OKAY, cheesy title I know. But yes, that IS a dilemma I sometimes face. You see, I do not believe in the evil eye or "nazar". My mom managed to bring me and my brother up without having to resort to any means to ward off the evil eye. We actually made fun of the various practices (Quietly, among ourselves. We weren't rude enough to do it in front of the believers). I and my brother grew up to be fairly normal individuals, I believe (though you will probably find plenty of individuals contesting that claim). All I know is - we did fall sick but we didn't need any "special measures" to get over it. Just some TLC and plain old medicines. Actually my mom's favorite remedy for colds and coughs was warm water. It is mine too. And my daughter now automatically asks for a glass of warm water if she feels the sniffles coming on or a tickle in her throat. And for skin problems we relied on the good ol' neem tree in our back (side?) yard. Cloth strips soaked in cold water for high fever and so on. But I never saw my mom muttering under her breath waving a fistful of salt around us. Or do any other such stuff. We were never taken to the "tantrik" to get some "jhad-phoonk" done. We thought the only use for nimbu mirchi was in dal-ka-tadka :) In fact, come to think of it, I never saw anyone else in our colony doing any of this stuff and that is why I found it extremely weird the first time I encountered it at my in-laws' place. I never made fun of it, but I made it known clearly that I didn't believe in that stuff.
So when I had my first daughter, every time her dadi asked me to ward off the evil eye, I asked her to do it herself. Or asked her to tell my husband to do it. I stopped putting a kala-tika on her forhead as soon as I could. I never tied a black thread around her waist. And I believe, despite the various problems she has faced (alopecia, dental stuff), that she is a fairly normal kid with fairly normal problems. I have butted heads with a dear friend a number of times over this. He seriously believes in this stuff. He has asked me a number of times why I don't. And he has even said I should do it as it is my duty as a mother. When I told him to teach my husband, he said it is effective only if the mother (or the lady of the house) does it. [I am not even making this up!] Now I find that concept strange and kind of amusing (now that I seem to have gained some maturity - earlier I would have gone ballistic shouting "gender-discrimination"), to put it very mildly. Why would evil eye discriminate between genders? How does it matter who is casting it off as long as the correct procedure is being followed? Doesn't make sense to me. BUT - not the point of this post so moving on!
So now, as I wrote yesterday - M has been going through repeated bouts of diarrhea. Yesterday J and I were seriously and sincerely discussing if we should do some of the "nazar utarna" stuff! Today she had diarrhea again. I am still of the opinion that it isn't necessary. And I absolutely respect other people's opinions if they believe in this. I just don't want it to be pushed on me. I told J he should do it if he wants to. It does make me wonder sometimes, but I haven't converted yet! And please, don't try to convert me. I'll respect your beliefs if you respect mine.
[*Saying "Thoo-thoo", as if one is spitting, is a simple, quick and efficient way to ward off evil eye followed by many people - even my boss who is not Indian!]
Yup, I get this all the time too. At the worst of Ayaan's adenoids problems, I got all these suggestions and managed to successfully evade them.
ReplyDeleteI never knew of that one before, "thoo-thoo"?
ReplyDeleteHave you gone through all the possible reasons she has diarrhoea? Is it really a bug, is it lactose intolerance, some other intolerance, allergies? Is she well and thriving? How has her weight gain been? (What does the doc say?)
I didn't know that people other than Indians believe in spitting to avoid getting jinxed. Curious to know your boss is from which country ?
ReplyDeleteHave you tried the special baby formulas (like enfamil soy or enfamil lacto free)? You must have tried the 'BRAT' diet or try the Indian curd rice thing. Hope she feels better soon.
Rohini: HOW?? Share tips please! And if they include smiling and saying "OK" - never mind :D I am doing that already.
ReplyDeleteMummyjaan: Yes - Thoo-thoo is an equivalent of knock-on-the-wood in my opinion - instant, fast, easy :D
Yes, we have been through all possible solutions (I did mention that in my previous post, I think). She only gets diarrhea after a formula feed, is fine after eating solids, doesn't get a fever and is otherwise happy and active. The main concern is that she hasn't gained any weight in the last month or so. Slipped from 65th percentile to under 25th percentile :( Doctor said to try soy-based formula. I am happy to report that she was fine last night and this morning so maybe she is settling down with the soy-based formula. The doctor wanted me to keep trying soy-based and keep her well-hydrated and bring her in if she had more diarrhea episodes.
RJ: My boss is Russian. He spits over his left shoulder to avoid evil eye :D
We are trying Isomil (Similac's soy-based formula) and yes she is given applesauce, bananas and rice cereal during these episodes. Because of these episodes I haven't been able to introduce new foods ot her though. I am planning to introduce potatos soon. Thanks for the tip. I am going to try rice soon.
Gosh, Cee, I really dont care about it seeming silly if the MIL or the mother insist on doing it, if it helps the brat any. Anything to keep the fever away. I dont believe but they do, and thats what matters I guess.
ReplyDeletewhat the mother does, make a packet of red chillies, rai and salt and turn it clockwise three times and one time anticlockwise around the brat and then burn it on a flame. she;s convinced herself it works.
Kiran, I do let the MIL do it. I find the practices silly but don't mind if someone else does them. And I certainly don't object if they do it for my daughters. I just don't want them to force me to do it saying "it is the mother's duty". But one thing I will certainly draw a line at is taking either of them to a "tantrik" for "Jhad-phoonk".
ReplyDeleteI recently did a post myself about the 'evil eye' and its ill-effects. I guess, its a matter of 'do you see a coincidence or not?' Either way, I would rather let mom and m-i-l do it and get my son better - but I would definitely draw the line at Tantriks.
ReplyDeletemy mother does does it with salt and mustard seed in is fists. three times clockwise and put them in a hot pan. If it stinks.. there was a nazar which has been safely eliminated, else there wasn't one. Helps with his tantrummy phase :)
ReplyDeletemy mother does does it with salt and mustard seed in is fists. three times clockwise and put them in a hot pan. If it stinks.. there was a nazar which has been safely eliminated, else there wasn't one. Helps with his tantrummy phase :)
ReplyDeletehahaha.. I loved the post and the comments... I don't believe in the hoopla too.. but my mil and her sis do.. and they do some odd thing similar to what dot mom said only with camphor.. I just let them do it.. in my house they light a camphor on a plate.. first aarthi utaro on god and then on the kid.. and then put it outside the house... I touch wood/ cross my fingers... :P
ReplyDeleteI get livid when anyone even suggests a nazar-uthaarna strategy for Nibbles' issues. When I'd returned to work, Nibbles had frequent bouts of waking up startled and screaming. I thought it was separation anxiety (maybe I hoped that was the reason so I could contemplate quitting), but I was told to put some metallic object under his pillow while he sleeps e.g. a pair of scissors. Scissors under a squirmy infant's head??? Big Byte had to quickly pull me away lest I literally uthaaro-fied someone's nazar.
ReplyDeleteHope you figure out what's bothering your M.
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K3: Yes I read that post. I agree that this is a matter of personal choice and how you look at things. Also when the baby/kid is suffering a lot, one would start believing I guess. I am wondering for the same reasons.
ReplyDeleteDotmom: Oh, so my MIL is cutting back on the mustard seeds????? I'll have to have a stern talk with her :P My ILs took my nephew to get jhad-phoonk done for his tantrums. And I am telling you - they needed to take a better look at their (and his parents') (grand)parenting-style instead of doing that! I am NOT saying same is the case for you. But my BIL and SIL are the most ineffective parents I have ever seen.
Preethi: OK - I'll add camphor to my MIL's shopping list too :P Well I do utaro arti of M - when I feed her and if she is busy playing, i utaro her arti with the spoon :P OK - maybe that's why the God(s) are upset with me and punishing me by upsetting her stomach? LOL!
TheLastByte: Yes, I'd be furious at the suggestion of leaving a pair of scissors under M's bed too. I refused to put a black thread around S' neck (on my MIL's suggestion) because I was afraid she'd suffocate herself. She is a little better today and her doctor did say yesterday that it takes a couple of days for the body to adjust to the soy-based formula.
TheLastByte: Last sentence was for M and not S - but I am assuming you already figured that out!
ReplyDeleteInteresting ..the posts and the comments! I too was a firm disbeliever and like you looked at such practices with amusement, a foolish kind. Now, I waver between believing and not believing. i first try to look for logical reasons..a child is not quite himself after returning from a party last night because obviously his/her schedule was disturbed, he had something which is upsetting his tummy and not because he was the center of affection and hence the victim of buri nazar.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmoms did the nazar thing for us ... I don't recollect my mother doing for me. But strangely she does that for Cantaloupe. Just like you, I don't mind her doing it on Cantaloupe as long as I don't have to do it.
ReplyDeleteIts interesting how many of us (including myself) have said that we let our moms do it but we may or may not "really" believe in it powers ... it made me to think, 20-30 years from now, when its our turn to become grandparents, will we change our tunes or not? :)
ReplyDeleteI believe most practices were introduced with a purpose in mind.
ReplyDeleteFor eg, in Tamil Nadu, we take nazar for a baby upto 3 months using a lit wick in the evenings. How dangerous! But probably, in those days when there was no electricity, it helped in better eye co-ordination. And upto 3 months the babies will not try to grab the wick. which is why it is not done after 3 months.
And keeping an iron object under the baby's cot - probably helped balance magnetic fields around the baby.
Similarly we keep a bowl of water with navadaniyam (9 types of seeds) near the baby - again helps in maintaining moisture level in the room, not making it too dry.
Ahh..even I do the Too..thooo things. My Mother in law always advises me to do that...Even if I praise aryan she says Thoo thoo..!!!
ReplyDeleteAryan's mom
I have been a lurker at your site for a long time now. I also read your articles at Desimomz. De-lurked here to say that you write really well. Keep the good job going:-0 I am gonna link you up at my space. Hope Baby M gets over her diarrhea soon. Congrats on the new look:-)
ReplyDeleteNeera: A mother's lot, I think - believing in something just for her kids' sake :( The only reason I have held out this long without converting is that I have always been able to figure out a reasonable explanation for whatever has been going on. It might take some time (and Google's help) but I eventually do.
ReplyDeleteCA: In our case, NO ONE did it for us so it is really hard for me to believe these things work. I never saw it being done in our family. I guess I would have been more accepting of "nazar" concept if I had seen it being practiced in our home.But do see my reply to K3's comment below :P
K3: You are right! My mom, who never did any of this for us, and mocked the practices, this time around suggested atleast 4-5 times that we should "maybe try it?" :P A grandma's heart - I think. But I didn't budge and she got over it eventually :P Maybe, 20 years down the line I will be in the same boat. Who knows!
Miniyamma: Yes, some practices may have had a scientific or common sense reason behind them but I don't think "nazar" is one of them :P Like not cutting your nails at night may have been appropriate when there was no electricity and hence one ran the risk of cutting one's finger. But it is not applicable now. And I have done all of it [cut my nails at night, swept the floors at night, washed hair on a Thursday, went to temples on "those" days - I figure God made me this way so (S)he won't have problem with me visiting during those days, praised my daughter wihtout knocking on wood or thoo-thooing.... You name it, I did it :P] Keeping a bowl of water near the baby does make sense to me - don't we use humidifiers these days? But then my grouse is, give (find) the real explanation. Don't just say "buri nazar se bachane ke liye". But again, do see my reply to K3's comment above :P
Aryan's Mom: Yes, my SIL told me not to praise my own daughter too :P
Lavs: Thanks for delurking!! And thanks for the link. And you are talking about MY blog's new look? YOU?? I just visited your blog and OH M Y G O D !!!! Kya dhaansu page hai :D I really LOVED the look! Loved the content too. Will definitely be back! Am linking you too.
the most shocking thing I saw ws wen the uncle next door ( mind you he was a doc!) fed cows, dogs and had 'havans' at his place coz his wife ws suffering from parkinson's disease..she beacame worse by the day...but I guess wen he saw that med science couldnt help he resorted to all this...but i dont know, my family never beleived and we always found it funny wen ppl around did and made thier lives revolve around it!? [no offence to anyone]
ReplyDeletesorry.. i dont believe in it. when a maid or the MIL wants to do it...i let them because i dont want to hurt feelings but i refuse to buy into it. it doesnt work anyway... even after they do it.. if either of the babies has been sick or cranky, they continue to be so.
ReplyDeleteI do believe in nazars. But I do not get it done often. I always wear a black thread on my wrist to ward off the evil eye. Nothing much. Now with the baby on its way, I do not know which way I am going to turn out. I shall wait and watch my own behaviour:-0
ReplyDeleteBtw, it was interesting to read other’s view points here.
Oh I am on the fence here..I someone else wants to do it..I dont stop them.. and sometimes if it stops Aadya's crying..I am happy.. but if someone has been talking to her affectionately in the mall or restaurant and then someone(read MIL) says usne nazar lagayi..I dont agree.
ReplyDeleteOhh and as for the diahrrhea-I think its some bug doing the rounds..Aadya has some too..so do two other friends kids!
Hope M is better now!
Indifferent loser: I think when one has exhausted all options, one turns towards the “divine”. I think I might have done something similar had S’ hair problem not gotten better. Sometimes I do feel the need to meditate to relieve all the stress from realizing that nothing is under our control on this earth. But haven’t started believing in nazar yet.
ReplyDeleteMM: Yes – when I let MIL do it, it isn’t because I secretly believe in it but because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. That, and I want to pick my “battles” (with her) wisely :P
Lavs: I think you WILL start believing in it more, and why not I say! Whatever gives a new mom peace of mind and a sense of control, right?
Trishna: Thanks. Yes M is better now. It seems like it WAS lactose intolerance. She is doing better with Soy based formula (though I HATE the smell!!)