Raising two girls, and a muddle of other thoughts

I wanted my first-born to be a girl. I was very clear about the reasons too - I had seen that women who were first-born (including me) were more independent and more confident. While women who had older brothers were kind of dependent and not that confident about their abilities to survive alone. I can count at least 5 examples of each kind just among close friends and family. Sure there are exceptions, but this is what I have generally observed. Of course it might be my own perceptions that have tainted my view in these matters. It might be a coincidence that I know enough women who fall in both categories or maybe due to the fact that older brothers are protective of their little sisters and hence the girls grow up in their brothers' shadow. And I am not saying one scenario is any better then the other - I just wanted my daughter to be like me. Independent and confident. And there was an added element of the rebel in me wanting to dash the ego of certain members in the family who were confident that the first-born in the Kay family is always a boy :P

I was not very particular about the second one either. A boy would be good, but so would a girl. I actually felt like the person who hasn't had any sleep for 6 days and when he finally gets to sleep, he doesn't care if he is sleeping on a silk sheet or a soft, 850-count Egyptian cotton sheet. I was so starved for a second child that I had absolutley no preference. I and J talked about it once during my pregnancy and both agreed that it would be a nice experience to have a boy this time but a girl would be equally loved and cherished. And now I look at M and cannot even imagine how this family would have looked if she had been a boy. Not too different, I think. But I do feel a twinge of regret. Now I can't show my friends that I would have taught a son to cook and clean. That a son can be as sensitive and caring as a daughter. That a son would listen to me as much as my daughter does - not because of his gender, but because I would raise him that way. All wrong reasons to want a son, I know :P On the other hand, I can show them that I am really happy to have a second daughter. That I am not mourning the birth of a second girl. And that two daughters complete a family as well as a daughter and a son or two sons would. Also, I firmly believe -

"My son's my son, till he got him a wife

My daughter's my daughter all her life"

Don't remember who said that, and couldn't find them on Google either. But these sure are some words of wisdom!

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, there is this 19th century thinking lurking that my daughters would have to leave me when they get married. But then I come back to reality. My parents have a son, but he lives in another state because of his work. J is away from his parents because of his work. In today's times, with the world becoming a global village, people are moving oceans away for work. There is no guarantee that your sons will stay with you when they grow up. And with time, the social taboos of living with a daughter are crumbling - so there is a high possibility that your daughter and son-in-law could come to live with you. Actually, I have already started my evil planning for this :D A few days ago I told S that when she gets married, she and her husband should come live with us.

But I am telling you - this parenting is a heartbreaking business. You invest everything you have - money, emotions, heart, mind - in bringing up your kids. These kids grow up, find someone they love, find a job, get lives of their own. Sure they love you, but they have lives of their own. That is the circle of life. And you are left behind with just memories. Even if you are lucky enough to have your kids close to you, they still are seperate entities now and no longer just an extension of you. How does one get used to that?