I am a big girl now

In April '08, I flew to India for my mom's retirement party. All alone. No husband to chaperon me, no children to be chaperoned. A cousin arranged a taxi for me to go to Jaipur (from New Delhi), from where I caught a train to Jodhpur. I had never travelled alone in India so this was a big deal for me. I thought I had finally "grown up". I was a Big girl. It seems I was wrong. Turns out one becomes a Big Girl, or a Big Boy, within moments when one loses a parent.

So, I grew up and became a Big Girl on October 4th, 2008. 11:45 pm IST. Pa was in a hospital (one of the best in the region, by the way), awaiting a bypass surgery which was scheduled for Monday, October 6th, when he experienced a massive heart attack. He was taken to the ICU within three minutes, but nothing could save him. Even in his last moments, he did what he had been doing all his life - worried about his wife, my mother. He told the doctors "Meri wife ka dhyaan rakhna, wo bahut jaldi ghabra jaati hain" [take care of my wife, she gets scared easily] And then he left. Just like that.

He experienced angina pains one morning when he was out on his daily walk. He got chest pains, started sweating and then got nauseous. He rested on a bench for a bit and then walked to a nearby nursing home. There, the doctors administered an ECG and determined he was having angina pains. They had someone drop him off at home with the instructions to rest and see a cardiologist as soon as possible. When he saw one, he was advised to get an angiography done for which he and Ma decided to go to Jaipur. We were all hoping that it would turn out be some minor blockage that could be treated/controlled with medication. But against all hopes, it turned out that he had 90% blockage in three arteries. Bypass surgery was required and one was scheduled as soon as enough blood of his blood group (A-) was secured. This was on Saturday evening. Soon after that he suffered the heart attack.

He was in the hospital (in Jaipur) for 4 days. I spoke to him multiple times every day. Even during all this health scare he was his usual jocular self - he told J that all this was his ploy to get Ma to part with the money she received upon retiring. He told Ma that he was having all the heart trouble due to the stress that was caused by Ma constantly breaking all his records in Mahjong. On the morning of October 4th, he told me he was surprised how much food the hospital gave him - which meant he must have been eating very little earlier (he did lose a few kgs in 15 days).

It is beginning to sink in that I will never see him again. I still remember how his big, rough hands made me feel like a little girl. Even at the age of 38. His awkward hugs made my heart melt. That won't happen again. I will never again hear a message from him saying "Haan Cee, mai bol raha hu.....". I will not hear a "Happy Birthday" or a "Happy New Year" from him ever again. What a price to pay for growing up!!