It has many faces.
It can be constant crying - punctuated by brief hiccups...
It can be a wail - heart rending, twisting the gut into a tangled ball...
It can be a silence - wrapping one's soul, blocking all external stimuli from coming in...
It can even be hope - that the loved one you have lost is in a better place, maybe reunited with the long-lost mother he never knew and his one and only pet whom he loved just as much as, and sometimes more than, his own daughter...
It can be an ache - that you will never see him again. Or hear him. Or receive emails and birthday e-cards. Or touch him...
It can be a fear - that you will forget him, the sound of his voice, his laugh, his touch...
It can be dry eyes - because you just don't know how to release all those emotions...
It can be a comfort - to know that he didn't suffer. He went just as he had always lived. With dignity...
It can be a puzzle - did he think about you in his final moments? (Yes, I know. A very selfish thought)...
It can be a heartbreak - that you could not do anything even though you COULD have. After all, your blood group was the same as his. He needn't have waited one whole stupid day...
It can be a LOT of memories - of your childhood, of learning from him, of laughing with him, or AT him...
It can be a lesson - to live like he did, love like he did...
It can be a role reversal - comforting others who come from far away to pay their respects...
It can be overwhelming.
I lost my dad, very unexpectedly, on October 4th this year. It is beginning to sink in. And it hurts. A LOT.
So often it's all of those. Completely overwhelming.
ReplyDelete:hug:
:( Hug
ReplyDeleteHugs darling CeeKay. Been there twice ,done all that .Big emptiness forever in two spaces.
ReplyDeletebeen there done that.. it will never go away and memories we cling to will all be left.. take care
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that Ceekay. Hope you are doing ok.
ReplyDelete-Premalatha
So sorry to hear that Ceekay. Take care.
ReplyDelete((((HUGS)))) I hope you work through all the greif CK. Its one emotion that each of us must bear the burden of alone.
ReplyDeleteI will write to you in an email as well. My heartfelt sympathies to you.
Priya.
priyainsuburbia.wordpress.com
Oh Cee, hugs..no other words
ReplyDeleteOh CeeKay Hugs. Very sorry to hear this. Hope you are doing okay.
ReplyDelete:( Big Hug Ceekay...
ReplyDeleteLots of Hugs Cee Kay. Parents are pillars we lean on to at any age. It must be very heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteCee kay - I just wrote a post about my father and suddenly thought of you - came by to check your blog. Totally relate to this. I feel for you. I know how you feel - the loss is enormous.
ReplyDeleteSo so sorry for your loss CeeKay. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take Care and a big hug.
ReplyDeleteHugs and more hugs Cee...
ReplyDeletePraying that God gives you and your family strength to see thru these difficult times...
Hey Ceekay what you wrote filled my heart with heavy emotions, I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to you. My condolences.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. My sincere condolences to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteM
Oh CeeKay. I am so sorry to hear this. May god give you and your family strength to pass through such tough times. It is very hard to lose a parent. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteDear, dear CeeKay. Many hugs. May Gos give you the strength to cope with the loss. His spirit lives on Cee. In you, in mitthi and ninni. He is there.
ReplyDeleteThat is terrible! I don't know if I have the words to comfort you! I hope you find the courage to bear your sudden loss
ReplyDeleteMy sincere condolences! May God give you the faith to ride this storm.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry. i can't even imagine what you're going through and how much pain you must be in. may his soul rest in peace.
ReplyDelete-s
Oh no. My deepest sympathies. I went through something very similar last year and I wish you the strength to deal with your family's loss. In time, the good memories will dull the pain.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
-DS (long time lurker)
Condolences! :( Sorry to hear that.
ReplyDeleteTerribly sorry for your loss. May you find the strength to see yourself and your mom through this.
ReplyDeletelet it out ceekay....
ReplyDeletehugs CK
ReplyDeleteAM terrible with words at times like this. So just leaving a BIG HUG.
ReplyDeleteI am terrible with words at times like this so just leaving a big, tight HUG
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about it, CeeKay. So very sorry indeed. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHugs Cee... May his soul rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI stop by your blog every so often. I'm so sorry for your loss. I took the opportunity to read your Fathers' Day post. What better tribute can a parent get, than to hear their child say 'Kudos! You did a great job raising me.' I know that is what I aspire for in life. I'm sure he died with a smile in his heart.
ReplyDelete- B
So sorry to hear about your dad !!
ReplyDeleteMay God give you and family the strength to overcome this hard times.
CK, I can't even imagine how that could feel..hugs and more hugs. May God help you deal with this loss.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say - hugs to you CK and may God give you strength to cope with the loss.
ReplyDeletehugs
take care
I can relate to your pain. I lost my mom (many years back..it was sudden) to cancer and the pain never leaves. There is an emptiness
ReplyDeletewhich will always be there.
My prayers are for your mom who has lost her partner of so many years and is bound to fee lonely.
Love, Vinita
Take heart, dear Charu.
ReplyDeleteMuch love, peace and warmth.
Very sorry to hear of your loss.
ReplyDeletemy heartfelt condolences - am sure somewhere up there God already has a plan ready to help you deal with this.......
ReplyDeleteThe vacuum becomes a part of one's being, and one is internally rearranged forever. But life goes on, with its joys and its sorrows, and we carry on, lugging this unfamiliar burden of grief that we have had hoist onto our unwilling shoulders. I am so sorry, CeeKay. Sudden deaths are very hard to accept as one is so unprepared for them. Take care.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry to hear that. May his soul rest in peace. and may you always cherish the memories..
ReplyDeleteSoooooo sorry to hear that CeeKay! That sure is a huge gap in your heart I am sure. My prayers for him, you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss CK - thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
ReplyDelete-Shruti
Heartfelt condolences. I wish you all the strength to deal with this.
ReplyDeleteGosh Ceekay, I happened to stumble onto your page after ages and I'm so so sorry to read this. I didn't know your dad, and I just about know you, but I do understand pain when I read it. You will be in my thoughts. A big warm squeeze. God bless.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Cee.
ReplyDeleteBIG hug, ceekay.
ReplyDeleteno words can make the feeling go away. in fact, nothing can.
it's been almost 5 months for me... and it still feels like yesterday. and still hurts.
stay strong, gurl.
Just saw the post...hard as it is to cope with this loss, please do know that you will forever remember him and his love. Stay strong and hugs.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss CK.
ReplyDeleteTake care
So sorry to hear about your loss...
ReplyDeletesorry to hear that cee kay. can't think of anything else to say.
ReplyDeletehey it was m's bday recently na?
ReplyDeletebelated happy birthday to her.
Once again, hugs, Cee. He will live on in you and the kids. It's easy to say but very very difficult to accept the fact that someone who's been part of your life all your life isn't there any more to share your sorrows and joys.
ReplyDeleteI came to wish M a belated b'day and realized that my earlier comment didn't seem to have gone through. Happy Birthday. M - hope you had a great day.
Oh, Cee Kay. I'm so sorry for your loss. *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteHey CeeKay. Just to tell you I was thinking of you and hope you are doing ok.
ReplyDeleteYour father is there in you and your daughters...whereever he is he will be happy only if you are happy..
ReplyDelete*Big hug*
ReplyDeleteTake care Ceekay...
ReplyDeleteHugs
Thank you everyone, for taking the time out to drop me a comment. I am really overwhelmed by the kindness and support shown to me by all friends andstrangers. I thank you from all my heart and apologize that I can't reply to all the comments individually. Please drop me an email at gettingtherenow at gmail dot com if you want to keep in touch. I will definitely reply.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry - my condolences.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your dad. Take care of you and take care of your mom. It gets slightly easier as time goes on but still there is an ever present absence although he will forever be in your heart and mind.
ReplyDeletejust came by. Can so feel the pain, reading your post. Just thinking about losing my parents can make my eyes well up. Hugs
ReplyDelete