If there were no consequences

to anything that we do, what would you do?

We all work (most of the times) within the parameters set by the real or perceived consequences of our actions. When we, intentionally or unintentionally, do things without considering the consequences, we face them. Eventually. That, I believe, also works as an effective parenting technique. What better way to teach your child to heed the consequences of their actions than to let them have a brush with a few unpleasant ones?

S once forgot to bring her homework to school despite a few reminders from me. The next day I got a call from her class teacher, asking me to verify that she had indeed, as she was insisting, done her work. I verified that and then requested the teacher to still go ahead and implement the standard consequence for missing homework - make S do the homework in class by making her miss recess. This happened when S was in first grade. She is in eighth grade now and reminding her to take her homework or projects to school is NOT one of my responsibilities. She remembers it herself.

So, coming back to the original question. If you could do anything without having to face any consequences, what would you do? Me? I think it will be pretty meaningless to do anything then. We do things because they carry consequences - pleasant ones. We refrain from doing things that carry unpleasant consequences. But I don't think anyone likes to do anything that doesn't carry any - those are called meaningless tasks, aren't they?

Okay, let's assume we are only eliminating the unpleasant consequences. What would you do then? I can think of a few things right away that I would do. No, murder is not one of them. I don't hate anyone enough to murder them. Not anymore anyway. But then I pause and think again - even if there weren't any (unpleasant) consequences tied to my actions, would I take advantage of that? I would still know what I'd done and that it is wrong (remember, we are talking about removing unpleasant consequences so it must mean that the actions preceding them are wrong). That would be enough to deter me because I do not like not liking myself.

Anyway, I think the mark of an honorable man (and woman) lies in how he/she behaves even in absence of negative consequences. Now, I don't claim to be honorable (though I try to be), but I do think living this way is also easy on one's conscience. Now THAT is something I like!

What about you?

(Note: Cross-posted here)

A-less

Ernest Vincent Wright, I'm told, wrote one 50,000 word novel without using the letter "e". Impressive, huh? I've decided to try to write 26 posts - every one without one specific letter of the English letter set, going in sequence from beginning to end. Just curious - did you notice so long I've not used the first letter of the "English Letter set"? (Yes I'm permitted to devise my own words or descriptions if I come up short on synonyms)

So, this will be interesting. I wonder how long I'll keep going before I stumble into some letter which I decidedly couldn't do without. E? Some other vowel? I wonder. I'm sure it will be some vowel which will get the better of me. Let's see. Bring it on!! (Obviously I've tons of time but not enough things to do)

Bragging rights!

The much eagerly awaited book written by a talented writer and a dear friend, Kiran Manral, is finally out and on the bookshelves. Go get it!! I get the bragging rights because I NOW KNOW A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!! I haven't been able to get my hands on the book yet but that will be soon rectified. In the meanwhile YOU get the book and tell me how you like it. Go on.

It is available on Flipkart here.

To learn more about the book, visit Kiran's website. 

To learn more about Kiran, visit her many blogs (start from here). This woman simply amazes me. Her drive, her determination is something I can only aspire to. 

Who says you can't go home?

Who says you can't go home? (God, I LOVE that song!!!)

I did. And I had a blast. Met friends and family. Got over a few grudges. Found peace of mind in a few matters. Got sick like a dying dog. Traveled. Learned a few things. Unlearned a few things.

One thing I learned is that "alone" doesn't quite mean alone. When I told people I was traveling alone, the next question out of their mouths used to be "With the kids?" Amazing!! People either don't listen or their idea of a woman traveling alone is that of a woman traveling alone (as in without her husband) with her kids. I am still trying to wrap my head around this.

Some people expressed worry at me leaving my kids "alone" - apparently having their own dad there with them does not count as able supervision. I am still trying to decide if I should take it as an insult over considering my husband incapable of taking care of his own children or just chalk it up to their ignorance. A few women expressed their envy at me being able to do it, and that made me feel sad for those who can not even consider this option, even if a family emergency were to arise.

I found that the two cities that I always visit on my trips to India - Jodhpur and Indore, were cleaner this time. Perhaps due to the government's ban on plastic bags. No more plastic waste, wrapped around all sorts of "other" waste flapping around on the streets. The traffic seemed saner in Indore too - but maybe that was only due to my own limited exposure to it. I was in the city for a mere 2.5 days.

I met a bunch of highschool classmates in Jodhpur. We had a 23-year reunion. 15 of us made it, 3 of us alone and the rest with families. It was wonderful to see how all of us have changed and grown and also to meet the spouses and kids. I particularly appreciated the spouses who made it to the reunion. J had one for his high school last year and if I could go (I couldn't - didn't have enough vacation time) I probably would have opted out. I am kinda shy and uncomfortable in gatherings where I don't know most of the people. That is really strange because I don't have problems making friends with strangers - I am just uncomfortable in gatherings.

I also benefited from the motherly hovering, caring and pampering that my mom bestowed on me :) This is exactly what I had been missing, and wishing for. The last few years haven't exactly been easy on me and I had been grappling with a lot of self-doubt and angst. This trip resolved a lot of that. Being with my mother eased some of the hurt that had crept in seeing her feel miserable and lonely in my home when she visited us last in 2010. She'd had to cut her visit short due to the loneliness and I took it as a personal failure, somehow. I just wish I could have spent more time with her in Jodhpur. She flew to Delhi to see me off back to US but I couldn't really spend much time with her that day as I was sick and spent most of the day sleeping. My youngest aunt came to Jodhpur to meet me as well, and so did my maternal uncle and aunt and one of their daughters with her son. I was moved that so many people considered it worth their time and effort to come meet me after traveling for hours.

Next stop was Hyderabad where I met The Ro, The Maggie, The Sue and The Dipali. The K and The EvesLungs were supposed to join us too but K cancelled early on during the planning phase due to some clashing family plans and EL had to change plans at the last minute. Both were tremendously missed. The 2 days that I spent in Hyderabad were wonderful despite the cough and the fever that I developed on my way there from Jodhpur. Ro and her husband, Jai, are awesome hosts. And don't believe Ro when she complains about her "brats" - I didn't see better behaved kids on my entire trip that took me through 5 cities and 7 airports (a couple of them multiple times).

I bought my anniversary gift from J in Hyderabad - two pearl sets! I didn't do much shopping - most of everything that I brought back from India was gifted to me. All I had to do was pay the extra baggage fee at EVERY. SINGLE. PORT!! But the new and improved me didn't mind the extra fee or the overweight baggage - instead I loved my friends and family for the love they showed me.

Next I visited my brother and his wife in Pune. 2.5 days again. 2.5 days full of rest, relaxation, shopping, chatting, laughing, arguing - something I hadn't done with them in a long, LONG time. This probably was the most memorable part of my trip - made me realize how much I had been missing my brother. He was my first "best friend" - someone I could share everything and anything with. I was glad to find out that things are still the same. We went out for coffee and I ended up spilling my emotions in front of him about a lot of things that had been bothering me for some time. And a few tears. He is still one of VERY FEW people I can cry in front of. He took it all like he always has - with patience and understanding like only a best friend could. Bonded with my sister in law over cups of tea and her reprimands to my brother about taking better care of me while I was visiting them :) She is another perfect hostess who makes sure you are comfortable in her home without making you feel awkward about the care being dispensed. And she has decorated her home beautifully!!

From Pune I went to Indore to visit my in-laws for 2.5 days. Turned out to be the best trip I have ever had to Indore. No pressure, easy conversations, fun and laughter. Lots of love from my nephew and niece. A lot of pampering from my brother in law and his wife. Some happy conversations with my father and mother in law. All in all, a happy trip. From there it was back to Delhi and then to US. I had been sick ever since I left Jodhpur but that did not stop me from enjoying myself. Towards the end though, my energy depleted and I almost crashed in Delhi. I managed to bring myself home despite an upset stomach, cough, fever and high blood pressure from all the travel related stress (and an inefficient medication - but more on that later).

So, you see, I did manage to go home and then come back to where my home is now.

How to confuse the heck out of your parents

M: Mommy, do you know what is the smallest number?
Me: No. What?
M: 1!
Me: How about 0? Isn't zero the smallest number? ( Did not want to confuse her with negative numbers)
M: No!
Me: Think about it. If you have 1 chocolate and I have 0, who has more chocolates?
M: (Thinks for a moment) Didi!!
Me: (not giving up) If you have one chocolate and didi has zero, who would have more chocolates?
M: (thinking harder) Daddy!
Me: How so?
M: I would want daddy to have 20 chocolates because then I can have all his chocolates!

Who can refute that logic??!

'sup?!

I know I have been AWOL. For a very long time. I tried convincing myself that it was okay because, really! Who really reads my blog anymore? I tried telling myself that I really write only for myself - and that IS true. I am not catering to the readers of my blog. I don't mean that as an insult - all I mean is that I write what I want to write about and do not worry about what will "sell". Maybe I could write on topics that generate discussion to get more readership.

Well, coming back to the topic - I tried telling myself that no one is really reading my blog. But every time I visit my own blog, I see the follower count stuck at 44. I come in expecting to see it going down steadily but am amazed to see it at the same number every time. And that has started making me feel guilty about not posting. So here I am with an update on what's going on with me :)

S turned 13 this year. She has grown taller than me. She is getting better and better at playing her violin and at gymnastics. And she will be going to high school next year. That last bit is giving me panic attacks, but that is not the only thing causing panic. I have gone back to school too. For years I waited to either save enough money to get a MBA degree or to find a company that would help me pay for it. Well, finally I got hired at a company that provides tuition assistance to its employees. I started this fall. Also took the GMAT and stressed out terribly over it, scored a 680 after studying for about a week, submitted my score, transcripts, personal essay and references and waited with bated breath for a decision from the admission committee. Received the acceptance letter two days ago. PHEW!!

M is four and a half now. FOUR AND A HALF!!!! How long has it been since I posted ANY updates on her? I don't remember when I posted about her last. I know that is terrible but I couldn't really do anything about it. Life was just a whirlwind of family visits, get-togethers with friends, school, work and...  well, life.

So that's it. How have you all been? I hope to be more regular here but I don't really know what I will be writing about. Maybe you guys could help me out? Leave me post suggestions in the comments if you can spare a few minutes for that.

Oh and one final update - I have started contributing parenting articles at Mom & Me. Please do visit and check my posts out. I will be posting an article every week (well, hopefully). I do sincerely want to get regular with posting there, Women's Web, Stage of Life and on this blog. Lets hope it works out in addition to school, work, family and our busy social calendar.

Au Revoir

We’ve known each other for a long time. You and I, we met in 1999 for the first time. We kind of broke up a number of times, when I tried other relationships, but we always got back together each time. Every time I went out with someone else, I found out that there was no one, NO ONE, who I could depend on or whom I could trust as much as I did you. And then, around 2003-04 we drifted away from each other and I thought we’d never see each other again but then life brought us back together and we hooked up again in 2007. Our relationship has been going strong since then.

We've met every day, multiple times a day. You have always taken care of things for me, you are dependable, and you’re someone I can trust. Someone I can trust to take care of my life’s messes. In all this time I’ve known you, you have changed quite a bit. You have changed yourself a lot for me. And I appreciate that. In every form you have been equally reliable and dependable.

But honey, I am really sorry – our relationship must come to an end now. It’s time we said au revoir to each other. It’s time we went our separate ways. I’m sure you’ll find someone else, whom you could protect and take care of like you have always done for me. Maybe you will help them as much as you have helped me. I will always remember you, I will miss you. But honey I don’t think we can be together anymore because, you see, I have outgrown our relationship. M is completely toilet trained now.

My dear Pampers, as much as I love you, I don’t think I need you anymore. I wish you all the best and I take with me, in my heart, the fond memories that we have had together, of the times when you cleaned up the messes. Or held them in!

Love ya.

Yours lovingly,

Cee

Demand and supply

Me: M, how much do you love me?
M: (with wide eyes and a BIG smile) 20 million!!
Me: Really?? Then you have to give me 20 million kisses RIGHT NOW!!
M: You know what? Today I love you only one million.
Runs away.

But you said...

“But you said…”

“Yes, I know. But things have changed”

“But you promised!”

“I know darling! But, you know, things are different now”

“All I know is that you PROMISED!”

“Listen, I… See. I can’t, anymore…”

“I thought you’d keep your word”

“I always do. It’s just…”

“No you don’t! You aren’t keeping it NOW!”

“You HAVE to understand. Please understand”

“I understand. But still, you promised. Wasn’t it you who taught me to 

Say what I mean and mean what I say?”

“Yes, and now I want you to

Do as I say and not as I do!”

Hop over!

My latest post at Women's Web is up.

An excerpt:

I am 40. It took me this many years to learn to stand up for myself.  And even now, I am not fully there yet. I still, sometimes, need to remind myself to think of “me” instead of the other person. My first reaction is still to blame myself if I get in a conflict with someone. I am still too timid to speak up about what I want or things that bother me. And when I catch myself doing that, I wonder why it is so? Why is it easy for men to say “Well, he/she is an a-hole” when they get in a conflict while women say “I must have done or said something to elicit that response from him/her”?

What is it that makes us this way? Our upbringing? Maybe. Our inherent nature? I doubt that. Social conditioning? YES! I cannot remember the number of times I have been told by one particular female relative that, being a woman, it is my supreme duty to a) tolerate everything, b) put others first, c) keep my mouth shut. You subject a woman to years of that sermon, along with taking her independence away by forbidding her from working, making her financially dependent and telling her all the time that she is good only because you are good to her (which implies no matter what she does, her efforts can never be exceptional or applaud-worthy) and what do you get? A broken woman who think she is good for nothing. A woman who takes years to realize that she got the jobs that she got (when she finally went out to work) because she was wanted for her skills and not because the employers were out to do charity.

Kids and Social Networking (Cross posted at Stage of Life website)

Note: This has been cross-posted at Stage of Life.

My "protective mother" instinct rears its head as soon as I hear about a preteen being on Facebook. I can't stop myself from expressing my opinions on the topic, knowing fully well that I am NOT the keeper of other people's kids. Their house, their rules. But it grates on me to see how some parents are either unaware of the potential harm of letting their child go unsupervised on the Internet or are too confident that their child is somehow capable of skirting all danger and is, unlike other kids his/her age, is super responsible.

My main concern is two-fold. One, the kids are clearly underage according to FaceBook's written policy on minimum age for members (13 years). This means they will have to lie about their age to open a Facebook account. Which, in turn, means the parents are either encouraging the lying or ignoring it. Both options don't seem too good to me. Where will they stop then? How will they explain to their kids that some lying is okay but otherwise one should never lie?

Two, one can control what they put on their Facebook wall, but they cannot control what others will put on theirs. This increases the risk of a child coming across age-inappropriate material. I once followed a link to a page on violence against women. Some images there shook me and left me unsettled for days. I am 40. How can I expect my 12 year old daughter or 9 year old niece to not be affected by such images?

Granted I cannot protect my kids from every single harm out there but I can at least try! Maybe I am being too conservative but I feel given the form Facebook is taking (one can create pages and groups for anything), there is a high chance that a child will be exposed to inappropriate material.

In addition to all this, how can we guarantee that all the people our kids "friend" on Facebook are actually kids their age or responsible adults? How do we guarantee that one of them is not a pedophile masquerading as a 14 year old cool boy? We have heard enough stories about kids who made online friends and then fell into harm's way when a "friend" lured them someplace and turned out not to be who the kids expected them to be.

I am a big proponent of not suffocating kids with our caution and rules. I strongly believe that parental control must be relaxed gradually as our children grow older. I believe doing so teaches our kids to be responsible and alert for their own safety. But I am also a staunch believer of age-appropriateness of things and I don't think FaceBook, or any other social networking site, that lets adults and kids mingle anonymously (if they so choose) is a good idea for very young kids. Most times, these kids spend unsupervised time on FaceBook/internet.

What do you think? Am I being over-protective or too conservative? What age did you allow your kids to open a Facebook account? Or what age will you allow it at? What age did your kids get their first email IDs. What measures did you take to let them have some freedom but to keep an eye on things at the same time?

Most importantly, how much privacy do you think young kids are entitled to? Facebook and other social networking sites aren't the only danger our kids face online. It is, in fact, a matter of their "online habits" (if you will, for lack of a better term) in general that we need to be more aware of. What safe internet-browsing practices do you have your kids follow? How much control do you exercise on their online activity and how and when will you relax that control?

The day mommy was left speechless

M: Mommy, why do we have fingers?

Me: To grab things, to tickle someone.

M: Why do we have hands?

Me: To garb things, to grab mommies and daddies and big sisters.

M: Why do we have arms?

Me: To hug mommies, daddies and sisters.

M: And brothers?
Me: Yes. And grandparents and friends.

M: And BOYS!

Me: ................................

CSAAM April 2011 - empowering the children

It is pretty surprising that despite having undergone several sexual harassment/ molestation incidents throughout my childhood and young adulthood I have ended up being fairly scar-free of those emotional traumas. I don't know how or why. I definitely had my parents’ unspoken support and that gave me strength. And I read books and articles on the matter like crazy – they made me realize that it was not my fault. But it was brutal going through all that starting from a very young age of (perhaps) 3 and a half or four years. My first memory of such an incident is not visual. It is more related to sounds and touches. The molester was a teenage girl (or probably in her early 20s).

From then on, I was fair game like every other girl in India is, to these beasts. I have lost count of the number of times I was harassed on the streets, molested by people I (or my parents) trusted AND the number of years I believed that all this happened to me because I was promiscuous. I do, still, remember the shame I felt, the fear and the frustration that gripped me and the rage that shook me every time something like this happened. What’s worse was that I had NO ONE to talk to, about all this. The few times I did have to ask for other people's help, I was chastised for having brought it upon myself (never by my parents though).

One incident that stands out in my mind is from when I was 9 or 10, in 5th grade. A family friend's son had moved in with us because his family had to move to some other town and he was waiting for a room to become available in his college's hostel. One day he called me to his room to show me something. I don't remember what it was but while I was looking at it, he placed me in his lap and started grinding himself into me. I ran away from there at the first opportunity I could find. All this happened while my mom was in the next room. I told her what happened and within a few days he was gone. This unspoken support gave me strength but I feel it would have helped me greatly if my mom had talked to me about it, explained how it was not my fault. So, even though my parents showed their support for me by their actions, I grew up believing that every such thing that happened to me happened only because I somehow brought it on myself.

These molesters can be anywhere. I remember how a close friend of my dad, would squeeze my breasts every time he came over (which was often). I was probably 9 at that time. He was bold enough to do it unobtrusively, right in the presence of my parents! I am sure he got that confidence from the fact that the Indian society does not believe in talking about these things openly. So he was confident that the shame and guilt will keep me quiet. It did. I was fortunate that this, and almost all other incidents, didn’t escalate into more serious sexual abuse. Maybe my parents noticed it and avoided situations that could result in a terrible situation but it would definitely have helped if they had also talked to me about it - would have saved me from years of angst and guilt.

These experiences taught me never to trust anyone and never to ask for help. To this day, even though I have overcome the shame, the fear and the frustration, I still cannot bring myself to trust anyone fully. And it still isn't easy for me to ask for help. Small price to pay for being scar-free, I think.

Thankfully, it hasn't made me a paranoid parent. Yes, I worry about my girls' safety, and I am not naive about the dangers lurking out there. But I refuse to let that fear make me restrict them to the point of suffocation. S goes on sleepovers and stays overnight at our friends' places. I am slowly encouraging her to step out on her own and find her footing. I'll be there if she needs help but I will NOT lead the way. I believe she will gain tremendous confidence from finding her own way with me and J by her side, like I did with my parents' help.

These experiences have taught me the importance of keeping an open communication channel with my daughters. I keep the conversation going about how to recognize the signs of sexual harassment, how one should trust their gut instinct in such matters and how it is NOT THE VICTIM'S FAULT. Not even if the victim were dressed in inappropriate clothing.

This last one originated from a comment my older daughter, S, made when I broached this subject right before she left for an overnight field trip. As I explained to her how she should trust her gut instincts and tackle such situations, and how it is NEVER the girl's fault if she is harassed or molested, she turned to me and said "unless she is wearing really inappropriate clothing, right?" I was gobsmacked!! I have NEVER expressed this opinion. I don't subscribe to it. I don't know where or whom she picked it from. But I am glad she mentioned it because then I got a chance to correct her.

I explained to her that even if a girl is dressed highly inappropriately, even if she is running around naked, it is NOT right for anyone to molest her. It would be just like taking, say, a purse from Macy's display just because no one is looking and the purse is very pretty and within easy reach. The law won't excuse you for that. Similarly how can it be okay for someone to harass a woman just because she is within easy reach or an easy target? That is the problem with this entire situation - we (as a society) tend to blame the woman for "inviting it upon herself" instead of blaming the man for not being able to control his animal urges. Isn't that what being an adult (and a civilized being) all about? Controlling urges that could harm others? Why not expect the men to control themselves? Why do we let men off so easily?

I hope S understood what I was trying to say. I hope these conversations help her in some way because I can only imagine how they could have helped me get over the guilt I felt almost my entire childhood. And I hope I can keep these communication channels open to help make my daughters strong enough to deal with such situations.

I know I cannot protect my daughters forever. But I can empower them to handle all kinds of situations. I can remind them, again and again, that they can come to me and their dad if they need help or support. And I will educate them on the matter so they go out in the big, bad world with their eyes and ears open.

We all need to talk about CSA more. Not talking about it openly sends a message to our kids that it is something shameful if you are a victim of it. We need to place the shame where it belongs – on the abuser. We need to create an environment in our homes that will encourage our kids to come talk to us instead of wallowing in shame or hurt. Almost always, abusers get away with their deeds just because the victims stay quiet out of shame or confusion. If we remove the barrier to the victims’ free speech, it will take away the cloak of security from the abuser. THAT is what will empower the children.

Midlife crisis

I have been feeling a disconnect from everything I cherish in my life. I feel I just go through motions to get through the day, week, month. Have been feeling this way for some time now. Is this midlife crisis? If it is, then it is going to be a long one - because I don't think I am middle aged yet.

This is not fair though. Men get to have affairs and buy motorcycles and women get hot flashes and begin brooding over life's bigger questions? 

CSAAM April 2011 - A great initiative

Child Sexual Abuse is usually swept under the carpet as something too dirty to talk about. The result? Many, many people (myself included) who go through their childhood believing whatever happened to them was their fault. 

A group of bloggers started an initiative to spread awareness about Child Sexual Abuse during the month of April. What happens, how it happens, what can be done to help the victims and to empower the children so they are never victims - everything and anything that can help spread awareness is being covered under this initiative. Do check out their website. Follow them on Twitter or "Like" them on Facebook. Contribute, participate. Spread awareness. 

Grief MUST be followed by joy

Just when I was trying to get over my pain, my friend Dottie, who is more like a sister, was working hard at bringing my much awaited nephew into this world :)

Chip #2, Dot's Bun, Bund(o)t (since Dot loves to bake) is here. Welcome little one! You have brought much joy to a bunch of women who were on pins and needles while you were making you way to this world. We love you, we send our blessings to you and we hope to meet you some day while you are still a squishy little bundle smelling of baby powder and milk (at least I do!).

You came on the day when I was wallowing deep in self-pity, grieving my dad and trying my best to shake off the blues. Your dad, my "best fraand", (Hey BigGeek!!) called me to give me the news and, suddenly, everything started falling right back in place.

I didn't realize it then, but you are my harbinger of spring.

WELCOME LITTLE ONE!!

Is there an app for that?

You ever been in a situation where grief just piled up inside you and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't find the release button? Where the frustration is so bad you want to cry, and a good cry is exactly what you need, but the tears just won't come?

I'm there.

Ma's birthday is coming up and such occasions just make me miss Pa with an intensity that won't fit any scales. I become a confused jumble of thoughts and emotions. That's where I am. Been trying hard to get away from it. I generally have a hard time crying. And I have a hard time crying in front of others. That has been the main problem so far - I can't find a quiet place to sit with my thoughts and have a good cry. Where does one go for that? Is there an app for that? Let me know.

New post on Women's Web

Note: All is well with the link. It was my office computer's browser that was acting up. *sheepish grin*

I grew up hearing the phrase "aajkal ke bachchey..." (kids these days...). Our parents said it whenever we did something that they were not allowed to do when they were our age. They couldn't talk back to their elders - they got whacked if they did. They didn't talk so much. They listened to their parents. And so on...

I hear the same refrain now, about the new generation - our kids. The "new generation" is fast, they are arrogant, more mature/obnoxious etc. Each generation of parents thinks their kids' generation is getting off easier in discipline matters than they ever did. And I cringe at the phrase "kids today..." I mean - really? Is it only the kids of today's generation? How did they learn all the things, behaviors and attitudes that we moan about, if not from us directly or indirectly? We either teach them these behaviors orpermit them to behave this way. I once wrote "Kids might not always behave the way their parents want them to, but they will ALWAYS behave the way they are allowed to." I still maintain that this is absolutely true.

Read the complete post here

I am not that mother!

Just posted an article on Women's Web. Do check it out. Excerpt below.

I have been watching the furore that Amy Chua's article created in the last month or so. And been trying to decide where I stand on the issue. I see Amy's point in pushing the children for their own good but her own admission of how (much) she pushed her kids left me bewildered. But immediately after reading her article, I read a couple more articles on the topic and one of them mentioned that this article of Amy's is just an excerpt from her book, "The battle hymn of a tiger mother" and that WSJ presented it in the entirely wrong light. I understand it was a tactic on WSJ's behalf, to publicize the book.

What amazed me is our reaction to this article. Many people criticized Amy (understandable), wrote posts about their own parenting style (again, understandable), compared her parenting to their own, establishing the superiority of their own methods (I have to accept - I had the urge too). I am amazed at the insecurity this article has brought out in all of us. Am I as bad a parent as Amy Chua? Are my kids as suppressed as hers? I could almost hear everyone asking themselves these questions. I could remember at least one "Amy-ish" incident which still makes me cringe whenever I think about what kind of a parent I used to be.


 Read more here.

Check it out!

I have started contributing posts to Women's Web as a guest blogger. I won't be copying those posts here, just their links. Do check out my first post there.

I have also started contributing at Stage of Life as a featured blogger. So far I have only reposted one of my old posts there but I am working on a new one too. Check the site out - it has some great resources!