She's mobile now!

We put Ninni in a walker a few days back. This is something I never thought I'd do because I am dead against walkers for babies. (This walker was given to us by a friend, otherwise we wouldn't have purchased one) But she was quite miserable in our arms and didn't like being on the activity mat all day so we thought we'd just put her in the walker for a few minutes and see if she liked it. She is already trying her BEST to sit up so we thought she'd like being in an upright position. Boy! She loved it! She accidentally pushed with her legs and the walker moved backwards. I loved the look on her face! She seemed amazed that she could move on her own :D So she kept doing it and eventually went all the way back and got stuck against the wall. That irritated her. "Here I finally figure out how to move on my own and I am already being hindered??". So we heard a few whiny protests. J picked her up and turned her around. She began pushing again until she reached the opposite wall. Whine. Pick up & turn around. Push. This went on for about 10 minutes or so. Good, clean, family oriented entertainment :P Then she got tired of it and wanted to come out. We haven't repeated it since. Maybe over the weekend. Unfortunately the pics are still in the camera. Will put them up soon.

Now about her efforts to sit up. This little girl is determined to sit up. Any time we prop her up against her Boppy or lay her down on a soft surface (like our bed), she hunches her sholders, balls up her hands into tiny fists, brings them close to her chest, brings her head forward and tries to sit up! Well, if it doesn't work, she will still get abs of steel :D So, Go Girl!!

Lately, mommy dear has found her "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" - Ninni blesses her with big, wide grins throughout the evening (and night). As I mentioned earlier, no matter what I did, she wouldn't smile at me. NEVER. But then last friday I was stuck in traffic and didn't get home until after 9:30 pm. I guess that day she must have thought mama ran away and when I finally came back she decided to throw these smiles my way to keep me from running away again :D

We changed her formula on Sunday and it seems that the new one suits her better. She isn't spitting up as much as she used to and isn't uncomfortable after her feeds like she sometimes became earlier. So, YAY!

Really?? Yeah!

You Are 60% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Month Four

I am so running behind in everything that I need to post. I have a lot of tags to finish. I have lost track of things I've been tagged for. I also have to complete a post on how/why KUMON works for us that has been lying in my drafts for a long time. But first, it is time for Month 4 update.

Actually, I don't remember much. I have decided that, from now on, instead of doing a monthly post I will post about events as and when they happen and just label them by the month that we are in. Anyhoo - this is the last monthly post.

Sometime during this month, Ninni started turning to her side. She doesn't do it that often even now. As I mentioned earlier, she tries something new for a few times and when she is satisfied that she has mastered that skill, she just gives it up for something new :) So, she turned to her side for a couple of days and then lost interest in it. Also, our persistence paid off this month. Ninni HATED being on her tummy. But we would still give her some tummy time everyday and she'd spend it miserably. Then one day she discovered..... the IDIOT BOX!! Yes, as much as I hate kids and babies watching TV, both my daughters love it :D I think they got the "TV Watching" genes from both their grandfathers - J's and my dad :D Now this double whammy of genes is something that I can control, but can't wipe away altogether. So, this time I decided to use it to my advantage. I gave Ninni her tummy time in front of the television one day. Then her sneaky nana-nani also did the same the next day. And the next. And the day after that too. Slowly she started enjoying her tummy time and then we eliminated TV from this equation and she didn't even realize it!

We did have a lot of fun for a few days observing her love for the idiot box though. I would turn it on while playing with Ninni and then block her vision whenever she turned her head towards her. She would just go crazy trying to get a peek! She would contort her body (and neck) in every possible way just to get a peek at the screen. Yes, I know I am a very cruel momma :P

Around this time she also started enjoying her daily morning sessions on the activity mat. We have fixed the mirror on the top so Ninni can see herself when she is on the mat. She looks at herself and coos incessantly, this narcissist baby! One day, I decided to have some together time with her on the mat so I lay down beside her. She looked at me in the mirror, then turned her head to look at me and then looked in the mirror again. I think it confused her to see "two" of me :D

One milestone for the big sister was that she picked up Ninni UNASSISTED!!! for the first time!! And another milestone was for nana who successfully put Ninni in bed for her nap ONCE!! :D And I think this was the month when Ninni finally convinced nana to change her diaper :P (Till now nani, mommy and daddy had been doing the dirty work!)

One final thing to happen in this month was Ninni's 4 month checkup which was scheduled just 2 days before she completed 4 months. She got slammed with FOUR shots, poor thing! Apart from that, everything else was fine. The doctor was even very happy with her weight gain. I think I never mentioned it but Ninni was in just the 5th percentile of weight when we brought her home. Now she is in the 50th percentile. In the doctor's words - "The weight gain has been phenomenal". So mommy is happy. And keeping her fingers crossed. And touching wood everywhere she can find it :D

The doctor said that though he recommends that we start her on solids only after six months, he will leave the final decision upto us. Since we had already made up our minds about starting her on thin soups by the time she was 4.5 months old and then solids by the time she turns 5 months or so, I told the doctor our intentions. I have to say I wasn't expecting the way he reacted. He was COMPLETELY COOL WITH IT!! I told him this is what we did with our older daughter and she has the best eating habits in all the kids I have seen (and I believe it was because we started her off pretty early - and because of the varied food I gave her. More on that in another post). He asked me what is the rate of food-related allergies in Indian kids to which I replied that I don't have concrete data, but I rarely heard of any kids with food allergies back in India. He nodded as if my answer proved some unspoken theory of his. Or maybe it was my imagination :P

So, this is it. I am eagerly looking forward to starting Ninni on solids. With Mitthi, I made sure she got a variety of food, and something from all food groups every day. I am worried that this time it might be a little difficult because when Mitthi was small, I was at home and had all the time to cook nutritious food for her. I don't want to give Ninni much store-bought baby food. I believe home-made is the best. Also, home made will be closer to what I cook for our regular meals and thus there will be a greater chance that Ninni, like Mitthi, will develop good eating habits. Here's hoping that happens...

First taste of something other than milk...

We started Baby M on thin, watery soups today. The first one was simple "daal ka pani" (water in which lentils have been boiled). The daal was "Masoor dhuli" (Red lentils). We had been thinking of starting her on this for a long time now - ever since she turned 3 and a half months old. But something or the other kept preventing us from doing it. Then, a few days back, my dad said not to do it since it was the "Shraddh" season. Now, I am a non-believer. But over the years I have changed a lot in this respect. Even though I don't believe in all this stuff, I do respect other people's beliefs. So I waited until today.

It was a vey simple, totally non-ceremonious event. I am not one for ceremonies. I mean, I do love celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, but that is about it. So we simply boiled some lentils and in the afternoon everyone took turns feeding Baby M. First it was mommy's turn. Then Daddy's and then big sister's. Then Nani and Nana took their turns. And then we found out that Nana, who had been manning the camera, had only taken pictures of Baby M and completely eliminated the person feeding her in every single picture :D Since we thought it will be quite difficult, 6-7 years from now, to recognize each person just by the picture of their hand, we went again. This time Nani took pictures :P

Oh, by the way, Baby M loved the soup!!

Note: Pics will follow soon. I need to download them onto my laptop.

OTC Infant Cough & Cold Medicine recall

Several makers of OTC (Over the counter) Oral infant cough and cold medicines voluntarily recalled their products. This has created a panic in parents and I have received at least 3 emails from different sources. But the recall has been done voluntarily and is NOT mandatory or a safety recall, which means it is NOT due to a defective product. Here is what I found on a website that has information about Over-The-Counter drug safety:

The voluntary withdrawal of OTC oral infant cough and cold medicines was initiated by the makers of those medications out of an abundance of caution. This is not a mandatory recall or a safety issue.

• Kids’ OTC cough and cold medicines are both safe and effective when used correctly. Rare cases of overdose from misuse, however, have occurred—particularly in infants less than two years of age.

• Infants under the age of two are the most vulnerable to the consequences of this misuse.

• The voluntary withdrawal only affects oral infant cough and cold medications. It does not affect any other children’s medicines.

• OTC pediatric cough and cold medicines affected by this voluntary withdrawal are listed in the right column of this page, or visit www.OTCsafety.org.

I think these companies have taken a big, admirable step towards implementing safety where OTC drugs for infants are concerned. I can imagine the financial setback they will experience because this WAS a big market.

I do have a rather strong opinion about what necessitated this recall and maybe I WILL do a post on it - if I get the time. In short, I feel some parents tend to over-medicate children and THAT has compelled these companies to recall their perfectly safe products. It also means a slight inconvenience for parents who turn to these drugs only when totally necessary and at times when it is not possible to get a prescription from a doctor. Oh well. I am ready to go through that inconvenience if it means some other babies will be safer now.

Private? Public? Somewhere in between?

I have seen this a lot lately. Rude, insensitive comments on posts, many of them totally tangential and not about the main issue discussed in the blog at all. MadMomma brought it up in her latest post as well. She is wondering why blog posts get hijacked and taken in a completely different direction by the readers of the blog? I have been thinking about it as well and have been wanting to write a post on it. My take is a little different on it. Maybe because I have a very limited readership and my posts don't get as many comments as Mad Momma's posts do, it doesn't bother me in the same way it bothers her.

To me, it is kind of interesting how different readers pick up different points from the same post. How they interpret the same thing differently. Much like two siblings might form different attitudes about life in general based on their experiences under similar circumstances. People take away different life-lessons from same situations. For example, I believe in God though I do not follow any organized religion but my brother is an atheist. We grew up together and our parents behaved exactly the same with us in this reagrd. They showed us their beliefs and we saw them taking part in Havans and other religious activities yet both of us developed different beliefs. That is the strength of a human mind. Two minds can come up with two different thoughts under the same circumstances. There is no fixed formula to how minds work. And I think that is why different readers interpret the same post differently. I have also seen, and found it interesting, that different readers pick up different parts of the same post to comment on. So, for a simple post that might tackle different parenting issues ranging from baby food to sleep habits, education and discipline, I am sure I will get varied comments on different parts of the post. And, to me, that is the beauty of blogging. It feels just like when you are sitting with friends and a topic of discussion comes up. Everyone puts in their two cents and sometimes they veer off to something totally different. Sometimes I get a comment on a post of mine that make ME think differently about the issue that has been commented upon.

This is all fine and dandy when we are talking about regular readers of our blogs. We write a post, they read the post, and then everyone shares their opinions in the comments section. Sometimes it even becomes a "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" fest :D Or as one would say in Sanskrit - "परस्परम् प्रशंसति, अहो रूपम् अहो ध्वनि!" [Begin digression: This Sanskrit phrase comes from a story. Once a camel and a crow met. After getting acquainted, they started praising each other. The crow said "Oh, what a beautiful face!" and the camel said "Oh, what a melodious voice!" : End digression] Now, don't take it otherwise. I mentioned the phrase in the most affectionate and humorous way. It feels good to give and receive praise and it builds goodwill all around - something all of us could use on any given day.

Sometimes that doesn't happen. For bloggers like MadMomma, Megha, Rohini and many others who fearlessly express their opinions on a variety of issues, along come the special class of readers and commentors - the NASTY ANONYMOUS reader/commentors. This is where things mostly get out of hand. Now again, it is perfectly fine to comment anonymously as long as you do so with civility and respect for the owner of the blog. But what happens generally is an anonymous reader would leave a rude comment on some totally irrelevant part of the post and then a commenting war ensues. I have been part of one such war at Megha's latest post. And I am ashamed to say that towards the end I became catty. That is when I realized that I needed to bring my thoughts away from her space and jot them down in my own. In my defense I would say that I engaged in it in the first place because I couldn't just stand by and see Megha being attacked for her views in her OWN space.

Most of the times, the main argument that these anonymous commentors (henceforth ACs or NACs - Nasty Anonymous Commentors) give in the support of their rude comments is that the blogger called it upon themselves by airing their issues in a "public space". [Begin digression 2: One AC called it a "public forum". Now, isn't that repetitive? A "forum" is a place for public to gather and have discussions (ref. --> Dictionary.com) . A "public forum" becomes a "public place for public to gather"? Anyway, I am just splitting hair! :End digression 2] What they don't realize is that a blog ["a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page": ref. --> dictionary.com] is NOT a public space. Yes, it is available for everyone to read (based on the settings) and comment. But it is not open for everyone to write POSTS on. It belongs to the owner of that particular blog. The comment section may be considered public but in that case one should behave as one would in any other public place - with civility and dignity. If they don't like what they read, they have two options - comment with civility or go to their own space and vent about it.

The second argument meted out is that if a blogger activates comment moderation on their blog, they 1) do so to drown out all dissenting voices, 2) deserve such comments because of what they write about and they can choose not to publish them, 3) are cowards, 4) should stop complaining, 5)do not support free speech 6) are hypocrites and so on. I'll tackle these one by one.

A blogger activates comment moderation to drown out all dissenting voices. Bloggers choose to moderate comments for various reasons. One of those reasons IS to filter out rude, insensitive jerks who don't know how to express a differing opinion in a civilized manner. I don't see most of these bloggers criticizing everyone who differs from them in their opinions, only those who do it in an uncivilized way. Nothing wrong with that. I have seen plenty of comments that disagree with the bloggers' opinions (on MadMomma and Megha's blogs, for example). The fact that these comments were allowed in the comment section shows that these bloggers are not afraid of, or intolerant of contradicting opinion.

These bloggers deserve such comments because of what they write about and they can choose not to publish them. I beg to differ. No one deserves rude, insensitive or threatening comments for what they write, however controversial it might be. One - lets not forget that they are airing their opinions in THEIR PERSONAL SPACE. They don't come to YOUR blog to write these posts. Two - AGAIN - you can disagree. But be civil, be decent, be polite. If you still don't like what they wrote or how they reacted to disagreeing comments, leave. You can make the choice not to read what they write.

I listen to various radio programmes on my way back from work. The one I catch the most is hosted by Dr. Michael Savage. Now, Dr. Savage most times behaves according to his last name. That is his style. He bulldozes all his callers if they happen to disagree with him. He bulldozes even those callers who agree with him. I don't particularly like that even though sometimes he does have interesting and informed opinions about the topics he discusses. So, as soon as he starts doing that I switch channels. Simple as that! I could call in and tell him how I feel but I know that's not going to make a difference. Besides - it is HIS program. HE decides how to behave on it. If anyone is willing to take that kind of treatment from him, they call him. Those who can't, don't. Same goes with blogs, in my opinion.

These bloggers have comment moderation on because they are cowards. From what I have seen on most blogs that have comment moderation on is that the bloggers are not trying to hide behind that censorship. They love a good debate. Bloggers might, as I mentioned earlier, have various reasons for turning comment moderation on, but cowardice is usually not one of them. This is just a juvenile accusation to prove one's point at every cost.

Bloggers who have comment moderation on should stop complaining. Why? Why should someone stop complaining about the rude treatment they are getting from someone else? Just because they set up a filter on a PERSONAL site? It is like saying that a person should not complain about a robbery attempt at their home if they have a security system in place. Surely the robbery attempt was unsuccessful BECAUSE they had that security system. Similarly, if these bloggers didn't have comment moderation, the rude comments WOULD have made it through to their comment space and polluted the whole space. Just because I might have comment moderation on does NOT give someone the license to send me rude, threatening or obscene comments! I am pretty sure that these NACs won't stop spreading their vile comments even if comment moderation were removed from all blogs.

Bloggers who turn comment moderation on do not support free speech. Again, a misconception in these un/mis-informed minds, I am sure. Also, free speech comes with responsibilities. Just because you have freedom to speak, does not mean you can speak trash to or about someone else. Basic manners! Would you go to some one's house or approach someone in a "public space" IN PERSON and speak as harshly? Would you express your opinions with such abandon if you had to reveal your identity? Free speech is all good and noble, but only when it doesn't attack other people's right to speak out their minds. That too in their own spaces. If only we applied the same rules of etiquette to our blog comments, that we apply to our conversations with real live people, this issue wouldn't even arise. And it is interesting to note that the advocates of free speech are all conveniently ACs! And no. Adding a letter or an initial (or even a name, which could be fictional for all we know) at the end of your comment does not mean you have adequately revealed your identity. Create your own blogger profile, log in with that profile and THEN leave a nasty comment. You won't. Because then you can be traced back to your personal space and attacked. See what I mean??

Bloggers who have comment moderation on are hypocrites. Whatever generated this idea? Again, the NACs are confusing the bloggers' right to write in their own space with everyone else's right to comment in a public domain. And comment moderation does not equate to "killing all disagreeing comments" as I have already pointed out. These bloggers are just demanding a little bit of respect for themselves in their own space. Not too much to ask!

As for commentors hijacking the blog by airing their opinions rudely over some unrelated topics - DON'T GO THERE! Read the post first. Otherwise you appear stupid for arguing over something that was not discussed or something that was not the point of the post anyway. Yes, it is easy to mistakenly do so. But it is not easy to be "mistakenly rude". THAT needs effort. There is a difference between just taking the comment off the tangent and hijacking the comment section with rude comments over personal agendas.

I would say the Internet has changed the concept of privacy. So it is easy to mistakenly consider someone else's blog a public domain. Even then, if one would just remember the general rules of behaving in a public space, things won't appear so wrong. One wouldn't be verbally abusive to public speakers even if one disagreed with their opinions. One wouldn't stand up and accuse someone of being a coward, bad parent, bad employer, bad friend or some such thing in a public gathering. The cloak of anonymity gives a person the misplaced strength to do so. It makes a coward out of THEM. Because if they had the courage, if they thought they were correct, they wouldn't do it anonymously.

Silly numbers...

Just realized that Mitthi mouse is 11 months, 1 week and 1 days into her 9th year and Ninni-the-Pooh is 4 months and 4 days old!

What a way to cheer up!

Over the weekend, somethings really dragged me down and I wasn't "feeling the love"! Then I ventured over to Rohini's blog while blog-surfing on Monday and what do I see??? She has awarded me the Rockin' Girl Blogger Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to thank her first for - for pulling me out of the dumps, for saying that I rock or for perpetuating the myth that I am still a girl? :D

And now I pass it on to -

Lumi: Even during times when she had a lot going on in her life, I never caught even a hint of the "why me?" bitterness.

Broom: The strength she has shown in the past months in recovering from a divorce amazes me.

Dotmom: Her husband had a heart attack recently but when I read her post recounting the event(s), I couldn't help but marvel at her strangth and composure.

Suki: I just started reading her blog and I like the conviction with which she writes.

Megha: I have been a long-time admirer of her sarcastic wit. I wish for my daughters to grow up to have the same wit and the strength to take on all and any trolls that they may come across in their lives.

Thanks Rohini! And I swing this one right back at ya! You rock, girl!!

Fog...

The weekend started out well. I got a good night's sleep, woke up and had a liesurely cup of tea (which is always good), did many loads of laundry through the day, even went to Walmart to get a mop (so now my hardwood floors will get a mopping of PineSol!). But somewhere along the way the fresh, light feeling disappeared and gloom took its place. I don't do well with discord around me. Even if it doesn't involve me (and this one doesn't). I was uneasy for the rest of the day. Still am, though it is slowly dissipating. Hope tomorrow will be a little better. I wish I could write about it but can't. Don't want to. Writing about it will make it more real than it already is for me. I don't want reality right now. I want Disney-peddled "Happily ever after" - for everyone around me.

Month 107..... or so

Note: I know I cheated. I changed the title of my post. It now says "Month 107 .. or so" instead of "Month 104...". Today when I was in the shower I realized I made a mistake in calculating the months. Anyway - these forehead smacking moments are happening in the Kay household (to Cee of course!) almost everyday these days :D

Been a long time since I wrote a post about S. A post on month 4 for Baby M is already coming up soon so I, in my eternal (yet futile) quest to be fair to both my daughters, decided to post an update about S too. A long overdue update.

I don't even know where to start from. I think I'll start from her fight with Alopecia Areata. She is still fighting it. She has gotten almost all her hair back but there are still a few very stubborn bald patches left on her scalp. Her strength amazes me. It is like she doesn't even care about them but I know that she does. She just doesn't speak about it. She acts all non-chalant but I know she is thrilled to have her hair back.

Before this started, I would often tell her that I wanted to cut her hair short and that she will have to learn to take care of her hair before I will let her grow it long. And then she lost all of it. I felt so guilty because at that time we didn't know if she will ever get her hair back. I felt guilty for not letting her enjoy something as simple as long hair. I felt guilty because in some way I thought I was guilty. I felt like my saying that I'd cut her hair short had made it fall out. I knew it wasn't true but guilt is an amazing thing. It makes you believe all sort of nonsense. I usually don't take guilt trips but this is one I never returned from.

S got into Norwalk's swim team last year. We were thrilled that she even considered trying. Initially she didn't want to but we convinced her to try out for the team. We told her that if she did get in, she didn't have to continue if she didn't like it. Turns out she does like it. So much that this year she made the decision to stop her tennis lessons and focus on swimming. I am just glad that she is thinking for herself.

I am seeing a confident, responsible S emerge from my baby S. We never have to remind her to do her homework (well, almost never). She remembers to take her library books back and even helps out at home a lot. Helps put away groceries, helps clean up the house, even helps take care of Baby M. Our mornings are finally calm and serene because I no longer have to yell "S! Hurry UP!" 1013 times. In fact, she gets ready and then helps me by loading all my stuff (my handbag, my lunch/book bag, my laptop bag and sometimes an odd file folder or so) in the car. Mornings are less rushed now and consist of sane conversations like "What are you going to do at school today?". We don't forget to send important permission slips to school anymore. We have time to say "Bye" to the baby FIVE times :D

S has been taking Piano lessons for over 2 years now and this is her second year taking Violin lessons. And I am glad to notice that she enjoys these. I would never want to push her into learning something that she doesn't enjoy. She LOVES reading. She is reading the fourth Harry Potter now. And she is writing in her "Reading Journal" (something they have to write in as homework) about these books. Initially I was apprehensive about letting her read beyond the first three Harry Potter books because I heard that they get a little too graphic beyond that (I haven't read them, so I don't know). But then, after seeing how keen she is to read them, I left it up to her school's librarian to decide if these books are appropriate for S. The librarian at S' school is this nice, tech-savvy lady who actually enjoys her library duties and takes them seriously! That includes assisting kids find age-appropriate books for reading. Besides, I grew up reading all sorts of books (even horrors, thrillers and chillers) at a young age and I am fine! If something scared me, I spent a few nights chanting the Gayatri Mantra under the covers - thats it! So maybe I should focus on teaching her the Gayatri Mantra to tide her through those scary nights instead :D

She is a patient child. Always has been. Before Baby M came along, I'd promised her I'd let her get her hair braided and nails done professionally (just ONCE) as a "BIG SISTER" gift for her. I am yet to get the necessary appointments. She has reminded me a number of times but I always forget. But she has never thrown a fit over that.

Coming back to her swimming abilities. Swimming is doing her more good than we could ever imagine. She has developed a good physique due to that. She has these nice, square, broad shoulders that look good in halter tops. The other day she mentioned at the bus stop that she was very worried about an upcoming physical fitness test at school. She said she thought she won't be able to pass it. In the evening, when I asked her how it went, she told me she was one of the few kids who went beyond the required number of sit-ups and curls in these tests. They were required to do 26 sit-ups, she did 40. They were told to do 18 curls, she did 30. I have seen that she always underestimates herself. I guess she is afraid of failing. I think I need to work on that with her. I want her to realize that more important than being on the top in everything is that you try your best.

A friend of mine has been after me to talk to her teacher about getting her into the Academically Talented program at her school. Kids get into this program based on their test scores, teachers' recommendations and their "out-of-the-box" thinking. Well, I did talk to the teacher but I found out that the reason S didn't get into it is that her State standardized test score in reading is just at goal level. She has been placed at advanced levels in both, writing and math. Even though I think it is unfair that only scores in reading are given importance and thus kids achieving high scores in writing and math lose out, I am perfectly fine with the fact that S didn't get into AT program. It doesn't make or break anything, I told her. She will still be as intelligent as she is. And we are working at improving her reading skills. Not because I want her to get in the AT program, but because I think she can do much better. The reason her scores in reading have been lower than those in writing and math is that she just whizzes through the text she is reading and in her hurry sometimes misses the context or interprets it incorrectly.

So, this is how S is doing these days. I am just sad that she is growing up so fast. "Don't grow up so fast, Mamuni" I tell her. And she just smiles that patient little smile of hers and says "I can't help it mamma".

From a budding chef's kitchen

Lately there have been more updates about M than there have been about S and while that is natural, it isn't fair. So here is a tid-bit about S.

She created this snack ALL ON HER OWN!! She took foods that she likes - bread, butter, sugar, chocolate syrup, chocolate chips and bananas and put them together to create a yummy (her words, not mine) snack! I leave you with a mouth watering picture of the same. :D

For the record, I have tasted it sans the chocolate chips and chocolate syrup (did I ever tell you I HATE chocolate flavor - except in a cake??) and it indeed was very, very, very delicious. S is proud of the fact that this is a very healthy recipe because it has whole grain bread and a fruit! I really loved the look of pride on her face when she presented this snack to me and later when I photographed it.

Hope to keep this interest alive and maybe she will be competing on "Top Chef" one day.... :D

BO-ring!!

All the women I work with, are very nice to me. At least to my face. If they bitch about me behind my back, I don't know (and frankly, I don't care). Most of the men I work with are genuinely nice to me and the rest are cordial and no one is downright rude to me. My neighbors don't bother me and no one in our social circle is rude or mean or argues with us over anything.

SIGHHHHH!! Life is so boring! What do I blog about?

Caught in the act!!!

When in doubt...

...take a quiz! You scored as Peter Pan, Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up. Peter Pan 81% Goofy 75% The Beast 63% Donald Duck 56% Sleeping Beauty 50% Pinocchio 50% Ariel 44% Cinderella 25% Cruella De Ville 19% Snow White 19% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

I am SO glad that Snow White and Cinderella feature lower down the list. I would have preferred their names not appear on the list at all, but well...

And I LOVE the fact that Goofy is second from the top!! I love Goofy. I can act goofy! (Or should that be "goofily"? Is that even a word?)

Finally!!

Finally it happened! Something that I had been praying for and wondering if it would ever happen. This morning, when I went to say "bye" to Baby M (she was in her nani's arms), she stretched out her arms to come to me!! I thought she'd never do that. On occasions I have even felt a little bit of envy for my mom because anytime M sees her, she gets all excited and tries to go to her. I understand why she does that - my mom is her main caregiver these days. And I truly don't mind that at all (that M does this). To me, it means my mom is taking really good care of her. But when M showed no interest in coming to me a few days ago, it touched a raw nerve somewhere! All the things that my MIL once said to me about how S (who was a baby then) would have gotten excited and eager to come into my arms "if only I were nursing her" came to my mind. That is a mean thing to say to a new mom. And you can only imagine how mean when the said mom hears it over and over in her mind when she has another baby EIGHT f**king years later. Yes, I am still having lactation problems. BIG TIME. But I am trying my damndest to get every last drop of milk that I can squeeze out of me into the baby. Anyway, rant aside, that small moment really made my day! My baby recognizes me!! Its another matter that she still doesn't smile at me much :( She does smile readily at my dad when he (tries to) whistle in front of her. The first time he tried to do that, only a whoosh of air came out! Yes, my dad is one of those people who can't whistle :D So, yesterday when he tried again and was successful, we joked that M was smiling because he finally succeeded. LOL!

Krazy Kays & their Knack for Krazy Knicks

Heh! Couldn't think of a "kornier" title :D

I thought I was tagged by someone to list all the silly (and embarrassing, in our case) nick names that we have given to our kids but patrolled the blog sphere up and down three times and still couldn't find the "tagger". So I am taking up the tag on my own because I just loved the idea (of publicly embarrassing my children)!! But if there is someone who indeed tagged me for this, please own up and appropriate credits shall be given!

Mitthi (translated to Punjabi, means "sweet") and Ninni (means "sleep" in kidspeak and can be taken as a twisted form of "naani" meaning "little" in Gujarati) are their “official” nick names. Simple, sweet and harmless. Then I also call S “Sweetie Mitthi Pie” and Mitthi Mouse while Ninni gets called by the nick "Cheeni* Ninni Pie" and Ninni The Pooh (created by big sis). Their Kaka (dad's bro) calls them “Dudu” and dadi has reserved the name “Ghappoodi” :D

* Cheeni: Sugar

Other nick names I use for them are – “Koochie koo” and Chikoo which has now turned into “Chika Mika Pika”. Then there is Sweetums, Jhagdoo (someone who fights a lot), Jhagdoo-Magdoo (you can see my penchant for rhyming here, can’t you? :D Another rarely used but embarrassing name is “Susu-Potty Baba” which came from the fact that this is what they did most of the time during the first three months of their life :P The credit goes to their dad.

Now on to the reeeally embarrassing nick names. There is a story behind them so I will narrate it first. Without it, those nicks just won’t make sense. When we were newly married, one day I called J “Sadela Gubrela” (Rotten beetle). Now J has a knack for playing with words. He can transform the sweetest, most innocent word into something wacky and funny in an instant. So pat came the reply “Sadeli Goo Bhareli”. To those unfamiliar with the middle classy word, it means poop (literally) and the last word means “full of” in Gujarati. So “sadela Gubrela” became “Sadela Goo Bharela” and then we applied this nick name to S (Poor, poor kid! Now you understand why I am saving for her therapy?) She is a good sport and didn’t throw a fit when we explained the meaning to her when she was old enough to understand. When M came home from the hospital, S very generously decided to share that nick name with her. She said she will keep the first part (“Sadeli") for herself, and generously hand over the second part (Goo Bhareli) to her little sis. Only, she mistakenly said “Goo Dhareli” instead of “Goo Bhareli" thanks to her broken Hindi. Now, I might not have the knack for witty/wacky names, but I do have a knack for translating ones that don’t have an apparent meaning. So I translated the second one as “Sitting like a poop” ( I know, I know – this post shouldn’t even have seen the light of the day) as “Dhareli” in Gujarati can be loosely translated to “dumped” in some instances. So now we have a Goo Bhareli and a Goo Dhareli in our house. And S has now generously donated “Sadeli/Sadela” to her mom and dad.

Remind me to start a savings account for M’s therapy too, will you?

Edited to add: S has made up a song with the most embarrassing nick name for M. It goes like this -

Ninni, Ninni, Bahut Sadeli

Also known as Goo Dhareli

(Yup! She got the genes!!!)

The race to nowhere

I just saw a Leap Pad Learning System's commercial on the idiot box that talked about learning skills for pre-school. I went "WTF???" in my mind. Pre-school teaches kids skills necessary for Kindergarten. When did things get so screwed up that babies need to learn skills to get into pre-school? Here, in the US, even pre-school is optional for kids. Parents don't have to send them there if they don't want to. Of course, there are certain skills a child must have before he or she enters kindergarten - like they should know how to read and write the alphabet, count to 20, know how to write their first and last name, know their address and phone number. THAT'S IT!!! It isn't too hard for a child to learn that. And that is exactly what S knew when she entered kindergarten. She is doing great in school despite the fact that she didn't know anything else. In fact, she is among the top five students in her class. And I am being very conservative when I say "top five". She could very well be on the top but we wouldn't know because no ranks are assigned to kids here. And we couldn't care less.

Every year, just before the November Parent-teacher conferences (that's when parents meet their kids' teachers to learn how their kids are performing in school and get the first progress report), and later before the March conferences, S becomes this pensive, stressed-out mass of nerves. She asks us 10 times each day "What will you do if you find out that I am failing? That I am not getting good grades?". And each year my answer is the same - "If you were to get bad grades, it would mean you need more help with your studies and we would help you. We would help you figure out how to improve performance". I don't care about grades at all. Not in elementary school. Later, when grades do matter, I will see to it that she is putting in her 100% in studies and even then if she scores low grades then I'll accept that - however hard that might be for me to do. All I want is for my child to put in her best efforts. I don't want to compare her to others and drive myself nuts trying to see who reads better than her or who swims faster or who is better at math. All I care about is whether or not she is making a sincere effort at whatever she does.

A friend recently mentioned to me that she is thinking of holding her son back from school one year because she thinks he isn't ready for it yet. That, in my opinion, is the smartest, and the toughest, decision to make. Only a parent can know their child's capabilities and if one honestly feels that starting a year later will help their child, I admire their courage. I say "courage" because this friend said she is expecting a lot of resistance from her entire family including her husband. We Indians, for some reason, place so much importance on starting school early. It is beyond MY comprehension. We don't seem to care how much the child understands of what has been taught, yet we are very worried about how early he or she can say the ABCs and recite the nursery rhymes or how far he/she can count.

At the beginning of this rant I was going to add the note that people shouldn't take offence to what I am going to write because I am not judging anyone. But then I realized - Heck yeah! I DO judge people who push their kids too soon too far to acquire skills that they might as easily learn in due course of time without being pressurized. How does it matter if a child can say the ABCs before going to pre-school? He/She is going to learn it there anyway, right? So, why not let the child sit back and enjoy life without any pressures of formal learning? They do a lot of learning while playing anyway. I am not against teaching them the alphabet, colors or the numbers during play. I am against sitting them down to teach these explicitly. I am against teaching them stuff just so they are "one up" against other kids in a gathering. I am dead against formally teaching anything to a child under the age of 3 years. I know this might not have gone well with the way things are done in India and for that reason I am happy that I live in a place where I can practise what I believe.

We started sending S to KUMON just before she started Kindergarten (a little before she turned 5). Even then we worried we might be pushing her too much so we decided to give it a try and stop if we saw any signs that she was being overworked. Fortunately, the owner of the KUMON franchise that S goes to, has the same philosophy regarding teaching kids. In her opinion, learning is only fun if the child doesn't feel overburdened. So, on occasions when we saw S taking a long time in finishing her KUMON homework (more than 15 minutes), she cut back the number of pages that were given to S for homework. She suggested we always make sure that she gets only as much homework as can be completed within 15 minutes. That really helped. S never felt overwhelmed. And we let her take a break from KUMON for one week 2-3 times a year. This ensures that S does her KUMON work willingly without us having to ride her constantly. Every year her teachers ask us if she feels pressured by the extra work. We don't think she does. For one thing, KUMON helps her stay ahead of the rest of her class at school. She was very proud of her math skills in Grade 2 when her classmates dubbed her the "Math Wizard". Small things like that keep her motivated to do the extra work. And we do see it paying off. Last year, by the end of Grade 3, S was already doing Grade 5 math (division and fractions). If all this can be accomplished without pressuring and pushing a child, then I think we are on the right path.

Once when we were at KUMON (S doing her classwork and I waiting outside in waiting room), an Indian lady came in with her 3 year old daughter. She wanted to sign her up for Reading. Professor P, owner of the KUMON franchise, tested that girl to determine the level she would start from and told the parent that she will be starting the child from the level that taught letter recognition. The parent immediately took offence to that and informed Professor P that her daughter already recognized all letters, thankyou. Upon being told that the girl got confused between lower-case p and q, and lower case b and d, the mom was furious. At her daughter! She started scolding her right then and there, demanding to know how she could confuse p with q and b with d when at home she always recognized the letters correctly. Now, I know children do get confused between these letters quite often and I don't think it is a crime punishable by public humiliation. The lady could very well have signed the kid up for the recommended level and if the child indeed was very comfortable with letter recognition, she would have sailed right through that level in no time anyway. That is MY thinking. We never pressured S into completing a level fast. In fact, on occasions we have requested that she be allowed to repeat a level so that her concepts become clearer (when we feel she is still a little hazy on the concepts). On other occasions, Professor P has recommened that we have her repeat a level and we have happily accepted because if S isn't a 100% comfortable with concepts taught at one level then she WILL face difficulties in future levels even if she scores good on the test. We do have a "positive reinforcement policy" under which S gets to buy a new board game or a book if she completes one level at KUMON. We NEVER associate having to repeat a level with failure. As a result, while friends tell me that their kids stopped KUMON after a little while because it became too boring or challenging or whatever, S is well into her 5th year at KUMON and wants to continue. Our original goal in sending her there was two-fold. One, she would gain self-esteem if she found she was better at something than the rest of her peers and two, it would help her in the (waaay) long term with SATs. We were bang on with the first one and seems like we might be correct about the second one too.

I actually pity a child when his/her parents start telling us how they taught their kid X, Y or Z at an early age. Or when they start comparing their kid with other kids "just to see where they are at". I am all for buying age-appropriate learning games for kids. But this commercial about teaching kids skills to get into pre-school got me. And the "Baby Einstein" DVDs get me for the same reason. DVDs and videos for 6 month old babies??? Come on! One friend of mine proudly told me (a few years ago) how her 6 month old was hooked on "Baby Einstein" videos. So much so that he whined and screamed if someone blocked his view while he was watching one. I guess she took it as a sign that he was a genius. I definitely took it as a sign that she needed to use more common sense in her parenting. (Hey Cee Kay! Bitchy much??! :P)

I think this race to get their kids to the top is all in the parents' heads. The kids will take their own time getting where they want to get, if they want it. And staying at the top once they get there is another matter. One can push their kid to the top, but they cannot keep their kid there if the kid him/herself is not motivated. And most kids eventually catch up to grade level learning. One might be able to push a kid to the top at an early age, but we also have to keep asking ourselves two questions.

1. Is it really going to make a difference in their lives 20 years from now? Will learning the alphabet at age 2 help them when they are 20 and in college?

2. Are they having fun (while learning things to "get to the top")? THAT, in my opinion, is the most important question of all. In my opinion, learning that is done while having fun stays with us longer than learning done under compulsion.

Indian = Hindu?

I came across this article in TOI mentioning that a Hindu religious leader, Thillayvel Naidoo, in South Africa has said that poeple who have converted to Christianity lose their right to be an Indian. Well, my mind is pretty numb from sleep-deprivation so I wasn't outraged right away, but a reaction is slowly forming inside of me. I am beginning to get angry and sad at the same time.

The one line that I still remember from the pledge that we took everyday in school (Central schools had their students recite the national pledge every morning) is - "India is a secular country". I was, and still am very proud of that one fact about my country. When we gained independance, we chose secularity as a nation even though we had deep roots in religion. That shows maturity. I went to a Catholic school till 6th grade and read stories from the Bible. Believed in them. I was raised as a Hindu but my parents never forced "hindutva" on me. As a result I am very tolerant towards other religions but am proud of my religion too.

So, when I read the above-mentioned article today just one question formed in my mind - "WHY?" Why do people have to choose between nationality and religion? Pastor Deena Muthen was only doing an honourable thing when he urged his parishoners to maintain their language and culture even after converting to Christianity. In my opinion, nothing could be more patriotic than that - to remember your roots and culture no matter which religion you follow. To project this as a cheap tactic to get more people to convert to Christianity seems, in itself, to be a cheap political/religious stunt on Naidoo's part. This is one of the reasons I do not like practising an organized religion - there is too much fanaticism and politics.

Months Two and Three

Month two and three flew by and we didn't even notice! We were too busy dealing with a fussy infant who only wants to sleep. Even when she is hungry. So she keeps whining in her sleep but if we wake her up to feed her, she raises hell!! And I told you before - she can scream like no one's business :D A LOT happened in these two months and I didn't get a chance to write this long-overdue post for various reasons. So, I am combining the two updates in one post. Hope this doesn't become a trend in my blogging habits.

We were paid a visit by the Cradle Cap fairy too. Had the two month visit to the doctor's office and she got her first shots then. Boy, was she pissed!! THREE DAYS - thats how long it took the Royal Highness Baby M to calm down and be her regular self again :P

We also took Baby M to the temple for the first time. Sorry, no pics. We forgot to take the camera along. But I do have other pictures to share. Baby M also visisted a friend's home for the first time. This was her first long-distance trip. We managed fairly well, the baby and I with all the nursing-feeding-pumping routine even though it was a little tough.

Things were fairly quiet in the second month but when we crossed the two-month mark and stepped into the third month- that's when things began heating up. Mainly because momma had the eventuality of going back to work hanging over her head. The time just flew by and momma got lazier by the day!

Maternal grandparents arrived on August 14th. things got more hectic but also more fun because now there were more people to share Baby M's antics with. Sometime this month we were blessed with that first smile. And Baby M discovered something just a few days ago - that she can use her leg - YES, LEG!!! - to kick the rattles hanging off the arm of her rocker. She smiled a little smile, kicked the rattles very tentatively at first, then a little more deliberately and then forgot about it! She hasn't repeated that ever since. I am glad I caught that the first time. She also discovered her hands - briefly. Just brought her fists close to her eyes, examined them for a few moments and then moved on to kicking her legs like that never happened. I had told S big stories about how, when M discovers her hands she will keep squinting at them for minutes at end again and again. Nothing of that sort happened. This girl just discovers things, takes a brief interest in them and when she has determined it is something "normal", she moves on.

She has started sucking on her fist, yes the entire fist, in this past month. No matter how many times we try to pry it out of her mouth, it is back in there as soon as our back is turned! The hungrier she is, or the more upset she gets, the harder she sucks. Then there are days when she doesn't put even a finger in her mouth. Maybe she is going to cut her first tooth soon? S cut her first tooth when she was 10 months old and I was hoping same would be the case with M becasue by then S' eating habits were pretty well-developed and we didn't go through the hunger-strike phase during the teething process. We'll see how it goes this time.

This month M caught the first infection. My! What a crappy milestone to reach!! Thankfully it wasn't that bad. She had a bad cough and was spitting up thick mucus. That too, on my first day back at work (September 4th)! There is this Universal Rule it seems - no mom can go back to work without something going wrong during the first 2 days. Even if the past three months have been pretty uneventful. We started M on homeopathy medicine immediately and within hours her temperature was down to 98.7 (from 100), coughing had reduced a lot and she wasn't spitting up mucus anymore. By the time I took her to the pediatrician's the next morning, she was a lot better. She is a lot better now, getting her appetite and her strength back. And she can scream again! For the past couple of days, when she cried, it was just a tired wail and I had started to miss her screaming! Now we are back in business :D

At the pediatrician's office, when the nurse came in to check her weight and to take the details about her condition, M kept flashing the nurse a BIG smile every few seconds. I have never seen her smile so much at us! In fact she NEVER (well, almost never) smiles at me or J. I think she figures we are stuck taking care of her anyways and she needs to smile only at those people who might come in useful someday :P Like the nurse - when it is time for the next shots. Maybe if M smiles at her enough, the nurse will jab the needle in mommy instead of M?? Hmmm....

She has begun liking her rides in the baby carrier now. J goes around with M in the baby carrier and she sits there, royally watching over the rest of us. When she was sick, she even took a nap in it when she had been very restless throughout the day and hadn't slept at all. We bought a sling for her first but she didn't like it from the beginning. I have carried her in it a total of one time when I put her in it, rocked her to sleep and went for a walk. As soon as she woke up, she screamed her head off to be let out of that prison! The sling lies in a corner now. Maybe I'll give it another try a little while later. Then we bought this and she seems to be happy with it.

Almost at the end of month three, I had a case of Mastitis. Talk about irony! Here I am, pumping like crazy to squeeze whatever amount of milk I can and I get clogged ducts! The lactation expert said it seems like my body was making more milk than I realized. Hmmmm, really?? 'Coz I didn't see it. Not even when I pumped and then hand-expressed that 1.25 ounces of milk from BOTH breasts. And expressing by hand gave me tendonitis in the right hand (that is what the pain my wrist was - just figured it out :D) It was so bad that I couldn't even bring my fingers and thumb together to eat food. Believe me, I have a new-found respect for the opposable thumb. And I am sure glad our ancestors developed them! Because I just found out how tough things are when you done't have one :P

S is enjoying her big-sister role more and more. Specially now because M has started responding to S' baby talk with smiles and coos. Yes, that is another little development. She coos. And when she sees a prospective "baby-carrier" she starts flailing her arms and legs in a frenzy as if asking to be picked up!

So, now I am back to work, and S is back to school. J's life is less crazy than before - just a "leetal" :D With the crazy woman that he has for a wife, it couldn't be completely normal, could it?

NOTE: I might add to this post if I remember something that I have left out of the updates. I am sure I forgot something.

Cutting the ties that bind

Raksha bandhan came and went. I missed my brother and I am sure he did too because he called me to chat on that day. He even fought with me (kinda!) that I didn't send him his favorite laddoos that I send him on Rakhi every year. He was in Hyderabad on Rakhi and I thought I'd send the laddoos later when he gets back home. We are very close and love each other deeply (NO sibling rivalry here, whatsoever) and this post is NOT about him. This post is about my other "brothers", whom I have been sending rakhis diligenlty every year.

In addition to sending rakhi for my brother, I also (used to) send rakhis to three cousins and a college friend whom I considered a brother. I have always believed in starting only what I can continue so I limited myself in creating "Rakhi Band Bhais".

Now, my parents always taught me to never expect anything in return for my rakhis. Not even "Rakhi-bandhai" (the gift a brother gives to his sister when she ties a rakhi on his wrist). Specially never from my brother since he is younger than me. As an older sister I believe it is my privilege to give and his to receive. So this rant isn't about not receiving that either.

This rant is basically about lack of manners on my so-called brothers' behalf. I never missed even one Rakshabandhan. I always sent them rakhis and a packet of sweets or chocolates EVERY SINGLE YEAR. I even went a little bit further for one of these cousins (N). For some reasons I don't have the time or inclination to enumerate, my husband's parents didn't want to have anything to do with this cousin or his family. Even under those circumstances, I told my husband I will not let go of my relations with my brother. He had been a pillar of support during my stay with his parents' when I was doing my Master's. Beginning of digression: As I fleetingly mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I tolerated shitty behaviour from his parents for THREE LONG YEARS just so I could complete my Master's. Why I didn't move into a hostel is another story in itself, which I might write about some day. End of digression. So, for three years, I and J would leave the house on some pretext on the day of Rakshabandhan and go to this cousin's house so I could tie rakhi on his wrist. When we came to the US, I no longer needed to lie to maintain this relationship. I still sent him rakhis every year along with a packet of sweets. It has been 8 years. Never once did I receive an email or phone call from him telling me that he received those rakhis and sweets. This year I said "enough is enough" and didn't send him any. His wife must have mentioned this to his mom (my mother's elder sister) who asked Ma if I forgot to send him rakhi. I am waiting for this question to be asked directly so I can tell them the reason.

I stopped sending rakhis to another cousin of mine (lets call him A) who is also in India and who is about 11 years younger to me. Every time I sent him rakhis, his sister (lets call her N) would write me an email telling me that the rakhi and sweets had been received. I even asked her to stop writing these emails and let A inform me. But N never stopped and A never wrote. Then 3 years back, I happened to call them just after Rakshabandhan and while talking to A (who sounded bored) over the phone, I asked him if he received the rakhis to which his reply was "Oh that? Yes I did." When I asked him why he didn't inform me of the receipt, he said "But my mom just told you!". That infuriated me - I don't know I might have over-reacted but right then I decided I was not sending rakhis to any "brothers" who didn't appreciate them. So I stopped sending rakhis to A and to this day he has never bothered to ask me why I stopped.

I still kept sending rakhis to my other cousin about whom I wrote earlier in this post but this year, I decided I didn't want to keep dragging another relationship singlehandedly so I didn't send him any rakhi/sweets this year. I don't think he is going to miss it either. And that hurts me. I never expected anything in return from these brothers of mine except a phone call or an email telling me that they had received my rakhis. They didn't have the time or feelings to do even that much. It has been painful cutting these ties - but I guess only for me.

Only my third cousin (D) cares enough to call me every Rakshabandhan and talk to me. And, as I said earlier - my brother. And the third "cousin" is not even a cousin. He is my dad's best friend's son. I call him my cousin because the way he cares for me sure feels like he is.

As for my friend from college whom I used to consider my brother - same sad story. He NEVER acknowledged the receipt of my rakhi. Even when we were living in the same city. And HE was the one who brought a rakhi for me to tie on his wrist for the first time, I wouldn't even have started the tradition until I was sure we both wanted it. He even disappeared on one rakhi even though he knew I was waiting for him at his home. His wife, who is also a dear friend from college days, would make excuses for him. That is another thing that grates on my nerves. In all these cases, a woman - a wife, a sister, a mother - covered for these grown-up "boys". No one ever thought about making them realize that it was their duty to atleast let me know they had received the rakhis. That irritates me no end. My cousins, A and N, were "precious boys" among a long line of girls (so was my brother for that matter, but he turned out differently because of our parents) and therefore were very spoiled. Matter for another post.

So now I am going to declare it openly - if you want my rakhis, you better be prepared to acknowledge the receipt. That is the least you can do. You should do.

Note: This year, since my mom is here, we sent rakhis on her behalf to my "mama" (her brother) and another cousin of hers. BOTH of them called to tell her that they had received the rakhi and mithai. My mom has been luckier than me where brothers are concerned. Hers care for her. :(