Take the blinders off!!

Ever since I read this article in The Hindu , I have been itching to post my views on it. Or on the point of view expressed in it, to be more accurate. I found a link to this article on Indian HomeMaker's blog and she, as always, has written very well on it already. Normally, if I see someone else do such a great job of commenting on something (and if I know I cannot do a better job on it than them) I leave well enough alone. But this article just raised my hackles so much that I couldn't stop myself from commenting on it. Such a one-sided view of this issue is guaranteed to get a rise out of me every time. I wrote on this topic a little while ago as well here and here.  Do read Indian Home Maker's post too - it is more detailed and better composed.

Where do I begin? I have something to say to almost every line/ statement of the article. Some sentences start out on the right note then abruptly take the most absurd turn. 

Far too many people see things in only black or white. Pro-life means valuing life (I get that) but pro-choice means one WANTS to take lives?? Where does one get THAT interpretation from the word? Pro-choice means just that - someone who favors the option of giving a woman the choice instead of making the decision for her. Who says the woman WILL choose to take the life she is carrying? Maybe she will decide to keep the baby. At least the decision will be hers and she will be more at peace with what follows.

Similarly, the debate of Stay-at-home-mom vs. Work-out-of-home mom seems starkly black and white in some people's minds to me. Take the author of this article for example. She made the decision to stay at home after she had her kid. The decision worked out well for her. She enjoyed staying at home with the baby, did not have any considerable financial worries or ambitions in her prfessional field. I say "Good for her!!" But then to go on and bemoan the fact that women these days value career more than getting married or having kids just highlights the "holier than thou" attitude that many people advocating SAHMs sport. 

I don't disagree that there ARE many women out there who consider house work below their dignity just because they are "highly educated and/or working". They suffer from the same monochromatic view of the world, I think. What the proponents and opponents of working out/staying home forget is that as long as the working out of home or staying at home is THE WOMAN's choice, and as long as she makes sure her children are well cared for, it is NO ONE ELSE's business what she chooses to do!

Most mothers, who work out of home, do make sure their kids are well fed, well taken care of and get to spend time with them. NO ONE except the mother and her children, can determine how much time is good enough for them to spend together. Exceptions are there in every case. For every mom who stays at home and takes great care of her kids, I can point out one who doesn't. Similarly there are working mothers who take care of their kids and homes and there are working mothers who don't. Instead of blaming feminism, the ever-popular scapegoat, maybe we should try and understand that there are all kinds of people (and thereby, mothers) in this world. How they handle things (or don't) depends a lot on what kind of a person they are and less on a movement that started to get women their rightful place in the society.

This article offends my sensibilities at so many levels that the mind boggles. Take this part - "I get the feeling fertility is a disease. When the contraceptive pill was first introduced, it was a triumph for working women, a symbol of liberation. Women then were keen to get on it; today we know the side effects include “blood clots, diabetes, depression or anxious emotional states” and many women are keen to get off it." Now if one were to pause for a second and think - WHY were women so eager to get on the pill? Because they wanted control over their own fertility! How many times have we heard women complain they have to stay on the pill because their husband refuses to consider options like condoms or vasectomy? So the options for a woman are to beg her man to use condoms or be ready for a pregnancy she might not want? I'd rather be brainwashed by feminism, thank you!

The author left her job after she had a kid because, in her own words, "The juggling act between the home and the job would leave me exhausted and stressed." Did she consider asking her spouse to pitch in with the child care and house chores? That way they wouldn't have had to rely excessively on the maids for child care. Yes, it is good for a child to spend a big chunk of their time with a PARENT - who, quite not so obviously to many people, CAN be the dad as well. Even if she didn't, leaving the job was HER decision and I respect that. She is happy with her decision, more power to her! But other women don't necessarily have to follow her example. My husband shares child care duties and house chores with me equally. That is another way. A friend works full time, brings home a sizeable salary, her job provides health insurance for her family while her husband runs his business from home and is the primary care provider for their three daughters. Who is to say this arrangement is inferior to the other two arrangements? Who gets to decide what is a fair arrangement? The couple! And NO ONE ELSE! I don't judge others who don't follow what I do. And I don't get why others get their knickers in a twist when some women prefer to go out to work instead of staying at home, whatever their reasons be. I also don't get it when someone makes a "concession" for the mothers who work because they need the money. Money isn't the only motivational factor for finding employment. Many women work because they like their job. And I do believe every woman should at least have the qualifications and capability to be financially independent, even if she chooses not to work outside of home.

The article does not outright condemn the working mother. (Another term I have a bone to pick with. ALL mothers work, whether they stay at home or step out of it to earn a living). But the way the author pointedly asks "Are money, career, and power the only measure of success? Family, health, love and memories should count much more. Shouldn’t feminism mean greater power, freedom and, above all, greater happiness for women?" she is single-sidedly assuming that mothers who step out to earn a living (or peanuts, like me) are doing so BECAUSE they don't value family, health, love and memories. Who died and made her the queen of all such insights, is what I want to know! Yes, feminism means greater power and freedom for the women. Which, in turn, should bring greater happiness (and peace of mind) to the women. Now WHAT brings a woman that happiness and peace should be up to a woman to decide, right?!

How the tables were turned

I had been "training" M for two things since a long time. That training completed a couple of months ago when M finally learned to answer two questions:

Q: Who is the Drama Queen?
A: (patting herself) Ninni daama qeen!!

Q: Who is the boss?
A: Mamma bossh!!

I showed off a few times in front of friends by asking her these questions and having her answer them "correctly". Of course, J and S could not tolerate my success so they started a campaign of their own. They taught M to answer these questions as follows:

Q: Who is the Drama Queen?
A: Mamma daama qeen!!

Q: Who is the boss?
A: (patting herself) Ninni bossh!!

This generated much laughter and whooping around the house. Then I managed to turn the tables on them. It went this way:

J: Ninni, who is the drama queen?
Ninni: Mamma daama qeen!

Mamma: No, MY daama qeen!!
Ninni: No, MY daama qeen Ninni!!

J: No, no. Ninni who is the dramam queen? Say "Mamma"!
Mamma: No, MY drama queen!!

Ninni: NO, MY DAAMA QEEN NINNI! MAMMA BOSSH!!

Goes to show who really is the boss ;)

If I knew then what I know now

I would have

1. Ran away

2. Not agreed

3. Not said yes

4. Fought more

1.

I would have ran away and lived in a hostel instead of sucking it up at my uncle and aunt's. It wasn't only mental and emotional torture I went through at their hands. They successfully stopped my career from even taking off by stopping me from following promising opportunities that came my way. I can't blame them though - they only did what I allowed them to do.

2.

I wouldn't have agreed to J's "suggestions" of not getting a job anywhere away from my parents' home because he thought that would help us convince his parents to let us get married. His parents would have agreed no matter what because if he really did want to marry me, he would have stuck to his guns (which he did, BTW). I can't blame him because I did not put my foot down or think it through before agreeing.

3.

I would not have said "yes" to J's dad's condition that I won't work after getting married if I wanted to marry his son. As I said, if J wanted to marry me, he would have stuck to his guns and his parents would have had to agree anyway. I can't blame J's dad because I accepted the condition wholeheartedly. 

4.

I would have fought more with J to go back to study when things were simpler for us and we HAD the money to spare, however little. He thought other things were more important for us or that I should ask my company to pay for the courses I wanted to take. I couldn't make my company do it and then the time for it was gone. Now we don't have the time OR the money. I can't blame J for it though. I knew how important it was for me, J didn't. I should have fought more.

I am struggling heavily with all these demons from my past. Demons of MY bad decisions. Like I told J last night - it is MY life and I am responsible for my decisions. ALL my life I thought of others. Thought of how it would affect my parents if I ran away. Thought of how I should stand by J in trying to convince his parents. I should have had the sense to realize that if it took this much sacrifice from me to convince them, the decision WILL come back to haunt me some day. Why am I writing this down? So, one day, when (or IF) my daughters are ever in a similar situation where they need to make a life altering decision, they'd read this and think a bit more before deciding anything. I hope they grow up to have more sense and awareness than I did.

It probably is too late

but I'll write this anyway.

Happy Anniversary, dear hoosband. You and I have known each other for almost 20 years, loved each other for 19 and been married for 14. We have been through a lot together. Studies, boring lectures, interesting group discussions, tyrant uncles and aunts (well that one I went through alone but you were by my side holding me together), angry parents, controlling parents, financial troubles, secondary infertility, kids' health troubles... And we stood by each other through everything. I am sure we will weather anything life throws our way.

With you, life seems like a Foxtrot. Sometimes an easy pace, sometimes blurs by at a fast clip. But we keep pace with each other, swing together, never miss a beat. Of ocurse it took us a lot of hard work to find this rythm. But we couldn't have done it if you hadn't been willing. Now we are a team. I buckle, you lift me. You slow down, I fill in. Sometimes I don't even need to say what I am thinking because I already know you understand.

I often remember random incidents from the past and they bring a smile to my lips. Remember we rushed through the statistics paper (in 4th sem?) and then went to the "thadi" to have a "cut chai"? God, I HATED that chai. But I loved your company so I pretended to like it :) Remember the first time you bought me a rose? I do! Remember you gave that beggar kid an extra buck because he said "Bhagwan aapki jodi salamat rakhe"? And we weren't even dating then. It proves you had designs on me much before you let it on! :P Remember your first proposal? It broke my heart :( But I am SO GLAD that I made the right decision! I could never have found a better partner than you.

I think I can never say this enough - I love you. I love you like I have never loved anyone, ever. Happy (belated) anniversary dahlin'. Here's to many, MANY more. *clink*

Scary thought

I have had a recurrent dream in the past year or so. The uneasy feeling I got from it would stick with me even after I woke up. I only recently realized that it was an effect from that dream.

The dream was (is?) that I have final exams fast approaching - I get a sense that they are for my Bachelor's degree. And I suddenly realize that I haven't studied one paper of math AT ALL. It worries me but I try to convince myself that I will prepare for it well in time. And then I wake up. I feel relieved that it was all a dream.

Well, many of us have had that kind of dream some time or the other in our lives and I am well aware of what this kind of dream could mean. What scares me the most is - what if THIS is a dream, and THAT a reality??

Where does "control" figure in your parenting style?

Note: Previously posted on Desicritics


When I first became a parent, I thought I could control all aspects of bringing up my child. Her environment, her influences, her choices, likes and dislikes. Well, I knew I couldn't control her choices, likes and dislikes completely, but I sure hoped I could help shape them. Only thing is - I didn't think of this as "controlling behavior". I sincerely thought of it as "perfect parenting".


11 years down the line, I know one thing. There is no such thing as a "perfect parent". I have worked hard at keeping an open communication channel with my older daughter (the younger one is too young to "communicate") and through various conversations with her I have realized that, maybe, I went overboard in certain things. Things that, when I reconsider my approach, I could have held back on and gotten approximately the same results. In other words, I should have been more picky about choosing my (parenting) battles.


Good thing is - I realized it at all. Given that I have an ego the size of a mammoth, it hasn't been an easy task to realize and accept that I am not *gasp* The Perfect Parent!! I see parents around me who have gone through YEARS of parenting without realizing that the amount of control they want to exert on their kids' lives is not healthy. It is unhealthy for their relationship with their kids and it is probably unhealthy for their kids' self-esteem. Extreme control will, most probably, either make the kids complete pushovers or rebels. It will disrupt their ability to develop a balanced personality. There are very few who have, and will, overcome that kind of influence and go on to develop all-rounded, wholesome personalities.


I understand the need to control your child's environment, influences etc. when he/she is little. But I am a great believer of gradually letting go as the children grow older. My intolerance towards extreme parental control also arises from witnessing, firsthand, how some people try to control even their grown up, adult children. It is difficult to let go when you are not mentally prepared for it. I have seen what kind of bitterness that introduces in the relationship between the parents and children.

So, how much control is acceptable in your opinion?

Justice for Ruchika Petition

Justice for Ruchika Petition

This is an improvement

I wrote about Ruchika's Girhotra's case yesterday. It depressed the hell out of me, agitated me to a state of wordlessness and left me seething. Today I read this piece of news. The Law and Order machinery in India seems to have woken up finally and it looks like the guilty might get punished.

But what I am wondering about is - do they expect Rathore to just sit at home, waiting for them to come arrest him while they go around the world declaring their intentions of bringing him to justice?? Don't they expect him to run and hide? Or is that what they expect exactly? Should be really convenient for all parties concerned - the government gets to save face, Rathore escapes any serious punishment and Ruchika's family gets fucked once again. The skeptic in me always looks at the possibilities hidden in a situation.

I am sick

No, not only in the physical sense. I am sick. Like a dying dog. But THIS makes me sick to my stomach. I am ashamed to be from a country where women and girls are treated no better than cattle. I am afraid to R2I because I have two daughters and I do not want them to be touched by even the shadows of something like this. I do understand that such things don't happen as much any more. Or don't they? Maybe they still happen all the time all over the place. We just don't get to hear about them because they are squashed by the powerful or never uttered by the powerless.

I found it extremely hard to read the entire Wikipedia article. My gut started revolting, my skin started crawling almost halfway through it. I couldn't read any more. But I forced myself to read it. Please do follow the link I have provided above and read the entire article. Then come back and tell me - is there a solution to this??

I am copy-pasting the article from Wikipedia here too. Such blatant misuse of power, such shameless support of the guilty and such torture of the innocent! I feel like saying "It happens only in...." but I can't bring myself to say it because I know there are good things happening too. But the fact remains that India has a long way to go where fair treatment of the powerless, and fair justice TO the powerful is concerned. It is SICKENING!!

Here is the Wikipedia article:

Background

Ruchika, the daughter of SC Girhotra, a bank manager, was a student in Class X A (Batch of 1991) at Sacred Heart School for Girls in Chandigarh, and a budding tennis player. Her mother passed away when she was ten years old.^[3][4]

She, along with her friend Aradhana Parkash, was enrolled as a trainee at the Haryana Lawn Tennis Association (HLTA). A few young girls played in tennis court situated in Panchkula's Sector 6. ^[5]

Aradhana's parents Anand and Madhu Parkash fought the long legal battle for justice for Ruchika, attending over 400 hearings, after Ruchika's father and brother had to leave Panchkula due to harrasment. Advocates Pankaj Bhardwaj and Meet Malhotra fought the case for free since 1996.^[5]

Born in 1941 and a 1966-Batch IPS officer of the Haryana Cadre, Rathore was on deputation to Bhakhra Beas Management Board as Director, Vigilance and Security, when he molested Ruchika. He was the founding president of the Haryana Lawn Tennis Association and it's office was in the garage of his house, at 469, Sector-6, Panchkula. The house was then under construction. Rathore continues to reside there.^[6]

Rathore's wife Abha is an advocate. She defended his case from the beginning.^[5] She practises law in Panchkula and Chandigarh from her office in Sector 6, Panchkula.^[7] Ajay Jain was counsel for Rathore while the case was before courts in Ambala.^[8]

Rathore's daughter Priyanjali was Ruchika's classmate. She is now a practising lawyer.^[3] His son Rahul also practises law at the Punjab and Haryana High Court with Rahul Rathore Advocates.^[9]

[edit]Molestation

On August 11, 1990, Rathore visited Ruchika's house and met her father SC Girhotra. He told him that he should not send Ruchika abroad to Canada as the father planned, as she was a very promising player and that he would arrange special coaching for her. The senior cop also asked Girhotra to send Ruchika to his office the next day at 12 noon in connection with this.

On August 12 (Sunday), Ruchika, along with her friend Aradhana, went to play at the lawn tennis court and met Rathore in his office (in the garage of his house).

On seeing both of them, Rathore asked Aradhana to call the tennis coach (Mr.Thomas) to his room.

Aradhana left, and Rathore was alone with Ruchika. He immediately grabbed her hand and waist and pressed his body against hers. Ruchika tried to push him away, but he continued molesting her.^[10]

But Aradhana returned half way and witnessed what was going on. On seeing her, Rathore released Ruchika and fell back in his chair. He then asked Aradhana to go out of his room and personally bring the coach with her. When she refused, Rathore rebuked Aradhana loudly, asking her to bring the coach. He insisted that Ruchika stayed in his room, but she managed to run out.^[10]

Ruchika told Aradhana everything that happened. Both girls did not tell anybody at first. The next day, they did not go to play tennis. The following day, August 14, they did play till 6:30 pm. As they were leaving, the ball picker, Patloo, told them Rathore had called them to his office.^[10] It was then that Ruchika and Anuradha decided to tell their parents about the incident.

Following this, Panchkula residents, mostly parents of tennis players, gathered at the residence of Anand Prakash, father of Ruchika's friend Aradhana, and decided that some strong action must be taken by way of bringing up the matter with higher authorities.

They could not contact either CM Hukum Singh or Home Minister Sampat Singh, but met Home Secretary J K Duggal, who, on August 17, 1990, discussed the matter with the Home Minister and asked DGP Ram Rakshpal Singh to investigate.^[11][12]

Rathore allegedly paid some residents of Rajiv Colony (a slum) in Panchkula and also garnered the support of people from his community in Naraingarh, Ambala district. They staged dharnas outside the office and home of RR Singh.^[13]

On September 3, 1990, the inquiry report submitted by RR Singh to Home Secretary J K Duggal indicted Rathore.^[11] It recommended that an FIR be filed immediately against Rathore. Duggal forwarded the report to the Home Minister Sampat Singh, who failed to forward it to the Chief Minister for necessary action.^[14] The Home Secretary who replace Duggal never followed up on the report.^[14]

The report also revealed that an ex-MLA, Jagjeet Singh Tikka, organised a large group of men to shout slogans in front of Ruchika's house and harass her family.^[14] Rathore enjoyed the patronage of both the Hukam Singh and the Om Prakash Chautala governments. ^[15][16][17]

Instead of filing an FIR as recommended by the report, the government preferred departmental action, issuing a chargesheet against the accused on May 28, 1991. However, the legal remembrancer (who gives opinion to the government on legal issues) R K Nehru in his opinion in 1992 suggested that state government was not competent to issue the chargesheet, adding it would be quite legal and proper to get the FIR registered. Then, the CM Bhajan Lal's office had referred the case to chief secretary for advice. But nothing happened finally.^[11]

[edit]Harrasment

On September 20, 1990, two weeks after the inquiry indicted Rathore, Ruchika was expelled from her school, Sacred Heart School for Girls, in Sector 26, Chandigarh. Ruchika had studied there from Class I. The school actively plotted against Ruchika. The official reason for her expulsion was non-payment of fees. The school had actually refused to accept her fees. No notice was given to Ruchika for non-payment of fees, as is the school's normal procedure. The school's brochure states that non-payment of fees can only lead to being disallowed to take exams. It is not grounds for expulsion.^[18][19] A reason of alleged 'indiscipline' was also put forward by the school. This was later used by Rathore's lawyers to question Ruchika's character.

After her expulsion, Ruchika confined herself indoors. Whenever she went out she was followed and abused by Rathore's henchmen.^[20]

False cases of theft, murder and civil defamation were filed against Ruchika's father and her 10 year old brother Ashu. Five theft cases against Ashu were registered by Sub-Inspector Prem Dutt and one case by Assistant Sub-Inspector Sewa Singh.^[21] The cases were filed when KP Singh was the superintendent of police, Ambala. Singh is now the Inspector General of police in Haryana.^[14]

Cases were filed against Anand Parkash, his wife Madhu, and their minor daughter Aradhana.

Anand Parkash worked as Chief Engineer in the Haryana State Agriculture Marketing Board and had a spotless record until this incident. Rathore then instigated more than 20 complaints against him. He was suspended from his job for some time and demoted to Superintendent Engineer. He was eventually given premature retirement. He did, however, challenge the government orders and was given relief by the court and cleared of all the complaints.^[22][23]

Aradhana, who is the sole witness in the molestation case, had ten civil cases filed against her by Rathore. She received abusive and threatening calls for months until she got married and left for Australia.^[22] Pankaj Bhardwaj, the lawyer who took up Ruchika's case, was slapped with two court cases by Rathore -a defamation case and a case for compensation.^[22]

When Rathore was heading the vigilance team in the Haryana State Electricity Board (HSEB), he sent special teams from Bhiwani to raid houses of several of his complainants.^[22] Rathore also filed two cases against each of the journalists who had reported on the matter - one criminal and another civil - demanding compensation of Rs. 1 crore each.^[22]

On September 23 1993, Ruchika's then 13 year old brother, Ashu, was picked up in the market place near his house by police in plain clothes. They drove him in a jeep to the Crime Investigation Agency (CIA) Staff Office in Mansa Devi. There, he was tortured by Sub-Inspector Prem Dutt and Assistant Sub-Inspector Sewa Singh.^[21]

His hands were tied on his back and he was made to bend. His feet were tied with a weight. He was kept in this uncomfortable position for an extended period of time.^[20]

After some time, Rathore also arrived there. Ashu was then tortured further. A roller, referred to by the police as "Mussal', was rolled on his legs and thighs after four constables boarded the roller. ^{[24] [25]}

While still in illegal confinement, Ashu was taken to his house and beaten mercilessly in front of Ruchika by Rathore. Rathore then threatened her, saying that if she did not take back the complaint, her father, and then she herself, would face the same fate. ^[26][27] Ashu was paraded in handcuffs in his neighbourhood.^[28]

Ashu was picked up again on November 11, 1993. He was tortured again and was unable to walk due to the beatings. He was not given food or water for days at a stretch and was beaten mercilessly. He was repeatedly told to convince his sister to withdraw her complaint.^[28] He was allegedly forced to sign on blank papers, which were used by the police to show his "confessions" that he stole 11 cars.^[24] He would not be released until after his sister's suicide.^[24]

No charges were ever framed in any of these cases filed against Ashu.^[14]

The Panchkula Chief Judicial Magistrate exonerated Ashu in 1997, saying he had "no hesitation to pinpoint that nothing is on record to prima facie indict the accused" and that the disclosure statement made by the main accused, Gajinder Singh, was "just wastepaper".^[29]

Gajinder Singh, a resident of Bihar, had been arrested by the Panchkula Police for a car theft and police claimed he had named Ashu and Sandeep as his accomplices. Singh later absconded and has been named a proclaimed offender.^[30][29]

The Girhotra's one-kanal bungalow in Sector 6 Panchkula was forcibly sold to a lawyer working for Rathore.^[26] Ruchika's father was suspended from his job as bank manager, on charges of alleged corruption, after coercion from Rathore.^[22] They moved to the outskirts of Simla, and had to take up earth filling to make a living.^[31]

[edit]Suicide

On December 28, 1993, with her innocent brother still in jail, Ruchika consumed poison. She died the next day.

Perversely, Rathore threw a party that night to celebrate. ^[32]

Ruchika's father Subash was forced by the police to sign blank sheets of paper in order to take possession of Ruchika's body. The fact that his son Ashu was still in illegal police detention was also used to coerce him. The blank papers were later used by the police to establish that the family had accepted Ruchika's forged autopsy report. ^[33] The day Ruchika committed suicide, Ashu was unconscious in CIA lock-up. He had been stripped naked and beaten the previous night by drunk policemen. He was brought back to his house, still unconscious, after her last rites were over.^[25][24]

Rathore tried to hide the fact that Ruchika's death was suicide, since an FIR would need to be lodged. He doctored the inquest report, changing the cause of death to consumption of slimming pills. The police coerced Ruchika's nanny to pose as his mother and record a statement saying her "daughter" died from consuming medicines to reduce weight.^[4]

However, the doctors' report clearly said she had died after consuming a chloro-compound, used for insecticides.^[34]

In the inquest and the postmortem report, the name Ruchika was replaced with her nickname Ruby, and her father's name was changed to Subhash Chander Khatri.^[34] This was to ensure that anyone reading the report would not know it pertains to Ruchika.^[35]

The government closed the case filed against Rathore less than a week after her death.^[36]

Unable to bear the harassment, her family moved out of Chandigarh.^[2]

Just a few months later, Rathore was promoted to additional DGP in November 1994, when Bhajan Lal was chief minister. ^[17]

[edit]Case Dropped

In November 1994, Rathore was promoted. No action was taken on the inquiry report. Anand Parkash started trying to get copy of the report. After 3 years, he finally obtained it in 1997, and in November, moved the Punjab and Haryana High Court. On August 21, 1998, the High Court directed the CBI to conduct an inquiry.

In Oct 1999, the INLD government led by Om Prakash Chautala made Rathore the police chief (DGP) of the state.^[17] His name was even recommended for a President's Police Medal For Distinguished Service by the same government in November 1999.^[37] Birbal Das Dhalia, who as then Home Secretary, defended the decision, saying there was no chargesheet.^[38]

[edit]Ashu Case

Ashu's case had reached before the HC following suo motu cognizance taken of a media report highlighting his plight^[32], by justice Mehtab Singh Gill on December 12, 2000. The then chief justice had referred the matter before a division bench comprising justice N K Sodhi and justice N K Sood.^[34]

While deposing before the division bench, Ashu stated that he had undergone inhuman treatment at the instance of Rathore and the Panchkula police. This was his first statement since the family was forced to leave Panchkula. At the time of making the statement, the family was living in Sector-2, New Shimla.^[34]

On December 13, 2000, the division bench voiced support for compensation to Ashu for the harassment caused to him at the hands of Panchkula police. ^[30]

Rathore filed an affidavit in 2001 denying the allegations.^[20]

The HC then referred the inquiry to sessions judge Patiala. On September 3, 2002, Ashu detailed the torture he was put through to a Patiala Sessions Court.^[20][34]

But Rathore approached the Supreme Court and got the high court order quashed on technical grounds.^[25]

[edit]CBI Enquiry

On August 21, 1998, the Punjab and Haryana High Court directed the CBI to conduct an inquiry.

The High Court had ordered completion of investigation of the case and filing of chargesheet expeditiously, "preferably within six months".^[39]However, more than a year passed before the CBI filed a chargesheet.^[39]

On November 16, 2000, the CBI filed a charge sheet against Rathore.

Despite the CBI chargesheet, the Chautala government allowed Rathore to continue as police chief. ^[17]

The case was put to hearing in the CBI special court in Ambala from November 17. The hearings in Ambala would continue till May 2006.^[17]

The chargesheet was filed only under Section 354 (molestation). Abetment to suicide was inexplicably not included.^[39]

On October 8, 2001, counsel for Anand Parkash moved an application demanding the addition of abetment to suicide (306 of IPC) against Rathore. In a scathing judgment on October 23, 2001, Special CBI Judge Jagdev Singh Dhanjal demanded that the offence be added. In his 21-page judgement, the CBI Judge underlined witness statements, including those of Ruchika's father, Anand Parkash, friend Aradhana and others in adding Section 306 (abetment) of IPC against Rathore.^[40][41]

However, in February 2002, Justice K C Kathuria of the Punjab and Haryana High Court dismissed the CBI court's decision to register an FIR against Rathore for abetment to suicide, claiming the lack of a complaint regarding harassment. ^[30] Kathuria is now the President of the Haryana State Consumer Disputes Redressal Commission.

Incredibly, after filing the chargesheet in 2000, the CBI took 7 years to record evidence from 16 prosecution witnesses. On the other hand, the defence counsel took nine months to complete examination of 13 out of the total 17 witnesses.^[39]

Rathore tried to use his influence with the CBI. R M Singh, who was CBI Joint Director in 1998 and retired in 2001, said Rathore was tracking the case. Once the file arrived at Singh's desk, he started getting frequent visits to his office from Rathore. Rathore visited multiple times in 1998, trying to influence the CBI to clear him on all charges. Rathore had learnt that Singh was constructing a house in Gurgaon, and offered to provide building materials and other assistance. Singh also found out that Rathore had also approaced the Investigating Officer for the case, Rajesh Ranjan, CBI's Deputy Superintendent of Police. When he failed to influence the officers, Rathore had the case transferred. Rathore enjoyed access to all levels of the CBI since he was DGP.^[32][42]

Ruchika's was one of the few cases heard in three subordinate courts of three different states: Haryana, Punjab and Chandigarh - apart from one in high court and the Supreme Court as well. Around 15 applications were accepted in Punjab and Haryana High Court on behalf of Rathore, a strategy meant to delay the case.^[43]

For example, on January 23, 2006, Rathore moved an application demanding transfer of trial from Ambala CBI Special Magistrate Ritu Garg to any other court. The application was moved when evidence of only two prosecution witnesses was remaining. The grounds claimed was that Rathore knew Ritu's father and that Rathore's son Rahul was a friendly with Ritu.^[44] Surprisingly, the CBI didn't object. In his the reply filed in February 2006, S S Lakra, the then Additional Superintendent of Police, New Delhi, said he did not object to the transfer, allegedly so the case would "conclude expeditiously". The case was then transferred to Patiala.^[44] Again when the case was at the last stage, Rathore accused the then Special CBI Judge, Patiala, Rakesh Kumar Gupta of overawing the defence witnesses and scolding Rathore. This time also the CBI did not object to transferring of the case to Chandigarh.^[44]

Rathore also used other technical grounds like demanding that the trial be videographed to cause more delays. Ironically, he later claimed that the long delays were grounds for a reduced sentence.^[45]

On November 5, 2009, the case was transferred from the Ambala court to CBI Chandigarh. In December, the court closed all final arguments, gave its verdict and on December 21, special judge J.S. Sidhu^[46] pronounced a six-month jail sentence and a fine of Rs 1000 to Rathore.^[47] He was granted bail minutes after the sentencing, after furnishing a bail bond of Rs.10,000. Rathore also said he would appeal against the verdict.^[24]

[edit]Impact

The case was brought up for debate in Parliament. "After 19 years, the criminal has been found guilty but all he got as punishment was 6 months in prison. Within 10 minutes of conviction, he was out on bail. Is it not a shame for all of us?" asked CPI (M) leader Brinda Karat.^[48]

Former Haryana CM Om Prakash Chautala, when asked about the case, dismissed it as a "frivolous issue". It was during his rule that Rathore was promoted to police chief (DGP) for Haryana. After the public outcry over the case, Chautala backtracked and accused the courts and the ruling Congress Government in Haryana of "letting Rathore off with a light punishment."^[49] Ruchika's father has blamed Chautala for actively supporting Rathore as he harassed his family.^[50]

Aradhna Parkash has started a signature drive to reopen the case. The email address is 'joinaradhna4ruchika at gmail.com'.^[51]

A Class A-holes or just idiots?

Say, you launch a product in a country. And then bar the residents of that country from entering the showroom. Which business school teaches this kind of idiocy?

Mr. Anindo Mukherji, Managing Director of General Mills India has issued a media statement saying the posters (declaring only holders of international passports will be allowed access) were put up to create an aura around the brand and that they regret it very much. Well, they should! What did they think? Indians are still living in the British Raj era and will take any insult thrown their way? Idiots!!

What do you do?

When someone won't listen to you?

You are, say, putting up a "car port" (tent) with them for one of your cars. Your region has some really unpredictable weather patterns. You are worried that some day the tent will just get blown away by the strong winds that sometimes invade with all ferocity. Your concerns are pooh-poohed away. Support is sought from your mom and the BOTH of them shoot down your suggestion to nail down the pegs of the tent.

Then, say, one day a strong wind does blow the tent 20 feet into a tree. What do you do?

You help them pull the tent back in the blistering winds. Then you say "I told you so!" Over and over. Then come inside and blog about it.

That's what you do :D (And then you even email them this post :P:P)

Sometimes, when I don't have anything better to do

I check the spam folder in my email. And find nuggets like this one:

Hello! You are welcomed by marriage agency. To you the young girl looking the partner in life has shown interest. We send you a photo of this girl, and as her email the address *insert fake email address here which will actually lead you to a porn site or something*. She will wait for your letter. We guarantee confidentiality of correspondence. 

Yours faithfully marriage agency.

So, what say? Should I go get married?

A true global integration

is when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving (an American Holiday) by getting together and eating Chinese food!

Yep - the menu for this year's Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by the Kays is:

Appetizers: Sweet corn soup, spring rolls.

Main Course: Veg Fried rice, Chow Mein, Veg Manchurian and Chili Paneer

Dessert: Cheesecake

Happy Thanksgiving all!!

The rebellious teenager

Mommy(singing): Where is Ninni? Where is Ninni? Here I am! Here I am! How are you today Ninni? Fine thank you! Fine thank you!

Ninni(grumpily): NO fine thankyou!!

We are all the same

Outside M's daycare:

I saw a hunky dad in long hair, with a car seat in his hand, coming out of the daycare and I went "Oooooooooooooooh!!" *wolf whistle* (the wolf whistle was inside my mind)

Inside the daycare (as I walked in with M):

One of the daycare providers came out of a room with an infant in her arms and asked another "Did you SEE his dad??!!" and the other one went "Oh yeah!!" *wolf whistle* (The wolf whistle, I am sure, was inside their minds. It was definitely on their faces :P)

LOL!!

Note: J, I still love you and ONLY you. This was just one incident where my inner, primitive woman came out :P:P:P

I think...

...it is time I stopped blaming various elements from my past for ruining my chances at having a decent career and took charge of my future. What say?

But how?

I know I need more certifications (due to the lack of professional experience) to beef up my resume. I even attended a training in mid-august after which I could have easily cleared the certification for that technology but right around that time I got a job offer and had to join that job in quite a haste. I just got one week to put my affairs in order - finding childcare being the main one. Now my routine is hectic and I barely get enough time to cook, clean (some) and do some exercise. The exercise, I feel, is the most important and most required part of my routine. I need to get back in shape if I don't want to land with various ailments as I get older. My biggest fear is that I will develop diabetes if I don't lose some weight fast.

This is my general routine:

6.30 am - wake up. Get ready for work. Pack lunches etc.

7.55 am - Out the door. Drop S off at her school then drop M off at her daycare.

8.30 am - Arrive at work.

8.30 am - 5.30 pm - Work, work, work (and exchange a few emails with some friends)

5.30 pm - Leave for home.

6.15 pm - Get home. Start cooking dinner. Make and pack lunches for the next day.

8.00 pm - Go to the gym. This is an iffy part. Some days I can't manage to go.

9.15 pm - Get back from gym. Eat dinner. Watch a TV program (or half). Clean up the kitchen. Make list for the next day - what to pack in whose lunch bag etc.

10.30 pm - Take a shower. Check email. Blog. Clean up a little around the house if I am feeling up to it.

11.30 pm - Get in bed.

Repeat Monday to Friday.

Now the only time I can take out to study is the hour long lunch break that I get at work. Will try that. It is like a vicious circle - I can't get work if I don't study and I can't study if I work. And I can study only if I am earning something to be able to pay the tuition. What a mess!!

Privacy shrivacy

When I hear parents of young (even VERY young) kids talking about their kids' privacy, I choke on my own spit. I get the concept of privacy for certain things - like privacy when they use the bathroom. But there ARE situations when a parent might have to invade his/her kid's privacy. If I were afraid my daughter were falling in with the wrong crowd or were using drugs, I wouldn't hesitate in snooping around. To me, it is more important to have her well and alive on this earth somewhere, than to have her living with me and/or on talking terms with me. If I invaded her privacy for a valid reason, she found out and got upset with me, I'd live with that. But to suspect, not do anything and then to find out she made a huge mistake - I wouldn't be able to live with that. And of course, I am going to resort to snooping only when I have exhausted all other avenues of talking with her or having some other trusted adult talk to her. To me, that is love. Tough love.

So, what would you do?

What is the point..

... of keeping the treadmill at full incline and then walking as you literally hang on to the handrails? And of almost doubling over with effort because the weights you are training with are too heavy for you to lift?

The mistaken assumption of "more is better" I suppose.

Priorities

Edited to add J's comments at the end

Gas for driving 220 miles @ $2.27/gal (10 gallons): $22.70

Grocery for the next 4 months: $286.58

Bags carried from car to kitchen: 17

Hours spent driving from and to home: 3.75

Friends met: 2

Getting a haircut you will love to live with for the next 4 months: Priceless!!

Here is what J had to say about this post-

Gas price @2:79/gal (10 gallons): $27.90

Haircut : Looks good J