So, after having sufficiently freaked out people with my previous post, with what S said and what my job situation looks like, I decided to take a break from blogging. Well, not "decided" as such - a break was forced upon me. By circumstances and my busy schedule.
Anyhoo. I decided I owed all the wonderful people, who left me comments and who called/emailed me after reading the previous post, an update.
S is not grounded any more. After reading Vinita and Dotthought's comments, I forwarded them to my husband and we decided to go with Vinita's suggestion and imposed a "30 minute violin practice" consequence on her. Anon's (n!) comment also helped me put things in perspective from S' side. So the practice requirement was not conveyed as a punishment but more as the consequence she needed to face for her action, along with lots of reassurances that we were/are not upset with her. And I am taking a day off on Monday to spend with her as per Desigirl's suggestion. Will take her out to the movies and lunch.
S and I have been writing in the journal (almost) regularly. Both of us look forward for the other to write in it. I even catch myself thinking of something from my childhood to put in there. She is getting an idea that all kids behave the way she did sometime or the other. I have explained to her that the most important part is what you do after you realize you made a mistake. If, after making a mistake, you keep repeating it, you are no better off than when you made the mistake the first time. But if you rectify your mistake and make sure not to repeat it, you have learned something from it. She still sometimes tells me she feels bad about it and every time I remind her "It happened, it is in the past, done and over with". I think that kind of reassures her.
As for "feel like killing myself" bit - a huge reassurance came to me from my mother in the form of an email. She wrote this -
I came to know about Mitthi's disappointment through your blog. Seems that she is going through some hormonal changes which are responsible for such feelings .Its a transitory phase and will be over soon ,but she needs special attention from both of you at present which you are providing without any dearth.I remember when you were the same age once in the night when i was lying besides you and talking to you affectionately you suddenly told me "mummy some times i feel like jumping in front of a car when i go to school '.And how worried i felt inside need not mention. But instantly i caressed you ,and made you realize that this act of your will shatter me and if you feel like this again pl. think of your ma and pa who won't and can't live without you .And after that i kept a secret watch on you and expressed my love and concern frequently.Afterwards you never uttered or felt like doing it again. This is an experience of a mother who so strongly loves her kids !Your careful handling of the situation will definitely lessen Mitthi's tensions .
So peeps, it runs in the family! The girls in this family are over-dramatic and will go to any lengths to get their parents' attention :D
just read both the posts... wow! really really admire u for the way u've handled the situation... really :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing about all these experiences Ceekay... it truly is a learning experience to other mommies like me.
ReplyDeleteI must ask you, at what age did S start her confessions? I love the open the relation you have established with S and am looking forward to the same with my daughters.
Awesome! nice of you to post a follow-up! it's great how you are being a friend and a mom at the same time!!
ReplyDeletewow! ck..i loved your mom's perpective. it does indeed run in the family!
ReplyDeleteWhew, that's a relief! But I guess it's important to recognize and attend to it as a cry for attention. *hugs* to you and mitthi.
ReplyDeletegood to read the situations and probable options to deal with them. you and S both behaved sanely.
ReplyDeleteaay jee ( A G )
Wow, Cee Kay, you awe me. Such clarity and maturity. I wish I grow up like that and handle my baby's problems when she grows up. Your mom's email was so touching.
ReplyDeleteYou drama queen, CK!
ReplyDeleteOh well, kids often feel ill-used, especially when they aren't!
I planned several times to run away from home/die of some dire illness/suicide etc., just so they'd realise how cruel they (my parents and big sister) were, and how miserable they'd be without me.
But at least you listen to your daughter and treat her with fundamental respect. Which will keep you both really close:)
God bless you all.
Can see that the awesome parenting runs in the family too!
ReplyDeleteSo it is all your fault, Cee, you melodramatic soul! I am glad u and hubby are so wonderfully looking to sort out the sitch with S. And chuffed to bits that an idea of mine is going to be put into action!! Have a FAB girlie day out on monday. And do not forget to let us all know how it went - with pix, if poss!
ReplyDeleteOkay. Am at peace now. Hugs to mommy and daughter.
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you the hormones sneak up on you in a major way when you have a girl. It does get better but I still get treated to the sulking, the sighs, the eye rolling, the dramatics, etc. Sometimes all you can do is hug her a little tighter and tell her it's going to be ok.
ReplyDeleteCeekay: Good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleten!
Ceekay, I just wanted to add that I'm sure your daughter is exposed to enough music in school and stuff but if you want to take her to more concerts that are not so stuffy, one really cool way is the University music programs. Normally, in the school year, the music department will put on informal, student-run concerts. They are usually free to the public. If you are in Norwalk, you should be close to Yale (I think)- I would check out their concert schedule (in the fall) if I were you - if you know someone there, you can get ready access to it.
ReplyDeleteI say this because I had a 10 year old son of our friends (he plays the flute) come to one of our informal flute concerts and he loved it! Its a great motivator for young students to see slightly older students playing the instrument and performing. And really, that was the way I kept up my music motivation when growing up (though concerts in Bombay were really quite few and far between!).
n!
linked u on my post
ReplyDeletehttp://itchingtowriteblogs.blogspot.com/2008/07/for-new-dads-dads-in-waiting.html
corrected the link
ReplyDeletejust thought i'd remind you that some of us are missing you.
ReplyDelete