At what point, do you think, cheating starts? Suppose you meet someone and you begin liking him/her. You slowly become good friends. You begin liking the person quite a lot, then start flirting with him/her, then start fantasizing about him/her. Maybe one thing leads to another, you kiss each other and one day you end up in bed with him/her. In all this, when would you say you actually start cheating on your spouse/ significant other? When you started flirting? Fantasizing? Or when you actually kissed or slept with this person?
I was of the opinion that it is cheating if you even cheat in thought. But when I had a conversation about this with my brother, he said all a man would care about is if you kissed or slept with another man. Which is rather simple and leaves a lot of room for flirting :) Today, while watching a TV program, J said something similar. In the TV program, a woman's (let's call her K) boyfriend tells her he had been with another woman in their apartment and almost slept with her but in the end didn't do so because he couldn't bear the thought of not having K in his life. K, at this point, storms off saying he should have thought about it before cheating on her. J immediately said "But he didn't cheat on her!!" while I was thinking "Really? Didn't he?"
Is this really a Mars vs. Venus case? Or is this a case of just different opinions, not necessarily defined or stereotyped by gender? Am I revealing that I I have been living under a rock so far and only crawled out from under it yesterday? What do you think? Would you believe that you cheated as soon as the first fantasy about the other person entered your head? Or would you think it isn't cheating unless you slept with him/her? What if it were your spouse/ significant other flirting/ fantasizing/ kissing/ sleeping with a friend? At what point would their behavior hurt you?
Me? I am still trying to make up my mind.
I do think it's a man thing. My spouse has said the same thing about having physical connection equals cheating. To me, calling, sending emails, flirting all equals cheating.
ReplyDeleteTo me even just thinking about another man/woman romantically would equal cheating or the beginning of it I suppose.
ReplyDeleteTo me even just thinking about another man/woman romantically would equal cheating or the beginning of it I suppose.
ReplyDeleteAnything in your head is probably okay, as long as you don't seriously think of acting upon it. As a character in an Agatha Christie novel said, thinking of committing murder is very diferent from actually doing it!
ReplyDeleteThat said, I would hate to know that my spouse was fantasizing about someone else when he was with me!
Sraikh, Vedant: I think I agree with what Unmana says - "something that you're actively hiding from your partner, that crosses romantic or physical lines, that's cheating, whether it's a kiss or an email."
ReplyDeleteUnmana: Well said!
Dipali: I guess we need to look at fantasies as separate from any other actual acts that, as Unmana says, need hiding. As long as one keeps fantasies firmly in the realm of fantasies, it should be okay. Right?
Excellent write-up…
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When it's a secret. And if a relationship has to be a secret, it's not worth it, no?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing above article. The concept you have used is really very clear & contents are too good. Wish you would share your more stuff with us soon.
ReplyDeleteHow iphone
Thinking of another man/woman being committed to someone is what i call a cheating.... :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, all of those comments are right in their own perspective. For me, personally, not being honest with yourself equals cheating. Nevertheless, no two thumb prints are same in this world. Pondering article!
ReplyDeleteLike Tharun said, Not being honest with yourself equals cheating.
ReplyDeleteTalking about cheating your partner... I read this in a random article... "you don't have to have sex to be a cheater. If you gotta delete your messages so your partner won't see them, you are already there"
Nice article