I really like to cook. Cooking is my stress-buster. And I really, really like to entertain. And I like you. Otherwise we wouldn't be inviting you, would we? So, please PLEASE stop doing this - "I will bring idlis for everyone. No? Or I can bring just the batter and you can make the idlis. No? OK, then Vadas. No to that too? Okay, how about sambhar? No? Then I MUST bring the sabudana snack I brought to M's party last time. Everyone loved it!"
I know you are trying to be a considerate guest. But please do take a moment to think - if I am saying no to every offer of yours then wouldn't it be the most considerate to stop insisting? And if you are doing this to showcase your own culinary skills, then it will be best that YOU invite US!
Oh, and next time I call to invite you, PLEASE don't say "Don't invite us now. Now is not the right time for you to have guests over. You need some rest". Let's pretend I know when I need rest and when I need company. Okay? Okay!!
Also, it just occurred to me - for the Love of God, please DON'T start cleaning right after dinner. My husband and I would really like to be able to chat with you over a cup of coffee or a tall glass of cold coffee with icecream. No, really! I prefer chatting over coffee to chatting over the sink. AND I am quite particular about how the dishes are piled in the sink, or which containers the left-overs are emptied into. And I am quite a traditionalist when it comes to entertaining. I DON'T want my guests to work. And I would ask for help if I needed it. Honest! Besides, that chunk of ear you see in that jar over the kitchen sink? That belonged to the last guest who "insisted" on helping me clean up. Just kidding!! But you know, every time a guest like you heaps their "help" on me, they are pushing me really close to doing that! Just a friendly reminder, nothing else :D
I would so SO love to see you this Saturday. Come hungry!
Lots of love,
Cee
Heheh... :D
ReplyDeleteCouldnt have said it better!! :-) Thanks for this post! I shall email you & tell you why...
ReplyDeletePriay: LOL! Waiting EAGERLY for your email :)
ReplyDeleteHi Subha!!!! Long time, no see!
hehehhe. You so are my kind of a host. I am kinda the opposite. I dont like to cook. But do offer to bring a dish/ clean up once. If the host says no, I just leave it.
ReplyDeleteI also like the dished to be piled just so. So everyone else just has to bugger off.
lol!!! well said. Can I come? and I promise not to 'help' :-) and promise to thoroughly enjoy your cooking and company!!
ReplyDelete:) When are you inviting me for dinner?!!! Please invite me. I need some people like you who could invite me right now.
ReplyDeletei also be wanting invite for dinner!!!!
ReplyDeleteand btw... same rules apply if and when u come over! :D
loved the post!
You really don't need help? I don't mind if someone helps me with the dishes .... not that I expect them to help. Infact I will insist they not do any dishes, but if they insist, then I don't mind using their help.
ReplyDeleteHave me over one day! I promise to bring nothing other than a big smile, a huge appetite and lots of chatter :D .
ReplyDelete*Falls at Cee's feet... *
ReplyDeleteaap toh bhagwan hain!!! let me post your letter out to various people!
ROTFL!
ReplyDeleteCee, I'd never push my cooking on unsuspecting folks but I swear if you try to chop off my ear for trying to help you stack dishes, I will bean you with the leftovers.
I do hope I can visit you some day. I'm convinced your cooking will be totally worth the OCD. Muah!
Wow.. you are perfect host and I will be your perfect guest ;)
ReplyDeletegosh if i lived in ur town, i'd be over every day!!! like La Vida said, u're SOOOOOOO my kind of host!!! hehe
ReplyDeleteHey, I've been dropping by every now and then. You wonly didn't post. Ok?
ReplyDeletePoor unsuspecting guest. Don't I know you are the only person who can harrass a guest with your hospitality!
*walks off laughing, shaking head*
I am so with you on this one. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteSome people are just really dense and don't get what you are trying to tell them. Since you already know that this issue is a bit stressful try and control it to your advantage. When she asks if she can bring X,Y,Z tell her thank you for your offer, but I really need Q. She feels included and wanted, you get what you want, and nobody's feelings are hurt. As far as the jumping up after the meal to clean, just gently remind her to please sit down and enjoy the company and the dishes will wait patiently to be cleaned.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I rarely come as a guest to someone's house without bringing something. Usually I can intuit what is appropriate and if not I bring something benign like some pretty flowers, a tin of biscuits, or something like that. Mini-me and I went to lunch at a friend's house on Saturday. His wife made a traditional Japanese lunch and I parted with a little tin of green tea that I brought back from Sri Lanka. All of us enjoyed it.
I loved reading this post. But I must say you have to be really close to the person so that the person understands your feelings and not feel bad about not helping out.
ReplyDeleteInvite me - i'm the perfect guest :) shall only bring either flowers or wine, not offer to help and scoff down all the delish food as fast as I can. And can I send this post to anyone I invite over next?
ReplyDeleteStop inviting desis, CeeKay! It's the only way you're not going to get help :)
ReplyDeleteTagged !!
ReplyDeleteO how much I wish I could be a host like you.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew how to cook :D
La Vida Loca: That's all I ask for. Don't insist upon helping if I politely decline. I'll ask for help if I truly need it. I really do!
ReplyDeleteAP: Come on over. ANytime!!
NC: You are invited :) Come over.
Rayshma: You also been invited. Come on over! And I'd LOVE to come over and follow these rules :P
Pridera: Over time I have gotten really efficient. I really don't need any help. Especially not for the dishes! I have a dishwasher for that!
ReplyDeleteSuki: THAT is the kind of guests I love!
MadMomma: LOL!! Did you post it out to others? What did they say?
Sue: LOL! I am trembling with fear :D I would LOVE to have you over. I am sure you WILL visit me some day.
Kowsalya: What are you waiting for then? Come, come!
ReplyDeleteRoop: :D Drop in if you ever come this way. I promise I will pamper you!
Subha: Me?? Harrass a guest? No. You must have me confused with someone else. I am the most docile woman you could ever meet :D:D:D
Anonymous: Bitter memories/experiences, eh? :P
Lumi: Tried EVERYTHING (not with this guest, but some others). Didn't work :(( I do understand not wanting to go empty handed to someone's house. I don't either. And any guest bringing me flowers/wine instantly becomes my favorite (hint, hint :P:P:P) The gift idea of Green Tea sounds fab!!
ReplyDelete~nm: I think if one is NOT close, the insistence on helping makes matters more awkward. If I don't know someone well, I just make polite conversation, offer to help and if it is refused, I shut up and enjoy myself :)
BEV: Sure send it anyone you want. I wrote this post as a social service message ;) And come over ANYTIME! On one condition - you will be bringing those beautiful children of your with you.
A Muser: :D So you mean to say you are like this too?
CA: Thanks for the tag. I have it in my drafts. Will post it soon.
Iti: You don't have to know how to cook to be a good host(ess). What is take-out for? :P
ReplyDeleteI agree with you
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion you are not right. Write to me in PM, we will discuss.
ReplyDeleteAnon 1: Wish you'd leave your name. If only to prove that you are not the spammer who has been spamming this post of mine (and a few others) with nonsense comments :P
ReplyDeleteAnon 2: Why don't you write your reasons for not agreeing with me here? We can discuss it here itself. Frankly I think you ARE the spammer commenter who has been posting spam messages to this post of mine (and a few others) and you submitted this comment just to see if my blog has the policy to let all previously approved commentors pass without comment moderation. You were probably hoping that once this comment gets through, other comments from you will get through as well. Well, sorry to disappoint but that's not happening. If you genuinely have something to say about the post - positive or negative - you are welcome. Otherwise not.
I wish I could blow this up and hang it in my kitchen - or in the living room for the guys who send their wives in to "help". Pisses me off more than anything else - I bung the wives back out everytime, so now they come in themselves to try and do the dishes. I've warned them that he+his family will eat of paper plates next time!
ReplyDelete