F, for Forgotten. I belong to it. I know a lot of other friends who do, too. A cousin recently lamented over the same thing - being forgotten. You automatically get included in this generation as soon as you move out of the country, away from all friends and family.
My membership to this exclusive club began in September '99. At first I didn't realize what was going on. Dollar-to-Rupee conversion and vice-versa convinced me that the high rates for phone calls were the reason no one called. Then the rates began dropping. Now, it is a comfortable single digit number per minute. Easily affordable. Still no calls. Most times only email invitations for weddings make their way to us. Sometimes only the information of a wedding trickles back to us. We do get loads of calls on birthdays and anniversaries from loving family members. Sometimes friends too. And for those, we are thankful. Festivals, for some reason, are altogether different.
We try to call all friends and family members on festivals. That can take over a week as there are loads of calls to be made but only so many hours during which to make them, due to the time difference. And during those times, sometimes, a poignant realization hits me - we are the only ones making these calls!! It has been extra tough since my dad passed away. Festivals are now a reminder of the days when we used to get a call/email/ecard from him. I try to call my mom and brother the night before (morning of, their time) and on the morning of (evening of that day, their time) - because I know they must be missing him too. And I like to believe that my calls provide them some comfort. But come evening (my time) on the day of, I am left alone to celebrate the occasion and to miss him. It hurts the most on those times. But I am getting used to it. I know I will eventually get to a point where I will be able to give without expecting to receive. That is called growing up, isn't it?
I know what you mean...The worst part for me is that my name is still included with my parents' on wedding invitation cards even though I've been married for 10 years and nearing 40! These so called relatives don't even bother to send me a separate invitation - maha kanjoos!
ReplyDeleteHey, don't feel so down. This is the trend here(in India) as well. Out of sight out of mind is the mantra. Its no longer the trend to fraternize big time like in our childhood days. India slowly becoming like Japan. Absurdly long working hours(12 hours or more) and lesser and lesser fraternizing within the house itself. Relatives are conveniently forgotten except during social gatherings such as weddings. Nowadays no none simply has time for anything except for the rat race:)
ReplyDeleteYup...can totally relate to this feeling. Have been in the same shoes myself these past 10 years when I was in the US. And it feels worse now that I am back in India and am still not thought of. I guess I had high expectations of reconnecting with extended family and such on moving back to India but the sad truth is that once the bond is broken, it is very hard to bind it back. You can try all you want but one day you do start feeling the same thing you felt "why am I the one who's always calling"!
ReplyDeleteNice Post
ReplyDeleteThanks....
Sarkari Naukri
Can totally relate :(
ReplyDeleteGrass is always greener on the other side. This of us here fee like chopped liver when VIP siblings visit :)
ReplyDeletehah! Same thing here in Bangalore, living 6 km away from my in-laws, and with several of my distant relatives also living pretty close to me, we're hardly in the family social scene. Some are on FB with me...just there, not interacting even. Family sure has changed these days.
ReplyDeleteI relate Cee! But even after moving back to India, several of my friends and relatives tell me that we spoke more often when i was in US. Life, in general has become so busy and mechanical - no time for a lot of simple pleasures.
ReplyDeleteCan relate to this ... been in the US for 10 years now ... all I can say, in most cases, the calls are only from this end. The mindset that calling US is expensive runs deep ... and no one bothers to call us. Hurts at times.
ReplyDelete