Dear Me!

Note: I wrote this for the Theme for February on DesiMomzClub. Then I decided to bring this over to my blog as well.

Dear Cee,

You are going through a tough time right now. You need this letter. I would normally not write such a letter, but right now I feel you could use one. I know at times you feel you are slipping back into depression. You are fighting the battle of the bulge (and Oh! What a bulge it is!!), worried that you will develop Type 2 diabetes or a heart condition if you don't lose all that weight. You desparately want to be here to watch your lovely daughters grow up. I am writing this letter to tell you that I believe in you. You can do it. You are a determined woman - there is nothing you can't do, if you put your mind to it.

I know you often wonder if your family even needs you. Everything that you do for your family can easily be done by a maid as well. Let me tell you this - no maid could do it as lovingly as you do. Yes, the work can be done. But only you put your heart in it. No one else will. Only you can love your daughters the way you do. No one else can anticipate their needs like you do even before they realize they need something. No one will go to the lengths that you do for your daughters. Remember? You said you would NEVER go for IVF. But you did. Why? Because the older one was miserable being an only child and you couldn't watch her pain. You, who was (and still is) scared to death of needles. You jabbed yourself with needles for two whole cycles just because you wanted to try your best for your older daughter's sake. You were lucky that the second cycle took - even though the doctor had warned you that it most probably wouldn't. But it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't gathered the courage to take that first appointment.

We both know that you are not perfect. Heck, you never even conciously thought about having kids! When J asked you if you were ready to start a family, you asked for two months to make up your mind and to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for motherhood. Until you had S, you had never seen a newborn, leave alone held one in your arms. But motherhood came naturally to you (or so you like to think!). You instinctively knew how to hold your baby, how to care for her, what could make her uncomfortable and what would comfort her. So much so that you often stood up against everybody else. You stood your ground when everyone else around you (except the pediatrician) said you didn't need to boil the bottles for 20 minutes, and what a waste of fuel it was. You stood your ground for trivial things like not sweetening all your baby's food and for non-trivial ones like discipline. Over time, everyone in the family has come to respect your parenting skills.

But you and I both know that you are still a long way form "Parent of the Year" award. You are impatient. At times you are short tempered. You sometimes yell, even though you always say sorry for it later. You are a tough disciplinarian - which is good but you do need to learn to let go at times, dear. I have to say though - you have changed yourself so much in the last few years. You were a worry wart. Stressed out so very easily. A control freak who just worried about getting everything done exactly the way it should be done and never seemed to find time for fun. You didn't know how to live in the moment. Now? You have learned to manage your stress, you worry less and have let go of so many control issues that sometimes you wish you had some. I must say you are constantly trying to improve yourself - at least as a parent. Keep up the good work! I'll be right there, by the sidelines - cheering you on.

Lovingly yours,

Cee