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I recently got a friendship request on FB from a guy I studied with in high school. He also sent me a message. This:

"B K PAugust 2, 2010 at 6:57pm Subject: hi hi, b here. tum to moti ho gayi ho yaar.* bye, regards." (I have changed his name for privacy purposes) *Translation: You have grown fat, my friend!

So, no "How are you?" or "Where are you these days?". Instead a comment about a fact  that I am only too aware of. I mean, can you imagine anyone not being aware of their weight, be it under or over the normal range? How, or why is it acceptable to start a conversation with this gem - specially when you are getting back in touch with that person after 22 frigging years?Did you not grow up AT ALL during those 22 years to realize that this is NOT a polite thing to say? Well, he is not alone. I have had a fair share of such rude, nosy people.

Take the uncleji who came to express his condolences to us, 2 days after my dad passed away. I opened the door and the first comment out of his mouth was "Arrey, tum to bahut moti ho gayee ho?!" [Oh! You have grown so fat?!] Forget "I am so sorry for your loss" or "I hope he didn't suffer too long" or any such comment, however half hearted. Nope. His main concern was my weight. And his sister, who came with him, was concerned that I left my 1.5 year old daughter at home with my husband. Poor little girl - I should have brought her with me. And poor J! He had to take care of a toddler AND work full time -something I also do when J goes on business trips or trainings. But it is difficult for the men, you know! And you should NOT leave your kids behind. Usko to saath me laana tha (you should have brought at least her along). I bit my tongue to stop myself from asking her "And how is it YOUR business??"

An auntyji, who lives right across the street from my mom, uttered this when she first met me after I had M, my second daughter:

"Congratulations dear, on birth of your daughter! Don't worry, these days daughters are considered as good as sons". 2.5 years later, I still haven't recovered from the WTF-ness of that comment. I swear I was SMILING my broadest smile when I met her so there could have been NO mistake regarding how I felt about having two daughters. 

This is the same auntyji whose son came over to our house, long back - more than 20 years ago - to give some advise to my PARENTS. My parents were as old as HIS parents (just for perspective before I narrate his "advise"). He advised my parents not to send me to a co-ed college (I was planning to sign up for the Electronics-Math-Physics stream at the local science college which had opened its doors to girls only a few years ago) My dad, I believe, was not around. Only mom met him. She asked him his reasons (yeah, she is a MUCH nicer person than I am!) and he said "Ladkiyan bigad jati hain" [Girls get "spoiled" - yeah, girls are like milk or eggs or tomatoes in case you didn't know] My mom explained to him that girls get "spoiled" even when (and if) they are kept behind seven locked doors - if they so want. She said "We don't think keeping her behind locked doors - or sending her to an all-girls' college would help if she did want to fall into wrong company". She then thanked him for his concern and sent him away. Then she and Pa proceeded to help me fill out forms and go to the co-ed college. Later they helped me go to another co-ed college in another state. The concerned neighbor had probably given up hope on them ever seeing the light so he didn't try to talk them out of that! I don't know what he thought about me choosing my life partner while doing my Master's in Indore. I know for sure that he didn't try to talk my parents out of "allowing" me to marry the man of my choice. Oh, but others did! Just so you know :)

So, now back to what I was venting about. Rude people. Stupid people. People who have a serious I-don't-know-when-or-how-to-shut-up disorder. One of them told me, on more than one occasion, that I should try and lose weight. His friend's wife had! "Dunno what she did, but she stopped eating for a while and lost a lot of weight. Now she really looks very nice" - he said. Then one day he told me I really needed to learn how to keep my house clean. Why? Because the sink was full after we had all had a meal with two veggies and a daal plus a sweet dish. (I didn't have a dishwasher) And I think the counter was also cluttered with all the spices etc. It shouldn't come as a surprise that he is not one of the friends I regularly exchange pleasantries with through email and phone calls.

I even remember an old hag commenting "She is SO FAT and she is still having lactation problems?" after I had my first daughter. As these comments come back to me, I am amazed at how, ALL my life, I have been plagued with idiots. People commenting on my weight, people commenting on my inability to nurse my daughters, people commenting on my inability to conceive the second time around, people commenting on my complexion. An old female relative's reply to my "namaste" when we met after more than 3 years? "She is fairer now!!" Wow! Thank you!! My life's ambition has been fulfilled!

One uncleji said to me, when I showed him photos from my engagement "Ek baat to hai - ladka apni ladki se jyada achchha dikhta hai" [One thing is for sure - the boy looks way better than our girl (yours truly)] My reply was "Just goes to show who is smarter". He was left saying "he he he" for some time. But WHY should I have to defend myself? Or put someone else down to deflect the insult??

Because of these idiots, I suffered from a complex all my life. At 52 kgs I thought I was fat! Now, I regret at having lost all those years to those complexes when I could have enjoyed myself better. Thankfully I don't suffer from those now. I even tell people to take a hike every now and then. Suggest a scenic route that ends right above a beautiful lake full of sharks. And tell them to take a flying leap into that lake.

My reply to that "friend" on FB?

Cee Kay August 2 at 11:33am

Hmmmm...

And your point is??

You find me after, what, 22 years and that is all you could think of saying? Really?! Wow!! Good conversation skills! Way to go!!

I am DONE taking insults! No more Ms. Nice n Smiley.

Note: I am almost scared in asking this, because I know this might bring forth a barrage of unpleasant memories - but do share your experiences in the comments section. Let's cuss these idiots out and vent some anger and frustration in a safe, friendly environment :D