- asaaan
said...
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I dont really care what she does in school as long she doesnt get married till she is in her(at least) late twenties.
Is that bad of me to want her to not be like me(didnt finish college, married at 20,first child at 22.)
Ohh I didnt know you had to chose electives in middle school. Ashwina will be going to 5th this fall and middle school fall 10.
I didn't know about the elective either. This was new for us.
- the mad momma
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i understand. i'd be terribly disappointed if my kids were scienceys. i am very artisitic and you love to know that they share that link with you. would i deal with it? totally. its my prob, not theirs.
- roop
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u got urself corrected towards the end. so no brickbats!! :P
u'll make the right decision when it's time. we have full faith in you. :)
Me: Thanks for the vote of confidence Roop :) And thanks for not throwing those brickbats too!
- Subhashree
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind if my kids chose whatever profession they want. But if it is in the same line as the husband and I am in, it'd be easier to guide them. Well, I don't even know if they'd want any guidance, but still I'd like to be prepared.
Me: Yeah - it isn't even about guidance I think. Is it probably the thought that by following in your field they are validating your choice of profession? Though why would I be looking for validation for my choice of profession in my children's actions is beyond me :P I think I am muddled in my mind. Don't really know why I would want her to be a techie. I just would!
- dipali
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What a sensible mother you are, Cee. We just muddled through, I think!
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Hmmm. I agree with tearsanddreams. I think its a very subtle distinction (being disappointed in her because you think its an inferior option and being disappointed because you lose a link to her). The danger is that your daughter may pick up on the disappointment and not on the reasons behind the disappointment, which as I said are very nuanced. And being well-behaved, one danger is that she may be very very subtly pushed into choosing a technology/science career which would make her happy but not terrifically happy.
otoh, I'm sure you've got it all sorted out and its good that you can see those differences and acknowledge them.
And I'm not sure I'd want to guide my daughter in a particular career, but I'd like to guide her about HOW to choose good work that would interest and excite her.
n!
- lumi
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Each child is imbued with his or her own set of talents even though they were knit from our DNA. The beauty of education in America is that you can study and be whatever you want to be and don't have to have a predetermined idea of what it is you want to do in school before you get there.
Encourage your daughter to take as many different kinds of classes as possible. Obviously there is a need to have a solid foundation in math, science, and writing. The balance of her courses should be left up to her. There's nothing wrong with being a non-technically oriented professional. If she has a passion and talent to do something it should be cultivated.
Mini-me is a budding environmentalist but has a gifted eye behind the camera, plays the violin with joy, and could out draw me by the time she was five. I'm proud of her for pursuing her interests and talents.
General Note: I never said there was anything wrong with being a non-technically oriented person. I would encourage her in any profession she took up sincerely. I was just talking about my own feelings. I do understand about kids picking up on our unspoken disappointment but I am trying to avoid that with open communication. At least, if she feels I am disappointed about something, she will come and ask me why. I am sure of that. I think! :P
Quite a variety of comments, na?
ReplyDeleteDo I need my kids to validate our choice of profession? I don't think so.
I studied to become a techie, but I didn't have an inclination to go to a techical job, so I did a variety of things in the IT field and at last settled on something I liked. I think that no matter what kind of a profession you are in, it is possible to change track with planning and preparation.
Actually, I don't want the kids to decide to take up a career that they'd not want to be in. But even if it did happen, all is not lost. Yes, they'd have wasted precious years, but it is ok as long as they realise their calling and salvage their situation. And they'll have their parents' support, financially and emotionally.
I wholeheartedly agree with every word you said! Specially about changing tracks with planning and preparation. But you know, sometimes that takes up a good chunk of your younger years. It happened to me. And now, when most of my classmates are in senior positions, I am still starting out in a field that I like. They have a good 15 years over me.
ReplyDeleteTotally. That was one point that I bounced off my head. You lose precious years, but that is the price we have to pay. That is why I don't want the kids to up a career that they'd not want to be in. But end of the day, it is worth it, isn't it? You are not stuck with the job that you don't like.
ReplyDeleteI don't know Subha. I didn't miss years in building a career because I voluntarily took time off for kids. I lost it because I was forced to sit it out for false family pride. There is a whole lotta difference (and material for another post) and SO not related to this post :) But yes - it is always worth all the time and trouble once you find a career you enjoy.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your posts, I realize how well thoughtout your actions are and how adhoc my parenting is going for last year. Can I ever be such a concious parents? Dont know...may be I will, when N is as old as S. BTW do you think that your experience in bringing up S makes you a better parent for M?
ReplyDeleteNC: I think my experience with S makes me a DIFFERENT parent with M. Can't say anything about better. I am still diligently saving for therapy for BOTH the girls!
ReplyDeleteI would be OK with whatever he chose, Cee, so long as he supported himself.
ReplyDeleteAs long as he can earn his living in a lawful manner, I dont care if he becomes a janitor.
ReplyDeleteawesome posts, both this and the one that led to it.
ReplyDeleteand agree with your views re the american education system.
Sue: I agree. I'll be OK too. But wanting them to do something and accepting what they do are different, nahi? It's not even about "wanting" them to do something. For me it s just about having that link. And that too, I clearly realize, is only in my head.
ReplyDeleteKiran: Now there is one clause you added that I am not too sure about. Yes, I'd be fine with whatever she chooses as a career. But if she chooses a career that isn't enough to sustain her (like being a janitor), I'd care. I think all of us would care. It is not about the career itself - not at least to me. But I am bringing up my children in relative comfort. I'd like for them to be able to support themselves to that extent at least. For that I am willing to provide them with a good education. After that if they end up in a dead end job that doesn't provide enough, I'd care. I might even get mad. But I don't believe in supporting my children once they are old enough to earn a living, so I am sure I won't be supplying them with the extra dosh to provide the comforts that they are used to. That is why I care now. I'd even care then and push them to improve their skill set and find another job. I'll pay for further education if I can afford it, but I would never support them if they didn't have a job or had a job that couldn't sustain them. I know I am rambling. This is another post worthy topic that I can't do justice to in a comment.
Choxbox: Thanks! I recently found out that S is getting a better deal at the public school she attends than a friend's kids who attend a private school. S has smaller class size and more extra curricular activities provided by the school system at no or very low costs. The private school that my friend's kids go to has an almost 1.5 times larger class size and is doing away with many activities like music and gym as cost cutting measures.
Cee, I think Kiran and I are speaking from a similar point of view. I mean, we've gone through wondering if somebody very dear to us will never be able to have a career at all. After that, anything at all, even a lower-paying job which wouldn't keep him in the style in which he was brought up looks good. After all, he's working!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would love for Rahul to be a lawyer or a doctor or some such settled, conventional job, but I'm genuinely comfortable with having no opinion on this at all. I may just argue when he decides what he wants to do. But given that both Vicky and I have been quite unorthodox in our respective careers, it would be hypocritical of me to expect him to consider my wishes when I never considered my parents'!