesn't. Well, that's not what induced this rant. What did was Jolie's comment about her biological daughter, Shiloh. I later did a Google search and found that comment here too.

I'll quote the article I found online. The parts in bold were also in the Star magazine article.

"...she feels more of a connection to her adopted kids than her baby with partner Brad Pitt, because they have already survived such pain and poverty in their young lives."

She says, "...... I felt so much more for Madd, Zahara and Pax because they were survivors."

"Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. But I'm conscious that I have to make sure I don't ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable."

I know this is old news. I am usually the last one to know of these matters (I just learnt last week that the Bachchans had the kissing scene in Dhoom 2 chopped before Aish-Abhishek's wedding. I didn't even know there WAS a kissing scene! Can you say "Blissfully ignorant"??!) But when I read the article my mind just went "Wha....??". And then I felt this anger building up inside me. In my opinion, there are very few "crimes" in a relationship as grave as favoritism by parents towards their kids and someone cheating on their spouse. I have already been thinking about spousal cheating and intended to write a post on that - so more on that later. And I have no words to describe the disgust I feel for parents who play favoritsm with their own kids.

Everyone expects people who adopt, to treat their adopted kids same as their biological ones. But this statement here? To me it reeks of a being a publicity stunt. Does Angelina think it makes her noble to openly admit that Shiloh isn't as important to her as her other kids? That Shiloh doesn't generate the same feelings in her as her adopted kids do? Forget adopted and biological. If she were truly a loving parent, the issue of adopted vs. biological wouldn't even figure anywhere in the scheme of things. They would all be her kids. Period!

Shiloh didn't ask to be born into a privileged home. Just like Madd, Zahara and Pax didn't ask to be born into poverty. So, how does being born into poverty become a virtue and being born privileged, a crime? If you ask me, Angelina has no business being a mother if this is her outlook on things. Did she pause to think even once how Shiloh would feel when she grows a little older and learns that her own mother made this statement about her? I hope Brad is taking better care of Shiloh's emotional needs. And of the other kids too. Because just providing a name, shelter, food, clothing and toys does not a parent make.

'Nuff said!

Creepers n crawlers

We have one of our very own in Kay-ville! Baby M has been trying to crawl for the last week or so (maybe more - I am not very good at remembering such dates. I get lost in the moment) and has finally been bold enough to crawl around a little! All my attempts at video-recording the moment(s) have failed miserably till now, not that I am too anxious to stop watching her and run for the camera anyway :P She has also been grabbing things to stand up. This morning J nudged me awake to show me a half-standing M in her crib. It is comical - she gets on all her fours and rocks back and forth for a little while and then I guess the momentum just sends her forward (or backward - as the case may be :P).

By the amount of gushing I am doing, one would think this is my first child :D But with S I was so busy with other chores in a joint-family that I barely got time to enjoy her. I was a "single-parent" at that time - J was here in the US and I was waiting to join him in a few months. This time, even though I am "technically" more busy with a full-time job, I am enjoying the baby more because now I am the master of my own routine. I don't have to do anything unless I want to. Which means I also drop everything when such events (as crawling) happen.

In one of my recent posts I mentioned how M figured out how to say "La" and spent the whole day saying it. Well, last weekend she spent one whole day saying "Mmmmmmm.. mmumm..mum" :) So now we have an even distribution of first sounds. S said "Pppppaa" first and M said "Mmmmmaa". Mom and dad are both happy now.

Starting from this weekend I am going to introduce more foods. I already introduced her to khichdi mixed with tomato puree and mashed potatoes with tomato puree last weekend. It got delayed because of her diarrhea but now she is back on track. This week I am going to try small cubes of boiled vegatable and fruits (zucchini, carrots, apples, pears, broccoli and cauliflower come to mind - any more suggestions?) She has been working on her fine motor skills with "puffs" from gerber. Her daycare providers suggested we start giving her little pieces of boiled vegetables and fruits as that will help with fine motor skills as well as in training her to eat by herself. AND it will also help teach her to chew. She is doing a great job at chewing now - I just fed her more than 3 quarters of a banana 2 days back by cutting up small pieces (banana sliced lengthwise into half and then cutting off thin slices of about 2mm each). She took her time in chewing each and every piece and didn't gag even once! She did gag when I tried to give her pieces of boiled potato - maybe because it was dry and stuck in her throat.

Her diarrhea is gone. It really WAS lactose intolerance. She is on Soy-based formula now and has regained her appetite. It took her a few days to get used to the new formula but now everything seems better. Well, almost! She has a cold now :( She didn't get much sleep the night before last because daddy-dear was too tired (politically correct term for "lazy") to put a few drops of saline water in her nose and clean it. So poor baby, with a nose full of snot, had a hard time sleeping after her early morning feed at 4 am. When I cleaned her nose with a nasal aspirator that morning, snot came out in bucketfuls. But she felt better after that, I am sure. Today, it being my turn to wake up with her at night (and in early morning), I cleaned her nose before giving her the bottle at 4 am. As a result she did cry then but had a restful sleep afterwards till 6:45 am. After that she had a congested nose again and I didn't have the heart to put her through the torture of nasal aspiration again for an hour of sleep so I just let her be.

That is all I want to put down now. It's almost 6 and I am going to make a run for home. Friday - YAY!! there are a few (OK - MANY!) posts that I need to do. Christmas, an update on S, pictures of the two sisters, pictures of S' haircut (yup! I gave her one!), the tags and not to forget Valentine's day! We had a simple, but good one. Hopefully one day I'll be able to put all this down BEFORE I forget it all. And there are a few other posts which don't involve the kids or their milestones.

But not now. For now Ciao!! it is.

The five elements

GoodDaySunshine, Dipali, AA's Mom, Cantaloup's Amma, Boo and Devaki - all these people think there is more to my posts than I let on. So they want me to dive back in the archives and drag out old posts that I consider good enough to be paraded here again. Little do they know that this CeeKay here? She is an exhibitionist :D So she'll do all this gladly!! Here goes....

First, the rules.

Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better. Now don’t forget to read the archived posts and leave comments.

Now, on to the exhibition!

Family: My posts do include mentions of my family but until recently I had not written a post ABOUT my family. Guess these posts will have to do -

Truth. :D
Mom.
Dad.
Brother.
My beautiful daughters.

Friend:
One of our good friends.

My Love:
Why I love J.
How we met.
The lighter side.
Why life is fun with him.

Myself: (Now you are talking!)
A whole lot of nothing about me.
More nothing.
I'm a foodie!
Deeper than usual thoughts :P

Actually, why don't you go on and read the entire blog to know me better? Go on!!

Anything I like:
My views on Working Out of Home.
My views on parenting.
How being a parent has changed me.

There! THAT was easy! Now on to the hard part - tagging 5 blog-buddies. I tag -
2B's Mom : she needs to come out of that hiatus now!
Tharini: Her posts are always insightful. Would like to see her best work showcased.
Rohini: Haven't tagged her in a while!
Lavs: A new blog-buddy. Would like to know her more.
NullPointer: Another new friend.

When it rains....

... it pours! Its raining tags on my blog! Now I am a scatterbrain these days. I hardly remember which day of week it is, or my name or any such things. How am I to remember all the tags that this blog has accumulated in the last few days/weeks/months?? Now, not remembering my name is OK, as others will remember it for me. But tags? The important "honey-do" lists that I get from my blog-buddies? There is no way I want to pass up on them! So I am creating this list here to remind me of all tags that I need to finish. I'll keep crossing the tags off of this list as I complete them. Howzzatsound?? :D

1. The Alphabet tag from DotMom, Parul and MadMomma. You can find it here.

2. The five points tag from GoodDaySunshine, Dipali, AA's Mom, Cantaloup's Amma, Boo and Devaki. Find it here.

3. The "Object that holds precious memories" tag from Kiran.

4. The Quirky tag from Kiran.

5. The Quirky Baby tag for Baby M from someone - I don't remember who. Please let me know if you remember.

6. The long forgotten dream tag from Naina Ashley (yeah, I am a sucker for punishment - dredging up tags that everyone else has forgotten!)

7. I have taken up the "What makes your child happy" tag from Tharini.

8. And "Childhood photos" tag from Broom.

Will keep updating this list. It is my way of keeping track of these tags. Hope to be able to finish them soon.

Ay to Zee of Cee

Added later: Oops! I forgot that Parul had tagged me to do this long time back (well any period of time longer than TWO days is "long time back" for me these days). So, Parul? Here you go. I finally did it!

Now, MadMomma has decided to tag me for this too :) So she gets linked here as well.

OKKKAY!! Looks like DotMom isn't going to let me slack off on the tag she sent my way :D She has been leaving terse comments saying "Tagged!!" for each of my recent posts and I think the number of exclamation marks will keep going up unless I get down to business :P So here goes...

A -Available? For a dinner date? Book club? Bitching sessions about neighbors, co workers et al? Sure!

B-Best friend: J & my brother

C-Cake or Pie? Chocolate cake. Or sponge cake with whipped cream frosting. Yumm!

D-Drink of choice: Water. And tea.

E-Essential thing used everyday: TLC from J and hugs and smiles from M and S :D

F-Favourite colour: Soft Pearly white, turquoise, Rusty-orange. Most pastel shades. I lurrve the colors on DotMom's new template!

G-Gummi bears or worms: None. Have eaten both and don’t care for either of them.

H-Hometown: Mharo pyaro Jodhpur :P (My lovely Jodhpur)

I-Indulgence: An uninterrupted cup of hot tea with the morning newspaper on a Saturday (or Sunday – never both – that would be a miracle :P) morning.

J-January or February: February. The month is shorter :P

K-Kids and names: Two daughters – Mitthi and Ninni. And their wacky names.

L-Life: Norman Vincent Peale said "Live your life and forget your age". On a much lighter note though, this is what I feel sometimes - "Life would be much easier if I had the source code" (Source unknown - found it here)

M-Marriage date: December 3, 1995.

N-Number of siblings: 1. This one.

O-Oranges or apples: Apples. One (almost) every day. But I like Baby Carrots better.

P-Phobias: Numerous. I am “Mr. Monk” :D But otherwise I am quite fearless :P

Q-Quote: The one that I once blogged about – When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

R-Reason to smile: Life. And my silly J and S, and my sweet M.

S-Season: Fall and Early Spring.

T-Tag three people: Neera, Y, LastByte and Chandni. What? That's not three?? Oops!! :D

U-Unknown fact about me: shall remain so forever :P

V-Vegetable you do not like: Celery.

W-Worst habit: Procrastination.

X-x-rays you have had: Dental, back, knee and hand. Probably should have had one for head too – but then one doesn’t need an X-ray to determine I am whacko :P

Y-Your favorite food: Food!!

Z-Zodiac: Leo.

There! All done! You happy now, DotMom and Parul? Now leave me some real comments please :P

Oh these 9 year olds!!

I spent a better part of my morning listening to a 9 year old chant "bon appetit" endlessly. Once every 2 seconds. No amount of explaing that this is not how the word is pronounced stopped her! Oh well! My day can only get bettter from here on. I certainly hope so. She did promise me that she will continue to chant it in the evening when I get back home. I hope she'll forget :D

Updated on Feb 14th: She remembered!

'Coz love isn't bound by special days

I was saving this post for Father's Day. I wanted to write it last year for Father's day and then for my father's birthday, but was extremely busy with a new baby. I am now sorry that I waited for a "special" day instead of just writing what I felt, when I felt it. Now I am rectifying that mistake. So, here's to you dad!

You have been the guiding light in my life. I have learnt life's many lessons from you. I am the person I am today, because of you (and Ma). I am the parent I am todaye, because of you (and Ma). And I hold dear the values that I do today, because of you (and of course, Ma!) Not a day goes by when I don't remember something you taught or said to me. My daughters have you to thank for a mom who yells less and less each day. You don't remember, do you?

It was when S was little - barely a year old. You had seen how I sometimes got impatient with her. You never criticized me but sent me a gentle email recounting your own experiences as a parent. In that email you told me how you sometimes felt bad for the times when you yelled at me or my brother when we were little. You told me how that guilt never leaves one alone. And you urged me to be more patient with S for her sake, and for mine as well. Because you knew the guilt WILL strike one day. I didn't implement on your advice right away, but it set me thinking. And slowly, over the years, I have been trying to improve myself. I try to yell less and understand more. I try to be patient. The turning point came a few years ago when I suddenly realized that in the 35 years of my life, you hadn't shouted at me ONCE. Or hit me, for that matter. Of course, you told me and Ma tells me that you yelled at me when I was little but I have no recollection of it. And that made me realize what S was missing out on. A peaceful childhood. One free of all yelling. THAT made me want to change. I wanted to give my daughter the same childhood I'd had - free of yelling and free of any hitting. You'll be glad to know Pa, that I am trying my hardest to change. I have changed a lot. I do yell sometimes. But it has gotten more infrequent. And if and when I do yell, I apologize to S.

That's another thing I learnt from you. Accepting one's mistakes and taking responsibility for it. It has made me a better person. It has kept my conscience guilt-free. I recently made a mistake at work. I could have easily blamed it on someone else but my conscience didn't allow me to. So, I accepted it and apologized for it. That, I believe, makes me trustworthy in other people's eyes. I don't hesitate in saying sorry to S, or to J (well, you know, not so easily to J but that is another matter :P). I remember many times in my childhood when you would accept that you were wrong and say sorry for that. Easily. Without any ego. Over time I realized not all parents do that. Many parents wouldn't accept their mistake, leave alone saying sorry for that. For many parents, just the fact that they are parents, means they are infallible. For them, parents are always right and it is always the children's fault. Not in our family. Do you know it made me a better person? It did.

Another thing you taught me was to learn from my mistakes. That is a hard lesson to learn Pa, but from you it came effortlessly. Remember that time when I scored a mere 1.5 out of 20 in a class test in Math? You could have ranted and raved, yelled, taken away privileges, even sent me to bed without food. After all, no one in our family had failed so miserably before. But you did none of that. Instead, you sat down with me and went over each question discussing how to solve it and telling me not to repeat that mistake again. It is another matter that, in doing so, we came upon a question that was correct and had not been checked and I ended up with 12 (or 15 - I don't remember) marks out of 20 eventually. What I learned that day was no matter how much you screw up, you can always start afresh and get better by not making the same mistake twice. I try to teach my daughters the same thing. I also vaguely remember that once, when I was in fifth grade I hid my report card because I had failed General Knowledge (that subject, and the way it was taught, never did interest me). You found the report card when you came home. I don't remember how you reacted but I do remember that you were very hurt. That taught me not to do it again. I didn't learn it right then, as I continued to hide random things from you but eventually I did realize that it is easier on my conscience if I don't hide things from you and Ma.

When I was in 9th grade, I mentioned to a friend's dad how we (my brother and I) had fooled you on April Fool's day. He replied he wouldn't stand that kind of behavior from his kids. I was surprised because you had laughed when we did that. This kind of attitude was new to me. And then it struck me - not everyone knows how to laugh at themselves. You do. And it is a very endearing quality. It makes you more loveable. I learnt that from you too - being able to laugh at myself. I am losing that and need to work more on that, and I think I can do that. It is one more thing I want my daughter's to experience.

These are just a few examples of how you have made my life richer. I could go on and on. I have lived almost 38 years after all, and lived 22 of those with you. My life is full of lessons learnt from you (and Ma). I know I am blessed for it. You know you and I butt heads over the smallest of things even now, and that amazes me. I mean, I could never tolerate that from my daughters. But you do and it is not because you are a weak parent. You are tough when the occasion demands it. But you also knew when to let us go, when to give us wings. All my life, I have deeply appreciated the fact that you and Ma never imposed your wish on me or my brother the way many other parents do. Yes, you restricted us from doing many things because you were trying to do what was best for us. But when it came to life's big decisions, you let us decide for ourselves, and you stood by us. We are stronger and more secure in our worlds because of that.

I remember all the sacrifices you made for us too. You had to struggle a lot in life, I know that. But you never let us see even an iota of tough times. You planned everything so well that my brother and I never had to worry about the cost of our studies. I now realize what a blessing it was to be able to study without having to worry about the tuition. I remember how you bought my brother a jacket (which he needed) by cancelling your plans to buy shoes for yourself. We could only afford one and you put his needs before your own without making him feel guilty. I remember how, when I came back after doing my Master's, you gave me your scooter so I could go to work. You rode the bicycle to work every day. You, an Assistant Director in the Board of Technical Education, Rajasthan at that time.

There are so many memories that I could go on and on without ever stopping. Maybe, I'll write another post. And another. Or a book. Because there is no way I can fit all that in one measly post!

Dear Pa, I am sorry for all the trouble and lip I gave you all these years. But I want you to know that I feel blessed to have a father like you.

The indecisive Kays

In a recent post I mentioned that we have been looking at other daycares and that we like a particular one. We had made up our minds to send M there after two weeks (we wanted to extend the courtesy of a two week notice to the current daycare). I would have gone there and paid the registration fees if I had the time. I was worried that all their spots will fill up and we will miss out on a golden opportunity. Even though the last time I spoke with them they told me they had 6 open spots. Yes, I am impatient like that. But I do have some sense - really I do! And what I lack in that department, is made up for by J. He has loads of it! So that sense directed us to think, think and think before we gave the current daycare the two weeks' notice. And think we did.

We finally decided today that we are not moving M to the new daycare. Even though that daycare is far better as far as facilities, programs and location is concerned. And we are sure their care-providers are all very nice and gentle. They seemed that way when I met them during my visit. So, if this daycare is better in every aspect than the current one, then why aren't we sending M there? Because her current care-providers really, really care for her. What they lack in facilities, they make up for in the "love" department. M's face lights up when she sees them in the morning. They care enough to talk to us for as long as necessary to give us "M updates". They remember to call me and update on her condition if I ask them to. Now, in our opinion, no program, no facility, no gym can compete with that. I just hope we made the right decision. We WILL send M to the other daycare when she is ready to move to the next level (in about 4-6 months, or hopefully before that) because her care providers will change after that anyway. She can go to the next level as soon as she is weaned off of the bottle and can walk. Hopefully the other daycare will still have openings then.

What do you all think? Are we making a mistake? Frank opinions, please!

To "thoo" or not to "thoo"*, that is the question

OKAY, cheesy title I know. But yes, that IS a dilemma I sometimes face. You see, I do not believe in the evil eye or "nazar". My mom managed to bring me and my brother up without having to resort to any means to ward off the evil eye. We actually made fun of the various practices (Quietly, among ourselves. We weren't rude enough to do it in front of the believers). I and my brother grew up to be fairly normal individuals, I believe (though you will probably find plenty of individuals contesting that claim). All I know is - we did fall sick but we didn't need any "special measures" to get over it. Just some TLC and plain old medicines. Actually my mom's favorite remedy for colds and coughs was warm water. It is mine too. And my daughter now automatically asks for a glass of warm water if she feels the sniffles coming on or a tickle in her throat. And for skin problems we relied on the good ol' neem tree in our back (side?) yard. Cloth strips soaked in cold water for high fever and so on. But I never saw my mom muttering under her breath waving a fistful of salt around us. Or do any other such stuff. We were never taken to the "tantrik" to get some "jhad-phoonk" done. We thought the only use for nimbu mirchi was in dal-ka-tadka :) In fact, come to think of it, I never saw anyone else in our colony doing any of this stuff and that is why I found it extremely weird the first time I encountered it at my in-laws' place. I never made fun of it, but I made it known clearly that I didn't believe in that stuff.

So when I had my first daughter, every time her dadi asked me to ward off the evil eye, I asked her to do it herself. Or asked her to tell my husband to do it. I stopped putting a kala-tika on her forhead as soon as I could. I never tied a black thread around her waist. And I believe, despite the various problems she has faced (alopecia, dental stuff), that she is a fairly normal kid with fairly normal problems. I have butted heads with a dear friend a number of times over this. He seriously believes in this stuff. He has asked me a number of times why I don't. And he has even said I should do it as it is my duty as a mother. When I told him to teach my husband, he said it is effective only if the mother (or the lady of the house) does it. [I am not even making this up!] Now I find that concept strange and kind of amusing (now that I seem to have gained some maturity - earlier I would have gone ballistic shouting "gender-discrimination"), to put it very mildly. Why would evil eye discriminate between genders? How does it matter who is casting it off as long as the correct procedure is being followed? Doesn't make sense to me. BUT - not the point of this post so moving on!

So now, as I wrote yesterday - M has been going through repeated bouts of diarrhea. Yesterday J and I were seriously and sincerely discussing if we should do some of the "nazar utarna" stuff! Today she had diarrhea again. I am still of the opinion that it isn't necessary. And I absolutely respect other people's opinions if they believe in this. I just don't want it to be pushed on me. I told J he should do it if he wants to. It does make me wonder sometimes, but I haven't converted yet! And please, don't try to convert me. I'll respect your beliefs if you respect mine.

[*Saying "Thoo-thoo", as if one is spitting, is a simple, quick and efficient way to ward off evil eye followed by many people - even my boss who is not Indian!]

Sunshine state

Well, no. We are not going to Florida for a vacation. And this post is not about Florida either. it is about the state my mind is in today - the "sunshine" state. Even though it is cloudy and grey and cold outside, it is warm and sunny in my mind. Ever have that feeling?

For the last 2-3 weeks Baby M has been having "on again, off again" bouts of diarrhea. She first caught a stomach bug when she started daycare. I wrote about that in my Month seven update. Then, as we were settling down in our new routine after my parents left, she got it again. The last time I took her to the doctor's office, she told us to keep her away from dairy or, if that was not entirely possible, to give her diluted formula. We did that - diluted her formula because that was better than completely starving her. She held that well. So we continued for another 4-5 days and when she had gone 2 days without a watery poop (ughhh! Gross! Click on that X fast!!) and without throwing up for more than 2 days, we decided it was time to switch back to regular consistency for formula. The diarrhea came back within a day. We thought she hadn't gotten over the bug in the first place so we went back to Pedialyte (J calls it Pee-Delite - can you believe it? This man can distort the best of names!) and bananas and diluted formula. After doing two more rounds of that I began to think it was a bacterial infection (because viral infection would eventually go away) that was doing the rounds of her daycare. Almost made up my mind to harass the pediatrician at 12 in the morning. Then thought some more and deduced that if it were a bacterial infection, it would have been accompanied by fever and/or vomiting. And she wouldn't have been the happy, active baby that we were seeing each day despite the diarrhea (yep - she is a trooper). She would have been sicker than she seemed at that time. Then I thought maybe the daycare wasn't following proper hygiene in changing diapers etc. but again that pointed to a bacterial infection which I had just ruled out with my "vast" medical knowledge. And her daycare is clean, if not super clean. I don't believe in sterilizing every single thing anyway - but that is material for another post. The only thing that bugs us is that some parents walk all over the rug that the babies play/crawl/lay/sit on with their shoes on, thus tracking mud/debris/dirt from outside. This IS a potential health risk but Baby M isn't crawling yet. OK - more on this later in the post...

M's daycare providers even mentioned Acid Reflux being a possibility but since she wasn't throwing up everything I put it at the end of my lists of possiblities to consider. I noticed one thing - M would throw up formula but she mostly kept the solids down. Or she would have a watery bowel movement after drinking formula but a normal one after eating solids. That made me suspicious that she might have lactose intolerance. Strangely this time I haven't been on the net researching all these possibilities. It is partly due to the fact that I have "grown up" as a parent and don't freak out like I used to and partly due to the fact that I am soooper busy so had no time.

Today I took her to the pediatricians' to discuss this with them and the doctor agreed with me right away that all symptoms point to it being lactose intolerance. When I asked her why she didn't have these symptoms with diluted formula, she said sometimes our body has tolerance for certain levels of lactose and cannot tolerate anything above those levels. Maybe M's body can tolerate the amount that she was ingesting in the diluted formula. The doctor also said that a stomach bug can sometimes trigger temporary lactose intolerance too. That was something I didn't know. I sure am going to research more on this issue. So, now we are going to start her on soy-based formula and see what happens. If that helps, it is definitely lactose intolerance. If not, we go back with a sample of her stool so more tests can be run. I am keeping fingers, toes and eyes crossed for the first possibility.

Strangely, instead of feeling smug about having made a correct guess, or that the doctor thinks I am correct, all I feel is relief. That is where the sunshine is coming from. The warm, soothing sunshine of relief.

There are a LOT of things to mention. I meant to write a post earlier and started it too, but it is still in drafts because of all that has been going on. I wasn't a mess exactly but every Friday for the last 3 weeks I have been making the decision to "quit my job next week". Once I came to the verge of calling up my boss right then and telling him that I won't be coming in on Monday. And anyone who has read my take on the WOHM issue would know that is a BIG decision for me. I didn't believe that it was happening because I am working but I did believe that I am the only one who can make this (stomach upsets) disappear for good with the kind of care ONLY I can provide. J even made fun of me for this last week :(

OK - now on to more cheerful updates. Baby M is getting ready to crawl!!! She balances herself on her hands and knees and stays that way as if trying to decide which direction to go in. She still doesn't sit up by herself though - lazy bum!! She flips over on to her tummy very easily and very non-chalantly now. Reaches for and grabs and pulls things towards her. About a week or so ago J caught her inspecting her toe closely. She had grabbed it and brought it as close to her eyes as possible and was closely inspecting how it wiggled! She wiggled it and looked at it with fascination as if trying to connect the two things - wiggling and the moving. I noticed her doing the same thing yesterday morning again. And now she "silently" creeps up behind me in her walker when I work in the kitchen and tries to grab my trousers or thigh. She also understands "No" - and chooses to ignore it at times :P

She likes to fip over on her tummy and sleep that way now. But sometimes she isn't comfortable and then I have to turn her back to her side and then she goes back to sleep right away. She also has been trying to grab hold of the side railing on her crib to try and get up. She pushes down the bumper and cranes her neck to see if we are awake and paying attention to her. Strangely, if we are asleep, she goes back to playing and cooing by herself. If she catches one of us looking at her she wants to be picked up immediately.

M loves bathtime. That has been confirmed. As soon as I finish her massage and go into the bathroom to prepare for her bath, the look on her face changes to that of anticipation. And now she even likes the shower. Doesn't make a fuss even when water runs over her nose and mouth. Just gasps lightly and thats it!

Just two days back, as soon as I entered the driveway of M's daycare, she got excited and started cooing and "singing". It melted away a big piece of the guilt I sometimes nibble at when I am on one of my guilt trips. She is trying to "speak" now too. Last weekend she discovered that she could touch her tongue to the top of her upper gums and produce the "La" sound. We spent the whole day listening to her go "Lalalalalala" :D

What else? What else?

Oh yes! I have been looking at daycares. When M was going through reapeated bouts of diarrhea, I made up my mind to look for another one. A coworker mentioned that her daughter's daycare has a special drop-off section and if parents want to go in the main area, they are required to take their shoes off. I decided to look at other daycares and see if any in our area implemented that policy. Then later as I began thinking this may be a lactose intolerance issue, I thought maybe I should let her stay and not put her through the trauma of adjusting to new place and new people. But in the end we decided I should at least go take a look so today I visited two daycares. I LOVED BOTH OF THEM!! Not only do they have a "no shoes in infant rooms" policy, they have many other features which make them waaay better than the current one. I do like the care-providers at the current daycare and M obviously loves them because she is happy to see them in the morning. But having seen the other daycares, I have realized what we are missing here. One of them, which has IMMEDIATE OPENING, even has a FULL GYM with thick mattresses for the kids to jump on and balance beams for older kids etc.!! OMG - I am soooo excited :P They have a better, structured program even for infants and their facilities are more bright, airy, clean and spacious. And not to forget secure. One of them has locked doors and parents have to be buzzed in while the other one has a front office that every one has to go through in order to get to the rooms where babies/kids stay. So we have to make a decision on that front, and fast!

Oh, and she now plays Peekaboo! She pulls up her blanket over her eyes and waits for a few seconds then slowly lowers it and looks at us with an impish grin. As soon as I say "Peekaboo!!" her grin turns into a W I D E smile. Sometimes when I say "Ninni, Peekaboo karo", she does this as if she understands what I am saying.

So this was how M's 8th month went. She is 8 months old today. Gosh! I don't know where these 8 months went. Do you?

Learning to eat the humble pie is no easy task

Watched two people closely in work-related interactions lately. Person One (PO) was rude, arrogant, over-confident, knows-just-enough-to-cause-trouble kind, childish and a bully to some extent. Person Two (PT) was professional, humble, rational, tolerant, patient, ready to accept own mistakes and willing to learn more from others. PT extended a courteous apology to PO even though what PO accused PT of, was not PT's fault. PO's level in the organization and contacts with people high up the corporate ladder "warranted" it plus the apology prevented a bad situation from escalating to "ugly" (for our team). I have a LOT to learn from PT.