We have been struggling with teaching S to manage her time properly. She is a daydreamer, this girl. And likes to chat. Loves her little sister to bits too. So before you know it, a 15 minute homework has stretched to over 45 minutes because she was day dreaming and then started telling me about something funny that happened at school and HAD to respond to the sweet "didi, didi!" calls of her little monster sister.
I talked to her teacher about it and she reassured me that S is one of the most organized students she has. Always finishes her tasks on time. I think that is because there is no one nagging reminding her to hurry up every half hour. She knows she has to deliver and knows the consequences of not delivering. Well, it is definitely not the same at home so I have been wondering how to handle this.
There was a time when mornings in Kay household used to be scream fests. "BRUSH YOUR TEETH FAST!!", "HOW MUCH LONGER?", "GET OUT OF THE SHOWER NOW!!" etc. used to be the oft screamed sentences. Then I got a hold of myself one day and decided not to scream any more. I found that was more effective. Things got better for S' ears and my lungs. And mornings became kind of peaceful. Lately, the chaos has been returning slowly. S is taking longer in mornings. And takes forever to get ready for bed. Her official bed time is 9.30 pm. But she never manages to get in before 10. This irritates me no end. I give stern talkings to. I glare. I hiss. I pout. I sometimes yell too. Last night I got exasperated and decided to try out a new way.
S has been told that starting today, we will not remind her to do ANYTHING. She knows she has to do her homework and chores, and her bedtime is 9.30. If she gets to bed by that time, well and good. Otherwise she can get in bed at whatever time she does. We will wake her up at 7 every morning. And if she manages to get ready in time to catch the bus, I will drop her off at the bus stop. If not, she will miss school and stay home. I will do my job - wake her up, get lunch and dinner ready in time, get her to appointments and classes and love her. She will have to do her job - do her homework, chores and get to bed in time. If she can, very well. If not, we won't lose our patience at her or yell at her. We refuse to make her lack of time management skills our problem. Let's see how this goes.
Update: Day 1 - she got one reminder from me to look at the time. Got in bed by 9.45 pm, which wasn't bad but could have been better. But it was infinitely better because I didn't spend the evening hissing "Look at the time and hurry up!!" Day 2 - she caught the bus! With just one reminder from me to keep an eye on the time, she was ready in time. INFINITELY better since we didn't have to keep going to the stairs (she uses the bathroom upstairs) to ask her "HOW much longer?" :P We'll see how does the rest of the week go.
If you subsitute S with Meg and you with me, it would be the Sand household. Identical scenarios. I am trying the same things you are and sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. Always a work in progress. Hang in there. We will get through this together and can relive this years down the road hopefully :)
ReplyDeleteIsnt this age hard. They want to be independent and yet they depend on us for sometime.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is pretty sensible. Its the almost 7 yr old that gets into screaming matches with me
She refuses to start on her daily homework until almost 7.30 by which I am doing too many things to pay attention to her(dinner.bathtime).No matter how much I nag. So I stopped. She came up one night wanting help at 8p/m and I refused. I said if you didnt want to do it early, then I am not helping you.(again my kids will spend a fortune in therapist feess when older) Since that one single time, she has learnt to do it early enough. So it was effective :)
Sands: I want to live through these years with a crate of beer. Join me? :D
ReplyDeleteAsaan: S is good in every way. Doesn't argue, doesn't fight us or the rules and looks like she sincerely tries. She just can't snap our of her daydreaming. Can't blame her - she probably got that from me in her genes :P But this seems to be working. She got down to work almost as soon as she came back from school. It's too early to tell. Let's see how it goes.
ReplyDeleteAsaaan, that is my favorite line too - that they will need therapy later :P
ReplyDelete:D You could well have been talking about what happens here at home. Same story .... and the daydreaming bit ... oh - big time :).
ReplyDeleteBut I guess it has got a lot to do with their age too. Like all others, this is a phase that one goes thru too. A learning process, if you may, for them and for us, as parents. Like Sands said - a work in progress :) and I guess that's the way it is going to stay - just a question of moving from one phase to another !
And yes, a logical discussion works much better than yelling - that's been my personal experience too.
Am yet to send you that email. Will do so soon :).
btw - ever wondered - if this is how the tween years are - what's gonna happen when they hit their teens ? :)
I am so glad that you blogged about it. Only last night after sending Bubbles to bed, I thought to myself that I should really stop nagging so much ! But the next thought was.....what else can I do ?? And she is only 7 !
ReplyDeleteThat sounds very effective! It is so easy to get into ringmaster mode, but we do need our kids to learn responsibility for their time. Good job, Cee Kay:)
ReplyDeleteice post and since I am not there yet. It makes me think how my dad handled it. Pretty much the same way. He used to nag for sometime and then he just let me be, allowing me my own way to figure out things, that helped me but once in a while he scolded too which was good since it brought me back if I was drifting too much.
ReplyDeleteSame story. different setting ! I thought I was the only one wanting a crate of beer to survive !
ReplyDeleteGauri: Whatcha doing scaring me by talking about the teen years?? I thought you were a friend :((
ReplyDeleteI was going to write an email to you too - just couldn't get to it. Been laid up (literally) with a bad back.
2B's Mom: I can't believe I have turned into a Nagzilla-momzilla!! Am trying to correct that now. If I were my child, I'd have run away or rebelled a long time ago.
Dipali: Danke! And LOL @ ringmaster mode. That is exactly the mode I get in :P
ReplyDeletePreeti: That is what makes me feel bad - my parents never nagged (at least I don't remember that they did). Am trying to develop that style.
Inexplicably: Join me? Hic!!
ReplyDeleteWill join you with a bottle of wine. Works much better :)
ReplyDeleteGuess I'll hunt for this post in five years time. Looks like the approach will work, but will she not need reminders as a week goes by? Or will that become her routine. For my 5yr old brat, I have to keep reminding, but he is too small for being focussed, na?
ReplyDeleteceekay, this post of yours gave me a little insight into future. Nice to know that we are not alone. I am sure the elder ones are stilll ok and can be made to listen, i just am dumbstuck with the younger one. They are born with terrible two's.
ReplyDeleteMain kya boluin...I think, I am the day dreamer here. She already sleeps at 10.30. What can I say...dont know what kind of child rearing am I doing...:(
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that some of the responsibility needs to be hers. The older boys (13 and 16) are responsible for making sure their homework and they have to be up and ready in the morning to catch the bus or be ready for their ride and I am not taking them to school if they are late because they didn't do what they needed to do.
ReplyDeleteThe Beast is my daydreamer, so he has a schedule posted on the fridge that he can refer to as a reminder of what time he needs to get things done, so I don't have to remind, and remind and then yell.
Sands: Cheers!!
ReplyDeleteSubhashree: It has been over a week and yes she needs us to remind her every now and then that this is the arrangement. My yelling has gone down considerably. She hasn't missed the bus on even one day. She got into bed on or before 9.30 only on a few days but her time has improved considerably. So yes, I think it will slowly become her routine. Your 5 yr old IS a little too little for this strategy right now :)
Sumana: Yes my little one seems to be more stubborn and sure of what she wants but we have found that our discipline strategies work on her too. Consistency is the key.
NC: I am the day dreamer too. That is why I want her to have better discipline and habits. How old is your daughter? S used to go to bed quite late until she was 2. Then we started improving her routine and it worked. You can still do it!
Just a grail: I have been thinking of posting a schedule for her forever. Didn't get around to it so thought it would be better to hide MY shortcomings under an ultimatum :P
i need to file away this post...i am slowly having my own scream fests these days and it is not pretty!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the new strategy, Cee Kay. S sounds like Raina -- she's usually talking when she should be eating, brushing her teeth, even flossing. It's so exasperating and I get so impatient. God. To think that this could carry on when she's as old as S... I think you'd have to have the patience to give the new strategy a fair try though -- at least a couple of weeks.
ReplyDeleteI have a daydreamer as well. I try to be careful because he told me the other day that it hurts his feelings when I call him a time waster but come on, does it really take 10 minutes to put on your shoes??
ReplyDeletethe same thing is going on here, with chubbocks dawdling over his meals. Then this year i noticed he was doing much better at eating, so i told him that from now on he is responsible for how much he wants to eat and how fast. If he finishes on time, we have time for 3 stories, else not. believe me, have not had to yell once since
ReplyDeleteMini-me is the time keeper of the house. I am the dawdler! Either way, teaching self-reliance is a good thing. She has to get herself up for school in the morning and out to the bus stop in time. If she misses the bus she has to wait for me to leave for work to drop her off, which of course makes her late. Guess what? It's happened 5 times total between grades 7-10. Teaching her now to be responsible for her homework, chores, and getting to and from wherever she needs to be on time sets the stage for the rest of her life. As long as she understands the expectations regarding school attendance, grades, and other things getting done she will see how she chooses to go about it plays out.
ReplyDeleteDon't be afraid of the teenage years. Mini-me is on the cusp of turning 16 and I still think she's great!