Who Am I?

This thought struck me this morning when I had just had a quick conversation on an unrelated topic with the owner of the variety store in our office building. He is Gujarati. In an earlier conversation, I told him I was born and brought up in Rajasthan. A few days back, we were both at the same grill in our building’s cafeteria ordering a veggie omelette.

Today, when I went to his store to buy a box of Ritz crackers, he asked me “You eat omelettes?” I said “Yes” wondering why that was important. His next sentence was “But only here, not in Rajasthan. Right?” Then it occurred to me that he thought I eat omellettes only because I am here, in the US, away from family and wouldn’t have the guts to eat it if I were back in India!! I informed him “Though my parents are Brahmins and don’t even eat onion and garlic, they never stopped my or my brother from eating eggs. My mother wouldn’t cook them for us but she’d let her friends cook them for us and later she even allowed us to cook them at home”.

As I was walking back to my office, one thing struck me. I said “My parents are Brahmins…” I am Brahmin too, but I don’t think it is an important part of who I am. I am NOT from the camp of people who say a girl takes up whatever religion/caste she marries into. My husband’s family is Kutchi. I often joke while introducing myself to new people saying “I am a Kutchi Lohana by marriage and he is a Brahmin by marriage”. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander too – right?

In truth, I never identify myself as a Brahmin or a Kutchi Lohana. My thoughts in this matter are – I am an Indian. I also consider myself a proud Rajasthani – as I was born and brought up there. I love my home state. I am VERY proud to be a Jodhpuri – the city that I grew up in. I LOVE it!! Now that I live in the US, I feel a sense of loyalty towards the country that accepted us and gave us so many opportunities to grow professionally and personally. I am not an American citizen yet, but I do try to contribute to the society as best as I can. I am a woman, I am a Network Administrator, I am a mom, I am a friend, wife, daughter and sister. I am a human being. I am honest, loyal and compassionate. I am a lot of things – not just one pawn in the caste system.

Growing up, I might have been very confused where religion was concerned. I went to a Catholic school till grade 6 and learnt about Christianity through the subject Moral Science that we were taught. I grew up believing that there is only one God. I remember going through a phase where I set up a mandir of my own in my mother’s pantry. It had photos of Jesus, some other Gods and Goddesses and even Shivaji. My mom, though she doesn't believe in Idol worshipping, helped me set this mandir up. I don't know how long this phase lasted but I do know it ended pretty soon. But I had the satisfaction of having tried that. Now, my dad is “Sanatani” (meaning idol worshipper) and my mom is AryaSamaji (menaing – not). I saw them both practice their beliefs without expecting the other to join in. My mom was/is a little more rigid and wouldn’t have anything to do with idol worshipping but I saw my dad participate in every AryaSamaji Havan that my mother did at home or at my maternal grandparents & uncle did (they were/are AryaSamaji too).

I do not consider myself an Arya Samaji since I do not actively participate in the religious activities of the group. I do not believe in Idol worshipping either. In fact, I strongly dislike being associated with any organized religion or faith. Reason being, followers of this faith often become too rigid in their beliefs and that almost always results in religious fanaticism. I believe in God, for this belief carried me through many tough times in my life. My beliefs are simple – 1. There is ONE God. 2. I DO NOT need to go to a temple to profess my faith or to pray – I can do that any where, anytime. 3. God is forgiving if forgiveness is asked for with a pure heart and intentions. 4. “Do not hurt or cheat others” is part of my religious beliefs. 5. God does not care if I eat meat or not, support Gay marriages or not (which I DO support – just for the record), pray every day or not, go to the temple or not etc.

Though I believe in one God, I do not discount other people’s faith that says there are different Gods for different things (like Saraswati for Education, Laxmi for Prosperity etc.). When I was in 9th grade, I found a beautiful explanation that reconciles both these beliefs. My maternal Grandfather had just died of a brain hemorrhage. He and my grandmother were staunch AryaSamajis. So, for thirteen days after his death, instead of having the “Garuda Paath” chanted, we (the whole family) would sit down in the evenings to chant slokas and read their meanings in hindi from the four Vedas that my grandfather owned. These were copies that had hindi translations of each Sloka by Swami Dayanand Saraswati. One night, while chanting these slokas and reading the meanings I realized that the meanings said (any time there was a mention of any God like, say, Indra – the God of Weather and War) that when God performs such and such task, we refer to Him (Her?) as the God for that task. Like, when God gives us wisdom and education, we refer to God as Saraswati. This totally makes sense to me and still allows me to believe that there is only one God.

I guess I learnt it from my parents that religious beliefs should not become an issue in a good relationship. So I am implementing that in my own marriage. I hold on to my beliefs and respect my husband’s and his family’s. I even participate in the poojas that they do. I would like to start doing “Havans” at my home myself, but haven’t done so yet. And when I do, I am sure J will participate in them just as I participate in religious activities that he performs. I would very much like my daughter to be exposed to both sets of beliefs and give her a chance to choose one (or none, or maybe a totally different faith) of them when she grows up. That is the privilege my parents gave me and my brother. I grew up believing in God, but having my own beliefs about how to follow my faith and he grew up to be an atheist. My parents are fine with both choices and I think that is the greatest gifts they gave us – the freedom to be our own persons. I would like to give the same “gift” to my kids. But I would not like them to grow up without faith. They can choose to discard it later in life if they want to. I don’t know if it makes any sense to anyone else.

My parents never tried to impose their religious beliefs on us. They taught me tolerance and I didn’t even realize. The first time I realized what a great thing they had taught me was when it was time to send my daughter to pre-school. From a friend, I learnt about a good Jewish pre-school in our area that was run in a Synagogue. The same friend’s husband initially was reluctant to send his kids there as he did not want them to grow up learning a religion different from theirs. I, on the other hand was eager to try it out as I believed learning about a new religion will open up her mind and ours too. During the two years that she was there, we learnt a lot about Judaism. And surprisingly, I found quite few things that are common in Judaism and Hinduism and even Jainism (and most other religions as well, I am sure). Now all that has faded from memory as it has been more than 4 years since my daughter passed preschool, but I still remember the amazement that I felt upon learning how certain customs were similar to ours, certain values reflected in our too and so on. I even found some parallels in Jewish, Christian and Hindu marriages.

And all this came rushing back to me this morning with that simple conversation. As incoherent as it may seem, this is who I believe I am. My faith is part of me but it alone does not define me. I am an Indian, a Rajasthani, a Jodhpuri and some day I might become an American too. These “labels” alone do not define me either. I am a sum total of my beliefs, my experiences, my mistakes, my accomplishments, my aspirations and a host of other factors not all of which come to my mind right now. That’s who I am. Everything else is just a label.